My phone rings off in the distance. I sit on the floor where I landed, having cried myself into dehydration.

It’s my birthday, I think dully as my phone finally silences.

The look of betrayal on Joel’s face replays over and over in my head.

The phone rings again, and I remember I have family who may need me. What if someone is sick or hurt, and I’m too busy wallowing in a cesspool of my own making? Bones creak and pop as I get to my feet. I plunge into the gloomy darkness of my bedroom and find my phone.

“Hello,” I say, taking a nosedive on the bed.

I want to bury myself in the covers and forget. But how can I when Joel’s clean, woodsy scent clings to my sheets like I’d clung to him hours before?

“Happy birthday, Livvy.” And that’s when I start to cry in earnest. “What’s wrong?”

“Joel hates me,” I whine like a dog who wants to come inside on a cold night.

Rolling over, I tuck my cell between my shoulder and my ear. I wrap myself in covers, shivering from the frosty look Joel had given me when he left.

“Joel?”

“I had sex with him,” I say like the words are lyrics to a Taylor Swift song, sorrowful and filled with pain.

“You didn’t!” She sounds like our mother when she’d scolded me in the past for doing something wrong, while trying not to laugh when whatever I’d done had been funny.

“I did!” I sob, covering my face with a pillow as if to hide from the reality of it.

“How was it? Wait.” The background noises start to fade before I hear a door close. “Okay, Corey’s here, and I don’t want him eavesdropping.”

It all comes back to me. “Traitor. How could you invite him over for my birthday dinner?”

“He’s Darren’s cousin. I didn’t invite him. But when he showed up, I couldn’t send him away. The kids adore him.”

Groaning, I’m reminded again that Corey will never completely be out of my life. We’d grown up in a small town in northern Maryland. The dating pool is small there, but at least we only ended up with cousins, not brothers.

“Let’s get back to sex with Joel. How was it?”

“I was drunk, thanks to you. And when I woke, Corey was at my door, pounding like he knew I was inside.”

“Oh.”

“What did you tell him?” I demand.

She sighs. “It’s not what you think. I was caught off guard. He was talking to Darren, apparently, while I was trying to get a crayon out of Izzy’s nose. I didn’t know who he was talking to, I swear. So when he asked if you were home, I answered truthfully and said you ought to be.”

“Great.” I start to ask about my niece and the crayon when she beats me to the punch.

“What happened?”

Resigned, I tell her the rest.

“I open the door, thinking it’s Joel, but it’s Corey. Joel was still in my room and comes out shirtless. Corey looks like he’s going into anaphylactic shock. Hell, I was about to get my Taser gun to shock him back to life when Joel kisses me.”

“In front of Corey?” my sister asks like she has a bowl full of popcorn in hand.

“Exactly. Then they practically circle themselves in male domination. I wanted to preen like a peacock, but the thought of cock had me thinking of Joel and his magic stick.”

“Magic stick. Does he move like Mike?”

“Mike?”

“You know, Magic Mike?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen the movie,” I confess.

“Blasphemy. What do you visualize when you break out your vibrator?”

“My imagination.”

She tsks. “We must rectify this immediately. Do you have a DVD player?”

“Amelia?”

“What? Darren bought me the DVD. He puts it on when he wants to get me in the mood.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Besides the TMI.” Her laughter has me quickly adding, “Let’s get back on track.”

“Fine. What happened next?”

I give her the condensed version.

“You told him your ovaries were old?”

“Not in so many words,” I groan.

“And you’re going to fix him up with someone else?”

I nod, but remember she can’t see me. “Yes.”

“You fucked up.”

“I know,” I cry.

“Okay. We’re going to sign you up for a dating site. Don’t worry about coming over tonight. The kids will eat your cake and love it. I’ll call Ella.”

After we disconnect, I head for the kitchen to grab food and turn on cable to watch a movie and try not to feel like a total loser on my birthday.