CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Allison
I didn’t get out of the bed until I heard Neiryn rooting around in his crib. I stayed hunkered down under the sheets, so desperate to keep the warmth in. As soon as Axe left, the air around me turned freezing cold. I could feel the panic and urgency linger in the room long after he’d gone. While I wanted to know what the hell was going on, I didn’t at the same time. Was it really better to be left in the dark? Sometimes I thought so. But I couldn’t ignore the clenching feeling I had in my gut.
So, I focused on Neiryn. I made him breakfast and drank my coffee next to him while he managed to get more eggs on the floor than in his actual mouth. I tried my best to keep my mood light and the anxiety at bay for him. He’d been through so much already and I wanted him to know that everything was going to be okay. I was his mother, and I would protect and take care of him no matter what.
We were playing on the soft, pea green colored rug that covered the middle of the living room when a knock sounded on the door. I froze, puzzle piece pinched between my fingers and paused in midair. I listened and waited. The knock came again and since the hairs on the back of my neck didn’t stand on end, I figured that whoever it was might have been safe. But then again, I was hesitant to trust my gut. I couldn’t ever be too careful.
“Allison,” the tiny voice called from the other side of the door and a relieved breath rushed out of my lungs. “It’s Ellie.”
“Coming,” I called out and sprang to my feet. “Hi.”
I pulled open the door and a huge body came into view and completely scared the crap out of me. What I had expected to see was the smallest woman I had ever met with strawberry blonde hair and maybe even a baby on her hip. But what I didn’t expect, was a man so wide that I couldn’t even fit all of his body in my vision and so tall that I had to crane my neck all the way back to meet his eyes.
“Tank! Shit!” I huffed out as my hand went to my chest.
He had come over a couple of times to ‘check on Axe’ but I really think he just missed his friend. I felt bad because I knew I was to blame for that. I hated that I’d monopolized all of Axe’s time, but at the same time, I didn’t.
Did I mind that Tank was there right then? Not one bit. The guy might have been massive and scary, especially with all that hair he had going on around his face, but I knew he was a teddy bear.
Also, I had a pretty good idea that he was there to supervise, in a way. Diesel seemed very protective over Ellie and Fate, I had seen that in just the little time I’d spent around them that one time at the clubhouse. I was sure it was even more in overdrive now that everyone knew who I was.
“Please tell me that you are here to hang out.” I gave Ellie a hopeful look.
She giggled and shifted Fate on her hip.
“Yes. I needed to get out of the house and I am desperate for some adult conversation.” She spoke like a woman who understood my life.
My head tilted back as I laughed. For the first time in forever, I felt light. I felt like I could have something normal. I could have friends and a life that wasn’t so…lonely and isolated.
“Come in, then, please. By all means, let me see if I can help you out with that. I couldn’t possibly understand how you could get tired of repeating the same thing over and over in hopes that she will pick up on something.” I joked and luckily Ellie got it and laughed. To my surprise, Tank laughed too, like he understood exactly what I was talking about.
“Just wait,” Tank said, as he stepped in behind Ellie and shut the door behind him. “Until they really start talking and trying to be independent. Get ready to make the word no the most used in your vocabulary.”
Ellie’s eyes flashed with a bit of sadness and I felt like I was missing something. Though there was an outer melancholy in Tanks eyes, it didn’t seem to go too deep. I wondered what the hell was going on, but it seemed inappropriate to ask. I didn’t really know these people yet on that kind of level.
“Coffee?” I asked changing the subject.
“Oh gosh, yes!” Ellie’s eyes lit up like I’d just offered her a delicacy.
“Neiryn’s in the living room. I’ll be right back.” I pointed the way.
I scooted off to the kitchen and as I scooped the grounds into the filter it hit me. I had just left them alone with my son. Two people who were practically strangers to me and it didn’t dawn on me until I was out of eyeshot of Neiryn.
I waited. I expected some sort of panic or a rising rush to go in there and snatch up my son. But it didn’t come. The odd thing was I felt like they were safe, like Neiryn and I were both safe. I gave my head a sharp shake as I finished making the coffee.
Had I found my place? Somewhere that could be my home? The life I’d always wished for when I was little? The same life I never thought I’d ever have. The one where I would have a calm wash over me each morning when I woke up. Would I be able to be me now?
But…I didn’t even know what that was? Who the hell was I? Sure, you could put so many labels on me. I was a victim, though I hated that word. I was lost. Broken. Scarred. Fucked up.
But I was also more, or so I wanted to believe. I was a mother. And now a lover? Yeah, I had no clue on that one. Though, I could tell you that I was loved, every time Axe looked at me I felt it.
Now, could I also be more than those things? A friend? A girlfriend? Eventually, maybe a wife?
I had so many possibilities. It seemed like my world had opened up and I had people that were there to help me embrace it. They were there despite where I came from. Then again, maybe Ellie didn’t know a damn thing about that.
Shrugging myself out of my thoughts, I filled three coffee mugs. The simple white ceramic reminded me of what Axe had done for me. Well, it was really Ellie that had ordered all this stuff for me, but it was his thought behind it all.
“He is just the cutest,” Ellie said as I came into view carrying all three of the mugs like I had the grace of a cat.
Tank was standing off to the side, watching from a safe distance.
“Here ya go.” I handed Tank one of the cups and set the others on the side table next to the couch.
“Thank you, Allison.” His smile was nice and I could tell by the crinkle lines on the side of his not-so-old face that he smiled a lot.
“Thanks for bringing her over,” I replied with a playful smirk letting him know that I understood just why he was there.
“Yeah, we should, uh, keep this between us,” Ellie piped up. “Diesel is still a little, um, standoffish. I’m sorry.”
Axe came back with a nice sized bruise on his face and after I asked him over and over, he finally broke and told me a bit about what happened in the meeting. So, I had an idea of what she was talking about.
“Well, I don’t want to get either of you in trouble.” I flinched as I said the words.
Ellie’s light laugh filled the air as she waved her hand at me like I was being silly.
“She knows how to distract him. By the time she’s done with him, he will either have forgotten or be so worn out that he won’t care,” Tank said with a playful wink at Ellie.
I laughed, it came out a little awkward, but still. I totally got what he was implying. Ellie’s face turned as red as a tomato and she ducked her head, using Fate as an excuse to hide.
They stayed for about an hour before Ellie had to leave to put Fate down for a nap.
We mostly talked about nothing and it was so nice. I wouldn’t have cared if we had carried on about the weather the entire time, I was just happy to have someone to talk to.
Since Brand had stopped by earlier to let me know that Axe had a few things to take care of, I had no idea when he would be home. I found myself a little giddy and anxious for his return. I couldn’t wait to see him.
It started to get late and I decided that I needed to make dinner. Even if Axe wouldn’t be home soon, Neiryn and I still needed to eat. I figured I could make enough and heat it up for him when he got back.
“Whatcha want to eat, buddy?” I asked Neiryn.
“Pa-ta,” he said with a clap of his hands.
“Pasta. Got it,” I said back with a firm nod. “Green?”
His face scrunched up like he was thinking really hard about his answer. Then he shook his head letting me know that broccoli wasn’t going to fly tonight.
“O-ange,” he said with confidence.
“Oh, yes. Carrots, I can do that. Sounds delicious, buddy.”
I got to work making spaghetti and meatballs—because I knew he liked meatballs over meat sauce, always—and steamed carrots for the side. I kept an ear out, to make sure he wasn’t getting into something he shouldn’t have. For the most part, he was a good kid, but I understood that kids sometimes had a curiosity that couldn’t be tamed.
Just as I was cutting the stove off and getting ready to plate everything, I heard Axe’s bike pull up to the curb out front. I smiled thinking how perfect his timing was.
“Allison?!” His voice sounded shaky and panicked as he rushed into the house.
“Hey,” I said as I popped out so he could lay eyes on me. “You alright?”
Axe’s eyes were wild as he scanned the area, then his feet were taking him towards Neiryn. He still hadn’t answered my question and my heart began to race. He picked Neiryn up and held him so close I was sure he was about to squash the kid.
“Baby,” he breathed out as he took long, fast steps to reach me. “You okay?”
“Yes, we’re fine? What’s this all about?”
I could see the panic in his eyes.
“Nothing,” he murmured as he bent down and kissed my lips.
Neiryn’s little hand pushing on my cheek brought me out of my daze.
“We need to go.”
“What?” I asked completely confused as to what was going on. “I just made dinner.”
“Fuck dinner. Pack a bag, fast. We’re going to the clubhouse. We’ll stay there for now.” He started to move around, Neiryn still held firmly against his chest as he gathered up things and tossed them into the diaper bag.
“Axe.”
“Now, Allison. He knows you’re here.”
I froze. All the blood drained from my face and I fought to stay standing.
“No…” My vision became spotty and blurry. I blinked, trying to make out objects in front of me.
“Allison, baby, you have to focus.”
Axe’s voice sounded both close and far away. I felt his fingers on the skin of my arm but I couldn’t shake myself out of my shocked and fear-panicked state.
“Stay with me. Shit.” His lips were beside my ear as his arms enveloped me. “I’ve got you. I’m here. But I need you to move your feet, bitch.”
His fingers tightened in my hair as he kissed me hard. The world came back to me then and I didn’t hesitate to move any longer. I knew what had to be done.
I was a mother.
I was a survivor.
I was wanted.
I was cherished.
I was safe.
And I was fucking strong.