Chapter Two

ELLE

I fidgeted with my hands as we stood in front of the door, waiting for someone to open it. A cold breeze blew through the corridor, giving me the chills. When Ayrie noticed me shivering, he took my tiny hands in his large ones and held them for a moment, helping to calm me down. I looked up at him. He had at least six inches on me, and looking into his eyes made me feel small and feminine.

His eyes were passionate, as usual. I had noticed that all the Madellan boys had a similar appearance. They hadn’t been able to relax and have fun since their mother had died. When he looked at me, he made me feel as if I were the only person in the world. But I knew it wasn’t true.

He rubbed the back of my hand for a moment, sending tingles through my entire body before taking one of my hands and turned back to face the door as it opened for us. How could he get me so hot and bothered with only a touch?

There had been one boy in high school who I had loved more than anything. We had fucked for a year before I left for college because I received a scholarship to train as a spacecraft mechanic.

When I learned he had been accidentally killed by a gang in our District, it broke my heart.

Jarvis, my abusive boyfriend, had been an asshole. Sex with him was awful, to say the least. He had broken my spirit, but I was determined not to let him ruin the rest of my life. I knew Ayrie was trying to help me heal by getting me clothes and encouraging me to get out more, but I didn’t know how to fully trust him.

I had fallen for Ayrie. But it was one thing to love him from across the breakfast table, and it was quite another to let him care about me and give him a chance to break my heart. If he hurt me, it would be too much for my heart to bear.

“Hello, you two. Why are you waiting outside? Come in here!” Jayne carried a baby on her hip. They both looked happy and healthy. Her blonde hair was tied into a charming mess of a ponytail. She had twins, and I think Aliyah was the one with her. The babies still looked too much alike for me to confidently tell them apart.

As the door opened, we could see Arnon walking around with the other baby sleeping on his shoulder, and it was definitely Abel. Jayne had redecorated their quarters in peaceful blue tones. There were baby toys and kid paraphernalia sprawled everywhere, plants all over the place, and a half-folded basket of laundry. Jayne insisted on doing some things for herself.

“How are you, Jayne?” Ayrie gave her a soft smile and kissed her on the cheek. I felt a pang of envy. He never smiled at me or kissed me like that. He saved the good stuff for his sister-in-law. All the Madellan brothers had a soft spot for Jayne. I was a little jealous of her. She was sweet, understanding, and pretty. She was everything I wasn’t.

No wonder my husband smiled at Jayne. She was the sort of person who attracted people. No one in the room had given me a second glance. But I didn’t blame them - they were lovely people, and I was merely myself.

Families like the Madellans, who had everything they could ever dream of, tended to overlook people slinking around in the back alleys of life. People like me. I had to be content with standing in the shadow of their happiness. I tried not to be jealous.

“How’s it going, Ayrie?” Arnon gave Ayrie a one-armed hug.

“Pretty good.” Ayrie slapped him on the back. A brilliant smile crossed Arnon’s face that made me weak in the knees. I supposed Ayrie wasn’t technically lying. Arnon hadn’t asked him how things were going with me. “You’re looking thoroughly domesticated. How are my niece and nephew doing?”

“They only get up once a night now to nurse. Most days I feel like a regular person again.”

“When Arnon hears them wake up, he brings them over to me.” Jayne went back into the kitchen with Aliyah and started making a salad with her free hand. “All I have to do is pop them on me. They nurse, and I go back to sleep. It’s a win-win.”

I snuck over to the counter. “Can I help you with anything, Jayne? I have two hands.” I held them up with a tentative smile.

I hadn’t been the nicest person to her the first time we met, but I had honestly thought she pitied me. I thought I could handle anything, but something about people feeling sorry for me set me off. I didn’t want to be anyone’s pet project. Why should people think they could fix the girl from the Districts? But I had been wrong about her. Jayne was a pleasant person and had just wanted to be friends.

Ever since I realized my mistake, I had been on my best behavior around her. I liked Jayne. I had always wanted a sister.

“Thanks! I can always use extra help.” Jayne had a relieved look on her face.

“Why don’t you just sit down and chat with me while I cut? What have your kids been up to?” I realized my mistake soon after she started speaking. Jayne began a long motherly talk describing everything about her babies, from rolling over to how many times they pooped a day.

After about five minutes, she must have realized I was tuning her out. “Elle, don’t let me go on about the kids like this. You must have news too. I’m a terrible talker when nobody stops me. I can prattle for hours.”

“It’s okay,” I protested. “I like hearing about the twins.” I was about to ask her something else about them when both our ears were drawn to the men’s conversation in the living room.

“I’ll go, Arnon. You shouldn’t leave Jayne with the twins alone, and everyone else is busy. It shouldn’t take long to set everything up.”

“What are you two discussing?” Jayne asked innocently.

I wanted to know the answer as well. Ayrie and I weren’t happy together, but I didn’t want him to leave me, either. He was helping me figure out a new life. I needed him for that, at least. I didn’t want to admit I might miss him for other reasons.

“We’re not talking about anything of consequence.” Arnon turned to face his wife. “We happen to be passing by Vandwa tomorrow. Somebody needs to go down onto the planet and arrange for supplies to be sent back to the ship. I talked to the vendors several months ago. Everything should be ready for us. We just need someone down on the water to arrange the details.”

“What does ‘on the water’ mean?” Jayne’s beautiful eyebrows drew together.

“That’s Arnon’s idea of a joke.” Ayrie rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if you noticed this already, but he’s not very funny. Vandwa is a water world. They don’t have a lot of natural land, and their water levels are rising.”

“Isn’t land critical for life? Where are you going to put the ship? And how are they going to get supplies to you?” I finally spoke up and looked into Ayrie’s eyes.

“It’s a daily struggle, but they’ve constructed floating cities on the water. And they’re starting to create techniques that will allow them to build under the water, as well. I guess we’ll learn everything when we get there.”

“How long are you going to be away?” I tried to keep my face free from any negative emotions.

“It’s only a day trip. I’m going down to the planet and right back up again.” Arnon wanted to reassure me. Evidently, I hadn’t been as neutral in my expression as I had intended.

“Oh, yeah, no problem. I usually don’t see you for most of the day.”

When we did see each other, we certainly weren’t doing anything like a normal couple would do, so I didn’t know what was bothering me.

Wouldn’t it be a relief to get away from Ayrie?

He looked at me curiously and spoke after a moment of silence. “Would you like to come with me?”

The question hung in the air and seemed important. I wondered if it could mark the end of something in our sham of a relationship. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I searched Ayrie’s eyes, wondering if he had an ulterior motive. All I saw was a vulnerability and a hint of another emotion I couldn’t identify.

I didn’t understand why he had asked me in front of Arnon and Jayne. He must have thought about it in the spur of the moment. I had a feeling that he would be hurt if I refused.

“Consider it a honeymoon.” Jayne looked sweet, as usual. But I thought there was a hint of something behind her eyes that was intelligent and calculating. Nobody ever truly knew what a couple was like behind closed doors, but I suspected Arnon and Jayne could guess everything wasn’t roses between us. “I’ve seen pictures of the place. It’s like a tropical paradise, Elle.”

I only had to think about it for a second before I realized I didn’t want to say no. I wanted to spend a day with my husband on an island. I wanted to have fun.

Sure, we had problems. I had been hurt by love many times in the past, and I had little faith in our ability to make our marriage work. But in spite of everything, I had somehow fallen in love with Ayrie. I nurtured hope in my heart. It might be false, but it was hope nonetheless. There was a possibility we could turn our farce into something real and I could be something more to him than a roommate.

I didn’t know how long I had been thinking about the offer until I saw everyone eagerly waiting for my answer.

“Sure.” I tried to make it seem like it wasn’t a big decision for me, but I didn’t know what to say. “It sounds lovely.”

Ayrie’s eyes softened for a moment. I thought I saw a smile on his face. Seeing him happy, even if it was an illusion, gave me a pleasurable feeling. I wanted us to be happy together.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Jayne give Arnon a quick glance, and he nodded at her. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who saw this trip as an opportunity for something good. All I had to do was make something happen between us.

Easier said than done.

Ayrie cleared his throat and suddenly looked bored again. “Well, make sure you bring your bikini and a change of clothes. After I sort things out in the morning, we might have time to go to the beach.” The tone of his voice was all business, but he kept staring at me. “We can stay until the Southern Lights come out. I hear they’re beautiful at this time of year.”

It sounded remarkably like a date. My mouth fell open at the thought. I noticed Jayne grinning at me. I wondered how Ayrie knew anything about the Southern Lights. Had he been to Vandwa before?

I would have to find out. “Okay. You’ve talked me into it.”

Jayne clapped her hands. Aliyah lifted her head and became the center of attention. Her parents were so impressed that they lost all interest in me.

But not Ayrie. He was staring at me with a look that made my breathing pick up and tingles spread throughout my body. Something had changed between us. I didn’t know what it was, but it gave me a tiny sliver of hope. I now possessed a ray of light shining into the darkness of my life.

I hoped it wouldn’t turn into something that would hurt me.