FOURTEEN
REZA
BACKWARDS
“You need to go back in there. You need to convince him. Did you try and enter his mind like we practiced?” Over the past few days, when I’ve trained with Erika, she’s been consistently polite. Reserved even. Right now, she’s neither of those things. She paces up and down beneath the canopy of stars projected high overhead on the cavern’s roof, wringing her hands. “There’s so little time, Reza. We’re working against the clock. I saw the attack happening during a double eclipse. The next double eclipse to occur takes place in less than a month. I know this is far from easy, but the galaxy hangs in the balance. Sacrifices must be made. I’m sorry to have to push you toward this, to him, but the more information we can glean from him, the better our chances of surviving what’s to come.”
Sitting at one of the consoles, Col clears his throat. “She gets it, Mother. We all do.” He sounds sad. I’ve never known Col to be anything but happy and carefree, but it’s clear something heavy hangs on him. Darius treated him for his injuries at some point last night, and now he barely shows any signs of discomfort at all. There is still a bottomless pain within him, though. Something that runs far deeper than his broken ribs and his bruised muscles. He gets to his feet, and Erika watches as her son approaches her. He cups her face in his hands, and the tension that’s been winding her tight since I came to give the report of my meeting with Jass seems to dissipate a little. She sighs, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry. I know what a daunting task this must seem, Reza. I know you’re trying to meet the challenges we’ve set you head on. I apologize for the burden we’ve placed on your shoulders. This is all…a lot.”
That’s quite the understatement. The people of this planet have been good to me, though. Since the day I crash-landed here, they’ve watched over me. Made sure the marauders living in the dunes haven’t bothered me. And when I found my feet and learned how to fend for myself, they didn’t abandon me. In hindsight, that may well have something to do with my ties to Jass Beylar, that they’ve been watching me to see what new information I might be able to shed on the situation that is unfolding now, but at the end of the day these are good people. Kind. Gentle. Peaceful. They wouldn’t put me in a dangerous position unless it was absolutely necessary.
“I’m willing to go back in, Erika. I’m willing to keep trying. I don’t think…” I sigh, failing to hide my frustration. “It seems strange, but I don’t think he wants to hurt me.” Admitting this is a bizarre thing. Even now, with Jass so close at hand, my body feels like it’s humming with energy, nervous and ready to run. Every part of me is screaming, demanding that I find the first shuttle leaving Pirius and make sure I’m damn well on it. But, oddly, the moment I consider that as an option, it feels as if I’m being physically torn in two. I want to flee. I want to stay. Sitting there, across from him, it felt like I knew him. I was attracted to him in a very dangerous way. That should not have been the case.
Col places a hand on his mother’s shoulder. “Jass is a force to be reckoned with, there’s no arguing about that. But there’s something about him. He’s not…” He pauses, frowning, as if he’s searching for the right thing to say. “Is it possible that Jass…that if he hadn’t been kept under lock and key by the Construct...” He huffs heavily down his nose, shaking his head. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, do you think he can change? Is there any reason for us to believe he can relinquish his Construct training and see the galaxy from another point of view?”
A serene, sad expression flits across Erika’s face. She covers her son’s hand with her own, squeezing it, and a wave of envy floods me. Erika may not be Col’s blood relative, but it’s easy to recognize the love that radiates out from her whenever she looks at him. He’s her son. It’s that simple. My own mother’s face is little more than a blurred smudge of color and light to me now. I was far too young the last time I saw her to recall her with any clarity. If I had brothers and sisters back on my home planet, I’ll never know. I envy the closeness Col and Erika share beyond belief. I have lived a lifetime of solitude, not knowing what it would be like to share a bond like that. And the loss of it, though never having experienced it, is heartbreaking.
“A ship can fly backwards, son,” Erika says. “But it was still designed to press forward, all the same. I don’t know if it’s possible for Jass Beylar to be something else other than he is. A change like that would be difficult to accomplish. When death, violence and suffering come naturally to a creature, kindness, sacrifice and life itself no longer seem to exist.”