Alice
“You look great,” Joanna tells me. “Stop messing with your boobs.”
“I’m not messing with my boobs,” I insist, as I casually mess with my boobs. I push them up a little more, and then back down, and finally, I pull them up once more. It’s a fun night, right? I can show them off a little bit. This isn’t weird.
“Seriously,” Joanna says as we walk toward the club. “You look great, honey. Everyone is going to love you.”
I don’t need everyone to love me, though.
The truth is that I have kind of a little crush.
Okay, kind of a big, inappropriate, not-so-okay crush.
And it’s on Ben.
We work together. Nothing can ever happen. Nothing should ever happen. I can’t seem to help myself, though. When I got dressed tonight, it took everything in my power not to send him a selfie. That would be weird and creepy and super not work-appropriate, so I didn’t, but I wanted to.
I wanted him to see me and how I look tonight.
I could never get a guy like Ben. That’s obvious. Guys like Ben can have anyone they want. Why would they want an allergy-ridden nerdy girl with unmanageable frizzy hair and freckles?
Not when they can have the beautiful receptionists with the 5-inch heels.
Not when they can have anyone else.
“Thanks,” is all I say to Joanna, and we head toward the doors of the club.
Anchored is, as promised, completely beautiful. The club is located inside this little old cruise ship and it is, as far as I can tell, a magical wonderland of beauty and adventure. Apparently, the owner is more than a little kinky, and she remodeled the entire thing a few years back to make it this sort of haven for kinksters in the area.
Joanna guides us into the club. We check in with this guy who makes sure we are who we say we are. Since I’m not a member, I have to show ID, but I can’t bring in my purse or wallet or phone or anything. Instead, I leave all of that in a little locker in the lobby, and then we go into the club. When we walk through the doors, I stop for a minute and look around.
“Wow.”
“Wow indeed,” Joanna agrees from beside me. “This place is ridiculous. Wow, it looks super beautiful.”
“You mean the flowers aren’t always here?”
“Not even sort of sometimes.”
“That’s not a real sentence.”
“Who cares?” Joanna shrugs. “It’s pretty.”
Unlike the décor, the music is dark and sexy. When I look around the room, I think “beautiful garden.” When I close my eyes and hear the music, I think, “Someone is about to be fucked.”
We walk through the room. Joanna shows me the main stage and the side stages. I guess that later in the night, there will be some performances. Right now, it’s still a little early, and things are still getting started. She’s been here many times before and seems to move seamlessly through the crowded room.
Me?
I follow awkwardly, but excitedly. I can’t stop taking in everything I’m seeing.
I know now what she meant when she said I’m not a Domme. It’s easy to tell the Dominants and submissives apart here at Anchored. The partners who top are confident and determined. They walk with a certain air about them. It’s a prowess, almost. They’re looking for something – someone – and they’ll take it when they find it.
The submissives are beautiful: both the males and females. There are many couples here tonight, but there are also single submissives exploring the club. Most of them have sharp, darting eyes. They’re just as excited as I am. A couple of them are eyeing the spanking benches on the pain stage. Joanna pointed them out right away.
I look at them, too, trying not to stare.
What would it be like to get a spanking up there?
Up on stage?
Out in the open, where anyone could see?
Heat fills my belly. I feel excited here. I shouldn’t. I know that I shouldn’t. Getting excited at the idea of someone padding my bottom in public? That’s wrong. It’s not appropriate by any measure of propriety, yet it’s something I can’t stop thinking about. Suddenly, I kind of want it. I want that. I want a Dominant to pull me up on stage, tie me down, and just spank me.
“What are you looking at?” Joanna says, stopping. Her eyes follow mine and then she smiles knowingly. “We can find you someone, if you like,” she murmurs.
She doesn’t push me.
Doesn’t judge.
It’s one of the things I like about Joanna.
“I don’t know if I want to,” I whisper.
“That’s okay,” she says. “There’s no pressure.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you wasted your money bringing me,” I tell her, suddenly embarrassed.
“Hey,” Joanna grabs my shoulders and turns me toward her. “You stop that right now, Alice. This is not the place for a pity party.”
“I’m sorry,” I bite my lip quickly, ashamed of my weird comment. She’s totally right. It’s just that I’m struggling. I want to do it. I want to climb up there and have someone Dominate me. I want to try it. It’s just that I’m scared out of my fucking mind. The reality is that nothing bad will happen to me. Whether I go up on stage or not is completely irrelevant. Whether I participate in any sort of activities with anyone or not tonight, my night will end the same way: I’ll go home. I’ll leave the club tonight and I’ll return home alone, and that will be it.
I’m not here to find a husband or a boyfriend or a lover.
I’m just here to see what this thing is all about.
I want to be brave, but I’m afraid.
“Look,” she says. “I have no expectations for tonight. You want to sleep with someone? Cool. You don’t? That’s fine. I don’t think I’ve wasted any money by bringing you here. We’re here to have fun and that’s what we’re going to do. Besides, haven’t you noticed all of the Doms here staring at you?”
“What?”
“You look fucking hot, Alice. Besides, you’re fresh meat. Everyone can tell. Don’t you know guys love that shit?”
“What guys?” I ask, licking my lips. I look around the room, suddenly, and then I see him. Our eyes lock, and I should look away, but I don’t. I can’t believe he’s here. It’s him. It’s not my imagination.
“That one, for starters,” Joanna says. “He’s been following us. He’s a dungeon monitor. His name is Ben. I’ve met him before. He seems nice enough. It’s his job to make sure the newbies play safe.”
“Ben is a member here?”
“Yeah,” Joanna says.
“Have you two ever…?” I can’t finish my sentence.
“Uh, no? What’s going on? Do you know him or something?”
I don’t say anything, and Joanna’s jaw drops.
“You do, don’t you? You know him.”
“He’s Ben,” I whisper. “From accounting.”