Chapter 32
As soon as Keeley hung up the phone she had regretted impetuously picking it up in the first place. Now, walking toward Cocotte Jolie for the luncheon Brooke had immediately suggested once she heard Keeley’s news, she felt actual dread. What had she done? It had simply been too perfect not to share, too exactly what Brooke wanted to hear not to pour it in Brooke’s ear and hear the happy sound of praise that would certainly ensue.
Later the same day of the committee meeting with Brooke and Tatiana, somewhat tipsy from drinking two glasses of wine and feeling cozy after soaking in a hot bath and letting the bone-deep cold melt away, she had greeted Ben when he’d arrived home shortly after 7pm. She was in the kitchen getting a glass of water, still wearing her favorite fuzzy pink bathrobe and matching slippers with her long hair piled loosely on her head in a sloppy bun, when she heard him in the foyer and ran to see him.
“Sweetheart! Oh, I’m so happy to see you. How was your day? Mwah!” she said and kissed him on the lips noisily.
He kissed her again, more deeply this time, and then held her at arm’s length. “Look at you, what a sight for sore eyes you are. Ow, and they really are sore. They’re killing me from staring at those damn spreadsheets all day.”
“Let me get you a drink. That’ll make you feel better.”
He shook his head, his lips twisting down. “Ugh. I wish I could. But I’ve still got more to do.”
“Oh! No!” She stuck her lower lip out, doing her best disappointed little-girl impression. Sometimes it worked.
He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly before stepping back, hands still on her arms. “You are so cute when you make that face. But I’m sorry. I don’t have much of a choice tonight. I’ve got to have all of my ducks in a row for the Board tomorrow. But we’ll go out for dinner tomorrow night, wherever you want. And we’ll order a big bottle of champagne, too. How does that sound?”
“Aw, I wish it was tomorrow night now. I can’t wait.” She couldn’t keep the whining sound out of her voice. She was disappointed. Her day had been hard, horrible really, and she’d been looking forward to cuddling up with her burly Jewish teddy bear. It was funny how he could be so tough in business, ruthless really, yet so tender with her.
He smiled encouragingly at her. “Do you want me to order your favorite Chinese for you?”
She bounced a little on her toes. “Yes, please! Oh, wait…no.” She slumped a little. She hated how much weight she’d gained and she had to start somewhere. General Tsao’s chicken, deep fried and swimming in that delicious sticky spicy sauce, wasn’t going to help. Oh, and those crispy spring rolls she loved. Her mouth watered. “No, I’m just going to have a salad tonight.”
“A salad? That doesn’t sound like you. You’re my meat-and-potatoes girl,” he squinted at her as he leaned down to pick up the briefcase he’d abandoned to hug her.
“Well, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. I can barely fit into my clothes and I’m not buying a whole new wardrobe.”
He made a tsking sound. “You’re beautiful just the way you are. You’re perfect.”
She smiled and sighed happily. He really meant it; that was the thing. “Thank you, honey. You’re my sweetheart.”
“I better get to work before the siren call of the bourbon gets me. I promise I’ll come to bed at a reasonable hour.”
He kissed her again and just as he turned to go, she remembered. “Oh, honey? Before you disappear into that black hole that is your study, there’s just one thing.”
He turned back to her. “Your wish is my command, fair lady.”
“I don’t know, but, I was at that committee meeting today? And well, they were hoping for Susan, as you know.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. She’s a busy lady.”
“Is there anyone else? Anyone? It’s just, they were really hoping.”
He squinted and looked away, thinking. “Um….”
“But it can’t be anything modern, like rap. They’re into classical stuff.”
He looked up, brightening. “Now, that’s an idea.”
“What?”
“How does Mario Costa sound?”
“That new hot tenor guy? Wow! They would go crazy for him!” She started bouncing again on her toes. It was going to happen, she could just feel it!
“I’d have to ask him, but we have met, a few years ago. Before I met you. He wasn’t hot yet, then, but he was great, heard him sing at a little benefit in a church in Connecticut. We ended up talking at the cocktail party afterwards. He’d probably remember me. Or, maybe not. But, hey, it’s worth trying.”
“Oh, goody! I can’t wait to tell them!” She felt bubbles of giddy joy whirl upward through her.
“Now, wait,” he said, lowering his head and making a cutting side to side motion with his hand. “I haven’t even talked to him yet. Don’t say a word until I do. We probably shouldn’t have said anything about Susan either.”
She fell back hard on her heels. “I didn’t! Brooke was the one who brought Susan up. Oh, and she called her ‘Susan’ all the time, like she knew her. That burned me up.”
“Maybe Brooke does know her. She knows practically everyone else.”
“She doesn’t know her. That was why she needed me, I mean, you, to get her to sing at the benefit. That’s why I’m on that committee.”
He put his briefcase back down and walked over to her, taking her gently by the shoulders and looking into her eyes. “That’s not why. You wanna know why? She couldn’t resist you. No one can. And they’re lucky to have you.”
She looked into his eyes. He really believed it. She wished she could. But she wouldn’t argue with him. “Okay, you’re right. And I’ll wait. Just please, please tell me when you know. Oh, and we need to fill at least four or five tables, too.”
He let out a little puff of laughter. “Boy, they’re really cracking the whip, huh? Well, I’m sure we can shake down enough people to fill those tables between the two of us. Have you invited your friends?”
She shook her head. He would never understand the Barefooters, never even called them that. They were just ‘friends’ to him. To her, they were family. And no, they would hate hate hate an uptight charity thing like this. A tacky redneck barbecue featuring a tractor pull? A wild half-nude pool party? A booze cruise and dancing to a live rock-and-roll band? Sign them up! But a stiff fake aristocratic-type crowd was exactly not their cup of tea.
“Why not? They’d do it for you. They’d do anything for you.”
“You’re right, and that’s ‘cause I’m reasonable when I ask them to do stuff. All right, I’ve kept you long enough. Run along now and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“That leaves me a lot of leeway,” he said, grinning at their old joke. He backed up and picked up his briefcase again. “See you in bed. And you better be naked.”
“Aren’t I always?” She smiled at him and watched him go, watching until the door of his study latched behind him.
“Damn,” she muttered, approaching the restaurant on foot, arriving too early once again. She thought about passing it and walking a couple blocks up Fifth Avenue to Bergdorf’s and back to kill time, but the wind was cold in the shadows on this side of the street, although the day was bright and blue. She wanted to be inside, warm and comfortably sitting on one of the soft black leather chairs, a crisp linen napkin in her lap. For once, she wouldn’t have to suffer silently as she sat in that torture chair in Brooke’s library.
She wished she could be truly at ease, that what she had to say was what they wanted to hear. If only she had heeded Ben’s words and not called Brooke to tell her! If only she’d been able to tamp down those bubbles of enthusiasm rising higher and higher and making her so excited she couldn’t control herself. She’d even told herself she should hang up while she was dialing Brooke’s number. And yet, she’d let the call go through. And, news imparted, Brooke’s excitement had been so satisfying, utterly deeply worth it in that moment.
She knew now that she’d been seduced by the promise of Brooke’s friendship and the doors it had and would open. She’d fooled herself that, somehow, she’d changed. She was more sophisticated now. Ben’s world of money and influence would be hers as well. Even Pam’s, and then Zo’s and Amy’s, recent phone calls had gone unreturned. She would talk to the Barefooters later. They probably only wanted to nag her again to forgive Hannah, which she would do when she was good and ready. Right now she was busy becoming…what, she wasn’t sure. But it would be important. After all, she’d been invited to be on the committee of committees, handmaiden and right hand to the Queen herself. She flushed with embarrassment, just thinking about her delusions of grandeur and made a mental note to call the Barefooters back soon.
Well, at least she’d had time to shop for an outfit that fit her. She couldn’t be seen again, only three days later, in those same fat-pants, and she had nothing else that fit now. The saleswoman at Saks had found the perfect choice – a charcoal gray wrap-dress that hid the extra pounds perfectly and was in a casual enough knit to be appropriate for lunch. Surveying her reflection in the gold-framed glass door of Cocotte Jolie as she approached the entrance, she was gratified to see that at least she looked good. She lifted her chin up a little. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing.
It was when the host seated her at a table set for three that she realized that, of course, Tatiana had been invited too. Keeley had been prepared to see Brooke and be on the receiving end of her disappointment. She had not been prepared for two angry sets of eyes and two sharp tongues. Why she hadn’t considered it a possibility, she didn’t know. Of course they would be here together. It was the pair of them that ran everything, and everyone else was their minion.
She slid into the chair the host pulled out for her, sliding a little too far on the leather seat and having to right herself quickly. She made herself sit up very straight. She would do this with poise. She would not lose her nerve. She would not grovel.
“Good afternoon. May I get you something to drink?”
She looked up at him, saw his eyes traveling away already. “No, water would be fine.”
He bowed slightly. “As you wish.”
A heavyset smiling redhead, whose apron barely tied around her round stomach, came to fill their glasses with ice water.
“Thank you,” Keeley said, gratefully reaching for the just-filled glass, the ice making a merry tinkling sound as she raised it. Her mouth was a dusty desert.
“You’re very welcome!” The redhead said, smiling even more widely at Keeley.
Keeley suddenly wanted to talk to this woman, not the two that would be arriving in a five minutes. She wanted to slide out of this slippery chair and drag her out of this place to go find a dive bar somewhere with a jukebox, to drink shots together and talk openly. She was probably fun, this one, with her ready genuine dimpling smile and round generous stomach. Keeley could make jokes about these two uptight bitches and this redhead would probably throw her head back to laugh, knowing the type well. In fact, she probably had plenty of stories of her own about the entitled elite that perched on these chairs.
Instead, the redhead retreated with her water pitcher and Keeley sat by herself trying to enjoy the comfort she thought she’d feel once she was seated in the restaurant, the sweeping second-hand on her Rolex moving too slowly. She looked back down at her watch. She probably shouldn’t have worn it. It was too glitzy with its diamond-encircled ebony face, nothing as simple and perfect as what the other two women would be wearing. She silently apologized to Ben for hiding his wonderful gift while she slipped the watch off and put it in her black Kelly handbag. As she straightened she saw Brooke and Tatiana at the host’s podium. They were laughing a little about something and continued chuckling as they were led to the table where Keeley was sitting. Keeley rose to greet them.
“There you are! So good to see you!” Brooke called, putting one arm lightly around Keeley’s shoulders, barely touching her, and touched her cheek to Keeley’s. It was the most enthusiastic greeting she had ever given Keeley.
“Yes! Our savior!” Tatiana enthused. She also pressed cheeks with Keeley after Brooke.
Keeley felt as if she was about to pop the balloon of delighted young child. She half-smiled at them and sat back down.
“Well, this is very nice, Keeley,” Brooke said, looking around. “I’ve never been here, but I’ve heard some good things. And they were so quick to accommodate us when I called to make the reservation.”
“Oh! I thought, well, it’s so close to your apartment, it seemed like this would be your favorite,” Keeley said, trying unsuccessfully to keep the disappointment out of her voice. She should have ignored Brooke’s disclaimer about not caring where they went and let her choose the restaurant.
Tatiana looked around as well, nodding. “I haven’t been here before either. Very art deco. The food’s supposed to be hit or miss.”
“Tourists and foreigners love this place,” Brooke said, sotto voce, nodding her head subtley to the table on their right and then the one on their left.
Keeley, who had thought the restaurant utterly chic when she’d been there for dinner with Ben and a visiting business associate a few months before, looked at the other tables. To their left, two enormous women with mustaches were slurping up their soup, faces low over their bowls, pamphlets from the Met piled on the table and shopping bags clustered at their feet. They were wearing stonewashed mommy jeans with elastic waistbands and lumpy cheap sweaters. To their right, three Japanese men were speaking in low voices, dressed in slim dark-colored suits.
She had gotten it wrong. Again. It was hopeless. She picked up her menu and focused intently on it. She wasn’t ready to tell them yet. Brooke and Tatiana started complaining to each other about the decorations committee and the group’s “lack of vision”.
“We need something fresh! Something no one’s ever seen. All I’m asking for is a few decent ideas,” Brooke said.
“With that group? I highly doubt it. We’ll have to do it ourselves,” Tatiana said, shaking her head sorrowfully.
Keeley furrowed her brow while she continued to make a show of studying the menu. How could anyone be so egotistical? And they were both like that.
The waiter came and took their drink orders: club soda with lime for both queen bees. Keeley shook her head and pointed at her water. What she really wanted, what she needed, was a glass of wine. Then telling them would be easy. The words would just pop out. Then it would be over, at least the telling would be. And the wine would numb her to their reaction, too. God, she wanted it.
She pressed her lips together, and forced her mind back to the task of finding the right thing to order on the menu, not what she wanted: a juicy burger. They even had one, the Cocotte Jolie Burger. As she stared at all the choices, so many of them sounding ideal, they swam in front of her. She put her menu down. Simple, just get whatever Brooke was getting. Even if she hated it, it would be “right”. For once.
The waiter came to take their order. Keeley nodded at the others to order first. Both of them ordered the restaurant’s signature salad with chicken, egg and cashews.
“The same,” Keeley said, smiling up at the waiter as she handed him her menu.
“Isn’t that funny?” Tatiana said in a lilting voice. “I was certain you were going to order the burger. I don’t know why. I guess you just strike me as a meat-and-potatoes kind of girl.”
Keeley sat up straighter, trying to elongate her waist and hide the roll of fat that had grown there over the last month. The pounds had packed on ever since the book review came out. She knew Tatiana was making a dig at her ballooning weight and, not knowing what else to do, she decided to ignore it.
“So! How are you both enjoying the fall? Do you go leaf-peeping anywhere?” Keeley said, trying to appear chipper and interested. Distract them for now, that was the key. She would tell them her bad news later, right before she made her exit.
“Leaf peeping?” Brooke smiled at her. “You are really cute with these little sayings you have.”
“No really,” Keeley said, blinking. “It’s a term for-“
“Yes, yes, we know the colloquialism,” Tatiana interrupted. “What we really want to talk about is your amazing win for the event. Mario Costa! I just can’t believe it! Does your husband really know him?”
“Of course he does,” Brooke said, snapping a little at Tatiana, before turning to Keeley with a warm smile. “Really, it is amazing though. Mario is even better than Susan. I mean, nothing against Susan, but Mario Costa! I just can’t get over it.”
“Well,” Keeley said, cringing inside. “I, I think I jumped the gun-“
“I knew it!” Tatiana crowed, looking wickedly gleeful.
Brooke stared at Keeley. “What?”
Keeley, shaken by Tatiana’s full-on attack, saw their waiter about to pass by their table on his way toward the kitchen. “Waiter!”
He paused, a small polite smile playing on his thin lips. Why couldn’t they have the redhead for a waitress instead of this nimrod? No, she would never please him or these two, so she was going to stop with the act. Right now. To hell with it. “I need to change my order. I’d like the Cocotte Jolie Burger, medium rare with fried onions on it and lots of ketchup. Oh, and a nice big glass of Chardonnay. Whatever one by the glass you suggest.”
The waiter’s eyebrows flew up and he really looked at her for the first time. She could swear she saw something like admiration in that look.
He said, “Certainly. Excellent choice. I’ll bring you the Ramey Cellars chardonnay. I think you’ll love it.” He smiled at her with a little twinkle in his eye, bowed slightly, and walked away.
When she turned back, Brooke was still staring at her. Brooke said slowly, “I’m sorry. I think I misunderstood you. What were you saying?”
“She lied!” Tatiana said in a hissing low voice.
“Tatiana, would you please be quiet,” Brooke said. She turned back to Keeley, “I want to hear what Keeley has to say.”
Keeley splayed her sweating hands on the napkin in her lap and pressed them down against her thighs. “I really thought it was a go. Ben does know Mario, they met a few years ago, and-“
“I…, you said…. you said we had Mario Costa. You said those words.”
“What I meant was that he might be able to do it. I mean, he’s perfect for it, so I just wanted to tell you. So you knew. He’s exactly right for our headliner and it would take so much pressure off if he could do it, especially with everyone trying to fill tables. But, well, Ben was able to reach him yesterday, and he can’t do it after all. But I wanted you to know I was working on it.”
“Do you realize…. it’s been two full days? Two and a half days?” Brooke’s face had gone very white. “I’ve told people. I’ve told everyone. The publicity committee was thrilled. Beyond thrilled.” She said the last faintly, wonder in her eyes.
“I should have been clearer. I’m so sorry. Oh, thank you,” Keeley said as the waiter deposited the glass of wine on the table. She grabbed the glass and took a large gulp, feeling the warm sweetness curl down her throat, loosening the choking noose of muscle that had been tightening there. It was delicious. She looked up at the waiter, who was waiting for her verdict. “Excellent. Just wonderful. Thank you.”
“I’m so glad you like it,” he said, smiling again at her more broadly than before, then bowed and turned away.
She watched him go, not wanting to turn back and face the firing squad. The table was very quiet. Too quiet. She turned back to face Brooke and saw that the woman’s face had gone from a ghostly white to a bloody red.
“No one, no one makes a fool of me. How dare you lie to me like that? You’re a liar. And now you’ve made me a liar. I really, I really can’t believe this!” Brooke said, in a low controlled growl which rose quickly and dramatically to a hysterical shriek.
“I wasn’t-“
“Shut up,” Brooke said, her eyes bulging and looking like they were about to burst out of their sockets, her voice low again, gravelly and full of edges. “You are just like my sister. She always got everything she wanted. She’d just reach for it and it was hers. But that wasn’t enough. She had to take what was mine, too. She always did. And that’s why I had to-“
“Brooke!” Tatiana shouted, and then lowered her voice. “I don’t think we need to talk about that. Do you? What Keeley’s done here is just plain idiocy. You’re giving her far more credit than she deserves. She’s obviously a bit of a drinker and that can lead to enormous errors in judgment,” she said, gesturing at Keeley’s glass of wine. “But, remember, we already knew about her drinking problem. News travels fast. Fairfield Tribune news travels very fast.” Tatiana fixed her hard dark eyes on Keeley and they felt like pins piercing her, pinning her back against her seat. “Don’t give her too much credit. Well, except for the kind of credit that picks up this luncheon tab. I certainly couldn’t eat right now. I’ve got an awful taste in my mouth from this whole thing.”
Brooke’s face was regaining a more normal coloring, the blood having drained away. She looked over at Tatiana with a dazed and unusually docile expression and nodded slightly.
Tatiana continued speaking, her waxy hyper-pulled face both haughty and contented, like cat. “I think you understand this already, Keeley, but to be clear, your services aren’t needed anymore on this committee. Well, on any of them. Though we do appreciate your time and effort. Please feel free to have your husband send us a check if you’d like to contribute. In fact, I recommend it. Ten, twenty k, maybe? Oh, and you don’t mind picking up the check, do you? We really have to run and, in light of everything, it would be a nice gesture.”
Tatiana didn’t wait for Keeley’s reply. She stood up, pushed back her chair and then put her hand out to Brooke who still sat, looking stunned. “Come on, let’s take a walk in the park and get some air.”
Brooke took Tatiana’s hand and rose slowly, nodding slightly as she pushed in her chair. As she reached back down for her handbag, which she’d placed on the floor, she looked up at Keeley as if remembering something. She paused, placed her purse in the chair, and picked up her full water glass. She walked over to Keeley and delicately poured it over Keeley’s head. “I only wish I could do more,” she said in a wistful soft voice. Then she turned, picked up her purse, and the two women walked out of the restaurant together.
Keeley sat very still, still pinned where she was by the memory of Tatiana’s accusing eyes, droplets of water dripping off of her forehead and onto her chest and stomach, creating dark spreading spots on the fabric of her dress. Other droplets traveled in icy paths through her hair and onto her neck.
She didn’t need to look around to know that the whole scene had been witnessed. All she had to do was listen to hear the soft gasps of surprise from the other diners followed by a murmuring and rising river of whispers filling the air around her.