Ally studied herself in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. It was only five thirty, but she was as ready as she was going to be. The red dress was simple, the neckline plunging a little more than she usually liked, and it clung to her hips in ways she wasn’t exactly certain were good for her figure. But she thought she looked passable. She’d taken time with her hair and makeup, leaving her blonde locks down to caress her back and shoulders. The hem of the dress came almost to her knees, and the three-quarter length sleeves hid her healing road rash. The three-inch stilettos made walking a little precarious, but if she stepped carefully she’d be okay.
Ally wished, not for the first time, that she was thin and pretty. She sighed as she turned away from the mirror, chastising herself for caring. She was just going out to dinner with the boss. Travis looked at her with hunger in his eyes, but she still had a very hard time believing that a man like him actually wanted her, or why he actually did. Maybe he was as lonely as she was sometimes. Even when she’d been engaged to Rick, she’d felt alone. She just hadn’t really had time to think about it then.
Fingering the chain around her neck as she walked carefully down the stairs, her heart lightened as she thought about Travis and the faith he’d had in her when he’d given her the unicorn. She wouldn’t—she couldn’t—make too much out of the attention Travis was giving her. While it might be good for her ego, there couldn’t possibly be anything more to his behavior than to lighten her spirits, and maybe a misplaced sense of responsibility for their accident in the parking lot. Men like Travis Harrison weren’t interested in women like her. Yeah. Maybe he would screw her if he was in-between women, but having a brief affair with him wouldn’t be good for her. It would leave her feeling even more empty when it was over. She needed to remember that.
The doorbell rang and her eyes flew to the clock. He was twenty-five minutes early. Her pulse accelerated as she walked to the door and grasped the handle, wondering if she really should have sent that picture of the red lingerie she was wearing. It had been an impulse, a rare mischievous moment for her. Now, she wondered what he’d say.
The face that greeted her was not the one she’d been expecting, and the slight smile on her lips turned to a frown as she saw her ex-fiancé standing on her doorstep in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, looking more disheveled than she’d ever seen him. Ally took in his light brown hair and even features, waiting for the emotions she should be feeling to register. But she felt…nothing.
“What do you want?” she asked him calmly, wanting nothing more than for him to leave.
“I want to come back, Ally.” Rick sent her a tormented look.
“No,” she answered simply. Did he seriously think she’d even consider it? She might be codependent, but she wasn’t that damn pathetic.
He walked around her and into the foyer. “You got me fired. I think you at least owe me a place to stay.”
Ally closed the door and faced him. “I didn’t get you fired. And you should be in jail for the money you charged to me after you screwed someone else in this house and we broke up.”
“Bullshit. My boss knew exactly what happened. How would he know that? He didn’t think it was appropriate behavior for a new professional in the practice. They’re all family men. How would he have found out, if not for you? You, me, and Amber were the only ones who knew,” Rick said bitterly.
Ally gritted her teeth. “Get out. Go stay with your new girlfriend. You’re not staying here.”
“Amber doesn’t want me to stay with her. She said she’s reconsidered our relationship and she broke up with me.” His tone got whiney and less angry.
Maybe because you’re a cheating bastard! Did his girlfriend even know, or had Rick made up some fantastic story that the woman had bought into because she was young and naïve? “Did she know we were engaged?”
“I’d told her we were having problems. We were, Ally. You were gaining weight, and you came home every night smelling like alcohol, grease, and cigarettes from the bar. It wasn’t exactly good for our romantic relationship. You never had time for me. I needed you, but you were never there. So I slipped up. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but we were together five years. Do you really want to give all that up for one mistake? We should try again.” His blue eyes weren’t pleading or remorseful. His look was calculated and so were his words. “I was going to pay you back. I needed something to get me through until I started getting paid. I’d been thinking about us anyway. I think we could have worked everything out. We planned for years. It just got too hard having you gone all the time.”
Bastard! He’d needed the money to buy things to impress his new woman. No doubt he hadn’t thought for even a second about her until his girlfriend started having second thoughts. He’d all but admitted that.
She took a long, hard look at Rick. He was physically attractive, but the sight of him made her guts churn. This man, this unfaithful jerk, had been her whole life for years. Now, he wanted her to take him back? He wasn’t just an ass; he was sociopathic. “So you came running back here until you find another job and another woman to screw?”
“Ally, I need you. I didn’t realize how much until I didn’t have you anymore.” His eyes roamed her face and body. “You look good. Have you lost weight?”
She clenched her fists, trying desperately not to let him get to her. This man had been her life, her reason for existing, until he’d ruined everything.
He’s trying to make you feel guilty. He’s trying to get to you, make you feel like he’s justified because of your behavior.
Maybe she hadn’t been there every time he needed her, but she’d been working for them. “I worked my ass off for you, Rick. And I’m not responsible for you losing your job. And yeah, I let my appearance go because I needed sleep more than I needed a haircut or a manicure. And yeah, I gained a few pounds because I didn’t have time to work out or watch my diet. I was too busy worrying about you and what you wanted.”
“Ally, I regret—”
She held up her hand to silence him. “The only thing I regret is wasting five years of my life on you.” She yanked on the door and pulled it wide open. “Now get the hell out of my house.”
Rick shot her an angry look, no longer hiding behind his remorseful façade. “You’ll regret this, Ally. We built a life together. You were trying to get me back by making me lose my position. But I’ll get another one, and you’ll hate yourself for not giving us another chance.”
“Get out,” she spat out angrily, her hand on the doorknob trembling.
Rick slowly walked out the door, shooting her a murderous expression. “You’re throwing everything away. Everything we worked so hard to get. You’re not so young anymore, and you’ve never been exactly beautiful. I was the most successful guy you were ever going to find.”
Ally slammed the door and bolted it, the wood hitting him in the ass on his way out the door. She just stood there for a moment, her whole body quaking with anger.
Why did his barbs still hurt? She didn’t feel anything but loathing for him anymore, but her mind was plagued with doubts.
You gained weight.
You never had time for me.
You’ve never been exactly beautiful.
I needed you. You never had time for me.
Rationally, she knew he was an asshole, but for some reason, his negative words still made her stomach roll.
One tear rolled down her cheek, and then another. And she wasn’t even sure why she was crying. Maybe it was because of the empty years she’d been with Rick, or maybe it was because of his manipulative comments meant to hurt her enough to take him back.
She sat on the couch, trying to make sense of her jumbled thoughts. She’d gone from her verbally abusive alcoholic mother to Rick, and she could hear both of their voices in her head. Her mother hadn’t ever really had anything nice to say when she wasn’t in a comatose state, rambling on about how her father had died, leaving her with an unappreciative, ugly child to feed. Ally knew they were the ramblings of a bitter alcoholic, but they’d still shaped the way she felt about herself. And then she’d met Rick, and although he hid his criticism beneath a veneer of manipulation, his veiled disparagement had hurt just as badly.
Had she wanted to be loved so desperately that she’d been willing to take what Rick had to offer because it was better than nothing?
A strangled sob left Ally’s mouth, her tears falling more readily. Really, it all boiled down to the fact that she had wanted to be loved. “He never loved me,” she whispered in an anguished voice. “And I don’t think I ever loved him.” Rick had used her, and in a way, she’d used him, too. She’d wanted to fill the aching loneliness inside her, and she’d fooled herself into believing that if she worked hard enough, if she gave up enough for Rick, he’d love her. “I’m a stupid, stupid woman.” She hadn’t loved Rick either. She’d just convinced herself that she did because maybe he was right. Maybe she had felt he was the best she’d ever get or that he was all she deserved.
Ally was openly sobbing when the doorbell rang. Choking back her emotions, she hastily swiped her palms over her cheeks, trying to hide her tears.
Travis.
Any excitement she’d felt earlier about an evening with her boss had fled. She didn’t want to go out with him. She didn’t want to see anyone. All she needed was some time to get herself together again. Seeing Rick had left her a mess, emotionally vulnerable. There was no way she could face Travis right now. Her emotions were too close to the surface.
She went to the door, but she didn’t open it. Checking the peephole, she could see Travis’s face. “I have to cancel for tonight. I’m not feeling well,” she called through the door in the calmest voice possible. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you sick?” Travis’s low baritone sounded concerned. “Open the door, Alison.”
“Can’t. I might be contagious. I’ll call you when I’m feeling better.” Her voice trembled, and she cursed herself for allowing her anxiety to creep into her tone.
“You’re upset. Open the door now,” Travis demanded. “I’m not leaving until I see if you’re okay.”
Dammit. Why did Travis have to be so damned persistent? And stubborn! “Why can’t you just go away? I don’t want to see anyone right now.” Her desperation to get rid of him made her break her pretense of being ill.
“You’re not sick. You’re upset. Open the door or I’ll break a window,” Travis threatened ominously.
Problem was, Ally knew Travis never made empty threats, and the last thing she wanted was to replace a window. He’d do it without a thought. Part of her was angry because he was threatening her, but another part was touched because it appeared like he genuinely cared. None of this was Travis’s fault. The least she could do was face him, let him know she was okay.
After swiping a hand over her face one more time, she unbolted the door. If he was satisfied that she was fine, he’d go. She swung the door open and the worried expression on his face made her want to throw herself into his arms and cry until her emotions were spent. But instead, she turned her head and told him weakly, “I’m fine. I’ve had a bad day. I’m sorry you had to drive all the way over here.”
Travis easily muscled his way past her and closed the door. He tipped her chin up and assessed her for several seconds before he spoke. “You’ve been crying. What happened? There’s no problem big enough to make you cry. I can fix it.”
Ally looked at him then, her eyes sweeping over his immaculate suit and tie. When her gaze landed on his face, she was taken aback by the fierceness of his expression. But that was Travis. He was a fixer of problems, big and small. Unfortunately, he couldn’t fix her emotional turmoil or her dysfunctional mind. “Rick was here. He wants to get back together.” She pulled away from him and walked into the living room, needing to get away from the temptation of telling him everything. “We argued. It just left me a little shaken up. I’ll be fine.” She would be okay. As soon as she could manage to bury her feelings of worthlessness and guilt deep enough where no one could see them.
Travis caught her around the waist and turned her to face him. “Did he hurt you? Did he touch you? If he did, I swear I’ll kill him.”
“No. We just had a disagreement. It was nothing really,” she answered, trying to keep her voice calm.
Travis grasped her by the shoulders. “What happened? Tell me you didn’t consider for even a moment taking that bastard back again,” he said huskily, notes of both demand and desperation in his voice.
“I’m not. I wouldn’t. It’s just…” Her voice trailed off, Ally feeling at a loss as to how to explain. Tears started to form again, the droplets trickling down her cheeks in frustration and pain.
Travis swept her up in his arms and sat on the couch, keeping her on his lap. “Tell me.” His voice was low and persuasive, his arms comforting.
Ally snapped like a broken tree branch dangling in the wind that had finally given way to the pressure and had fallen to the ground. She told Travis everything between broken sobs, purging herself of the emotions that had been plaguing her for so long. After she told him about her unwanted encounter with Rick, she explained how her mother had been while she was growing up and how inadequate she’d always felt.
“Why can’t I stop hearing her voice in my head? She’s been dead for years,” Ally finished, frustrated with herself.
“Maybe because you chose the asshole as the next voice in your head. Did you think he was all you deserved, Ally? A man who would work you to death, treat you like shit, and manipulate the hell out of you?” Travis asked, every muscle in his body tense. “I know how fucking hard it is to not believe everything you’re told and taught growing up. But believe me when I say that you don’t deserve what you’ve gotten.”
Ally looked up at Travis, his jaw clenched and his eyes wild with anger. “How did you do it, Travis? How did you live through what you had handed to you in your life and not be affected by it?” He’d grown up with a madman, and some of the experiences he’d shared with her made her shudder.
He tucked a lock of hair gently behind her ear as he answered, “I didn’t. It affected me. But I had Mia and Kade. We all knew what was happening wasn’t normal. And I grew up while I was in college. I had to. My father wasn’t able to run the company anymore. The minute I finished school, I had him ousted for incompetency and took his place. Harrison was starting to flounder, and there were too many people counting on us to provide a living for them. The company wasn’t going to withstand his insane behavior and erratic decision-making much longer.”
“Did it make you feel vindicated? Were you free?” she asked quietly.
“It didn’t hurt,” Travis admitted. “I didn’t do it for revenge. I did it to save the company my grandfather busted his ass to build. But I won’t say part of me wasn’t satisfied that I was finally able to strip my father of the power he’d had over all of us for our entire life.”
“When did you stop being afraid of him?” Ally queried curiously.
“As soon as I got big enough to kick his ass,” Travis replied, his hand absently stroking her hair. “He was the monster who had terrified every one of us for years. I finally realized when I finished high school that I didn’t have to be afraid of him anymore. When Kade and I left for college, I warned him if he ever laid a hand on Mia or my mother again, I’d kill him.”
“Did you kick his ass?” she asked hesitantly.
Travis shrugged. “I didn’t have to. By then, he was nothing but a shell with an insane mind. But he never touched Mia after that. Or my mother…until he actually killed her.”
“Would you have done it if you’d needed to?”
“Yes,” Travis answered immediately. “I would have done anything to keep him from hurting the rest of my family.”
Ally reached out her hand and stroked his cheek, letting her fingers wander into his hair. “You were so incredibly brave. I know everything you went through had to be painful, yet you survived intact.”
Travis barked out an unamused laugh. “Maybe not intact, but yes, I survived.”
“I’m sorry I had another meltdown on you.” Ally felt a little silly now. After all that Travis had gone through in his lifetime, her history was mild in comparison.
“Don’t,” Travis said huskily, his arm tightening around her waist. “Don’t minimize your emotions or push them under your skin. Stop being so damn hard on yourself. It’s not your fault, Ally.”
Ally took a deep breath, her gaze clashing with Travis’s. “I need to get my shit together.”
Travis rose, taking her with him. “You need to start listening to new voices. And add your own, too.”
“I’ll try,” Ally told him adamantly, determined to break out of her old habits.
“You look beautiful, Ally.” He took a step back. “Now take off your dress.”
Ally’s eyes shot to Travis’s face, his intense, unrelenting stare making her take a step back. “What?” She knew she couldn’t have heard him correctly.
“Take. Off. The. Dress. Either take it off willingly or I’ll do it for you, and it probably won’t be wearable anymore after I do,” he growled.
“W-why?” She had heard him correctly, and her entire body flooded with heat.
“Because you’re going to start to hear a new voice, and that voice is going to be mine while I make you come.” Travis folded his arms in front of him and waited.