Chapter Four
By the time her sisters and their families left the house, Emmi was mentally and emotionally exhausted. She loved her niece, but the girl never stopped talking. She craved attention, and was willing to go to great lengths to receive it.
“You were great with her,” said Digger, still lingering in the living room over coffee and a second piece of mincemeat pie. It was one of Lewis’s specialties, and Digger loved it.
“She loves to gossip. If you get her talking about her classmates, she forgets everything else.”
“But that’s exactly what I meant earlier about you and Mia. You understand Vicki. You know who she is, and you use that to keep the peace between the boys and her.”
She stared at him for a moment while that sank in. “Guess I never really looked at it that way before.”
“We each have to know who we are, Emmi. It’s the only way to be true to our natures.”
Her parents were still in the other room. She heard them talking, but it didn’t sound like they’d be coming into this one anytime soon. “And what is my nature, Digger? Other than what you said earlier about me having a short fuse?”
He moved closer to her. It was difficult not to be drawn in by his looks and his charm. She did understand the pull he had on women, but she was used to ignoring it. Tonight, her emotions confused her. The loss of Sam was still too new, too raw. That had to be it.
“Your nature is to do what you want, when you want it. But you also have needs. I know you do. I’m here to fill them.”
Her pulse raced, but before she could react, her parents returned, and Emmi stood, stretching. “I’m really tired. Good night, everyone.”
Emmi desperately needed some alone time. Maybe giving up the apartment and coming back home for a while had been a mistake? But it had become too hard being there alone. Every inch of the place reminded her of Sam. And she hadn’t been able to concentrate on her school work.
The last thing she needed to do was blow her chance at maintaining her fabulous grades for the last semester. She didn’t want to land her dream job because of someone her father knew. It was important to do this all on her own.
But she hadn’t anticipated having to perform for the family quite so soon, or having to deal with Digger closing in for the kill now that Sam was gone. He was persistent. She’d give him that much. And her own mixed-up emotions tonight weren’t making this any easier.
Emmi peeled off the dress and slipped into her favorite PJs. Warm, comfy, and a size larger than she needed so she could relax in them. She’d slept naked for years, but hadn’t done so since Sam left. It had been their thing. She had a rough time doing anything that reminded her of him.
It was snowing, and quite hard, so Emmi curled up in the armchair in her room, next to the window. There was a storm predicted for the next few days, which was fine with her. Being stuck indoors during a blizzard was exactly what she needed right now, as long as she could maintain some semblance of privacy during it.
And, it’s not like they’d starve or have nothing to pass the time in this house. They could shelter most of Southampton in any emergency for days on end, and still have plenty of food and resources left over. She was safe and cared for here, just as she’d always been.
So why, then, was it so difficult for her to settle in and enjoy the time off? Why couldn’t she let go of Sam? Was it even reasonable to do so? He’d only been gone three weeks. Three weeks, one day, and seventeen hours, not that she was counting. Was she expecting too much from herself?
Like Barb had said, she’d basically spent half her life with him. Sure, when they’d been kids in school it hadn’t been the same as living with him, but she’d never dated anyone else. Neither had he. He’d been her first kiss, and the first and only man she’d ever fucked.
Now there was a scary thought. What if she’d already had the best sex of her life? She was only twenty-four. She had nothing to compare it to. What if everyone else sucked? What if no one but Digger ever wanted to fuck her again?
Get a grip, Emmi. You’re losing it!
Maybe she shouldn’t have refused that eggnog from Dani, their assistant cook, before she went upstairs? She could use it right now. Laced with rum, of course. After staring at the bell cord in her room for a few seconds, she just couldn’t do it. It had never been in her nature to hang out in her room and let the staff bring things to her.
Sure, it was a big house, but she had legs and could walk. She’d get it herself. If she went down the back stairs, her parents and Digger wouldn’t hear her, as long as they were still in the small living room. Maybe he’d left by now. That would make this night easier.
After Emmi made the eggnog with just enough rum, she put it in a travel mug so it would stay cold for a while. The snow was falling heavier now, so she decided to stay up, drink her eggnog, and watch it. Tomorrow was Saturday, and she had no place to be.
There were no gigs to go to, no rehearsals to attend where she’d stand there and be supportive of whatever band Sam was playing with at the time. She had no cases to read, and no research to do. No papers to write, or books to read before Monday morning. It was an odd feeling. Not unpleasant, but a bit unnerving, just the same.
As she climbed the back stairs, she heard footsteps in the hallway, and assumed it was Barb or, more than likely, Eddie. He was in charge of the household staff and often took a quick walk through the house after everyone had gone to bed, to make sure nothing had been left undone, and whatever the family needed ready for morning was in place.
Emmi turned the corner that led to her room and opened her mouth to address Eddie, except that’s not who was in the hallway. It was Digger. “Oh. I thought you’d gone home already.”
“No. It’s snowing too hard in the city. Your sisters each made it home safely, but I’m staying tonight.”
“How do you know they made it home?”
“I was talking to your parents when they called.”
“You certainly set this up well, didn’t you?”
He chuckled softly. “Do you want to blame me for the snow, too?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Your sisters live much closer than I do. They’re canceling flights at JFK already. You don’t want me driving all the way into the city in blizzard conditions, do you?”
“No. Of course not.”
The silence grew awkward while he stared at her as if considering whether to pour chocolate sauce on her before he ate her.
“Well, you know your way to the guest rooms. I’m off to bed now, so I’ll see you in the morning.” As she brushed past him, he caught her arm. Not with a grip, but with a touch so light yet sensual, it sent shivers up that arm and straight to her clit. Hellfire. That wasn’t something she needed to know. That he had such power over her hormones.
“What’s in the travel mug?”
“Something to help me sleep.”
“You need help sleeping in your childhood home?”
Raw pain shot through her, but she wasn’t about to spill her guts to Digger. He’d never had a serious relationship that she knew about. How the hell would he understand what she was going through? “Digger, it’s been a rough month for me.”
His expression turned sympathetic, which surprised her. “I know. I’m not trying to make it worse.”
“Then what are you trying to do?” As soon as she said it, she had to resist the urge to clamp her hand over her mouth. Duh. She knew the answer to that question.
A quick flicker of his gaze toward the ceiling over her head almost made her laugh once she glanced up. A wilted sprig of mistletoe, part of the leftover Christmas decorations, still hung from a hook. Are you fucking kidding me?
“We have to, you know.” That voice. It had always been mellow and smooth. It’s not as if she’d never noticed before. “It’s bad luck otherwise.”
“If that’s true, I’ve got shitloads of bad luck on me because I’ve passed under this thing for days now and haven’t kissed anyone.”
“But have you stood under it with anyone before tonight?”
“No.” Her pulse raced again, and she gripped the mug tighter as it tried to slip from her hand. Hadn’t she just been thinking about how Sam was the only guy she’d ever kissed? Surely one little kiss couldn’t hurt. Only to see what it was like. For research purposes. Nothing else. She’d never lead him on. That would be cruel, and it would have the unintended effect of giving him hope when there was none.
You sure about that? That there is no hope?
“Emmi…” He sighed with the weight of broken dreams and disappointed promises. The sound made her sad, though she didn’t understand why. “You’re not naïve. You know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.”
“Yes. I know.” Her voice sounded hollow and unsympathetic. This was so fucking confusing! Why did he have to be here, so soon after Sam left? Why couldn’t she have had time to figure it out first?
He moved closer until there were no more than two inches between them. The heat from his body warmed her, though she hadn’t realized she was cold until she stood this close to him. “Then stop denying it.”
“Digger, I just broke up with the only guy I’ve ever been with.” So much for keeping that little tidbit to herself! “I’m not even close to being ready to think about any other man in my life.”
So many emotions passed through his big brown eyes that she couldn’t keep up with them. They locked gazes until she grew uncomfortable, not knowing what to say. She’d tried to let him down easier than she had at dinner. Though it wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear, it was the only thing she could honestly tell him.
His gaze drifted above their heads again. “One kiss. You can give me that much, surely.” His other hand drifted upward, and she thought he was going to grasp her with it, but then he dropped it to his side. “And then I’ll go to bed and dream about the day you’re mine completely.”
Sam used to say things like that, too. And then he left her and moved across the country to join yet one more fucking band. Emmi mentally shook away the thought. Digger wasn’t Sam. Not even close.
It would be nice to know if other men kissed as well as he had. And it’s not like Digger wasn’t physically attractive. He was drop-dead gorgeous. And very seductive. Had she noticed that about him before tonight? Probably. But her entire being had been focused on Sam.
Digger waited with the patience of Job, watching her, clocking every movement of her eyes. If she said “no”, he’d only ask again another time, in another way. He’d always been there, waiting in the wings. It was kind of creepy if she let her mind go there, but at the same time, it was also oddly comforting. At least for now, it was. And Emmi really needed to feel cared for and comforted tonight.
She took a deep breath, inhaling the hint of cologne she’d detected earlier. It was nice. Woodsy and masculine. It suited him, especially dressed up the way he was. He still had hold of her arm, and now he grasped the other one as well.
When he slid both hands up her arms, slowly, Emmi sucked in a deep breath and let it out bit by bit so she wouldn’t moan at the jolts of electricity racing through her body. What the hell? Had she never had this intense of a physical attraction to Digger before because Sam had been her whole life? Or, was this unrelated to anyone or anything in her past? And if it was the latter, why was it happening now?
He bent his head and pressed his lips against hers, softly, almost tentatively, as if he was afraid she’d hate it. She didn’t hate it. Not even close. His lips were warm and soft. A small sound escaped his throat, followed by louder moans as he slid his hands further up to cup her face. Once he did, he moved his mouth away from hers, but she didn’t want him to. She already missed the contact. Holy shit.
Digger released a quick breath and gazed into her eyes with unbridled lust for a second or two before clamping his mouth on hers again. This time, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and stepped forward so their bodies touched.
It wasn’t unpleasant. Not at all. She moaned against his lips when his tongue teased them, and then parted her lips to let him inside. Fireworks went off in her head. Her nipples tingled, and her clit throbbed. His bulge pressed against her lower abdomen, but still she didn’t pull away.
His lips and tongue moved over hers in ways she’d never experienced, sending erotic images racing through her head. This was nothing like she’d imagined. When he released her mouth a second time and took a step back, disappointment flooded her senses.
“Emmi…” His voice was rough and deep, and his dark eyes flashed with raw, dangerous longing. It sent shivers up and down her spine.
Words formed slowly in her mind. She had trouble forcing them to her throat. “That was … wow.” I sound like a fucking idiot!
“Yeah. It was that and more.” His grip on her face tightened. “Emmi, I know you’ve been hurt, but I don’t want the night to end here.”
No. Oh shit, no. She couldn’t do this. It was a mistake. She wasn’t ready. Emmi moved away until he released her face. “Good night, Digger.”
“No. Don’t do this. Stop denying what you want, Emmi.”
“I can’t.” Shit. That’s the not the same as saying she didn’t want it. What the hell was going on with her?
“Yes, you can. You have nothing to worry about. I’m clean. And I use condoms, regardless. I promise you it’ll be wonderful.”
She let out a small sound of disgust in protest, but that was not what she felt inside. “You sound very sure of yourself.”
“I am. We belong together. That kiss proved it.” He reached for her again, but she backed up several steps.
“You said one kiss, and that’s what I gave you.” So why aren’t you turning around and walking away?
“And yet you’re still here.”
Fuck.
This time, when he closed the gap between them and grasped her shoulders, she didn’t try to get away. As tears threatened, she bit her lip.
“Sam is gone. He’s not coming back. Any guy who could be so fucking stupid as to leave you for a band doesn’t deserve you.”
“I can’t talk about Sam with you, Digger. It’s too soon.”
“Fair enough. So hear this instead. You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. I will have your heart, Emmi. I will have your body, and I will have your soul. It’s inevitable.” He brushed his lips against her neck, and she gasped as hot desire flooded her senses.
“But I’ll respect your need to get over Sam first. I’m patient. I’ve waited a long time, and I’ll wait a while longer.” When he released her shoulders, all she could do was stare at him.
“Good night, Emmi. See you in the morning.”
Move, dammit! Move! She forced herself to turn and walk away from him, though his eyes burned into her back. And likely her ass, too, but she didn’t find that thought unpleasant.
Her plans for sitting in front of the window and watching it snow changed by the time she returned to her room. Instead, Emmi put the travel mug inside the small refrigerator in her room, curled up in bed, and let the tears come.
She cried for Sam, and the horrible pain he’d left her with. She cried for the emptiness she felt, but that Digger had helped fill a moment ago with a couple of kisses and words that left her helpless and wanting more.
She cried for her confusion over Digger, and for the way her traitorous body and mind had responded to him. When she finally drifted off to sleep, she found herself imagining what would have happened if she’d had sex with him tonight. Those images chased her down into erotic dreams.