Chapter Three
It had been a few days since Kitty had seen Caleb, and he’d not been by the diner either, which was strange. She’d seen most of the club boys, but Caleb hadn’t been there. She wanted to see him. After their last encounter, she was hopeful.
Since she’d kissed him, a simple peck on the cheek, she’d been having dreams. Not nightmares, but actual dreams, and excitement at the possibilities filled her with happiness. It was a late Saturday night, and the diner was busy. Not a surprise considering the heat.
This weekend was forecast to be a hot one.
“You seem a little different,” Teri said.
“I do.” She put the used plates in the sink and smiled as she turned to Teri. “I feel a little … different. I can’t really explain it.”
“You should smile more often, Kitty Cat. It looks good on you.”
Leaving the back of the kitchen, she made her way out. Notebook in hand, she moved her way around the tables, chatting with a couple of the locals, and filling up their coffees. As she was serving, the doors opened, and she smiled as she saw Cora, James, Pixie, and Suzy. They were just a small group, but maybe she could ask them about Caleb. She missed him and hated that she didn’t at least get to see him.
Making her way toward their table, she kept her smile in place, waiting for them to be settled.
“What’ll it be?” Kitty asked, pen and paper poised to write whatever they wanted down.
“The service here is impeccable,” Pixie said.
She rolled her eyes. “It can’t stay that way unless you order.”
Suzy chuckled and ordered the Mexican chicken salad that Teri had included on the menu. The chicken was marinated in Mexican flavors, and then there was a dressing with chipotle, lime, and other deliciousness. Kitty’s mouth watered for a taste. She made a note to ask Teri to make one for her before she left for the evening. That would be her nighttime meal.
She’d not gotten lunch or dinner, and she was starving.
“Make sure Teri doesn’t spit in my food,” Cora said.
“Cora?” James asked, shaking his head.
“What? I can’t help it. I don’t deal with cheaters.”
The tension at the table intensified.
After taking the rest of their orders, Kitty lingered even though she wanted to run in the opposite direction. Cora could be scary, and since Teri’s cheating had come out, she wouldn’t give the other woman the time of day.
“What’s up?” Cora asked with a sweet smile on her face. Again, this was a complete personality change from what she was used to.
“I was wondering where Caleb is? I haven’t seen him around. Is he away on business?” Kitty asked, biting her lip at how needy she sounded.
She of all people shouldn’t be asking about him, not now. Caleb deserved someone better than her.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t ask,” she said, about to turn away.
“He’s taken some time out, Kitty. He’s gone up to the cabin. Left yesterday.”
This made her pause. She knew what the cabin was, and he’d offered to take her there several times so that it was just the two of them.
“Oh.”
“He’ll be back. He just needs to clear his head,” James said.
“I’ll go and get you your food.”
She turned away but still heard Cora whisper to James. “You took her smile away.”
Kitty felt gutted, but at the same time, she understood.
Caleb needed his space, and she accepted that. Putting the order through, she glanced over at Teri, not sure if she should give the message.
“Cora’s here?” Teri asked.
“How did you know?”
“You look scared. Let me guess, she doesn’t want me to spit in her food.”
“How did you know?”
“She’s been saying that for a long time now.”
Kitty looked toward Ryan, who didn’t seem to care.
“That doesn’t bother you?”
“It did once, but now I’m used to it. She’s back to eating at my diner, and even if her words are sometimes biting, I accept them. I like Cora. She’s a good woman, and I know she’s not a woman to cross.”
“You didn’t … cross her.”
“No, but she’s setting up her boundaries. I accept that.” Teri smiled, but it didn’t last long. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re not smiling, and you have been all evening. Who took that away?”
“No one has taken it away. Don’t be silly.”
Holding her pad and pen, she slipped them into the pocket and grabbed one of the orders for a family of five.
“I’ll be back.”
Teri looked like she wanted to say something, but right now, Kitty wasn’t in the mood to speak. She just wanted to get the food out and ready and try not to think about Caleb alone in that cabin.
She just wanted to retreat, but she couldn’t do that. Her mind was on him, and as she finished serving the family, a bunch of rowdy men entered the diner.
Acting on auto-pilot, she made her way over to their table, pen and paper poised. She liked to keep everything in order, to not leave a person to long waiting for their food.
“What can I get you?” she asked.
“That pretty mouth wrapped around my dick would be a damn good start.”
She paused, looking up at the man who’d spoken. At one time she’d have been quaking at such an order.
“I’m going to give you some time to order,” she said.
It all happened in slow motion, at least to Kitty.
The one nearest her who hadn’t spoken, grabbed her wrist as she turned away, pulling her back toward him. She yelped as he tugged her down into his lap. She struggled, and screamed, feeling every single memory burst through her like a dam.
Everything that had been wrong with her life came flooding forward. The pain, the fear, the anger, the betrayal, and then she felt the love for Caleb, the hurt that she’d taken everything away from him. The fact he was alone in that damn cabin and she missed him, even though she had absolutely no right to.
Everything snapped, collided, and spiraled out of control. Instead of screaming in pain, a rage unlike anything she’d ever known in her entire life burst forward. She couldn’t get a good range on him, so she grabbed his nipples as he had an arm banded around her, and twisted them until he howled in pain, releasing her. She didn’t stop there. Grabbing the water jug, she slammed it against the side of his head, smashing the glass.
The man who’d said that nasty stuff to her went to grab her, but she was suddenly hauled away. Strong arms wrapped around her waist, and James was there, along with members of the club.
She noticed they had formed a barrier between these men and the other customers.
Her chest was tight, and she couldn’t breathe. Pixie had her, and she wasn’t panicking over his touch, but she had the need to get away, to get out in the open.
He seemed to understand what was wrong and took her outside.
She quickly ran toward the back of the building, bent over, and threw up her lunch that she’d not long eaten.
Pixie grabbed her hair and rubbed her back.
“You’re okay, Kitty. You’re okay. You’re home. You’re here.”
She knew she was fucking home, but right now, she didn’t care.
Throwing up the last of her food, she used her apron to wipe her mouth.
She didn’t know how long she was standing there before James was there.
“Kitty, you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine.”
Her head was pounding. Her hands were shaking, and it wasn’t because of what had happened. They had pulled her away, and she’d wanted to impale that shard of glass inside the neck of that filthy man.
“They’re gone. They can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I know.”
She pressed a hand to her shaking chest, trying to get her focus back.
When she could think straight, she stood up and Pixie released her hair, taking a step back.
Spinning around, she saw most of the club there, even Dane, which surprised her.
“Why are you all here?” she asked, confused.
“You’re a Dirty Fucker,” Damon said. “We’ll come every single time.”
“Cora called them. She knows the drill.” The clubhouse wasn’t far from the Diner, and had a direct path between the two.
She nodded. “What happened?”
“You remember going all batshit crazy, right?” Pixie asked.
She winced. “Yeah, I didn’t black out. I meant, where are they?”
“They’re gone. They know not to step foot in the diner or in Greater Falls again. They were just passing through.”
She released a breath. “Good.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I feel okay. A little shaky.” She clenched her hands, hoping to gain some control of her rioting emotions, but right now, nothing seemed to be happening.
Teri came out and held out a bag to her. “I saw that hungry look in your eye. Go home. I’ll be there later, okay?”
“I can still work,” Kitty said.
“No, you can’t. Not after that.”
“I’ll take her home,” Pixie said. “Will you tell Suzy?”
“Of course,” James said.
She watched as the men nodded at her, and she forced a smile, touched that they’d come to her aid even though she hadn’t called for it.
James and Pixie were the last two there. “You’re sure you’re okay?” James asked.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“What is it?” James asked.
“I feel like I’ve stepped into the Twilight Zone right now. You guys seem to know what I’m thinking and feeling even before I do.”
“It’s Caleb,” Pixie said.
“Is it?” James asked.
“Yeah, I didn’t … I didn’t know he’d gone.” She felt that overwhelming sadness envelop her at the thought. She had no right to be upset though, and that annoyed her as well. Once again, Caleb deserved much better than her.
“You can go to him,” James said.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” Pixie asked. “You think if you’d called cabin time, Caleb would have ignored you?”
She didn’t think he would, and that made her smile. “It’s beside the point though, right? He needs time. I can’t give him what he wants.”
“He wants you, Kitty. We all know this.” James looked sad.
“But I’m not ready,” she said. “But I don’t want to lose him.”
“If you want to go to the cabin, either Pixie or I will take you, Kitty. That decision is up to you.”
She didn’t know what to do.
What if she completely ruined his time away? What if being alone with him was exactly what they needed?
****
“Are you okay?” Dane asked, looking into the kitchen.
Teri and Ryan were there. He’d already been making his way over when he’d seen the boys rushing down to the diner, and he’d known something was wrong.
“I’m perfectly fine,” Teri said. “You shouldn’t be back here, Dane. Why are you here?” She shook her head. “You know what? I don’t want to know, but you shouldn’t be back here.”
There was a time he considered himself partly in love with this woman. In fact, he’d thought he was in love with two women, but with time and clarity, he realized that it was a fucking mistake. He didn’t love Teri, never had.
She’d been a rush to him.
“I was talking to Ryan,” Dane said. “That was pretty intense, and he’s my son.”
Teri’s cheeks heated.
He was an awful father. He’d abandoned his family, and even to him, there was no excuse good enough. He had missed years of his kids’ lives, lost his wife, the respect of the club.
Dane knew that James wanted a reason to get rid of him, and he didn’t even blame the Prez. The only thing holding him back was his relationship with Ryan. He had no intention of leaving.
James or the club may not believe him, but it was the fucking truth, no matter what anyone said.
“Oh,” she said.
Ryan raised a brow at him.
It was like looking in a mirror twenty years ago when he stared at Ryan. So much power in such a young body.
“I’m fine,” Ryan said.
“You can take that break now, if you want,” Teri said.
Dane knew she was embarrassed and wanted any reason to get rid of the two of them.
Making their way out into the evening air, Dane pulled out a cigarette, needing something to do with his hands.
“Did you mean what you said in there, or were you just trying to get under Teri’s skin?” Ryan asked.
“I meant what I said.” Dane looked toward his son. “Teri can take care of herself. Some yelling, fighting, and shit wouldn’t bother her. She’s used to it. You, on the other hand, I don’t know what you’ve seen.”
“It’s not my first fight.”
“If you take after me, it won’t be your last either.” He took a deep inhale on his cigarette.
“Mom hated it when you smoked.”
“I know. Your mom doesn’t give me the time of day anymore.”
“Do you blame her?” Ryan asked.
“Nope. I wouldn’t give me the time of day either. Just because I fucked up doesn’t mean I don’t know it, Ryan.”
“Why did you come back? Did you expect things to be exactly the same as when you left?”
“Yeah, I did. I didn’t expect to come home to find my wife shacking up with a rancher, my son with an attitude that rivals mine, and my secret affair to be out in the open, but it is.”
“And you’re still here,” Ryan said.
“In the flesh. I’m not running.”
“I thought that was what you did. When things got a little too hard, you ran.”
“You know, all my life, I’ve run once. That was it, and everyone is holding it over my head.”
“You had a family.”
“I still have a family, Ryan. Last time I checked, you’ve all still got my blood running through your veins. That shit doesn’t change. You think I don’t know what I lost? You think I don’t lie there every single night and wonder if I should just throw it all away? None of you fucking want me around, the club, you, your mom … I know what I lost. I get to see that every single fucking day, and you think I don’t regret that?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Well, you’re wrong.”
“If you gave a shit at all, you wouldn’t have walked away.”
“I know that.”
“You have no idea, do you? No idea at all. Telling Mom day after day that you were coming back. Believing that you were just playing hide and fucking seek. Each night I would listen to her cry. Every single morning she’d have red, swollen eyes, because you didn’t come back. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I was adding to that. I’d come home, asking if you came back. It was a fucking repeat. Every single day.”
“And because I wasn’t your fucking knight, you turned.”
“I got tired of being let down,” Ryan said. “So yeah, I fail to feel sorry for you.”
Dane smiled. “You’re not getting rid of me.”
“We’ll see.”
Again, Dane thought this was hilarious. He watched Ryan walk back into the diner and knew that he was going to snap.
Ryan would finally give in to that anger and rage. When he did, they would need him. Like he thought, it was like looking in a mirror, and the club may think he was useless now, but Ned Walker had showed him how to channel that anger, how to deal. His time away had also given him answers.
When the time came, he’d be here for his son, and he’d make sure Ryan didn’t go on the same path as he did. It was the least he could do for being the worst father in the world.
****
Caleb scrubbed the wooden patio, removing all the old varnish that had been there. He was taking it down to the base wood, and he intended to spend the entire week varnishing it so that it looked like the rest of the cabin.
He’d already removed all the dust and dirt from the cabin.
James had said the housekeeper had dropped off some food to get him started and that she’d stop by every single week with fresh food.
The woman was supposed to take care of upkeep, but clearly, she didn’t, not that Caleb minded right now. He needed the work to take his mind off of other matters.
He didn’t want to think about anything else.
After scrubbing the wood, his arms ached, but he saw the beautiful wood beneath, ready for its varnish. He’d been here for three days now. The first day had been a complete disaster. He’d sat down in a chair and thought about Kitty all the fucking time. He missed her, so it had been a waste of time. The second day, he’d been determined to do something other than think about the woman that he couldn’t have.
Once he started cleaning, which he’d never told any of the club that he liked doing, he’d not been able to stop. There were supplies to repair and clean the cabin, but none of the club had been up here in over a year, maybe even longer.
At least he felt more like himself than he had in a long time. There was no anger right now, or sadness. Just acceptance.
“Hey, I hope I’m not interrupting.”
He looked up to find Kitty standing there, a bag over her shoulder, and he frowned. Closing his eyes, he opened them again, expecting her to disappear. “You’re here?”
Glancing over her shoulder, he didn’t see any sign of a car.
“I got Pixie to drop me off. I wanted to walk here by myself.” She nibbled her lip, and with her long hair pulled back, she looked so damn beautiful. He paused in scrubbing the wood floor to simply stare at her. “I … I was wondering if you’d like some company. Just you and me. I got some time off at the diner, and James said this was where you were. I can leave. I don’t want to impose on your time, and right now I am completely rambling and I think I totally need to stop.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say so much all at once.”
“Right now, I’m thinking it’s a flaw.” He watched her take a deep breath. “Would you like me to leave?”
“No. I’d love for you to stay.”
Moving down the porch steps, he held his hand out, and she gave her bag to him. “You don’t have to carry that. I can do that.”
“I know you’re all Miss Independent. I like it. Makes me feel like I can do something to help.”
“You do a lot of things, Caleb. More than you realize.”
“And I want to continue to do so much more.” He wanted to touch her but knew that wouldn’t be happening.
Instead, he turned on his heel and made his way into the cabin. There were two bedrooms, and he already had one set up for himself. Making his way to the one across, he placed her bag on the bed, moving toward a window.
“When we get back I’ll mention to James that we need a new housekeeper.”
“How come?”
“There was a ton of dust when I got here. No point paying someone to do a job they’re not doing right. So, do you want some help?”
“Nah, you go back to doing what you do. I’ll clean out this bedroom.”
He turned his back and was about to leave the room when her voice stopped him.
“Thank you.”
Glancing over his shoulder, he frowned. “For what?”
“For not sending me on my way when you had every right to do so.”
“This is your home as well.”
“But you were away, and I didn’t know if that was permanent.”
He smiled. “I love that you came, Kitty. It means a lot to me that you did.”
Leaving her to get settled in, he went back outside, and found himself humming as he continued to sand down the porch.
He wasn’t upset with Kitty for being with him, far from it. At first, he thought he’d imagined her. Now though, it would be nice to have her company and not the club breathing down their necks every two seconds.
That was just another element of what he found frustrating about club life. Everyone had an opinion about what they wanted to say or do. Not once did they have any solution to help them.
Give Kitty time.
Take it slow.
Be patient.
He was doing all those things and more, and yet at times it felt like they treated him as an abusive boyfriend.
Caleb just finished up the steps when Kitty came out, carrying a small tray. He saw the loaded sandwiches and tall drinks.
“I figured you could use some refreshment.”
“It’s hot, so let’s take it over there.” He pointed near a large tree that provided some shade. Collapsing to the ground, he took the tray from her, placing it on the ground as he watched her. “You needed some space?”
“Yeah, and we’ve been told to try this. Going away together even if we did start out on separate trips.” She chuckled. “Ham and cheese?”
“You know it’s my favorite.”
He took the plate and dived in, enjoying the sandwich. For the past two days he’d been living on bread and noodles, too exhausted to do anything but sleep after the hours he’d been working.
“I’d forgotten how good the cabin looks,” Kitty said. “It seems smaller.”
“It’s two bedrooms, dining room, kitchen, shared bathroom, and sitting room. It’s pretty big.”
“It’s bigger than my apartment,” she said with a giggle.
“Any luck on finding a replacement roomie?”
“Nah. Teri said she had a couple of applicants she was going to interview while I was away.”
“How long are you away for?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Couple of weeks, longer. I’ve been working non-stop, and James said I could take as long as I want. How long are you staying here?”
“Until I make a decision.”
“What about?”
“About staying in Greater Falls or heading back to Vegas.”
He saw her freeze up. She stopped chewing her sandwich and looked nervous as hell.
“You’re considering moving back to Vegas?”
He nodded. There was no point in lying to her.
“You don’t like Greater Falls?”
“I love where we live. I love what we do and that we’re not like other MCs. What I don’t like is this … feeling.”
“What kind of feeling?”
“Empty, lost, I’m not used to it.”
“You think Vegas will help you with that?”
“I think Vegas will help me focus on something and not on everything that I can’t have. I’m not trying to push you here, Kitty. I’m just being honest.”
“I know. It doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
“Would you go back to Vegas?”
“For a quick trip, yes. To live and stay there, no. Too many bad memories.”
He knew.
Caleb had heard her nightmares and knew her past terrors were real to her. She wasn’t always able to fight them.
“I’d miss you if you went,” she said.
He smiled. “I’d miss you too.”
Glancing around the yard, he smiled. It really was a beautiful location, out in the wilderness, away from people, life, and an opportunity to forget about all the worries of the past and future.
He took in a deep breath and released it.
The sound of sniffling brought his attention back to Kitty. He saw the tears in her eyes as she turned away from him.
“What is it?” he asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“What have I told you about lying to me?” He moved a little closer but made sure that he didn’t touch her.
Any touching that would happen would come straight from Kitty herself.
“It’s stupid.”
“Hey, remember, nothing is stupid. Tell me. I could be able to help.”
She sighed. “I’m going to miss you when you go. It’s selfish of me, I know, but I don’t want you to go. I like you being here. This is your home.”
“Kit?”
“I … I better go back inside and get some dinner ready. I saw lots of ingredients in the fridge, and if they’re not put to good use we’ll have to throw them out.”
Before he could stop her, she was already gone, and he sighed, sitting back. It didn’t matter what he said to her, he always seemed to be putting his foot in it.
Leaning back against the tree, his cell phone buzzed.
Checking the caller ID, he saw that James was calling him.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I’m making sure Kitty made it and you were happy with her being there with you?”
“Yeah, she’s here.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” James said.
“I told her my plans and that I might be moving back to Vegas.”
“Oh, dear.”
“Yeah, not in her good books right about now.”
“Shit, you couldn’t wait until after everything?” James asked.
“After what?”
“When you got back?”
“I’m not going to hide anything from her, even if she doesn’t like it. I’m not like that.”
“Yeah, you have to keep all the shit real. I get it.”
He heard the disapproval in James’s tone, and he didn’t like it.
“Anyway, I was calling to let you know there was an incident last night with Kitty.”
“What? What happened?” He listened as James caught him up, surprising him by Kitty’s response to being spoken to and grabbed.
She would normally panic, scream, and they’d have to help her. This violence wasn’t like her, but he was damn proud that she took care of herself.
“She didn’t have a nightmare last night. Teri was on duty.”
“I’ll keep an eye on her.”
“Caleb?”
“Yeah?”
“I … I think she really wants to try this with you.”
Caleb refused to get his hopes up. Over the years they had been crushed way too many times.
“Bye, James.”
****
“You’re sure you should have told him?” Pixie asked.
James put the phone down and released a breath. “When it comes to the two of them, I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Meddling in their affairs shouldn’t be one of them,” Damon said.
Running a hand down his face, he looked at his men who were in the office, Pixie, Damon, and Jerry. He trusted every single patched-in member with his life. They were a family, even if it was a fucked-up one that came from violence.
“Caleb loves Kitty,” James said.
“We all know this.” Pixie spoke up. “Just as we know that Kitty loves Caleb. They’re equally matched.”
“But Kitty can’t bring herself to commit to Caleb, or touch, or anything. We’re constantly getting in their way. I think this is the answer. Besides, Kitty decided this. She wants to be with Caleb, and we all know it.”
“I hope you’re right, otherwise Kitty is going to be broken and we’re going to lose Caleb. I don’t want to lose them both,” Pixie said.