Paloma did not sleep in my bed that last night.

And when I woke early the next morning, she had already left.

She didn’t even leave a note.

I walked through the empty house, pitying myself, pitying Sky.

I grabbed her from her room. She had grown so much these last ten weeks.

She looked up at me. “Da da?”

I kissed her. She had been calling me da da for weeks. Her voice melted me. But I wasn’t prepared for the words that came out her mouth next. “Ma ma?”

Ah fuck. Maybe she said Loma.

But then she said it again. “Ma ma?”

I doubted that Paloma taught Sky to call her Mama. Sky probably learned it through books. Even so, I was just crushed.

Sky had lost another mother figure. And I wasn’t going to be around enough to make it up to her.

Who was going to watch her? I would have to hire another nanny.

But I didn’t want another nanny. I wanted Paloma.

I opened the refrigerator to get some milk and noticed a casserole dish covered in foil.

I lifted the foil off and found a full batch of enchiladas rojas.

In Paloma’s final moments in my house, she had wanted to take care of me.

Fuck, I missed her already.

The doorbell rang. I jumped up, hoping it was Paloma and that she had come back.

But it was my mother. The last person I wanted to see.

I reluctantly let her in.

“Beck, darling. Why so glum?”

“What the fuck did you say to Paloma? She left today. You are so fucking pretentious. Just because she isn’t rich and educated? Who the fuck do you think you are? I’m a grown ass man. I will love who I choose to love.”

She opened her mouth and just stared at me. I had never gone off on my mother like that. But she deserved it.

“You will get over her one day. She left. What does that tell you about her character?”

“Everything. That she wasn’t going to give up her goals for a man. She loves me. You see her as a gold digger, but she didn’t want my money. I offered to pay her in Florida and she turned me down. Just go. I want to be alone.”

She exhaled. “I’ll go. Call me when you come to your senses.”

She walked out of the door and never even said goodbye to Sky. I hadn’t realized how cold she was until now. I didn’t want Sky to be raised by a cold woman, like my mother. I wanted her to be raised by someone like Paloma.

I wanted her to be raised by Paloma.

Fuck.

I fed Sky and placed her in her Pack n Play. And then I went to my room. I opened my dresser drawer and took out a sealed envelope.

Beck

My wife had handed my this letter as she was dying. She had told me not to open it until I had fallen in love again. I had wanted to rip up the letter at the time but she made me promise to keep it.

Now was the time. I opened it and the sight of her beautiful handwriting gutted me.

My Dearest Beck,

I have so much to say to you and not enough time to say it. Loving you has been the best part of my life. You were the prince that I dreamed of when I was a little girl. You are handsome, kind, generous, brilliant, and so sexy in that flight suit. You have given me everything I have ever wanted in my life—love, a purpose, a home, and our beautiful little girl. By the time you read this, you will have met someone new. And it’s okay. It’s more than okay. I’m thrilled for you. Our baby needs a mommy. Someone who loves her as much as I do. Someone to talk to her about her first crush, hold her when she is scared, wipe her tears away when she cries, style her hair into the latest craze, paint her nails the hottest shade, and teach her how to become a young lady. You will never leave the military and our daughter needs a parent, not a caretaker, when her daddy is fighting a war a world away. I know you have chosen a wonderful woman because you would never let anyone unworthy around our child.

And I want you to be happy. You deserve to be loved by someone who loves you as much as I do. Or someone who loves you more than I did. As much as I love you, I never allowed myself to totally lose myself in you. I was scared and proud and never able to fully express how much you mean to me. But you need to know that my world started the day I met you.

Your love for your new wife will never take away our love. You are not betraying me by loving another woman. You have my blessing. And I’m not gone. I’m beside you and our little girl everyday. All you need to do to visit me is fly. I’m in heaven, loving you both, waiting for you to come and kiss me in the sky.

I love you, always and forever. Until we meet again in the clouds.

Love,

Your wife, ‘til death do us part, Catherine.

The tears came and I was unable to control my sobs. It was almost as if she had chosen Paloma for me and Sky. She had told me to hire a local nanny—forcing me to let someone into our life.

I would love Catherine until the day I died.

But I also loved Paloma.

And I was going to get her back.