“I heard a thing,” Lia said cryptically as I dried my post-dinner dishes. Polishing a plate, I narrowed my eyes across my tiny kitchen counter, at the stool I’d put my phone on. We were on speakerphone, but Lia’s voice was oddly hushed.

“Can you talk louder?” I asked.

“No. I’m at Lukas’s office. He was in the conference room, and I was right outside the door when I realized he was talking to Julian.”

“Oh my God, you said his name.”

“Omigod! Shit,” Lia cursed. “Damn it. We had such a streak going.”

“It’s fine,” I said with a laugh – or at least my attempt at a laugh. I hadn’t succeeded at a real-sounding one in awhile.

Five weeks in, and I wasn’t feeling better.

I slept fewer hours now, but I wasn’t seeing him any less in my dreams, in the streets, on the tube – even in the elevator at my office.

According to my mom, my voice was weary these days. I had bags under my eyes from staying up late at night. The women at work whispered about me in the corner, racking their minds to brainstorm ideas with which to cheer me up. Three days in a row, they took me somewhere beautiful for lunch. When that didn’t work, they took me to a male strip club in hopes of at least making me laugh, which I remember kind of doing.

But they knew I was breaking.

I had arrived in London with some hope of starting over. There was a bit of brightness in my eyes. But over a month later, I had officially withered like a new plant that had been watered only once. I’d run out of energy. I missed home, and I still felt thoroughly disoriented – like I didn’t know what was real or not.

Since our daily calls continued, I knew Lia could tell. She could sense a difference in me from just how many rings it took for me to pick up the phone. So when she said that she had “heard” a thing, I knew it was more likely that she had, for my benefit, “deliberately eavesdropped” a thing.

“Did you know…” she started, keeping me on edge.

“Did I know what, Lia?” I asked.

“What was the name of the place you went to in France again?”

“Biarritz,” I replied, my heart giving a twist. “Why are you asking about Biarritz?” I asked, my pulse suddenly uneven.

“You were there to sell Julian’s resort to those guys, right?”

“Yes. They’re in negotiations now. They’ll probably finish soon,” I mumbled, going back to polishing my plate. I heard Lia rustling on the other end.

“Um…”

“Lia. What?”

“I overheard today that that deal never went through.”

I paused. “What?”

“The deal with the Perv Bros? It got nixed while you guys were still in, um, Bi… Buh... how do you say it again?”

“Biarritz.”

“That. Anyway, I may or may not have threatened Lukas for information when we got home, under the promise that I’d never tell you – ”

“Did he really believe you wouldn’t tell me?”

“No, it was probably for his own conscience,” Lia said hastily. “But anyway, what Lukas said was that Turner said something ‘indecent’ to Julian that resulted in Julian ‘knocking him the fuck out’ the last day you guys were there. And whichever Perv Bro he knocked out, that guy’s still harassing him. So I guess right now, Julian and Lukas are putting their minds together to fight fire with fire. I swear to God, you give those boys a grudge to hold against someone, and they’ll team up to annihilate you. Their brains together are scary.”

“Hold up, Lia – focus,” I pleaded, my heart beating fast. “So Julian hasn’t been doing business with the Roths this whole time I’ve been gone?”

“Girl, no. Unless by doing business you mean plotting ways to kill each other.”

“Shit,” I whispered, practically dropping the plate on my counter with a loud clatter that made her curse. “I’m sorry,” I apologized hastily as my mind tried to piece things together.

I couldn’t help but imagine that Turner had said something about me.

I remembered the rage in Julian’s eyes when he watched Turner whisper to me during that last dinner. I remembered thinking he might actually kill Turner when we overheard him trashing me in the men’s bathroom, and I had a strong feeling now that the Biarritz deal had fallen through entirely because of me.

“Fuck. I screwed him,” I whispered.

“You sure did, girl. On every surface at his office.”

“Lia.”

“Sorry, sorry. But please, please, Sara, don’t punish me for telling you this by blaming yourself and spiraling into some dark place. I know I’m biased here, but if this is anyone’s fault besides those nasty Perv Bros, it’s Julian’s.”

“Lia, stop – ”

“I’m serious. He chose to hire you when he already had feelings about you – even if they were just minor then, he knew the risks that came with this. He was just cocky that he could stay professional as always. He had no idea what the fuck he was up against with you,” she said, a grin in her voice.

“You’re taking way too much pleasure in this conversation right now.”

“Only because I feel the wheels turning in your brain right now, and it’s giving me this strange best friend ESP,” she said.

“Really. And what am I thinking right now?” I challenged.

“That you need to talk to him in person.”

“Fine.”

“In New York. Right?”

“Yes.” My stomach churned at the thought of going home. The idea alone snapped me out of the five-week daze I’d been in. “But just thinking about it scares me right now. I can’t handle the thought of going there, getting to his office and being told by reception that he has no time for me. Or worse, being told by Julian that he has no time for me.”

Lia sighed.

“Look, Sara. None of this would’ve blown up if Julian didn’t get emotionally invested in you. He could have closed the deal easy if it weren’t for the fact that he fell for you. Do you know how many other times he’s done business by looking the other way when someone got screwed? He’s a ruthless asshole,” Lia said.

“I don’t know where you’re going with this.”

“I’m saying he probably still cares about you. At this point, we both have reason to suspect that this deal fell through because he was in some way defending you. So why are you afraid to just fly home for the weekend and get yourself some real closure?”

“Because I’ve seen how easily Julian can flip the switch, Lia, and it’s as hurtful as it is scary. He can go from loving one second to completely unrecognizable the next. He acts cold and distant, like he’s never even met you. It’s not something you can forget easily, and I’m afraid to see it again. I’m afraid it’s going to hurt me all over again.”

“Well, you stayed at June Magazine longer than you wanted because you were afraid that no other job would ever take you. Maybe you’ll stay in London longer than you want because you’re afraid of ever coming back to New York.”

“Jesus, Lia,” I said, unsure if I was impressed or pissed over the tough love.

“You know I’m right.”

I clenched my jaw. “I also know you’re doing something sketchy right now. Why are you typing so fast?”

“Searching flights.”

“Ugh.”

“Humor me. Tell me one good thing about Julian. Your favorite memory.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

I had floated over to the couch without realizing it. The dishrag was still in my hand. I tossed it aside and sat down so I could think.

There were actually too many good memories to choose from. I wasn’t even sure how we’d made so many in just a span of five weeks. I smiled just thinking about the way he cupped the back of my thighs as he leaned against his bike at that gas station. The sun was setting behind him, and he studied me like he was trying to figure me out. I thought about the nights we spent in bed, when I slept and he sat awake, tenderly stroking his fingers through my hair.

I wasn’t sure why those memories popped up, and I had a feeling Lia wouldn’t quite appreciate them the way I did, so I went with a different story for her – the first lunch he took me out on at the office. She said she was unimpressed with the story and asked for a new one. I rolled my eyes and told her, for the first time, actually, about the night Julian comforted me after the blowup at the fire pit.

“Does that suffice?” I asked Lia when I finished.

“You tell me. I was only asking you to tell me all those stories so you’d remind yourself what a surprisingly good guy he is,” she said, making my cheeks go hot. “Are you still convinced he’ll give you the cold shoulder if you come back?”

I heaved a sigh. “No. I think he’ll at least hear me out. Maybe even over lunch.”

“He’ll probably use that corporate voice you love.”

“Ugh.” I rolled my head back. “Fuck it. Send me the links for the flight. I’ll suck it up if he goes Corporate Julian on me. I just need the answers.”

“You got it, girl,” Lia said.

I heard her fingers clicking away, and once I received her email, we spent the next ten minutes comparing flights to figure out which was best. I wanted to go for the one seven days from now, on Friday.

Of course, Lia preferred one leaving tomorrow morning.

“That doesn’t give me time to mentally prepare,” I protested.

“Mentally preparing leads to you backing out of this,” she argued. “Also, I just booked it.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No. Happy birthday.”

“It’s not my birthday.”

“Happy Fourth of July then, I don’t know! Aren’t you excited to see me as soon as tomorrow?” Lia demanded. “It’s been five weeks since I’ve smelled your hair.”

“Creepy.”

“Girl, you don’t even know how creepy I can get. I’ve missed you too much!”

I laughed – a real one, almost. Of course it wound down to a sigh.

“Oh God. It’s happening,” I murmured, staring at the flight confirmation Lia forwarded me. “Departing tomorrow at seven forty-five in the morning? Are you joking, Lia?”

“Again, not giving you time to think twice about this. Still scared?” she asked.

“More so, actually.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just start winding down for bed now, because you gotta get up early. And no matter what you do, don’t freak out. Whatever happens with that asshole, at least you’ll get closure. And at least I’ll always love you.”

I snorted, and after another few minutes of conversation, I went to brush my teeth. I had my toothbrush dangling out of my mouth as I packed a weekend bag, questioning myself for the hundredth time if this moment was really happening.

When I went to bed around midnight, I forced myself to relive the last day I saw Julian. It was for the sake of thickening my skin. I wanted to be prepared in case I’d see it again, because chances were that I would. Julian had sacrificed his business for me. There was no way in hell that he didn’t resent me, as well as the fact that he had to work even harder now to make up for all the time he lost with the Roths.

Unsurprisingly, I tossed and turned all night, catching barely a wink of sleep between my dreams of Julian sitting at his desk, refusing to say a single word to me.