10.
Where Tyson Gets Arrested
HAVE YOU ever been handcuffed by someone who you’d thought at one point was the love of your life (how naïve, that), sat down on a sidewalk next to your best friend, who is also handcuffed and staring at you murderously, and wondered just how life got to this point? But you know, really, it’s not your fault at all, because the blame is totally and completely resting on the beach hippies, and you swear on all you have that if you ever get your hands on the members of DEAD! you’ll strangle them until their eyes glaze over. While you plot these revenge fantasies in your head (“How apt, Cornflower and Beach Vagrant, that you belong to a group called DEAD! because that is what you soon shall be!”), you also wonder if you can find some way to make sure your older brother doesn’t find out about this little… infraction… because your older brother has a propensity to… overreact… about every single little thing, even if it was all the beach hippies’ fault. And while you’re sitting with the metal cuffs pinching your skin (did he really have to tighten them that much?) worrying about your brother and plotting DEAD! deaths, it probably also doesn’t help that a reporter who smells like she ate 1-800-FLOWERS is trying to interview you, pushing the microphone in your face and asking if destruction of property is the best way to get environmental messages across, and just what did the beach hippies mean when they were shouting about Chinese mink cats?
No? Never been in that situation?
Lucky you.
“No comment,” I mumble, wondering just what shade of red Bear’s face is going to turn this time. It’s been a while since he’s been crimson. Or possibly beet. Either way, this can’t possibly end well.
Yes, I’m nineteen years old and able to think for myself.
Yes, I’m terrified of what my older brother is going to say.
You would be too. It’s Bear.
Katie Rhine must figure she’s not going to get anything further out of me. She instructs her cameraman to take a few more shots of the “destructive power of protest” (she’s still gunning for that Pulitzer), before she turns in a cloud of self-importance and azaleas. She leaves, her high heels clicking along the asphalt.
People come and go from the restaurant, staring at us curiously, whispering to themselves. Part of me wants to get up and remind them that they’re eating their way to a heart attack by the age of thirty-five, but I’m able to squash that down as it appears that would probably only make things worse. Plus, I’m still hoping the ground will open up beneath me and swallow me whole so I don’t have to suffer through the rest of what will undoubtedly be my short, short life.
I wonder how easy it would be to get out of the cuffs and make a break for it. I’d probably head for Canada and change my name to something Canadian. Like Carl. Or French-Canadian, like Pierre. I’d have to go into hiding and make a living as a Zamboni driver. All that talent, wasted on smoothing ice. Ah, well. No matter. What will be will be.
Except I can’t get out of the handcuffs. I don’t think I’d get very far running with my arms secured behind my back. I’m pretty sure Canada wouldn’t let me in that way.
“So,” Kori says. “Today has certainly been fun.” She doesn’t sound like she means it. At all.
“Goddamn beach hippies,” I mutter. “I’m not going to get to Canada because the goddamn beach hippies are rock-throwers.”
“Probably,” Kori agrees, as if she can hear the crazy in my head. For all I know, she can. “I’m pretty sure they’ll see this when it’s broadcast on the Internet for all the world to gawk at and immediately close the borders. Your future is pretty much over. Want me to go see if BJ’s is hiring?”
“You’re not helping.”
“In case you didn’t notice, I’m handcuffed while being forced to sit on a curb in a dirty parking lot while wearing a two-hundred-dollar summer dress.”
“You spent two hundred dollars on a dress?” I think the most expensive piece of clothing I own is a pair of jeans that cost thirty bucks at the mall.
She rolled her eyes. “Just because you dress without any thought doesn’t mean others have to do the same.”
“I’ll pay for the dry cleaning.”
“Before or after we go to jail?”
I groan and hang my head. “I can’t go to jail! I’m five foot seven. That’s like snack-sized to the miscreants and ruffians!”
“It probably doesn’t help that you’re adorable,” she tells me. “There’s going to be no end to what they do to you. If prison TV shows have taught me anything, it’s that you need to find the biggest, baddest, most hard-core motherfucker in there and become his bitch. His name will be Large Tom, and you’ll have to hold his outturned pocket wherever you go. And since Large Tom is the most hard-core, no one else can touch you or they’ll get shanked.”
“They probably don’t even have vegetarian meal options in jail,” I say, my voice full of disdain. “I’ll probably be force to eat some kind of mystery meat.”
“And then be forced to eat Large Tom’s meat,” Kori says. “I am so sad for you.”
“You don’t sound like it.”
“That’s because I’m really not.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Making you march and chant with beach hippies.”
“Yes, there is that. And?”
“And the getting arrested part.”
“Hmm. Yes. That.”
“If it makes you feel better,” I say hopefully, “I’m sure you’re going to look amazing on the news.”
The barest of smiles cracks her lips. “I do look good today, don’t I?”
“Gorgeous.”
“Flatterer. I suppose now we should discuss the elephant in the room.”
“We don’t have to,” I say hastily, knowing where this is going. I give serious consideration to making a run for Canada, handcuffed or not.
She arches an eyebrow at me. “I believe we do.”
“If I don’t end up in jail, I’ll find a way to smuggle cigarettes as currency so you have anything you ever want.”
“Why would I be the one to go to jail?” she asks.
“You look the type.”
“Wow. As nice as that sounds, I’d rather talk about Dominic.”
Shit. “Isn’t it a nice day out?”
“Quite. So, in thinking back about our past conversations regarding our arresting officer, who you pined for like a lovesick twelve-year-old girl, I do believe you neglected to mention that he was built like a fucking brick shithouse and is literally the hottest thing to ever walk the face of the earth.”
I groan. Loudly. “Can we not do this now? He might hear you!”
She glances over her shoulder to BJ’s. “Not quite. He’s still inside talking to the manager.”
“Well, then, I can hear you, and I don’t want to do this now. Or ever.” I’m pretty sure I can figure out Canadian money. I am technically considered a genius, after all. Well, except for the getting-arrested part.
“Has he always been that big?”
“Oh, look. That cloud looks like a mongoose.”
“No, it doesn’t. Focus, Tyson.”
“Fine. Yes. He’s always been big. He’s always been hot. He’s always been fucking Dominic, and I don’t know how this day can possibly get any worse.”
Except, that’s not quite true, is it? Yes, he’s always been big, but he was awkward. Kind and sweet, but awkward. His hands and feet always seemed bigger than the rest of him. And yes, he was always attractive, but in a boyish way. The gentle giant with the broken voice. That has all been replaced by a grown man who’s impossibly large and surrounded by a palpable air of authority.
And, wonder of all wonders, my dick is starting to get hard. That… is unfortunate. And ridiculous. And fucked up. Goddamn hormones! Go the fuck away!
I wonder, it muses, how those arms would feel? The scrape of that scruff on his face against your neck? The weight of him hovering above you? Obviously, he’d have to leave on most of the uniform. And the handcuffs could still be involved.
“This can’t possibly end well,” I mutter.
“What’s that?” Kori asks.
I don’t think Kori needs to know that I’m sitting outside a restaurant contributing to the downfall of American health standards in the sun with my hands cuffed behind my back, getting an erection while having unbidden dirty thoughts about my former best friend who I, for all intents and purposes, cut off from my life because I thought I was the only one for him and found out otherwise.
If I were a country singer, that’d be my first song: “I Don’t Eat Meat Unless It Belongs to the Man of My Dreams.”
I am so pathetic.
“Today,” I say instead. “Bear is going to murder me.”
“If Otter doesn’t do it first.”
“Or Creed.”
“Or Anna.”
“Or their parents.”
“Probably even JJ.”
I sigh. “Fun.”
“Look sharp,” Kori says. “Here comes Captain Steroids.”
And so he does. I try to look away, I try to close my eyes against the sight, but I can’t. It’s been four years since I’ve seen him, and it’s like there’s been a drought all that time and it’s finally raining. I can’t look away even if I try.
His shadow hits me first, rising up my legs and over my knees, hitting my chest and face. He blocks out the sun as he stands before us, looking down, eyes hidden again behind those mirror shades. His expression is unreadable. But somehow, even though I can’t see his eyes, I know he’s looking at me.
Seconds go by, I’m sure, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I almost forget that Kori’s sitting right next to me. I almost forget that my life is most certainly over. I almost forget everything aside from the fact that I breathe, but I can’t catch my breath. I can’t catch my breath because all I can see is him, all I can feel is him, all I can breathe is him.
No, I think. I am done with this. I am over this.
Sure you are, it laughs. Because this is the normal reaction of someone over it.
“Get up,” Dominic says gruffly. “Both of you.”
Somehow, I do. I push myself up with my legs and stand before him. He towers over me, and there’s no doubt in my mind he’s looking directly at me.
I feel Kori brush against me as she stands.
“Follow me,” Dominic says, and then he turns and walks toward the parking lot, where his cruiser sits.
“Here we go,” Kori says softly.
I, for once, don’t know what to say.
WE’RE STILL cuffed in the back of the cop car as we drive through the streets of Seafare. The police radio crackles with language that sounds like every stereotypical cop show I’ve ever seen. He spoke into the handset once, muttering something I couldn’t quite make out, but has said nothing for the last five minutes.
Naturally, both my brain and mouth want to fill the silence with as much noise as possible. I’m barely able to restrain them both from blaring out the most asinine drivel ever uttered in the back of a police car. There’s a bird outside that I want to talk about. There’s a new hotel I’ve never seen before. I sure am sorry about the window being broken. I don’t know the real names of the hippies. I could help him find them, though! Sure! We could be like detectives and go sleuthing. Why was he at BJ’s? Was he really eating the food there? Does he remember nothing I’ve taught him? Oh, and I’m so fucking sorry for the last four years. And how’s Stacey? How’s your wife? You fucking bastard. You fucking asshole. And I sure would be grateful if Bear didn’t find out about this.
And on. And on. And on.
So much wants to come out. So I say none of it.
It’s Kori who starts. If I wasn’t restrained, I’d probably clock her upside the head. “So, Officer.”
He says nothing.
“Shut up,” I hiss at her.
She ignores me. “I understand you know our Tyson here.”
Nothing.
“He coerced me into being here today,” she says with a sweet smile. “I wanted nothing to do with this. I am completely innocent in this matter. If you let me go, I promise I’ll testify against him in court.”
“Traitor!” I say, scandalized.
“Darling,” she says. “I do not look good in orange. Specifically prison orange. It makes me look very Hep C. I will throw you under the bus if I have to.” She leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “But I still love you dearly.”
“This friendship is over,” I announce grandly.
“No, it’s not,” she says. “You’ll forgive me. You always do.” A weird glint comes into her eyes, the one that means she’s about to say something meant to cause trouble. “You even forgave me when I broke your heart.”
Oh no.
She turns back to the front seat. “Yes,” she sighs dramatically. “That’s right, Dominic. May I call you Dominic?” She doesn’t wait for a reply. “Young Tyson here and I used to be enamored with one another. We were… besotted, one might say. Well, certainly he was. But then, I am a pretty magnificent specimen.”
“Kori, please stop talking,” I beg.
Of course she doesn’t. “We dated for a time. Everything was sunshine and flowers and kisses and love, but then I broke his poor little heart. I told him we just weren’t meant to be. I saw something in him that I knew meant we’d be together forever, just not in the way we thought could be possible. We’re kindred spirits, he and I. Attached. He’s my soul mate, but not of the romantic kind.” She winks at me as if this is supposed to make me feel better.
“Yet you’d give him up to avoid jail time?” Dominic asks. Wonder of all wonders, he sounds almost amused. Gruff and rigid, sure. But almost amused. Kori does have that effect on people. It’s odd, really.
“In a heartbeat,” she says. “After all, no love is too great that it can’t be given up to avoid prison. I think Benjamin Franklin said that. Or Nelson Mandela. Or Kelly Clarkson. I’m not sure which.”
“I worry about the future of the world,” I say, “when a fictitious quote is attributed to Nelson Mandela or Kelly Clarkson. That says so much about our generation.”
“Mouthy little shit, isn’t he?” Kori asks Dominic, like they’re the best of friends.
“And you dated?” he asks her.
She nods gravely. “It burned brightly. But like any flame, it eventually went out. It was replaced by something else just as warm. Tyson and I are bound together forever now.”
“Ugh,” I say to no one in particular. “I feel like I didn’t get a say in the matter.”
“You didn’t,” she tells me sweetly.
“I noticed when I looked at your driver’s license…,” Dominic says. “Transgender?”
“Oh, look how progressive he is!” Kori gushes. “Most people would have asked if I was a drag queen. All they tend to see is a boy in a dress. You’re a lovely man, Dominic. But no. Not transgender. Bigender.”
I expect Dominic to ask what that means (most people do), so I’m surprised when he nods in understanding. “I’ve met a couple of bigender kids,” he says. “Down at the shelter. They were having a hard go of it, but they were getting the counseling they needed.”
Kori turns to me and says, “I like him.”
“Oh joy,” I mumble at her. “My life is now complete.”
“I certainly don’t know why you and Tyson haven’t kept in touch,” Kori says to Dominic, and I swear the temperature in the car drops at least fifty degrees. “A man such as yourself with your obvious degree of acceptance. Well, you are young, I guess. What are you? Twenty-four? Twenty-five?”
“He’s twenty-six,” I say without meaning to.
“Twenty-six!” Kori says cheerfully. “And so big. Oh my, yes. Aren’t you just the biggest thing I ever did see?”
“I work out,” Dominic says with a shrug. He’s obviously enjoying himself far too much, and I realize the cooler temperature is only coming from me, but it’s radiating throughout the car.
“I can tell,” she says. “But back to you and Ty. Why is it that you haven’t kept in touch? Obviously it doesn’t have to do with his rampant homosexuality, because you seem to be of the tolerant sort.”
“Rampant homosexuality?” I ask her. “What does that even mean?”
“It means,” she explains, “that some might see me as a boy in a dress, but you still take the rainbow cake any day of the week.” She lowers her voice and whispers conspiratorially to Dominic, “He’s so gay even his cock is crooked.”
“Kori!” I shout.
“What? It is! That’s why I call you Captain Wicked Hook.”
That’s an outrageous lie! Well, sort of. It does bend. A little. Don’t look at me that way. “I will murder you,” I promise her.
But of course, she ignores me completely. “And why wouldn’t I be the one to know? You did have it pressed against me. On multiple occasions. Oh, the shenanigans we seem to find ourselves in!” Her eyes go mockingly wide, her voice fluttering. “Oh! Not that we were actually drinking, officer. Tyson is underage, after all. Did I say wine coolers? I meant orange juice.” It had actually been wine coolers, and I stopped at two when I realized that while drunk, I tend to laugh in such a way that it makes it sound as if I’m a pair of mating kangaroos. It’s not a pretty sound, more of a guttural OOOAAHH OOOAAHH. Go ahead. Google it if you must.
See? It’s pretty bad when you sound like kangaroos making sexy time. I’ve decided to live a life of sobriety so I don’t end up as a marital aid to get kangaroos in the mood at the San Diego Zoo.
Dominic tightens his hands around the steering wheel so much his knuckles turn white.
“So?” Kori asks. “You and Tyson? No? Anything? Well, shucks! I guess I’ll never really know your side. To hear Tyson tell it, you look like the villain indeed.”
The police car stops. I look out the window, thankful for the distraction. Until I see we’re parked in front of the Green Monstrosity. As if he was waiting for us, Bear opens the front door and glares at us, his arms crossed. Otter appears behind him and says something in his ear, but Bear shakes his head angrily.
“You called Bear?” I ask Dominic. “Are you out of your fucking mind? You know what he’s going to do to me!”
“He’ll never stop murdering you, that’s for sure,” Kori says.
Dominic doesn’t answer me. Instead, he exits the car and shuts the door behind him. He comes to the back and opens the rear door. “Out,” he says.
Kori glances back at me, but slides out of the car. Dominic turns her around and releases the cuffs. She rubs her wrists as she turns and smiles up at Dominic. “Why, thank you,” she says. “I’ve always wanted to be handcuffed by a big, strong man. I’m so happy you were able to help me with my kink. Do you ever ride the police motorcycle? And if so, a follow-up query: do you happen to have the motorcycle boots? That might just be another fantasy of mine. Especially if they go all the way up to the knees. Maybe you could pull me over sometime?”
This is not how I pictured my day ending. At all.
I move to slide out of the car, but Dominic blocks my way. “Not you,” he says, his voice a growl. I try to ignore the shivers that run down my spine. “You stay in there.”
“They won’t be pressing charges?” I hear Bear ask. He’s standing at the front gate Dominic turns and shakes his head. “No. I talked them down. It wasn’t Tyson who threw the rock through the window. I told them he wouldn’t mind footing the bill for it, though, and to send it to me once it got done and I’d make sure they got reimbursed. The owner and I go back, so he’s fine. As long as Tyson knows he is not allowed in BJ’s.”
“Like I would ever go back there,” I say indignantly. “Do you know what they do to procure the meat they serve? It’s an affront to all—”
“Kid, if you value your life, you should give serious consideration to keeping your mouth shut,” Bear says through gritted teeth. He pushes through the gate, and Otter rolls his eyes behind him.
“I’m nineteen years old! You can’t—”
“Most nineteen-year-olds don’t get themselves arrested,” he retorts.
“It was the beach hippies!”
“Beach hippies?” Otter asks, sounding interested. “Where did you meet beach hippies?”
“You’re not helping,” Bear tells him.
“It’s not every day you get to meet beach hippies,” Otter says. He looks sorely disappointed that they aren’t in the car with me.
“We got them on the Internet, where else?” Kori says. “Today’s beach hippies are very modern, you know.”
“I demand to speak to my lawyer!” I shout above them. “Get me Anna Thompson on the phone! I know my rights! I am an American citizen!”
“It’s good to know the volume hasn’t changed,” Dominic says to Bear and Otter.
“The volume? Why, I’m going to—”
“Screech like an angry diva?” Kori asks. “Good job. You’re already doing it.”
“When I get my hands on you, I’m—”
“Such threats!” Kori exclaims. “It seems as if the life of crime has changed you completely.”
“You going to let him out?” Bear says over my ranting. “I think he’s got the point. Kind of.”
Dominic shakes his head. “No. I’ve got some things to say to him. I don’t think there’s a better time than when he’s handcuffed and can’t go anywhere.”
Everyone goes quiet.
I see Bear stiffen even as my heart thuds in my chest. His gaze darts over to me then back at Dominic. Something flickers across his face that I can’t quite make out. Fear? Anger? I don’t know. I think he’s going to refuse to let me go, and even though I’m nineteen and perfectly capable of answering for myself, a part of me wants him to. To tell me to get out of the car. To make Dominic uncuff me so I can go hide behind my big brother, because, really, I’m just a little guy. I’m just a little guy who is not quite right in the head, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.
Bear shrugs off Otter’s arm and walks until he stands in front of Dominic, who has a good six inches and a hundred pounds on him. But Bear has a bug up his ass, and not even the size of the cop in front of him is going to stop him. I feel a moment of fierce pride that comes out of nowhere and almost knocks my breath from my chest. I’m still royally pissed off at him (which is really a lie, because I’m mad at myself more than anyone else—well, myself and the beach hippies), and would rather be anywhere than here. But I can’t take my eyes off him as he glares up at Dominic, and I have to stop myself from shouting “Kick his ass!” I don’t think that would help the situation very much, and I think it’s technically illegal to threaten a cop.
I glance at Otter to see if he’s going to try to stop Bear, but Otter’s just watching my brother with that look of exasperated love on his face that he does so well. He knows as well as I do that Bear’s going to say what Bear’s going to say, and nobody can tell him otherwise.
Which probably means Bear is going to make it a billion times worse and embarrass the crap out of me.
“Now you listen to me,” Bear says in a low voice, his eyes flashing. “You haven’t been around for the past four years and—”
“That wasn’t my choice,” Dominic says quietly.
“I didn’t say it was. Don’t interrupt me again. We clear?”
Dominic nods. His jaw twitches.
“You haven’t been here, Dom. I know that’s not your fault. I’m not blaming you for anything. But things are different now. We make the choices we do to protect those we love. You, of all people, should know this. The Kid might be a pain in my ass, and he might not think things through all the time…”
“Gee,” I mutter. “I wonder where I got that from.”
“… but he is my brother and he belongs to me. I’ve raised him. I’ve cared for him. I’ve held him when the panic attacks became so fucking strong he couldn’t breathe. He’s stronger than anyone else I know, but he can still break, and if you’re the one to break him, then may God save you from me. You’re still a member of this family, and I love you, but if you hurt him, Dominic, I will end you.”
“I’ve never wanted to hurt him. All I’ve ever wanted—”
“Doesn’t matter now,” Bear interrupts. “You can have your say, whatever it is, and I won’t stop you. But panic disorder is a very real thing, and the panic attacks can be extraordinarily harmful. Do not do anything to set that off, you get me?”
Dominic watches Bear, and I think there’s a very real possibility that Dominic is going to reach down for his Taser and shoot Bear in the face. That would be a perfect end to this already magnificent day.
“I get you,” he finally says.
Bear’s eyes soften, but only just. “Do you need us to pick up Ben? It has to be close to the end of your shift.”
Ben?
Dominic shakes his head. “He needs his routine, you know? Can you call Anna? He knows her. She’s on the emergency contact list, and it’ll be easier.”
“Sure. It’s fine. I can have her bring him here. Just remember what I said, okay?”
“You’re wrong, though,” Dominic says.
Oh, shit.
Even Otter’s eyes widen.
“About what?” Bear asks, his voice going dangerously low.
“About Tyson belonging just to you,” Dominic says. “You know as well as I do that from the first moment I laid eyes on him, he belonged to me too. Maybe even more than you. The moment he followed that ant outside, he was mine.”
Uh. What?
“Now might be a good time for you to leave,” Otter says, stepping around Bear, who is beginning to do his best impression of turning his face into a tomato. Otter whispers something in Bear’s ear, and Bear snarls at him at first, but then deflates. He looks over at me, and that same indiscernible look from before flits across his face.
“All you need to do,” Bear says, sounding defeated, “is remember to just breathe, okay?”
I nod, unsure what just happened. This feels like one of those dreams where you know you’re dreaming but can’t do anything to stop it.
Bear lets Otter pull him away. “And take those cuffs off him,” Bear says over his shoulder. He sounds livid. “As much as he deserves them, they’ll only make things worse.” He doesn’t look back.
I’m still watching him disappear into the Green Monstrosity when Dominic moves in front of me. He leans down into the car and pushes me forward. His breath is hot and harsh on the back of my neck. His big hands fumble with the cuffs until the lock releases. Blood rushes into my wrists, and the skin feels like it’s buzzing. I can smell him. Something like October leaves. Maybe like rain. His chin scrapes against my shoulder, and I think, You are done with this. You are over this. It has taken you four years, but you’ve beaten it. There is nothing for you here. This place is memories of a time when life sucked but then got okay again. That’s all. You have come home to say good-bye because this is the beginning of the rest of your life.
He pulls back and our gazes lock. He’s no more than a foot away. He’s impossibly big. But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. It can’t. It won’t.
He stands and shuts the door. I rub my wrists. They’re a bit sore.
Kori watches me through the window, a worried look on her face. I give her a smile that is supposed to be reassuring. It feels like a lie.
Dominic gets into the front seat of the cruiser. He glances at me in the rearview mirror, but doesn’t speak. He starts the car and we leave everyone behind.