Preston had texted Luke in the morning, asking if he could talk to him. Luke responded that he was going to be doing inventory and stuff at the bar, but Preston was welcome to come in before they opened.

When he walked into Joe’s, he almost cried with relief. It still felt so much like home to him, and now he understood that it was. That was why he got so easily upset at the bar when strangers got in his face, or when people crowded him.

It was why he picked fights once the bar got crowded. The bar had been his safe space growing up, his haven. And now that it was popular, and not filled with just the regulars anymore, it felt like his safe space was being invaded.

He could learn to let go of that. To relax, and let go of the anger, and the unknowing feeling of violation that had been making him so awful to be around. But Joe’s was always going to be important to him, no matter what.

Luke waved at him as Preston entered. “This is a bit of a loophole, isn’t it?” Preston asked, coming over and sitting at the bar.

“Yeah, but God knows when we’d get to talk otherwise. I’m still working here more often than not.”

Luke had, over the years, hired Paul and another bartender, gotten another head chef so that Hank could have days off, and had a couple of the local teenagers, including Seth, working as busboys and servers.

But Luke liked working the bar. And he was still the owner, and still did the accounts and ordered supplies and all that. He liked being at Joe’s, and he liked to have a close eye on things.

Preston couldn’t blame him. For so long, it had just been Luke, taking care of everything all day every day. And Preston was starting to realize just how hard it was to let things go.

“So, what’s up?” Luke asked.

The front door opened and Travis walked in.

Luke and Preston stared at him. “Don’t you have work?” Luke asked.

“We’re on strike today, issue with payroll,” Travis replied, sitting at the bar. “What are you doing here; don’t you have work?” he asked Preston.

“I worked the early shift this morning, swapped with another guy.” He’d gotten the call late last night, and hey, he’d needed the distraction. Every damn movie he’d tried to watch kept making him think of Brad.

He was officially a sap.

“Preston’s got something on his mind,” Luke said.

“What happened?” Travis asked, making a pawing motion at the soda dispenser until Luke rolled his eyes and poured him a Coke.

Preston sighed. “I quit the anger management group.”

Luke stared at him, nearly dropping the glass he was handing to Travis. “What? But you said you were enjoying it so much.”

“Is this about the coach?” Travis asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. “Not the main girl, the student? The assistant?”

Preston explained everything—yes, it was the coach, yes, he might have crossed a line, no, he hadn’t done anything that Brad hadn’t wanted him to do, and so on.

“I’ll find another class,” he told Luke. “I really want to, you know, fix myself.”

“I don’t know if ‘fixing yourself’ is the right way to look at it,” Luke said with a small frown. “You’re not broken. You’re trying to be a better person, just like all of us are. We’ve all got issues we need to work on.”

“You know I’ve got problems talking about … well … anything,” Travis said. “Lance says I’m getting better. It’s hard to talk about your emotions. I grew up with a stereotypical masculine family.”

This was true—Travis’s mom had died while Travis, the baby of the family, was still young. He’d had nothing but older brothers growing up.

“It was hard, to tell them,” Travis said. “I don’t think you remember when it happened. When I came out, I mean. Lance was there. I thought they’d think I was less of a man, all of a sudden.

“I think … I think that you really have a point. You do. But. I think you should also think about it from Brad’s side. How hard it can be to get those words out.

“You guys are patient with me when I’m a bit rough. Or if I’m not saying something as well as I could be. Maybe you can be patient with him, too.”

Luke passed Preston a glass of water. “We kind of didn’t have to come out, or at least we didn’t have to do it alone, remember? We all just sort of did it together as a group. There’s safety in that, in numbers. It kind of forced everyone to accept us, because there were so many of us.

“And Brad just has his mom. He’s close with her, right? They spend a lot of time together. That can be hard.

“You know, if Davis had to come out alone to his family, he’s not super close to them, so it might not be as big of a deal to him. But if I’d had to come out to Dad and Lila, and I wasn’t sure how they’d take it … it would be really hard. It’s hard to face rejection from people you care about.”

“Are you saying that I shouldn’t be upset?” Preston asked. He could admit that maybe he’d let his anger get the best of him again, but he wasn’t going to go so far as to say he hadn’t had a right to be upset with Brad.

“No, I think you have a right to be,” Luke answered. “I’m just asking you to try and see it from Brad’s side as well. You’re both struggling here, and I think that you could both have some appreciation for how the other person is feeling.”

Hank appeared from the back. “Okay, so I did invent … hey, Preston, you’re back!”

“Just for now,” Preston said. “My exile resumes when this conversation ends.”

He was joking, but he couldn’t help feeling a bit of pain at the thought. He really, really missed getting to be here and getting to see his friends.

Travis put his hand on Preston’s shoulder momentarily, then went back to drinking his soda.

“You’re doing really well,” Luke said. “Hank, I assume you’re telling me you’re going on a lunch break?”

“Yeah.” Hank saluted them and then disappeared into the kitchen again.

“I mean that,” Luke said, turning back to Preston. “You are doing really well. I’m excited to welcome you back.”

Preston nodded. He knew that Luke had to hold the line, and Preston knew that he still had a ways to go. He wasn’t going to suddenly be done with his anger after just a few sessions. It was going to take time.

“Anyway,” Luke went on. “I just think you should consider Brad’s side of things, that’s all. I’m not saying your home life was great, but you lucked out in that you never had to come out to your family.”

This was true. His dad hadn’t paid attention enough to know or care what Preston was up to. His mom had just sort of known, thanks to the other boys that Preston was hanging out with, and there was at least one report from his school about “public indecency” from some of the stuff he and Luke had gotten up to.

And, well, even if his dad was still alive, Preston wouldn’t have had anything to do with him. So it wouldn’t have mattered.

And he and his mom—they were family, yeah. He’d been there for her. But they weren’t best friends; they weren’t super close, like Brad and his mom apparently were. It was different.

Maybe he did need to apologize for not appreciating how hard it was to come out to people who mattered to you. He’d never had to do it. Who was he to say what it was like, or how hard it was?

He’d never told Luke or Travis or any of them all about his dad. Sure, they knew, because they were around for some of it, but that wasn’t the same as really talking about it.

He hadn’t explained to Luke that Joe’s was a safe space for him, that it represented the only good times in his childhood, and that that was why it was so easy to set him off. That maybe his dad’s relationship with alcohol had passed onto him just a little, and he couldn’t control himself as well after a couple of beers. That he’d been ignoring his issues, instead of dealing with them, and so had become like the one man he’d hated.

If he couldn’t talk about this with his friends, then why was he getting on Brad for not talking to his mom about his sexuality? They were both tough things to talk about. Both were about exposing yourself and being vulnerable.

Maybe he should have thought about that more, instead of just jumping down Brad’s throat.

“I should say I’m sorry,” he said.

“Hey, now, you had good points too,” Luke said. “Don’t negate that. You can be right about some things and wrong about others.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Travis added.

“I know you do that,” Luke said sternly. “And you shouldn’t. You’re a good person, Preston. And we’ve missed you.”

“There’s nobody to challenge me at pool,” Travis said. “Or darts.”

Preston couldn’t help the small, affectionate smile he felt tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Thanks, guys.”

He sighed. “And, since I’ve got you here … I should probably talk to you about some of the things that Brad and I have been going over during our sessions.”

“You don’t have to tell us anything,” Luke said. “That’s between you and your coach, whoever that coach is. The bargain was that you learn to control your anger, and that you have a certificate passing an anger management course to prove that. It doesn’t mean that you have to tell us everything that you’re working through.”

“No, but I should,” Preston said. It felt right. Like it wouldn’t hurt as much to tell them.

“I think that it’s important that you guys hear this shit. I’ve been keeping a lot back, unintentionally, but still, and I think … you know, you’re my friends. I want you to be a part of my life, and I guess that means hearing about the shit I’m going through.

“I shouldn’t bottle it up, is what Brad says. And I may be pissed at him, but he’s a good anger management coach, and he’s right. I just bottle it all up. So. If you guys are okay with it, I’d like to talk to you about it.”

“I’ve got all day,” Travis said.

Luke nodded, refilling their glasses. “It’ll be a slow night. And I can make Paul be in charge if I want. Go on.”

Preston took a deep breath and started talking.

It was hard, at first. The words still kind of stuck in his throat. But it wasn’t as hard as when he was telling it all to Brad, the first time.

He knew, now. He wasn’t trying to put the puzzle pieces together, and he wasn’t in denial, or being snarky. He knew what he was saying, and it was a relief, actually. More of a relief than he’d expected.

“I think it’s really … nice, that you’re sharing this with us,” Travis said.

“‘Nice?” Preston teased.

“You know what I mean.”

“Our Travis will never be a poet,” Luke noted. “But seriously. Thanks for talking about this with us.

“We always knew that things with your dad were bad. I was always begging my dad to let you sleep over and stuff. Maybe we should have done more.”

“You did plenty,” Preston replied. “You let me hang out here all the time. You were my friends. I mean, you were teenagers, and so was I; how were we supposed to know what to do?”

“Yeah, I just … you know. Should we have not let you have alcohol this whole time?”

“It was never a huge problem. Just something I need to be more aware of. But if there’s no reason for me to be angry, hopefully it won’t set me off. I’ve just … got to be careful. Limit myself.”

Luke and Travis nodded.

“What are you going to do about Brad?” Travis asked.

Preston thunked his head down onto the bar top and groaned. “I’m gonna have to apologize.”

“He should apologize too,” Travis said.

“I don’t think I’ve apologized for anything before,” Preston admitted.

“Consider this great practice, then,” Luke replied.

Preston groaned. “What the hell do I even say?”

“What you think.”

“No,” Luke said quickly. “Maybe not what you think; we’ve seen how that can go. Maybe you should try writing it down first.”

He passed Preston a pen and a napkin.

“I’m writing on a bar napkin.” What was his life?

“Great scripts have been written on bar napkins,” Luke said.

“Harry Potter was written on a napkin,” Travis added.

Preston and Luke stared at him.

“What?” Travis blushed, shuffling in his seat. “It’s a good series, okay?”

Luke poked the napkin. “Write down what you want to say, and then you can re-do anything that comes out too harshly. Then you can show up early to the next meeting, or maybe Hank can take you to his house, I don’t know, and you can apologize, and offer him the chance to apologize as well. Because you really like this guy, as your coach and as a potential boyfriend, yeah?”

Preston nodded. “I feel like in some ways I know him more as a coach than as a person,” he admitted. “But I want the chance to know him as a person, as a boyfriend, to take him out on dates.”

“Write that down, that’s good,” Travis said.

Luke nodded. “Then I say, go and give him a chance, to both forgive you and to apologize to you. You could be surprised at what works out. Things worked out for Adam and me, and we were on opposite sides of a legal battle. If that can work out, then I don’t see why you and Brad can’t either.”

Preston nodded, picking up the pen. He’d figure out what to say, somehow, and then he’d apologize. He was going to make this work.

Brad had been teaching him to face the things that he’d been ignoring. To think before he spoke, and to believe in himself. Well, those lessons could all be applied to this situation.

He’d know soon enough whether or not Brad appreciated that.