CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Tuesday, July 4
The high school stadium was packed and Stazi figured that half the inhabitants of Buffalo Grove were here to see the fireworks. Opening the cooler, she grabbed two bottles of water and handed one to Lucky. “Hopefully, the show starts on time.”
Lucky threw her a smirk and shook her head. “Doesn’t much matter. It’s not like either of us has any place to go after this.”
“I plan on going back to your house and eating the gelato your mama promised me. Right now, it’s all that I’ve got to look forward to.”
“Which is your own damn fault.”
Stazi sat up in her chair and gave her best friend a dirty look. “Are you siding with your boss on this?”
“God, no.”
Smoothing out her dress, she nodded. “He started it.”
“And you ended it.”
Looking up into the darkening sky, she nodded. “Yeah, I sure did.”
“And…”
“Nothing. He gave me an ultimatum and I don’t care for them. He lost his mind and it’s up to him to come back and make this right.”
“You might’ve had a part in how it all turned out.”
“True, but I wasn’t the one stomping my feet, saying, ‘You’re either in or you’re out.’ He was.”
“Well, the two of you are a hot mess. Hank has vacillated between angry bear and lost puppy and you have been unnaturally happy and peppy. Which tells me that you’re not dealing with your feelings.”
“Of course I’m not. I’m in total denial and I plan on staying here for a while. The man I fell in love with is an impossible ogre and that’s not something that is easily gotten over. So, I’m going to eat my feelings away and if that doesn’t work, then I’ll get a haircut and go out with inappropriate men and make terrible choices.”
Lucky snorted. “He may be an ogre, but you love him, and I don’t see you ever getting over that fact.”
“Well…I’m going to give it a hell of a shot because I can’t live with a dictator. All I wanted was one quiet evening alone and he wouldn’t give me that.”
“I’m guessing he didn’t understand and thought you were trying to break up with him.”
“Probably. All he heard were the words and not the intent. I asked him several times if we could take a break and all he did was push me more.”
“Yeah, he definitely went off the rails. Remember when I told you he was the coolest cucumber in the bunch?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I amend that statement and now think he’s the hottest pepper in the bunch.”
“Where would you be without your food analogies?”
“Not any place that I’m interested in going,” Lucky responded.
“Speaking of hot peppers, how’s perfect Sam Barton?” Stazi saw Lucky frown and wondered what had gone on between the two of them. They’d spent a ton of time together over the last couple of weeks and she’d barely said a thing, which made her think they did something about the attraction simmering between them.
“I have no idea. We haven’t spoken since he was in the office last week and I don’t expect to. Good riddance.”
“That is a whole lot of indifference you’re throwing around.”
“Whatever.”
Stazi leaned back and listened to the music coming over the loudspeakers. The patriotic songs that had been playing since they arrived had made her think of Hank and what he might be doing on this national holiday. Was he hanging out with his family or maybe his friends?
Closing her eyes, she reminded herself she didn’t care what he was doing. She’d done the absolute right thing when he told her she was either in or out. No one was going to tell her what to do and how to do it. Not even a man as good as Hank. “He broke my heart, Lucky, and I don’t know how to put the damn thing back together. The best I’ve managed in a week is to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. I’m barely functioning at work and that’s not acceptable.”
“I think you broke his heart, too. Watching him roam around SAI is like watching a ghost. He’s a shadow of his former self and it’s not pretty. Also, he’s not showering every day and that’s becoming a problem.”
“Oh, Lucky, what am I supposed to do? If I go back to him, then he’s just going to run over me anytime he wants and I can’t live like that.”
“I totally get it and I’m not suggesting that you do anything of the sort. But…”
“What?”
“I think seeing you in danger broke something in him. A thing he didn’t even know he had.”
“Why?”
“Maybe he discovered his heart when he met you, and when you were in danger, he went off the rails because he couldn’t imagine living without you. He did the only thing he could and went into protective overdrive. He’s done it with hundreds of strangers over the course of his career, so I can’t imagine how he would be different with the woman who was his reason for living.”
Lowering her head, she felt tears stream down her face. “I have no idea what to do.”
Lucky took her hand and squeezed. “He doesn’t either, but hopefully you guys can figure it out together.”
“Maybe.” Before she could say more, fireworks lit up the sky and she felt each explosion in her body. All the bright, sparkly lights made her think of Hank and the way he’d made her feel over the course of their relationship. Hopefully, at some point, they could get over their hurt and have a conversation and perhaps see if they had anything left of what they’d made. It probably wasn’t going to happen tomorrow or next week, but someday it could.
***
Hank sat next to Jason at the bar down the street from his house and looked around at the happy crowd. Why were people so fucking jolly? “Can we get out of here?”
“No, man, we just got here and our food isn’t here yet.”
“I’m not hungry and I just want to go home.”
“You’ve been there for the last seventy-two hours. You don’t need to go back anytime soon.”
“Screw you. I can be wherever I want.”
“I never would’ve guessed that the hard-ass lieutenant I served under was such a pansy-ass. Pull yourself together, go apologize and makes things right.”
“First, I’m not a pansy-ass, and second, she won’t take my calls.”
“That’s what’s holding you back?”
“For now.” Hank hated the look of disbelief on his friend’s face. Yeah, an unanswered call would never stop him from accomplishing what he set out to do, but in this case, it was slowing him down. The ugly truth of it was…he didn’t want to take the chance of getting an answer he didn’t like. What if they spoke and she gave him the same speech about dating? He didn’t want to date his future wife because it felt like it was a tryout for a part that he already had. Like, if he screwed up, she would wave her finger and shake her head and tell him no thanks.
Which she already had when he lost his temper and gave her an ultimatum.
He rubbed his head, then took a drink of his beer. What a shit-show. He really screwed up spectacularly that night when she told him to go to his apartment so they could have the night off. What a stupid concept. He didn’t ever want to be away from her and couldn’t understand why she would want to be away from him either. Unless, of course, it was some precursor to her wanting that permanently.
The way he acted that night was inexcusable and he knew it was because of his fear. Fear of her not wanting the same thing he did, and fear of her wanting to be with someone else.
Jason pushed his elbow into him and nodded to the TV. “Is that Firtash?”
Hank looked up and saw Dmitry Firtash being interviewed and wondered why in the hell anyone was interested in what he had to say. “That son of a bitch shouldn’t be getting any airtime.”
“Looks like he’s in Austria and staying at someplace pretty nice. Is that how criminals usually live when they’re trying to avoid extradition?”
“Apparently, if you’re a billionaire.” The bartender came by and slid their plates of food in front of them. Looking down at his burger made him think of all the times he and Stazi had gone out to eat together. He lifted a fry and shoved it into his mouth as he remembered how they always ordered different things so they could share. Which is what he wanted back: the ability to share everything with Stazi. The good, the bad, the mundane and, God willing, the spectacular.
All he had to do was figure out a way to convince her to take him back. The only thing standing in his way was his own stubbornness about how that together was supposed to look because one thing he absolutely did not want to do was see her occasionally.
Hank looked over at his friend and nodded. “Thanks for pulling my ass out of the condo. I was deep into my own pity party and it needed to end.”
“No problem, man.” Jason put out his hand and they fist-bumped. “I imagine you’ll return the favor someday.”
“Absolutely.” He lifted his burger and started to eat as he kept one eye on the TV. It looked like the interview with Firtash was wrapping up and he wondered what would’ve happened if she had never been under threat. They certainly wouldn’t have lived together and, truthfully, would probably just be dating.
Which would’ve been fine with him because that was the normal course of things. But they hadn’t had normal. Their relationship trajectory moved at hyperspeed and they were together within a week of meeting one another. And he wanted that back.
Yeah, he recognized that he was acting like a kid, stomping his feet and wanting what he wanted, but so what? He knew in his heart that Stazi was his and they were meant to be together, so he didn’t want to go back and pretend otherwise. But like any tantrum, it hadn’t gotten him anywhere except sitting on a stool in a bar with his friend.
Not that he didn’t like hanging with Jason, but let’s face it, he really wanted to be with Stazi. If he hadn’t screwed up so badly, he could probably have both, because he would’ve hosted a big Fourth of July bash at his house with Stazi at his side. “Maybe I should go over and see her folks and ask if they have any advice for me,” Hank said as he finished his food. “Alexi and Alina seemed to like me and they might be willing to help me out.”
“Worth a try,” Jason responded. “After all, you can’t end up in a worse place than you already are.”
“Thanks, man. That’s a lot of positive shit you’re throwing my way.”
Jason shrugged. “Better to face what is and handle it. The whole heartbroken thing you’ve got going on can’t last for too much longer because it makes you a pain in the ass.”
“Understood,” Hank replied. “I guess no one can accuse me of being emotionally constipated anymore.”
“That’s for damn sure.” Jason shook his head and drained his beer. “I pray to God nothing like that ever happens to me. I like shoving that shit down and have no real plans to ever let that change.”
“I thought the same thing until a very small woman crossed my path.” He motioned to the bartender for another round and saw his reflection in the mirror behind the bar. He looked like shit. There was only one thing that was going to change that and it was fixing things with Stazi.
One way or another, he had to come up with a solution because living like he was couldn’t last for very much longer.