CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Mated by Abaddon.
I crumpled into the folds of my bedding, the tightness in my chest excruciating. Agony burned. Physical. Mental. Spiritual. It surrounded me. Consumed me. Injected lava into the marrow of my bones.
Abaddon had taken me against my will and bound us forever. The only male who could ever claim my body was the sadistic sorcerer destroying the Realm of the Fair and killing the innocent.
I would never know the touch of a true lover. I would never be caressed or cherished as I had dreamed my entire life. Samuel’s words came back to me. “Stick to yer story and I’ll never say a word, but remember, Lia, I was there.”
The pit of my belly went cold. The last hope I had kindled for Samuel to grow to love me extinguished.
He had worked covertly to gain access to the Scourge compound. He had played his part and bided his time until he was able to rescue me. He was there. He had seen.
Knowing his heroic nature, his kindness was likely tantamount to him feeling responsible in some part. Black spots flickered in my vision. Gods, was it any wonder he held no interest in me. And if he was there in an official Talon capacity, they all knew. He would have made his report and they would have discussed it in one of their Talon meetings.
I staggered to my feet, my head a cyclonic jumble of thoughts and images. I needed air.
Stumbling behind a wall of tears, I padded down halls, stairs and emerged out on the rain splattered plateau. The night was windy, a tumultuous spring rain whipping eddies at me from all directions. I blinked up at the three-quarter moon and down on the slick steps leading from the Dens to the Haven grounds below. My bare toes curled over the edge. Descending, I followed the silver trail of moonlight as quickly as my feet would carry me.
Vaguely I registered voices shouting behind me. Male voices. Bruin’s sentinels guarding the entrance no doubt. I ignored the calls and continued my descent. They would not follow. They must needs guard their Alpha’s home. I could not face them regardless. I had nothing more to give to anyone tonight . . . or mayhap ever.
I wiped my eyes and cheeks as my feet met each step in rapid succession. The turning tide of my evening left me hollow. Abaddon mated me. And in a few days’ time, the Fates would declare it. I had lost my brother . . . my friends . . . my innocence . . . my choice and my future.
My inner construct shattered. The jagged edges of the break tore at my insides never to be whole again.
Rain-sodden ground squished under my feet as I reached the base of the Den’s rise and stumbled on. My energy flagged and still, no amount of distance helped. No matter where I ran, I remained trapped. Mayhap Abaddon’s intention to vacate my soul and allow Rheagan to claim my body was a blessing. My shame would end. My soul would soar free.
Gods how I wanted to be free.
I rounded the bank of Glass Pond. The moon’s reflection fractured and fragmented on the mirrored surface. I drew closer and stopped on the water’s edge, my mind drifting back to the last time I stood in this spot. Samuel had explained the formation of Canadian geese in the sky. “The lead bird bears the wind resistance as long as it can, while the others ride in its stream. When it tires and can take no more, it’ll fall back and another will take its place.”
I fought to breathe through the constriction in my lungs. As the only heir to the throne, if I were gone, there would be no other to take my place. Abaddon and Rheagan would be foiled, the people of the realm would have one less thing to threaten them. And I would be free.
“I can bear no more, Samuel. I am sorry.”I glanced down at the Academy t-shirt and sobbed. How I wished Samuel had claimed me. I peeled the t-shirt over my head and drew it to my face. His scent was trapped in the fibers and I breathed him in for the last time before I set it on the bank.
Icy water rose around my calves. Shivers racked me as it crept over my knees and up my thighs. Three more steps and the surface enveloped me.
Angry water, black in every direction, closed in. The silence dazzled. The rushing of the wind, the hiss of the rain, the echoes of my anguish all silenced. That solitude . . . that isolation . . . was the reason I found comfort under water.
Aching cold numbed my flesh, prickling hot.
I blinked in the darkness as a vision of Tham appeared before me. Peculiar, as my life ebbed away, he was the male delusion my mind conjured.
He looked frantically around the darkness, his ghostly apparition as perfect as the real male. I passed a hand through the image of my beloved friend and brother in all but blood. Amin mela lle, Tham.
My lungs burned for oxygen. My muscles cramped from the cold. I remained at ease. Months of headaches, denial and anxiety had worn me down. Black spots bloomed across my vision growing larger by the moment.
Tham disappeared and I missed him immediately. I missed Galan too. The ache of disappointing my brother sliced me to the core. What would the loss mean to others? Galan and Samuel would blame themselves. Jade would be overwrought. Might she lose her young? Even unborn, I loved those twins with all my heart.
I would never cause them harm. Any of them.
I forced my legs to bend and tried to push. My strength waned. My arms hung heavy. My head spun. I tried to kick, to breach the surface, but it was no use. My decision to live had come too late.