Chapter Fifteen

Kassian

He sagged into one of the two chairs, his head resting on the table as he tried not to break down from the knowledge of what he was being told to do, if he ever wanted to see his brother again. The pressure of the decision resting upon his shoulders was bending him until the breaking point. He was doing his best to stay strong, but at some point, even his great shifter strength would fail him. Kassian wasn’t sure what would happen after that.

The soft scuff of socks on carpet alerted him to the presence of someone else in the room. He didn’t need to look up to know it was Rosie. He could smell her from the moment she stepped through the hole. The body wash she used reminded him vaguely of cinnamon, though it was faint. Just enough to entice his extra-sensitive nose.

His ears perked up as the bed creaked. She was sitting down; that was a good sign. Gathering himself, he lifted his head, preparing to withstand the withering glare he was positive was coming his way. Instead, he found himself being regarded evenly by a pair of azure orbs as hard as ice. It wasn’t a glare, but there was no softness in it either.

Pushing aside his anger and fear about what was being asked of him by the Institute, he prepared to speak. This, at least, was something he could hopefully solve now.

“I fucked up,” he said bluntly.

Locks of her exotic curly black hair swayed as she nodded up and down precisely two times.

“I don’t know what I did. But I would like to fix it. I owe you an apology, among other things, it would seem. Until I know what I did wrong, though, I can neither apologize for it, nor attempt to ensure that I don’t do it again.”

Rosie’s mouth worked as he spoke, making her face go from a contemplative look, to an angry one, back to thoughtful. She didn’t immediately respond, so he opened his mouth to continue, but a slight hardening of her eyes told him that would have been the wrong move. So Kassian closed his mouth and shut up, simply gazing at his mate and waiting until she was ready to speak.

“I was going to make you figure out what you did wrong,” she said at first. “It shouldn’t be that hard. In fact, it really isn’t that hard. It’s pretty easy.”

He didn’t speak, sensing a “but” coming.

“But, you know you’ve done it, and yet despite that, you haven’t understood what. Which tells me that you’re having a hard time focusing. I know the pressure you’re under, even if I can’t fully understand it, or sympathize with it. So I’m not going to make this any harder than it has to be.”

He inclined his head in thanks.

“You spoke to me rudely. Dismissively.” Her eyes narrowed and the look became a glare at last. “You spoke to me the way you do to your brothers.”

Kassian closed his eyes, thinking over the conversation they’d all been having before she’d left the room. They’d been talking over plans, and she’d put forth a suggestion and—

“Holy shit,” he muttered. “I did.”

“Yeah.”

“Rosie, I am so, so sorry. That was not right. I can’t believe I did that,” he continued, speaking more to himself now, angry at the way he’d treated her. That was not how his mate should be treated. Neither of them were naïve enough to think she would never have any bad ideas. But he didn’t need to be so callous in telling her she was wrong. That was just unnecessary.

“I’m just under so much pressure, and so worked up over this,” he said. “I got caught up in it, and I took it out on you.” He shrugged. “That should never have happened, and it’ll never happen again. I’m not trying to make an excuse—that was wrong—and I should know better. But, that’s what happened. I was weak, and I promise to be stronger for you in the future. You deserve better.”

Rosie was looking at him strangely.

“Not good enough,” she said at last.

He sat up straight in his chair. “What do you mean ‘not good enough’?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” she replied, her tone matching his. Rosie wasn’t backing down from this one. What the hell else did she want from him? He was under a lot of stress right now! He had to murder an innocent man in front of his damn kid, or else his brother was going to be killed, simply to teach him a lesson. Thinking in the right frame of mind was kind of hard at the moment!

“What do you want from me?” he asked, taking deep breaths, trying desperately to remain calm, even as his bear raged within him. He wasn’t mad at Rosie, but at the situation he’d been put in, that had brought him to this point.

“You need to stop being an ass for no reason,” she said bluntly.

His jaw fell open. “I wasn’t being—”

She shook her head, cutting him off. “Wrong, Kassian. I’ve seen the way you talk to your brothers. The way you treat them. It’s rude, and unnecessary. You are an ass to them. To your family. I was around the others while you were gone. None of them are like that toward each other. Not even Gavin is like that. So why do you treat them with such disdain and disrespect?”

He reeled from her verbal fusillade, the blows hitting him in such rapid succession he couldn’t recover.

“Pierce and Kean get along famously,” she continued. “Gavin is quiet and reclusive, but he’s rarely rude, and only when it comes to stopping you from being a dick, by the sounds of it.”

“There’s nearly a decade between Kean and me,” he began, but Rosie waved him off. She wasn’t having any of it.

“EEEHH,” she said, sounding like the buzzer at an arena. “Wrong answer. That’s still not long enough for you to be such an asshole. What happened to cause that?’

He sighed, thinking it over. Why had he become so rude when it came to his brothers? Had they always been that way? Racking his brain, he tried to recall when things had changed. They certainly hadn’t been like that in the early days. He could recall teaching Gavin, and then Kean, how to shift, and how to control their bears. He and Maximus had been there, guiding them through it, teaching them everything they knew.

“I can see it in your eyes,” she said, her voice gentler. “What happened, Kassian?”

He took a slow, shaky breath. “I miss the old days,” he admitted at last.

“The old days?”

“Yeah. Before the war. Before everything went to shit,” he snarled. “We were a team then. A unit. Unstoppable. We ran cons, schemes, you name it, we did it. Some of it, in hindsight, I regret. But you know what I don’t regret?” he asked, his voice pained.

Rosie shook her head.

“I don’t regret the unity. The camaraderie. We were family, yes, but it was more than that. We were one. Any one of us had the back of anyone else. There was nothing to fear. Not when we were together.” He sighed, his body sagging slightly. “Then everything changed.”

“What happened?”

“The war,” he said bluntly. “The war happened. Our rivals in Fenris declared war on Cadia. War, between shifter territories. The two largest, at each other’s throats. Our homeland needed more troops, and we were basically conscripted into the armed forces.”

“I didn’t know that,” she said.

He nodded. “The Institute started the war. They were the ones really behind it, though we didn’t know that at the time. Mila told us that. But it broke us. Tore at us. Then we got thrown in jail, and well, you know how we ended up here.”

Rosie nodded. He’d told her the story about Mila busting them out of jail, and their decision to fight the Institute, so that when they went back home eventually, they could prove that they had changed.

“That doesn’t seem like enough to make you hate them.”

“I don’t hate them,” he said. “Not at all. Not even close. They’re family. But they’ve become insufferable since they fell in love,” he grumbled.

“Is that jealousy I detect?” Rosie asked, sounding genuine.

It was, but he didn’t want to admit it. So he just stayed quiet, not wanting to make more of a big deal about it than it already was. He wanted to have what they wanted. But until Rosie had come along, it had seemed like he was destined to be forever alone, and that had made him even more bitter toward them.

“They also don’t seem to care about Maximus as much as I do. They don’t seem as concerned with rescuing him.”

Rosie frowned. “You don’t know shit about how they feel then,” she snapped, continuing on before he could throw off his shock. “They’re all terrified for him. And they feel horrible for you. Each one of them wishes they could help you shoulder the burden. They wish they could be the one who had to do it, so that you didn’t. You’d know that, if you actually talked to them.”

His head fell forward in shame.

“I can’t,” he said softly.

“You can’t what? Talk to them?”

He nodded.

“Why not?” Rosie asked, her voice softening once more.

“Because I’m afraid,” he admitted at last.

There was a shuffling on the bed, and Rosie came to sit on the edge nearest him.

“What are you afraid of?”

He looked up, making eye contact with her. Kassian desperately wanted to reach out, to feel her bronzed skin, to push his fingers between hers and then wrap her up in his arms. It was almost all he could think about, the urge overwhelming. Ever since he’d gotten back into the car with Gregory to come home, he’d wanted her support, her strength. It was the only thing keeping him going.

“I’m afraid that I’m never going to end up as happy as them,” he said. “And I can’t put this burden on them because of that. I can’t risk something happening to them that leaves their mates alone. And I’m scared that something is going to happen to me, which will leave you alone.”

“Is that all you’re scared of?” she asked softly, leaning forward.

“No,” he replied. “I’m afraid I’ll never be as happy as them. That I’ll do something to push you away.” He frowned angrily. “Like talk down to you when you don’t deserve it.”

Suddenly, Rosie was there. She came to him, crossing the distance, taking his hand and holding it, even as she slid into his lap, wrapping her other arm around his neck. She leaned into him, her lips kissing him softly on the cheek.

“Apology accepted,” she whispered into his ear, before pressing her head to his, just staying there in close contact to him.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said at long last.

“Oh hush. You treat me pretty well most of the time,” she said. “A slip up here or there is to be expected. We’re not perfect. I just need to slap you around until you understand what you did.”

He felt a wan smile cross his face.

“You know,” she said, once again serious. “Your brothers would probably like to have you back among them, in their world again.”

“I know,” he said without hesitation. “They’ve even made overtures, but I’ve pushed them away. Now it might be too late.”

Rosie faintly shook her head, not wanting to move it from his. “You’re wrong. It’s not too late. But don’t delay any longer, in case something happens.”

The unspoken words “like they get killed” hung in the air. She hadn’t said it, but it had been unnecessary. Whatever was about to happen, things were starting to get serious in their fight against the Institute. With the kidnapping of Maximus and their attempted blackmail, things had ratcheted up a level. He might not have a chance to make things right with them if he didn’t start now.

“I know,” he said after a long period of contemplative silence. “I’ll…think about it.”

“See that you do,” she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “And don’t take too long either.”

He nodded. “I won’t.”

Could he return things to how they were? Or was it too late for that?