A Raw Yearning
Jason
I need to be inside of her.
It was the only thought that pounded through Jason’s foggy brain. He thought that once Amanda knew the truth about him, the whole truth, that she’d leave and not just because her life was in danger. He thought that one day he might have told her. He’d been trying to figure out how for the past year. He’d played it over and over in his head. Each time it ended the same, with her leaving in disgust and taking their son with her.
Instead, when the truth finally came out under the worst of circumstances, she was so incredibly calm. The understanding in her eyes, the compassion on her face, it nearly crippled him. For all his physical strength, Jason didn’t know if he could have forgiven himself had the situations been reversed. Amanda was much smaller than he was, physically weaker, but she was strong in ways that he couldn’t even begin to comprehend.
He loved her for it. Loved her more than ever. She was so incredibly beautiful in her compassion, her vulnerability, her sweetness. He wanted to savor every single minute with her.
He needed to remember her, to remember every single detail. The way she smelt, the sounds she made, her laughter, her cries of passion, her tears, the way she mothered their child so tenderly. He needed to remember it all so that when the time came, he could fight that much harder for it. For her. For their son. So they wouldn’t be alone in the world without him.
He was the one who had told her to stop thinking, and there he was, about to plunge inside her sweet, tight heat and miss it because he was too damn busy thinking ahead.
Jason closed his eyes. She reached up and gripped his face in her hands before she slammed her mouth over his, the kiss violent, burning, full of emotion. It was everything they didn’t have time to say and do all wrapped into a yearning, straining passion.
It drove him mad, drove the never ending thoughts to the back of his skull where he couldn’t see or hear them any longer. She chased his demons away and it was just her.
“Jason,” she rasped as she pulled her mouth away. “I want you inside me. Now. Do it.”
God, he wanted the same thing. He wanted it so bad it fucking hurt. It wasn’t just a physical ache, it was an ache in his soul. He needed to be one with her.
He was already positioned between her legs, the tip of his cock soaked in the juices of her swollen pussy. He pushed forward, sliding through easily, sliding to her opening. He hesitated, but her hips bucked upwards sharply. He sucked in a breath on her whimper.
“I need you. I need you so badly.” Her hands punctuated her words, her fingernails scoring his shoulder as her hands bit in there.
She tried to pull him forward. Normally he would have went. He would have just plunged inside, lost in the mindless pleasure of it. He needed just another second, another second to savor her, the feel of her closing around him before he was even inside, her slick, warm flesh surrounding him.
“Jason!”
He covered her lips with his, kissing away her protests and at last, swallowing her moans of pleasure as he thrust inside. He filled her completely and she took him deep, deep inside. Her passage gripped him while her hips swiveled up, searching for him as he started to pull out. He slid back in slowly, letting them both savor the action. He kept up the wicked rhythm. Normally he would have done it to tease her, to drive her wild, but now he just needed it. Needed to feel all of her, wrapped so tightly around him.
She never stopped kissing him. Their tongues tangled, their mouths open, their whimpers and moans blurred and joined, their hard breaths loud, coming in short rapid bursts when they had to break away before they resumed the frantic embrace of their mouths.
He luxuriated in the feel of his cock inside of her body, the gentle rasp as he pulled out and the whispered rush as he slid back in. She pulsed around him and he savored that as well. She rocked against him, her hips so desperate and needy. It was a battle between wanting it to last and being able to hold himself back. He didn’t want it to end. Ever.
A frantic swell of emotion rose in Jason’s chest. It clutched his heart, squeezing it in a tight band as he lost control. He came at the same time Amanda did. They cried out their ecstasy into each other’s mouths, their lips sealed, their breath melding into one, their bodies one person, one being one entity. It was frighteningly beautiful, deep and shattering. They bucked and writhed together, shuddered and shook as one. It broke Jason a thousand times over.
He knew he wouldn’t be whole again. Not ever. Not until he was back with Amanda, not until she was his again.
“We have all night,” she panted when he tried to pull away. She wrapped her arms around his neck, refusing to let him leave.
“You need to sleep,” he said gently. “You have a long drive ahead of you tomorrow. Your mom and our son depend on you. You have to be sharp and alert.”
Wild disappointment flickered in her eyes. “Then say you’ll stay next to me. Right here. Right beside me. Say you’ll hold me until I have to wake up and… until we are parted.”
“Until you leave.”
“I won’t say it. I won’t say leave. I won’t say goodbye. There is no goodbye. No matter what happens, you are a part of me, Jason. Always. You’re in my heart and you’re in our son. I know you’ll come and find me. I know that somehow, someway, when this is all over we’ll have a good life. The best life. The life that we’ve always wanted.”
It still astounded him that she still wanted it. Even after it all, after everything she now knew, her want for him hadn’t changed. Her love for him, if it had changed at all, had only become more fervent.
He went limp, his body spent, his mind and heart a mess. He tucked Amanda into the curve of his body and wrapped his arms around her. He held her tight, like she asked.
Despite everything, it was only a few minutes before she fell into an exhausted sleep. He knew she must be spent. As spent as he was.
He wanted to stay there and hold her. To drink his fill of her scent, of the silk of her skin, of her gentle womanly curves pressed into his hard edges and rough ridges.
He couldn’t stay. He had to make sure he was ready. She needed him. He couldn’t fail her.
Slowly, very slowly, he moved away, hating himself for doing it. He dressed quickly in the quiet stillness of the room. He had guns to unearth, ammunition, a door to board up after she left. He had to make arrangements for her safe escape. A different vehicle, new ID’s… he had to do it all fast.
Failure had never been an option for him. He’d never lost one fight in that ring and he sure as hell wasn’t going to lose this one.