Kara

 

Kara was still shaken up by the display of anger that Ryder had shown at the wreckage of his bike. He’d stormed around like a wild bull, kicking up clouds of snow and looking like he was on the verge of snapping and doing violence to whatever—or whoever—was nearby. She’d guessed that he was a man capable of violence—she figured that you didn’t get to be a motorcycle club vet without having a side like that to you—but seeing it on display wasn’t something she had been prepared to handle. She could easily imagine him losing control, his green eyes flashing red with rage, and grabbing her by the neck and … she didn’t want to think about any of that.

 

What she wanted was to get rid of Ryder, to drop him off wherever it was he needed to go and get back on the road to her parents. She didn’t care anymore about how hot their sex was last night, and how part of her wanted a little more of his loving; she wanted to be free of this beast of a man and to get back to her normal life. Kara had gotten a taste of the wild side, and it made her realize that a taste was all she wanted.

 

As they drove, however, she felt the urge to break the silence. What Ryder had said about his mother and the motorcycle intrigued her, and despite everything, she wanted to know more.

 

“Your mother … is she still around?”

 

Kara winced as the words left her lips. As soon as she spoke, she realized that Ryder was the kind of guy who likely didn’t care for people prying into his personal life, especially women whom he’d just met.

 

But Ryder only snorted in response.

 

“My mother? What the hell you want to know about her for?”

 

“I don’t know,” said Kara, nervously drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. “Just curious about you, I guess.”

 

“You want my life story even though you’re about to drop me off for good?”

 

“You don’t have to tell me anything, I guess.”

 

Ryder sounded a dry chuckle.

 

“I suppose I can tell you a little,” he said. “No, my mom’s not around anymore. She died of cancer a couple of years back. Real fast-moving stuff. She was fine one day, then over the course of a month or so she wasted away to nothing. One of the scariest goddamn things I’d seen in my life. And … ah, she was all I had. As far as blood family goes.”

 

“No dad?”

 

“As far as I care, nope. He walked out of me and my mom when I was two. No idea who he is, and I don’t give a good fuck. He’s like a shadow or something in my memory; my mom hid all the pictures of him and I never cared to ask. He could be standing behind me in the damn grocery store for all I know and I wouldn’t recognize him.”

 

Kara took all of that in, thinking about what a contrast it was to her family.

 

“What’d your mom do?”

 

“Waitress,” said Ryder. “Never brought home much money, but it was enough to make sure I never went hungry. And what else does a kid really need besides some clothes, food in his gut, and a toy every now and then? She was good to me.”

 

“And … that bike was the last thing you had of hers.”

 

Ryder let the words hang in the air for a moment before responding.

 

“Yep,” he said. “I’m not one for holding onto things for sentimental reasons, but I’ve ridden that damn bike every day since I was old enough to drive it. And now it’s nothing—gone, smashed, wrecked.”

 

“I’m … really sorry about all that.”

 

“You don’t have shit to be sorry about,” said Ryder, his eyes still forward. “You saved my goddamn life. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I’d be looking like one of those cavemen who fell into a ditch during the Ice Age that they fish out thousands of years later and stick in a museum or something.”

 

He snorted and shook his head, as though in disbelief that he could get himself into such a stupid spot.

 

“Anyway, thanks, if I didn’t already say it. I owe you, big time.”

 

“You’re welcome,” said Kara.

 

Moments of silence passed, and Kara couldn’t help but feel like she’d softened to Ryder just a little. Hearing him talk about his family like that made him seem more human and less like a criminal ball of rage who seemed primed to fly off the handle at any moment.

 

“Don’t leave me hanging,” said Ryder.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You got my life story,” he said. “Now let’s hear yours.”

 

“There’s really not much to say,” Kara said, acutely aware that she had nothing to say that was more interesting than being in a motorcycle club. “I work a boring job in an office moving numbers around in Excel, I come home and eat takeout, and sometimes I have a glass of wine before bed. I think that’s the long and short of it.”

 

“That can’t be it,” said Ryder. “No boyfriend or anything?”

 

He quickly realized what he’d just said.

 

“At least, I hope no fuckin’ boyfriend. For his sake.”

 

Kara fidgeted nervously.

 

“Nope.”

 

“But a fiancé. Or, at least, once upon a time.”

 

Kara’s eyes shot wide open.

 

“What? How did you—?”

 

Ryder turned his eyes to her for the first time in a while. Reaching across the car, he tapped on her ring finger. Kara looked down and saw that there was a pale circle of flesh where her ring used to be.

 

“I’ve been with enough unfaithful wives looking for a break from their boring husbands to know what it looks like when a woman slips her ring off for one reason or another. And judging from the fact that it’s still pale, I’m guessing this all happened fairly recently. Whatever it was that did happen.”

 

“I, um, I don’t know … ”

 

Kara wasn’t sure how much she wanted to get into.

 

“Come on,” said Ryder. “I just told you some shit I haven’t even told the boys in my crew. Let’s hear it.”

 

Kara took a deep breath, her heart pounding at the idea of recollecting the memory of walking in on Leon with that damned blonde. Despite that, she told the story. When she was done, Ryder shook his head, a slight smirk on his face.

 

“What’re you smiling at?” Kara asked. “Is that funny to you, the fact that my life fell to pieces right in front of my eyes?”

 

“Not funny ha-ha,” he said. “Funny as in totally insane. I don’t know what I’d do if I walked in on any girl of mine getting plowed by some dude. Wouldn’t be a happy ending for the dude, at least.”

 

Kara didn’t doubt that for a second. And now she couldn’t shake the image of Ryder kicking in the door to Leon’s office, grabbing him by his starched collar and slugging him right in his smug face. She scolded herself for indulging in violent fantasies like that, but she couldn’t help it—it was too enticing to not have some fun with.

 

“That’s life,” said Ryder. “Everything can change just like that. One minute you’re about to get hitched and start the rest of your life, and the next you’re lost in the world without a damn clue as to what to do next. I feel for you, kid, I really do. For what it’s worth.”

 

“Thanks,” said Kara, not entirely sure how to handle Ryder’s condolences.

 

“But you’ve got a stable family—at least I’m assuming you do, if you’re trekkin’ up to visit them. At least you’ve got that.”

 

Kara nodded softly, knowing that he was right.

 

“And you’ve got no one?” asked Kara.

 

“Of course, I’ve fuckin’ got people,” said Ryder. “I’ve got my boys, and they’ve got me. In this fucked-up world we’re living in, I wouldn’t want anyone else at my side. We’ve fought together, bled together, gotten fucked up together—you name it. I miss my mom, no doubt, but at least I’ve got my crew.”

 

Kara didn’t even have that. Sure, there were a couple of girls at work with whom she’d go out for happy hour drinks every now and then, but her whole life had been Leon. It was occurring to her just how much she hadn’t been moving on from what had happened. This night with Ryder was the first event that’d happened to shake her out of her stasis since she and Leon broke up.

 

“Anyway, my exit’s up here. I’ll lead you the rest of the way.”

 

They took a turn off towards Riverdale—one of the worst neighborhoods in Chicago. The area all around them was nothing but rundown tenements and warehouses.

 

“It’s sketchy, I know, but you’ll be fine as long as you’re not planning on sticking around and sightseeing.”

 

After a little bit of a drive, Ryder pointed at a large warehouse with a long row of motorcycles parked out front.

 

“There it is,” he said. “Just drop me off there.”

 

Kara pulled to a stop in front of the warehouse.

 

“Thanks,” said Ryder. “Now, I’m not gonna put too fine a point on it, but like I said, I owe you, big time. You know my name; you know the name of my crew. If you need anything, you come right here and bang on that door until someone answers. I’ve got your back.”

 

“Thanks,” Kara said, not sure how else to respond.

 

With that, Ryder leaned over and kissed her hard on the mouth. Kara’s eyes went wide—she wasn’t expecting that at all.

 

“Later, good-looking,” he said.

 

And with that, he hopped out of the car and headed towards the warehouse. One of the doors opened, and inside she could see Ryder being greeted by a handful of rough-looking men in leather and denim, some with wild, long beards.

 

Kara started off and turned out of the warehouse parking lot. The blend of emotions inside of her left her feeling confused. On the one hand, she was happy to be free of the strange, violent man. On the other, she realized that she’d been more sexually attracted to him than any other man she’d known recently—maybe even ever. As she made her way back to the highway, she found herself thinking about their night of passion, a strange longing forming in her heart as she did.