Chapter 20
Ava
What I loathed most was the pity in his eyes. Prince Thorne, slaughterman of Pirenti, did not get to pity me. That was not the way this world ought to work.
A plan was being formed. I didn’t talk, but listened to the brothers as they strategised. They were very clever, I realised quickly. I had known Ambrose was smart, but there was something about the way he interacted with his older brother that made me realise why Kaya had been on the losing end of a very long war. They knew each other – knew their people, their army and their realm – and they were cold and ruthless. They were more similar than I had realised. Seeing this changed things – it was a brand of knowledge like the ones on my body: I would never be able to love a man who was so much like the beast that had killed Avery. I wouldn’t allow myself to. I started closing doors in my heart.
In terms of the plan, it became clear to me that there was one main problem. The Barbarian Queen had six personal bodyguards who went everywhere with her, and they were not normal men.
‘Hold on,’ I interrupted as they were going through the particular talents of these six men. ‘Your kind use magic?’
‘It’s not magic,’ Thorne snapped bluntly.
I allowed myself a cold smirk. ‘As you wish.’
I saw the way this notion rattled him and it satisfied me, but then I looked at Ambrose and saw how sad he was these days, and all my satisfaction vanished.
‘Vincent has magic,’ Roselyn whispered suddenly. We turned to her, but she was lost in some distant thought. ‘Dark magic. Soul magic.’
‘It’s called warding,’ I supplied.
‘You’re a fool,’ Thorne snarled at me. ‘No Pirenti man or woman could ever be a warder. It’s unnatural.’
I shook my head. ‘Whatever. How do you expect to beat six of these guards with only the two of you?’
Instead of answering me, Ambrose and his brother smiled at each other, wearing identical, wolfish grins of anticipation.
‘We’ve wanted to fight Vincent and his gang our whole lives,’ Thorne growled softly, his blue eyes flashing to match the expression in his brother’s. They laughed, both of them, and I felt a chill run down my spine. I suddenly felt sorry for the poor bodyguards.
‘And the Queen?’ I prompted.
‘Is the property of the realm,’ Ambrose told me firmly. ‘You’ll not kill her. Thorne and I will execute her formally. Do you understand?’
Our eyes met. ‘Of course,’ I lied. He didn’t believe me, but it didn’t matter.
My own plan was forming in my mind: I would kill the Barbarian Queen, and then I would kill Thorne – of that much I was certain. All I had to do was wait for the right moment.
‘What is it that you think will happen when we’ve taken over?’ Thorne asked me.
I didn’t answer because I didn’t really know what he was asking me.
‘Do you think this war is just going to fall away? Do you think that everyone in the world will forget so many generations of bloodshed?’
‘Not forget,’ I said softly. ‘Never forget, but we can try to forgive, if you’ll let us.’
Thorne shook his head. ‘I won’t. I can’t.’
‘Why?’ Ambrose asked abruptly, loudly. ‘What happened to you up there, Thorne?’
He didn’t answer.
‘Up where?’ I asked.
‘In the ice caps, under the berserker mountain,’ Ambrose said. He turned back to his brother. ‘You returned and you were never the same.’
I thought the older prince wouldn’t answer, but when he did, he looked straight at me, disconcerting me with the directness of his stare. ‘My job was to torture warders,’ he said, his voice empty. I felt immediately repulsed. ‘I have a whole bag of tricks for withstanding their black magic. While I worked I learnt things that can never be unlearnt.’
From the horrified expressions on Ambrose and Rose’s faces, this was news to them, too.
‘Things like the real truth behind the bond.’
My heart lurched. ‘What truth?’
He was silent a long while before he finally spoke. ‘That a way to break the power of it exists. There is a spell – a piece of magic. A way to stop the people of Kaya from dying in pairs.’
I shook my head blindly. ‘No. You’re lying.’
‘This magic exists – it is hidden, but it exists – and yet none of your rulers, in all these long, long years, have ever tried to find this solution. They’ve never tried to save you. And so I’ve made it my mission to one day rule the Kayan nation, and find that damned spell so I can end this madness.’
My eyes found Ambrose. He looked as stricken as I. It was impossible to fathom the words Thorne was saying – I couldn’t find a way to make them seem real. Bluntly, stubbornly, I refused. ‘No. We would know. This could never have been kept a secret. I would know about it.’
‘How would you?’ Thorne scoffed.
‘Because Emperor Falco is my cousin!’ I hissed, then snapped my mouth shut in horror.
Oh, good Gods, I was an idiot.
There was silence in the hut.
‘You’re of noble birth?’ Ambrose asked me, sounding betrayed, though I don’t know why since he’d kept the exact same secret from me.
‘I was,’ I snapped. ‘It makes no difference anymore – I was cast out. All it means is that I would know if the magic to end the bond existed. Kaya would be torn apart by the knowledge, and utterly divided.’
Thorne didn’t say anything, but I could see the truth in his eyes. I could begin to see where his hatred came from, and if what he was saying was true, then I might even be able to carry a little of that hatred with him.
‘Then wouldn’t it stand to reason that the warders kept it a secret just so that would never happen?’ Rose asked softly into the silent hut, and I realised she was the smartest person in this room.
Ambrose
The next morning Ava was strong enough to walk from the hut. We all watched as she approached her pegasis. Migliori beat his wings wildly, rearing once and whinnying in sheer joy to see her. As I watched, Ava started to laugh, tilting her face up to his, rubbing his nose and whispering to him. I realised I had never once seen her this happy. Though that understanding hurt, it confirmed one thing in my mind – even if I had to sell my soul to the Gods themselves, I’d get Ava through this alive.
We hadn’t spoken anymore about Thorne’s claim – there was nothing we could do right now to prove it, and it made no difference to our plan – but I could see Ava was riddled with doubt, and I wished she would focus on the task at hand.
She rode her pegasis out of the bay, over the hills and into the forest beyond, while Thorne, Roselyn and I rowed the small boat around the mouth of the cove. I watched my father’s house disappear around the bend in the cliffs with an uneasy ache in my heart.
We found Ava waiting for us in the forest that surrounded the fortress.
‘Ready?’ she asked calmly.
All three of us nodded.
‘Farewell, then. I’ll see you on the other side, if we’re all still alive.’ And then, just like that, she turned and started leading Migliori into the trees.
My chest lurched painfully. ‘Hey, pretty boy!’ I shouted, somewhat panicked.
She paused and turned back, shielding her eyes against the sun.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. She seemed to understand, for she raised her hand once, then turned and disappeared. I felt gutted by it, by her.
Thorne signalled for us to wait and then followed Ava into the forest. I frowned, instantly apprehensive – it wasn’t the best idea for the two of them to be alone together. I looked at Rose, but she was lost in a daydream and hadn’t noticed. It didn’t take long for Thorne to return, but when he did I couldn’t read his expression at all. We stepped into stride next to each other and walked towards the fortress.
‘I wish I were a better liar,’ Rose said softly, then blinked, realising she’d said it aloud.
Thorne glanced sideways at her. ‘No you don’t, darling.’ Then he added, ‘I like it when you say your wishes out loud.’
Rose looked surprised. ‘You know about my wishes?’
He smiled a little. ‘Of course.’
‘Silly,’ she muttered. ‘It’s just a silly habit.’
I watched Thorne watch Rose. He cracked the knuckles in his hand. ‘Do you know what a person who makes wishes has?’
She glanced sideways at her husband.
‘Hope,’ he told her. ‘And hoping is brave.’
Roselyn appeared utterly astonished. She swallowed, hesitated, then took her husband’s hand as they walked.
I couldn’t help but smile to myself. It was like I’d come home to a new brother – a new man. The boy I’d grown up with had returned, the one who’d taught me what life meant and how to survive a mother who hated her sons.
Inside the walls of the fortress it was chaos. Stalls were set up along the main street, selling all kinds of wares, and people milled about in crowds. It was pushy and rough. The men were hopped up on the prospect of the afternoon’s violence – restless, aggressive and more dangerous today than on any other day. Fights kept breaking out, but so far they seemed to be just scuffles.
Hoards of soldiers had travelled down from the army barracks at Vjort. These were the biggest men in the country – scarred and brutal giants covered in animal skins Women knew to stay indoors today. This was not a pleasant festival – it was violent; it was where men proved their strength and took what they thought they deserved.
Roselyn walked between Thorne and I, where no one would dream of disturbing her. The pushing and shoving was inevitable, though, and everywhere Thorne walked he battered people out of the way to make a path for his wife. Those who realised his identity scrambled to avoid his mighty shoves or sank low at his feet. I watched them, these soldiers, watched the way they feared and loved him equally.
They didn’t look at me with the same fear, of course – some of them believed that my smile and my kindness made me weaker – but most had heard enough stories or fought in enough battles beside me to know I was not to be underestimated. Unfortunately, that couldn’t be said for all of them.
A big man stepped in front of me, holding his axe towards my chest. ‘A challenge, Your Majesty!’
Thorne sighed and folded his arms. ‘Every damn solstice.’
I looked at the man. ‘You sure you want to die today? I’m busy, and not in the mood for killing.’
He snarled savagely. ‘I want your throne, and I always get what I want.’
‘Do it formally, then.’
‘I, Sergeant Hallas of Svaart, son of Mellos of Svaart, formally challenge Prince Ambrose, son of Queen Eloise of Pirenti, for his throne. Have I a witness?’
Nobody said anything, watching me nervously.
‘Fine then,’ Thorne grunted, bored and disinterested already. ‘Crown Prince Thorne as witness. Go ahead, fool.’ He turned Rose by the shoulder to face her away from the fight, then held her to stop her from peeking.
I undid the sheath at my waist and dumped my sword on the ground – he who was challenged wasn’t allowed a weapon when facing his foe. Not to start with, anyway.
A small circle formed in the crowd and Hallas stepped forward, raising his axe.
I nodded once and he attacked. It took me only moments to duck beneath the axe swing and slam my elbow into his forearm, shattering it and disarming him. I picked up his fallen axe, kicked his legs to drop him to his knees, then swung a mighty arc that sliced his head clean off.
I dropped the bloody axe on the cobblestones and nodded at my brother in the cool silence that followed. He nodded once in response, then led the way through the crowd towards the main building. As I turned to follow him, the spectators erupted in wild, raucous cheers. I frowned – violence like that only heightened their own battle-lust. The fortress was going to be a very dangerous place tonight. Not a good place for a woman, even one dressed as a boy.
Once inside, Rose went straight to her chambers while Thorne and I kept climbing to the top of the fortress. Our mother was standing at the huge window in the execution room. All six of her bodyguards were positioned around her. Vincent was at her elbow, as usual. Loathing pulsed through the vein in my neck.
‘Look who I found wandering the forest,’ Thorne announced.
‘Ambrose!’ Eloise exclaimed, spinning to face us. ‘What’s going on? How have you returned already?’
‘Our ship sank, so I rowed a dinghy out and around the oyster farms to reach the prison isle from the south. From there I made my way around the coast of the island to the prison. As waiting for a ship would delay me beyond my patience, I caught a wild pegasis and flew it back. Magic.’ I shrugged, my expression flat.
She eyed me closely. ‘I don’t like that word,’ she murmured, leaning down to stroke her wolf. She always did that when she wanted to intimidate people. I could have smiled – she was an open book.
‘We do not ride the pegasi like the Kayan witches. You will be punished for this. What of the prisoner?’ she asked calmly.
‘Perished with every other soul on the ship.’
She searched my face. I gave her nothing. I was probably the only person to ever look at her like this.
‘Convenient,’ she murmured finally.
‘The opposite, actually,’ I said mildly. ‘Have you ever had to survive in the wilderness with nothing to eat? Ever skinned a stag on your own, or caught a fish with an arrow? Fought off a wildcat? Climbed a mountain? Rowed for a day and a night?’ I smiled a little, a crooked quirk of my lips – all Ava’s feats.
‘That’s why you’re a prince of Pirenti, dear,’ she told me. ‘I’d expect nothing less from you. We’ll discuss your failure to finish your task at another time. For now, at least you’re in time for the solstice.’ She grinned wickedly. ‘We have a surprise for you, don’t we, Thorne?’
Thorne didn’t say anything.
‘I look forward to it,’ I murmured.
‘You’ll both be taking part, of course.’
I shook my head. ‘Not this year. We need to take stock of our men if we’re to plan a complete invasion of Kaya.’
Her ears seemed to prick up at that. ‘You want to invade Kaya? I thought you’d had enough of wars.’
I shrugged. ‘All I needed was to spend five minutes on a boat with a Kayan in order to remember how much I hate them.’
She smiled coldly. ‘Good.’
‘Come on, Thorne,’ I muttered, turning on my heel. ‘I need a good wrestle to relax me.’
I strode from the room, Thorne bringing up the rear. The bodyguards watched us closely as we left.
We didn’t go to wrestle – instead we went to the crypt. I didn’t need to say a word as I led the way there – my brother followed me silently, and then stood beside me as I gazed at my father’s tomb trying to remember the place in my heart where he’d once belonged.
‘Brother,’ Thorne said very softly into the silence, placing a large hand on my shoulder. ‘I have something to tell you. It’s very bad.’
Ava
I bid Migliori wait at the base of a tree, then I climbed right up into its branches to wait. Nightfall was still several hours away.
According to Ambrose, the festival – though I honestly didn’t know how they could call it that – would be taking place all afternoon. It consisted of various fights to the death, where the winners achieved fame and respect for their ability to kill. There would also be numerous fights with animals and dangerous obstacle courses, finishing, of course, with the execution of the prince’s wife. The whole thing was basically a massive bloodbath, and it made me sick to my stomach to sit here and imagine it.
My thoughts drifted back to the conversation I’d just had with Thorne, when he’d followed me into the forest and called for me to stop.
‘Why should I?’ I’d asked.
He shook his head, looking uncertain. It caught me off-guard, the expression of vulnerability that came into his face. ‘Your bondmate – Avery.’
No. I didn’t want to hear whatever this was. I was going to kill this man. I couldn’t listen to him speak about Avery.
But Thorne clenched his fists and looked resolutely into my eyes. ‘I apologise for my part in his death.’
No – no, no, no. Clearing my throat, I rasped, ‘Why?’
‘Why what?’
‘Why apologise?’
‘Because I regret his death.’
‘Why?’
Thorne stared at me very closely, and I was alarmed and dismayed to see a strange, distorted kind of softness come into his gaze, one that reminded me all too much of his brother.
‘Because he died with a straight spine, gold eyes, and a smile on his face,’ the prince told me bluntly. ‘Those are rare qualities in a man, which causes me to regret his death.’
I stepped back, barely managing not to stumble. He held my eyes, and I found myself unable to look away. I wanted to hurt him and watch him suffer.
‘And if he’d wept?’ I hissed. ‘If he’d begged? Would his death be worth less to you? Would it be less regrettable?’
‘Of course.’ No hesitation – he was black and white, this man. ‘Our souls hold the worth of our behaviour.’
I felt everything seep out of me, all the fury and aggression. For a moment I felt very, very sad. I let my gaze rest on him pointedly, and then I said, ‘Yes, I believe you are right.’
He blinked, and for the first time I saw Thorne grow uncomfortable. Even … embarrassed. ‘My Gods will judge my transgressions.’
I nodded slowly. ‘Do something for me.’
Thorne considered and then said, ‘Whatever you wish.’
There was a twisted bitterness inside me at this irony. It seemed wrong that I should ever need this man for anything, but there was no denying that in this moment, I had the power to make life better for someone I cared about.
‘Don’t ever hurt your wife again,’ I said. ‘She bears it because she loves you, but you will break her one day.’
He stared at me, his eyes flashing sharply. I recognised the pain in them, and with a terrible lurch of my heart I realised it was the pain I felt whenever I thought of how I’d lost Avery. Suddenly, it was clear to me – this man loved his wife more than anything else in the world. That knowledge, somehow, made my plan just a little bit harder.
A grunt left Thorne’s mouth, a sound of agony and fury combined. He had me pinned against the tree in less than a moment – his arms and body too strong for me to ever have a hope of escaping. I stayed very still as he ducked to my neck, breathing in my scent.
‘You smell of many things,’ he growled, his voice so low and rough that it sent shivers along my spine and made every hair on my body stand on end. ‘I can scent rage – it’s light and sharp. There’s guilt – a flood of it. It smells heavy and rank. Grief. Grief has no description that I can put words to. There’s love, here on your skin. But there’s no fear.’
As he described he continued to breathe, smelling me as deeply as he could, and it occurred to me with a kind of sick revulsion, a kind of sick excitement, that this was too intimate, far too intimate. My heart pounded and I needed to get away, but I felt frozen like an animal in torchlight, sure it’s been spotted by a predator.
His nose and lips brushed my skin as he explored my scent.
‘Desire has a very distinct aroma. I can taste it on you,’ he whispered. ‘Musky and sweet.’
I batted at him but my blows were ineffectual. My heart broke with the realisation that in all this time – after all my hard work and determination – I was still as vulnerable as any woman in the world to the brutality and strength of a violent man.
‘You understand,’ he said. ‘I know you do.’ One of his mighty hands moved around my throat, tilting my head back to expose the flesh of my neck. His face moved to stare into my eyes. ‘You know exactly how easy it would be for me to kill you in this moment.’
I swallowed; it hurt with his hand crushing my windpipe.
‘I want to,’ he murmured, eyes boring into mine. ‘I want to, but I won’t. Do you know why?’
I said nothing, let my eyes turn red with fury – except they didn’t go red. There was no fury in my heart, but there was something different, something much darker, much more foreign. I didn’t know what colour my eyes were.
‘I’ll tell you a secret, Ava,’ Thorne said. He was so close I could feel his breath on my lips. I was trembling uncontrollably. ‘I’m the most disciplined man in this whole forsaken world.’
A strangled cough of disbelief left me.
‘It’s true,’ he smiled savagely. ‘Because the truth is – I want to kill all the time. Every second of every day. All I want to do is shed blood. My instincts scream at me to do it – to stake my claim on the things I own and fight for my territory. I’m more animal than man, after all. Sometimes I allow my beast his reign, but so much of the time I fight him. I keep him locked up when I long to set him free, and do you know why I do that?’
My heart thumped so hard it hurt. I couldn’t bear this, couldn’t bear his eyes so close, his lips, his hands on my body.
‘Because of two people. The first is Ambrose. My brother is a far cleverer man than I will ever be. He’s a man too big for this country, for this world. He’s a man born into the wrong family – the wrong realm. He’s good.’
It was horrendous, how very close to tears I was as I listened, and I realised it was because his words were more heartfelt than almost any I had ever spoken.
‘The second is my wife,’ Prince Thorne murmured.
I closed my eyes, but he tightened his grip on my throat until I forced them open again.
‘She’s the reason I fight the beast. She’s the reason I’m even half human.’ He leant closer, so close I could taste him. ‘So don’t you dare tell me how to treat her. I know her better than you ever will. I know every heartbeat of her, every breath. I would rather have every bone in my body shattered than see her harmed. I will fight every day the Sword grants me for her safety, and I will never lay a finger on her from this moment on. Do you understand me?’
I nodded with shock as I saw that this was his promise. It was shrouded in threats – the only kind of promise that Prince Thorne of Pirenti made – but the truth of it was still there.
Thorne finally let me go and I sagged in relief. I couldn’t look at him; I felt humiliation like a brand, like the brands all over my body. The sound of his feet led him away from me, but he paused. ‘There’s no fear in your scent, Ava, even now. But lack of fear does not make one courageous, and my brother will need a woman braver than any, if he is to change these bloodied lands.’
When he was gone, I sank to my knees, bent over and vomited up the entire contents of my stomach. When the world had righted itself once more, I stared at where he’d disappeared into the trees, and I thought I understood him better than I’d ever understood anyone, including my mate.
It was about an hour before sunset when the men found me. Migliori alerted me to their presence, but I had no time to climb back down and escape, so I simply froze, hoping no one would think to look up into the trees. There were six very large, very menacing Pirenti soldiers marching through the forest towards the fortress. They were obviously on their way to the festival, and I cursed myself for not having hidden better. They stopped at the sight of the tracks left behind by the flying horse and drew their weapons, peering into the shrubbery.
‘Spread out,’ one of the men said in a low undertone. ‘He might still be around here somewhere. Search the trees, too.’
Clenching my teeth, I realised they’d have to find me sooner or later. Six was too many to fight on my own – two of the enormous pigs would have been a stretch for me – but I was a girl who no longer felt fear, and they were going to understand that before the end of this.
I waited until one of the soldiers walked beneath my tree, then flung myself on top of him. I heard his neck snap upon impact and we fell to the ground, me using his body to break my fall, only jarring my knee slightly. I quickly rolled off him and readied myself – the remaining five soldiers surrounded me in an instant.
‘It’s just a kid,’ one man sneered, his lip curling in anticipation. None of them had failed to notice their dead comrade on the ground behind me. I could feel their anger in waves – it was hot; sticky.
‘Capture him,’ the leader said. I met his gaze and I allowed myself a smile, just one. It disconcerted him, and that’s when I moved.
I might not have been as big or strong as any of these men, but I was fast. I ran towards one and at the last minute I feinted left to strike out with my sword, slashing the arm of the leader who stood beside him. He grunted in pain, but otherwise didn’t react. His own massive battleaxe was swinging at my head. I dropped to the ground, rolling under it and kicking out at his knee. I heard it snap and he screamed in pain. I had no time for satisfaction – I scrambled out of the way of another man’s sword and turned to face the men again, my back now safely facing a tree.
I started ducking and dodging, unable to make any attacks of my own against so many of them at once. I had to try and run – it was my only chance of survival – but as I blocked a jab to my stomach, I realised there were only three men in front of me. The fourth, who was a little smaller than the others, and obviously a lot smarter, had snuck around the back of the tree, and now came at me from the side.
His punch hit me in the shoulder and I gasped, stumbling into one of the other men, who grabbed my hands and held them both behind my back. The three in front of me advanced, leering, but I managed to strike out with my feet and kick one of them in the face. Blood and teeth splashed from his mouth and he groaned in pain.
A terrible panic found me – my body trembled with denial. It could not take any more pain – not after the prison. It curled in on itself and refused to allow my movements any freedom. Please, it said to me. Don’t let this happen again.
‘Don’t kill him!’ the leader, whose knee I’d broken, called from the ground a few steps away. ‘We’ll trade him for coin inside the fortress.’
One of the uninjured men stepped forward and punched me in the stomach. It winded me so badly that I thought I’d never breathe air again. Before I could even consider recovery, a different man punched me in the side of the head. That’s when I realised that Ambrose had held back about ninety per cent of his power every time he’d hit me or kicked me. These blows, from men twice my size, were mind-boggling. It made no sense to me – how I could survive such violence. Another part of me wanted to howl with glee at their pathetic attempt to harm me – didn’t they know what I’d been through? What I’d lived through? They could hit me as much as they liked and it wouldn’t be iron-hot brands against my skin and a leap into sea. It would not be the death of my bondmate, a blade thirteen times in his chest.
It took me a long time to work out that I was still conscious, and that they were carrying me through the forest. I went in and out of awareness, awakening once or twice to find myself being moved through the fortress. Sometimes I heard snatches of speech – ‘festival time … take him to the dungeons …’
‘Queen will be very pleased …’
‘… reimbursed …’
I had no idea what time it was when I finally woke properly, but I instantly realised I was in the dungeons. It was dark outside, and I could hear noises coming from beyond my window. A memory of waking in this dungeon with a splitting headache came to me – Ambrose’s face above me for the first time. Gods, how beautiful he’d been that day, standing beyond those bars, all pale amusement and distraction. I remembered spitting in his face and I almost smiled.
How I wished he were standing behind those bars right now, instead of my nightmare. The Barbarian Queen peered at me, her teeth sparkling in the moonlight. ‘Good evening.’
The sharp pain in my head consumed me for a moment, and I leant over and retched onto the stone floor. The second time I’d vomited here. I felt humiliation so bad it stopped meaning anything – I had no more pride left, no more dignity, and I doubted I’d ever have any again. I twisted around to stare up at her, unable to stand. Our eyes met; hers were a shade very much like Ambrose’s. Mine were white.
‘Do you know why I don’t let other women rule in this country?’ she asked me. ‘Why I don’t allow them any positions of power?’
I waited. Blood rushed in my ears. I felt dislocated from the stone floor beneath me.
Leave!
Not without you. Never without you.
‘It’s very simple,’ the Queen said, ‘and it’s not because I hate my own sex. It’s because women are too clever and too strong, which means they are too dangerous to have anywhere near me.’
My fingers unclenched. I tried to straighten my shoulders.
‘Women see things,’ she murmured. ‘They see truths and lies. Men, on the other hand, are infinitely easier to manipulate.’ She smiled like we were sharing a joke. I had a sinking, sick feeling in my gut.
‘I see you,’ she said very softly. ‘I saw you that very first day when my foolish son plucked you out of the sky. I see everything that you are, and I find it amusing, because you try so hard and yet still fail at everything.’
I couldn’t help it – my eyes dropped from hers. I felt so angry I thought it might burst through my skin and take up this whole dungeon cell.
‘I can’t even fathom why you might have come back. It seems to me foolish beyond any human behaviour I have yet encountered. Kayans, I have always experienced, behave with reason, where Pirenti are ruled by their passions.’
This seemed an incredibly simplistic perception to me. No wonder Pirenti were so Gods-damned black and white.
‘So tell me. Why are you here, girl? Again.’
‘Your “foolish” son understood straightaway. Which makes me wonder who the clever ones here are.’
She smiled. ‘I’m quite aware that you wish to kill me. But why?’
‘That you don’t understand,’ I said slowly, clearly, ‘that you have to ask, that you can’t remember, are three of the reasons you must die.’
‘Revenge?’ she pressed. ‘Have I killed one of your loved ones? Your father, maybe?’
What was the point, anymore, in hiding the truth? She should know – I’d always wanted her to know at some point. ‘My bondmate,’ I told her simply.
Whatever reaction I was expecting, it was not the one I got. The Queen seemed to freeze, stunned and speechless. My eyes narrowed as I took in her utter incredulity. It confused me – I’d never expected to rattle her.
‘That’s impossible,’ she whispered, dazed.
I wasn’t sure what to say. ‘If you’re unaware of your own violence then you’re even crazier than I thought.’
‘Not that I killed him,’ she snapped. ‘That you’re alive! How are you alive?’
‘I’m alive to kill you.’
‘No – it’s impossible,’ she repeated. And that’s when I saw it – her eyes, the same pale blue eyes she shared with her son, slid very subtly to a different shade. I might not have noticed had the moon not been shining straight onto them, but I saw it, and something akin to horror began to take shape inside me.
A woozy feeling stole into my head, making it hard to focus on her. The room spun. ‘You’re Kayan,’ I whispered.
Her eyes snapped to me, cold and deadly once more. ‘Excuse me?’
‘I saw your eyes change colour!’ Slowly I dragged myself to my feet and clutched onto the bars. She took a step back.
‘How long since your mate died?’ she asked, trying to distract me.
‘Two years.’
I could see her mind racing, trying to take it in. ‘And how do you feel?’
I frowned, staring at her.
‘Tell me!’ she snarled suddenly, startling me.
I licked my lips, cracked my knuckles. Was this bitch serious? ‘I feel peachy,’ I told her sweetly.
‘You’re a half-walker,’ she whispered. ‘A ghost. Everything is dimmed except for the anger.’ She closed her eyes as if she could taste the words.
And so I understood. I was unquestionably the only person in this world who could have come to this conclusion, who could have guessed the truth. It was easy to imagine how she’d hidden it all this time, being something that no one in the whole damn world would ever assume. If all you felt was pure, poisonous hatred, your eyes would remain the one colour.
‘I’m not the first person to survive a mate’s death, am I?’ I asked her softly.
The Queen of Pirenti opened her eyes and stared at me. They had a tinge of red to them now – it was a hint of the anger that must be suffocating her. ‘I told you women were too clever,’ she murmured.
I could see it all so clearly. One day, before I’d even been born, this woman had lost her mate, and she’d let the anger of it consume her – such an easy, easy thing to do. This was not good. I didn’t like the way these discoveries were rattling at the certainties I’d erected. It made things suddenly unclear.
‘Why come here?’ I asked. ‘To rule Pirenti?’
She looked out the window, seeming to deliberate for a long while before answering me. When she did, her voice was devoid of any emotion. ‘It was a Pirenti woman who killed my husband.’
She let that settle for a while, like the dust I kept kicking up with every shuffle of my feet.
‘Don’t you think it’s perfect? To punish every woman in this Godsforsaken country for the actions of one?’ She smiled crookedly, vacantly. ‘I hate it here – I hate everything about this frozen, colourless land. I married a king and it was so easy to kill him and start my reign. My rulings weren’t so different at first – Pirenti has always been a violent place – but never have women here been as frightened as they are now. Never have they loathed their husbands more, never have they struggled for their lives this much.’
I felt dizzy. Without meaning to I sank to the floor, resting my head in my hands. It was too much. A monster stood before me – more twisted than any I had ever come across – and the truth was simple: I was more like this woman than anyone else in the world.
‘Though I’ve started thinking of late,’ the Queen went on softly, almost as though she was alone, ‘that instead of making the Pirenti suffer, I’ve done these people a service – the greatest service anyone could offer. I’ve taken away their ability to love. Love destroys; it is the most dangerous thing of all.’
‘No one can take that away from people,’ I said. ‘Not even a queen.’
She smiled, an empty, ugly grimace. I hoped to the Gods that I didn’t look like that when I smiled. ‘Go out into the streets of this fortress. Peer through the windows of the houses. Place your ear at the door of a bedroom. All you’ll find is cruelty.’
My eyes grew hot; an ache began in my chest, such a heavy thing.
‘My son ordered his own wife to be executed,’ the Queen said. ‘Is that not the vilest thing you’ve ever heard?’
I squeezed my eyes shut and despaired at the tears sneaking beneath the lashes. ‘Then you’ve never let yourself feel anything for another human since? Not even—’ and here my voice broke, ‘not even your children?’
She peered at me blankly. ‘It’s impossible. I am a half-walker, as are you. There’s nothing left in me to give a child.’
The reality of children came to me all at once, for the first time in my life. Sitting in this dank cell, I tried to imagine giving birth to a child and not loving it. I tried to imagine watching one grow and not loving it. Watching that baby’s eyes change colour for the first time and not loving those eyes more than anything. I couldn’t.
I could never.
With that understanding a new set of hands took hold of my heart and squeezed very tightly, very painfully. These hands pulled me in another direction. My mind found Ambrose, and then a few moments later it found, with confusion, Thorne. No wonder these boys were the way they were.
‘It’s not impossible.’
She looked at me pityingly. ‘You would have understood one day.’
I swallowed. ‘I’ll tell you a secret, shall I?’ I caught and held her eyes. ‘I’ve fallen in love twice in my life. The second time was very recently. Weeks ago, days ago.’
The Queen stared at me unblinkingly for a long time. Her pale blue eyes darkened to navy. ‘I told you not to lie,’ she whispered. I barely heard her. ‘You’ll pay for this.’
Neither of us blinked as we gazed into each other’s eyes.
A sound came from behind her – footsteps descending the stairs. A figure appeared. A man who was smaller than most in Pirenti, normal in every other way, except for his eyes, which were unnaturally black.
‘Your Highness,’ he whispered, his voice hissing like a snake’s. Though he was addressing the Queen, he never took his eyes from me.
I felt cold, feeling that gaze – cold in a way I’d never known. This could only be one man – Vincent.
‘They are waiting for you. The finals are about to begin.’
She stared at me a moment longer, then seemed to get a hold of herself, her famous composure sweeping back over her features. ‘I look forward to our next meeting,’ she told me, all hard edges and glimmering malice once more. ‘I’ll leave you in this cell to contemplate impossibilities.’
The two of them left and I sat alone.
I thought of his life here. His life at fourteen, when his mother had sent him to be tortured in a northern barracks. I thought about when his brother had disappeared into the ice, leaving him alone to be challenged by men bigger and stronger than he. I thought of whatever he’d done to make Roselyn fall in love with him. I thought of when he’d taken me on that ship and he’d saved my life again and again, breathing air into my lungs when every rule he’d ever learnt told him that my death was something to rejoice in. I thought of his life now, of his heartbeat, which beat inside my chest with a rhythm far steadier than my own. I thought of his hands and his kisses and his touch. Of his eyes when they shifted to gold, and even when they didn’t, when they were a perfect, pale blue.
I’ll send your body back to the sea. I’ll do that for you.
And then I stopped thinking about Prince Ambrose of Pirenti, because he was destroying me.
It was an hour later when the full force of my captivity slammed into me like one of those soldier’s punches.
Roselyn.
Roselyn was about to be executed, and I wasn’t going to be there to rescue her.