Hannah stood by the door almost dreading seeing Curtis pull up in the driveway. It was a complete one-eighty from the anticipation that had moments before run rampant through her. He’d promised some kinky chocolate-syrup-filled sex, and instead they were going to have the Paul Kilmore talk.
It wasn’t like she had a drama-filled life before Curtis showed up. She was sure he had better tales of exciting days full of sex and parties. Since he was a guy, she doubted he had a Paul in his past, though.
The name still made her stomach roll, and she had to take a deep breath to keep from running to the bathroom. She felt so sick that she wasn’t sure talking about it would be a good idea, but they had to. There was no way she could get around it.
That was why Nina had brought up the name when she lied about Curtis making a bet. Anything to do with Paul sent Hannah running in the other direction. Nina had needed to prove without a doubt the guy wouldn’t be at the reunion in order to get Hannah to even consider going. Even a decade later, Hannah didn’t think she’d be able to be in a room with him. She hated the fact that apparently she was in the same state as him.
She didn’t follow Paul’s life or anything, but after high school, he went out of state for college. Then the rumor was that he decided to open up a branch of his father’s company down in Florida. Wherever he was, it wasn’t New York and that was all she cared about, even in a city with over nine million people.
Curtis’ black sedan pulled in and for a second he didn’t get out. Hannah held her breath as she waited to see if he would. She needed to come up with the words to tell him what happened, but they’d never been in her to share. Nina was the only person who knew about it, only because she’d been there.
Hannah was too embarrassed to tell her parents, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to tell her four overprotective older brothers. They’d only make things worse.
The door to the car opening kept Hannah from thinking about what she could’ve, or would’ve, done differently about the past. Curtis had to be at least a little jetlagged from all the traveling he’d done in a short amount of time, but he didn’t show it. His charcoal suit was wrinkle-free and there was no indication he’d missed out on sleep.
His eyes were a little hardened, but that was to be expected after having a run-in with Paul. Hannah could only imagine what scenarios he’d come up with that involved her and Paul. She wasn’t sure how long he’d waited to call and ask her, but just a minute was enough to paint some wild pictures.
Even with the worry about the upcoming conversation trying to paralyze Hannah, the lust she always felt around Curtis made itself known. She didn’t think the conversation would change anything between them, but there was concern for how he’d react. The news wasn’t as bad as it could be, but Paul showing up to say hi didn’t exactly bode well.
Just before Curtis got to the door, Hannah swung it open to greet him. Up close she could see the hard lines of his face better, telling her he was concentrating on what couldn’t be pleasant thoughts. When he saw her, the thoughts dissipated enough that he smiled and pulled her outside so he could wrap his arms around her.
“Next time, you’re going to have to go with me. I know it was only five days, but they were the longest five days of my life.”
He swooped her up into his arms and carried her inside. Hannah was glad they didn’t burst right into the Paul talk. A few moments of reconnection eased some of the tension in her stomach. She missed him just as much as he seemed to miss her. Life just wasn’t the same without him there every morning to greet her.
“Thankfully, it wasn’t the two weeks you have coming up next month. I think I’ll see what I can do with my schedule. No one needs me here to meet face-to-face, so I should be able to keep everyone happy from the other side of the country to make sure I don’t go insane without you around.”
Hannah had already been working on that. The five days had been tough, but the longer road trip felt like pure terror waiting to erupt.
Curtis sat them down on their usual couch, with her in his lap. He leaned down to kiss her, like they weren’t getting ready to have one of the biggest conversations they’d ever had. Since they’d gone over a potential pregnancy and marriage talks, what he surely thought was just information about a past boyfriend probably didn’t rank very high.
The kiss was short and sweet, but Hannah’s insides still fluttered at the connection. She wanted nothing more than to tear his clothes off and let him know how much she missed him, but first she had to make sure he understood about Paul.
“I didn’t have sex with him,” she repeated the sentiment she’d already shared on the phone, this time not quite at the level of a banshee cry.
It was important he knew that right up front. As she went over the story, he’d jump to conclusions if it wasn’t clear. No matter what conclusions he came up with along the way, she figured he’d be pissed, but she wanted to temper that so he didn’t make things worse.
“I didn’t think you did, but it was clear he wanted me to think you had. The man is still the biggest arrogant bastard in the world.”
Curtis turned so he could lean against the arm of the couch. As he moved, he also moved Hannah around so she sat facing him. She knew he loved to watch her eyes as she spoke to see any messages that didn’t make it across in words. She didn’t think she ever revealed anything that way, but he was adamant she did and had proved her wrong in the past.
“The fact that he brought it up at all scares the shit out of me. There was a party freshman year at his house. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there. Knowing how much you like the guy, probably not, but I’m sure you can imagine freshman me in a house about the size of this one.”
Hannah shivered thinking about it. The house was so full of people that it hadn’t seemed quite as big, but just the sheer number of people she remembered there meant it was a pretty accurate comparison.
“I’m guessing Nina made you go,” he interrupted before she could continue.
He was right, so she nodded. It was pretty obvious she wouldn’t have volunteered to go to any party, let alone one thrown by some popular kid at school, without Nina dragging her along.
“That she did. Since there were a bunch of new faces coming in from other schools, she said it would be a great time to get to know new people. We were only fourteen, so I wasn’t expecting to find beer being passed around and older kids. I’m pretty sure some of those guys were in college. I distinctly remember facial hair on a few of them.”
Hannah had tried to forget the day, but every once in a while it popped up in her memory. The crowds could still close in around her in her thoughts.
“I think I vaguely remember hearing about it. I probably had practice or something and missed it.”
Or he’d just been smart enough not to go. Hannah wished she would’ve had more sense back then. She liked to think she always had decent sense, but she let Nina dictate her life even more back then than she did as a grown-up.
“You’re lucky. Anyway, Nina stuck by me at the start, but then she found some guy with evidently killer tonsils because she went off to make out with him for a while.”
“Wait a second. She made you go to this party full of people you didn’t know and then left you to make out with some random kid? I shouldn’t be surprised by that, but what the fuck was she thinking?”
Hannah had to at least smile at the indignation. She’d felt something similar, maybe not as strong, but she’d never voiced it.
“Like I said, the dude had to have killer tonsils.”
Curtis shook his head and gripped her hips a little tighter. He was already pissed off, and things weren’t going to get any better.
“For a while, I just went unnoticed. I might as well have been wallpaper on the walls, other than a few times people would bump into me. But eventually I found an empty seat on the couch and I took it. Not long after that, Paul showed up offering me something to drink. I’d been staring off into space, so I didn’t even question the offer.”
“Hold on just a second.” Curtis’ frown couldn’t have gotten any deeper, and Hannah knew without continuing he was putting the dots together. “If you’re going to tell me that dipshit Paul raped you, I would probably suggest against it. I already want to kill the fucker and Nina, but if he raped you, I’m going to find everyone who was at that party and kill them too.”
The sentiment brought another smile to Hannah’s face. She’d already told him she hadn’t had sex with Paul, but evidently he’d forgotten that part.
“We didn’t have sex, rape or otherwise.”
Hannah tried to reassure him, but he didn’t look like he was buying it. Death and destruction lit up his eyes, making Hannah feel like she was probably the only person safe in the world.
“There was something in the drink, not a roofie or anything like that, because I never totally lost track of reality, but it definitely lowered my inhibitions. Eventually, after some coaxing, he took me up to his room. I kind of remember some lame excuse about wanting to show me something, but I can’t tell you what it was.”
“Undoubtedly it was his dick, which I’m going to cut off if he ever shows his face again.”
“Stop trying to make me laugh. I know you’re being serious, but it’s funny to hear someone say that kind of thing. You are right, though, his was the first dick I ever saw.”
Getting the story out made it easier to talk about it nonchalantly. Hannah never thought she’d be able to joke about it, but there she was, doing her best to calm Curtis down a little.
“I’m completely blank about exactly what was going through my mind at that point. He was hot, granted I had low standards back in those days, and when he took my shirt off he said my breasts were perfect or something like that and it made me feel good.”
“He fucking drugged you and took advantage of the situation.”
Hannah placed her left hand on Curtis’ chest to tell him to simmer down. The vein in his neck looked like it was about to explode, so she hurried to finish the story.
“Yes, he did, but before he could get my pants off, Nina stormed in the room. She saw him naked and me on my way there and walked right up to him and kicked him in the balls as hard as she could.”
The only good memory Hannah had of the day was seeing Paul writhe on the floor and the look of an avenging superhero glowing in Nina’s eyes. With Paul busy clutching his privates, Nina even got a few extra kicks in.
“After the drug wore off, I was horrified. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten that close to losing my virginity to someone I didn’t know and didn’t care about. Nina came up with the sex scale after that to make sure it didn’t happen again. She knew her wildness would make it impossible to keep a close eye on me at all times, so it was her way of making me think before I did anything.”
That was the reason why no matter what Nina had done, Hannah always stayed by her. Talking about it made her miss her friend, but it didn’t change the fact that Nina had taken things too far. Hannah went ahead and shared those sentiments, just to make sure they weren’t missed.
“But she’s the reason he almost raped you. She left you alone for the vultures.”
“And I didn’t leave. I could’ve, but I stuck around, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t make me take the drink. I’m just as much to blame as she was, obviously more because they were my actions. What happened that day shaped who we are. She became a woman who uses guys like they are meaningless and manipulates everyone to her advantage. And I’m the woman who until recently was too scared of my own shadow to make my own decisions.”
Nina had been on the bitchy side before that, but she took on a whole new level after that day. Through it all, she did what she could to protect Hannah, up until the point she switched the doctor’s appointment without telling her. Even that Hannah could’ve probably gotten over.
Hannah knew that if she caved and tried to reach out to Nina, eventually she’d do something worse, and with Curtis involved, she couldn’t allow that. As it was, a part of her wondered what brought Paul to the parking lot Curtis just happened to be in. As far as she knew, Nina and Paul hadn’t had anything to do with each other after that day.
“I still hate her.”
“I know. At one time, I thought explaining why I was so loyal to her would change that, but I realized it wouldn’t so I didn’t think I should bring it up.”
“If he shows up again, I will kill him.”
It was another thing Hannah didn’t have to wonder about. She hoped he only meant severely maim and not kill, but as passionate as Curtis could be, she wouldn’t put killing passed him. She didn’t want him to spend the rest of his life in jail for something stupid that had happened in high school, so she had to hope Paul had done all the riling he intended and wouldn’t show up again.
“I know that too. Does that mean you aren’t in the mood to,” Hannah paused to try to get the words right. “Paint my insides like a painter working on his finest masterpiece?”
Curtis said some of the corniest things, but boy did they turn her on. His responding growl told her all she needed to know about whether he was ready to make good on his promise.