Brandon
The keys slammed so hard against the glass coffee table it cracked. Brandon’s phone rang for the second time, but he refused to answer it. He couldn’t talk to her right now. He didn’t even want to hear her voice, yet he was dying to. How the fuck did that even make sense? Sitting back on the sofa, he brought his hands to his face, and he slid them both down roughly, taking in an angry breath. He wasn’t even sure if he was more angry or hurt.
All week he’d been afraid something like this might happen. From the moment he realized the Morenos were a part of Regina’s life, he’d wondered how that would affect their relationship. He could deal with seeing Sofie if he had to. Like Sunday it might be uncomfortable, but he’d since decided it was a sacrifice he’d be willing to make for Regina. Any feelings he may’ve had for Sofia had been dead and buried for years. He knew now after experiencing real love that what he felt for Sofie had been nothing more that infatuation and maybe a desperate need to feel cared for as he thought she might.
As tempted as he’d been to bring up the subject this week, he hadn’t. Regina had already been dealing with turmoil since her dad’s heart attack. He didn’t want to add to it. He knew talking about Sofie and her brothers and the shit they might tell Regina about him would be a sore point, but he didn’t realize how infuriating it would be. The thought of them possibly poisoning her mind about him had bothered him all week, but a bigger part of him was confident she’d be immune to any bullshit they might feed her. He couldn’t be sure, but as far as he knew, today was the first time this week she’d heard anything more about him and Sofia, and already she was acting suspicious. Not once since her first reaction to his questioning her about her therapist had she been secretive.
One conversation with Alex and Regina was already having her doubts about him. That’s all it took, and he could only imagine what being around them longer would do. She believed what they said already. He saw it in those hesitant eyes. He couldn’t deal with this. He wouldn’t. She wanted his side of the story? Why? All this time around him—knowing him—falling in love with him wasn’t enough to prove that things hadn’t gone down the bullshit way Sofie’s brothers said they did? She expected him to plead his case to her now?
“Fuck that!” he said, flinging his phone across the room where it hit the wall and slammed down on the floor in one piece.
He wondered for a moment if he’d be making a trip tomorrow to the wireless store for a replacement until he heard the text message alert go off. He sat there, staring it at it without moving until it went off again. With the amount of close friends he had, he didn’t get many texts, so he knew it had to be her. Unable to fight the curiosity of what she might have to say to him, he got up and walked toward it.
The phone might still be working, but the screen was cracked. He frowned, clicking on the envelope.
We really need to talk. Can I come over tonight? Can’t end it like this.
End? Was she serious? He reread the confusing text again. He’d known this would be an issue, one that might take him days to get over, but she was talking about ending things over this?
He didn’t even realize he’d brought his hand to rest over his chest until he felt the pounding heart against it. He almost hit the dial button to call her when another text came through.
I just want the truth, the whole truth. I can handle it. I promise.
Because what he’d told her wasn’t the whole truth? He started to respond, but he was so pissed he had to retype some of the words because like her first text they were all over the place.
Sounds like you already know the truth, or you wouldn’t be promising to be able to handle it. Have Alex tell you the WHOLE truth. Why the fuck do you need to hear it from me if you’ve already made up your mind whose side you’re taking?
He almost kept typing everything he wanted to say to her: how stupid he felt for thinking she’d automatically dismiss all the bullshit for what it was and how disappointed and disgusted he was that she hadn’t. Then he changed his mind and deleted the whole damn thing. He wouldn’t give her the pleasure of knowing what this was doing to him.
His dad’s words about the sacredness of his deep emotions came to him out of nowhere, straightening him out and pulling his head out of his lovesick ass.
No one has a right to know what you’re feeling deep inside but yourself. Showing it is a sign of weakness.
It would probably be the hardest thing he’d ever do in his life, but he’d been alone long enough. He knew he could do it again.
Don’t come over. I don’t want to see you anymore. Handle this, Ms. Brady. This CAN end like this. It just did.
He sent it then turned off the phone and tossed it on the table, feeling an all-consuming and unbearable ache in his heart. Stopping at the door of his bedroom, he wondered if he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life. For one very weak moment, he considered grabbing his keys and racing to her place to give her what she was asking for—swallow his damn pride and give her his side of the damn story—the whole truth. He could plead his case and beg her to believe him. But he shook his head.
“Never,” he whispered, feeling numb as he continued into his bedroom. “Not even for you, princess.”
~*~
Regina
Each time Regina read the text her heart plummeted even further. She stared at it until her eyes were too blurred with tears to be able to see it clearly anymore. He couldn’t be serious. He was ending things just like this—via a text?
She hit speed dial, feeling completely incensed, ready to tell him off. How dare he? This is how much she meant to him? One argument was all it took for him to just dismiss everything they had?
The call went directly to voicemail, and she grabbed her keys, ready to charge down to his place and face off with him. Then she had a terrifying thought. What if seeing Sofia again after all this time is what had made it so easy for Brandon to dump her just like that? Maybe there was something that ran much deeper between him and Sofia. Maybe there was more to their story than anyone but the two of them knew. It had to be something big for Brandon to be this livid with her, but what?
Putting her keys back down, she scrolled through her phone quickly until she saw Sofia’s name. With a trembling breath, she pulled herself together and hit the dial button before she could change he mind. She paced around her front room, not even sure what she’d say to her, but she had to get to the bottom of this.
“Gina?” Sofia’s voice sounded guarded.
“Yes, Sofia it’s me. Can you talk?”
“Um, yeah, give me a sec.” The line went quiet for a moment then Sofia spoke again.
She asked Regina about her dad and let her know she’d keep him in her thoughts. Regina thanked her then got right to it. “Listen, I spoke with Alex and Valerie tonight at my parents’ house. They told me a little bit about the things that happened between you and Brandon before you were married. Brandon had already told me a little also, only I had no idea you were the same Sofia he had mentioned.”
She wanted to make sure Sofia knew Brandon hadn’t left her completely in the dark about this, but it scared her to death to wonder what else he’d left out—what else Sofia might’ve confessed to Sarah about that made her feel so guilty. Regina was fully prepared now to hear they’d slept together—more than once even. What scared her more was the possibility that Sofia was the real reason why Brandon had decided he never wanted another attachment again. Maybe seeing her again reminded him of the fact that she was someone he’d never get over.
“I mentioned it to Brandon when I got home, and he got really upset. I get that he and your brothers didn’t get along, but I don’t understand why he’d get this angry. He stormed out of here and . . .” She decided to leave out the fact that Brandon had just up and dumped her. Regina wouldn’t accept that things were over until she’d at least spoken with him. Trying to keep it together and not break down, she spoke again, but she lowered her voice to a whisper in an effort to keep it from breaking. “He’s just really, really angry, and I’m trying to understand why.”
She heard Sofia inhale deeply. “This is why I was hoping you’d call. First of all, what exactly did Alex tell you?”
Regina told her, and Sofia was quiet for a moment. “He didn’t tell you Brandon took advantage of me?”
“No.” Regina’s voice was a near whisper now. “He didn’t, did he?”
“No,” Sofia stressed immediately. “He didn’t, not at all. It just surprises me that Alex wouldn’t tell you Brandon had. It’s what I was worried about and why I wanted to talk to you. I had a feeling that story might get back to you, and I wanted to set the record straight. It’s why I told you at the party that Brandon was a good guy.”
Regina thought about that for a moment, and her worries about Sofia secretly being in love with Brandon doubled over. “Brandon told me everything that happened was consensual,” she whispered. “But he did leave a lot out.” She closed her eyes, her hand clutching the phone tightly. “Is there more?”
Sofia’s sudden silence was enough to spike Regina’s heartbeat, and she squeezed her eyes even tighter. “Sarah was the closest thing to a sister I had back then. So she’s the only one I ever told, but even she doesn’t know the whole truth. I had to deal with the guilt of Brandon taking all the blame for what happened for years. None of us had talked or even thought about this for years, and I wasn’t sure how my brothers or Eric would react to seeing him after all this time. I am surprised but happy that Alex didn’t go there again and make Brandon the bad guy.” She paused before going on then took another deep breath. “You’re the only one I’m going to tell, but I need to know this will go to the grave with you. I’m only doing it because Brandon didn’t deserve to take all the heat like he did back then. I certainly don’t want to be the cause of any problems for him now.”
She was quiet, and Regina assured her she wouldn’t tell a soul. In a lowered voice, Sofia began again. “You know all about my brothers and what they were like when we were growing up, right?”
“Yes.”
The thought actually made her crack a smile. She’d heard so many stories. She’d also heard the stories about how Sofia and Eric had sneaked around right under their noses. What was worrisome was that Sofia admitted to have been the instigator in all those stories. She wondered now what else she’d done with Brandon that no one knew about.
“I could make all kinds of excuses, Regina, but the truth is I was young. I’d never been kissed by anyone but Eric, and the bottom line is I was attracted to Brandon. So when he decided to kiss me, I let him. What nobody knows is that he gave me the opportunity to walk away. He literally told me to tell him to stop before he did it and that he would, but I didn’t. I wanted him to.” With another deep breath, she added, “Eric was already so hurt when I confessed what had happened I couldn’t possibly tell him that I could’ve easily avoided the kiss but chose not to. The worst thing was my brothers and Eric all blamed him. They made me out to be this naïve stupid little thing,” she said, her voice dripping with irritation, “who had been taken advantage of. As much as I wanted to scream at them, that I’d given into a moment of weakness of my own free will, I didn’t because I was terrified of losing Eric. His following me to the beach and then showing up drunk at my house was all because he was afraid I was actually buying into what my brothers were saying.”
That thought suddenly woke Regina. “Was it just the kiss, Sof? Nothing else ever happened?”
“Nothing else ever.”
Feeling an enormous relief, she still had to ask one more thing. “Were you ever in love with him?”
“No,” Sofia answered immediately and with conviction. “That was one area I had far more experience than he did even back then.” To Regina’s surprise, Sofia touched on the very thing she was thinking. “He confessed just before he left that he was in love with me, but I’d been in love with Eric for years. I knew what true love really felt like, and there was no way Brandon could have felt that for me. No way. We never had that kind of connection if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Smiling, Regina knew that, even with this information, she still had to fix things with Brandon. Like Sofia he likely thought Alex had badmouthed him—made him out to be a villain.
Sides.
She couldn’t have him thinking that by asking him to explain his side she’d meant the story of his taking advantage of Sofia. All she’d been asking for or ever cared about was whether or not there was more to the story of him and Sofia, something Sofia had just confirmed. No, there wasn’t.
Thanking Sofia for all her honest and upfront information, she hung up and tried calling Brandon again. This time it didn’t go straight to voicemail, but he didn’t answer anyway. Knowing that at least his phone was on now, she sent him a text.
If you don’t answer, I’m coming over.
She wouldn’t even wait for him to respond. Grabbing her keys, she headed for her car when she got his text response.
I’m not giving you my side, Regina. So don’t waste your time.
At the very least, he was responding now. Frowning, Regina texted back as fast as she could, standing right outside her car.
I don’t want your side. I spoke with Sofia. I just want to talk to you now.
She waited before she got in the car in case this was all he was going to give her. She didn’t want to be driving if they were going to go back and forth via text. Startled when her phone rang, she was even more surprised to see it was him, but she smiled, answering immediately.
“Hello?”
“You spoke with Sofie?”
Irritated by his insistence of calling her that and not thrilled about his extra chilly tenor, she frowned. “Yes. I called her—”
“You called her?” His voice went up a notch, bordering on the explosive now. “Why?”
“Because I needed to know the whole truth, but not—”
“Because my truth wasn’t worth shit?” He practically spit his words out, and she was certain now what he was thinking. “Whatever Alex put in your head had you questioning me and calling Sofie?”
“You wouldn’t answer your phone, Brandon. I tried calling you first.”
“Go to hell,” he said coldly, and the line clicked.
Her jaw dropped as she pulled the phone in front of her to confirm he’d actually hung up on her. With the confirmation that he had, Regina got in her car, throwing her phone on the passenger seat. She understood why he’d be so pissed, but he could at the very least have given her a chance to explain.
“How fucking rude!” she growled as she turned her car on.
Her phone rang, and she snatched it up, hitting the answer button. “How dare you?” she said loudly, already feeling choked up.
But the male voice on the other end wasn’t Brandon’s. “What?”
She shook her head, feeling a little stupid. “Art?”
“Yeah, who’d you think it was?”
Not wanting to get into it with him and in a hurry to get to Brandon, she played it off. “A friend of mine. I was just being silly. What’s up?”
“Bad news, babe. Dad’s back in the hospital.” Her heart tanked, and she gripped the wheel. “It’s not looking good. They want us all down there ASAP. I’d just gotten home when I got the call. I could swing by and get you.”
“No!” she said, the lump in her throat nearly unbearable, and her voice gave. “Not looking good?” she cried as she pulled out of the parking space. “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. They just told me to get there as soon as I could and to get you on the way. Gina, you shouldn’t drive like this.”
“Too late. I’m already on my way. I’ll just meet you there.”
As soon as she hung up, she let out a sob, banging her steering wheel. “Daddy, wait for me, please!”
~~~
The moment she arrived at the hospital, she knew she was too late. Bell tore herself away from Romero, whose chest she was latched on to, and ran to Gina.
“Sissy, he’s gone! Daddy’s gone!” she sobbed, wrapping her arms around her.
Regina nearly collapsed, but she held onto Bell with a shuddering bawl. She allowed herself to fall apart for just a few minutes as she and Bell clung to each other. When she walked into her father’s room where her mom was sitting holding his lifeless hand praying, it took everything in her, but she held it together. Pat stood next to her mom, crying softly, and Gina hugged her then leaned over and kissed her mom on the head.
“How are you feeling, Mom?”
Her mom didn’t answer. She didn’t even look up. She just kept praying and brought her husband’s hand to her cheek.
Instantly, Regina was all business. “Have they checked her blood pressure?” Bell and Pat exchanged blank glances. “They need to,” she said, heading out.
Just as she’d been afraid of, her mom’s blood pressure had spiked. Regina’s grief turned into utter dread. She’d just lost one parent. The last thing she wanted was to have to worry about her mom making herself sick over this. Not surprising, her mom hadn’t remembered to take her medicine lately as she should. Her mom took it and was taken out of the room so she could sit somewhere and relax away from the sight of her dead husband until her blood pressure went down. Regina sat with her and her siblings, and they spoke calmly about the good times with her dad, remembering only things that made her mom smile even if both her sisters were a mess.
Bell held onto Romero, burying her face in his neck. Art held Pat, comforting her as Regina continued to speak to her mother soothingly. After about an hour, they were allowed back in her father’s room for a final good-bye. Both Pat and Bell said they’d stay the night with her mom. Regina needed to leave—needed the luxury of falling apart like she really wanted to. She took the long numbing drive home where she’d now spend her first night without Brandon, grieving alone.
~~~
Afraid of giving into the temptation of calling Brandon, Regina dropped her cell phone on the floor and then proceeded to bang on it with the bat she’d pulled out of the closet. When she was satisfied it was completely non-functional, she proceeded to smash the mirror on the wall and then the lamp on the table next to it. Little by little as she obliterated everything in her sight she fell on the floor, taking another big swig straight from the wine bottle, and sobbed.
This was exactly why she didn’t want to be tempted to call him. She didn’t want anyone, but especially Brandon, to see her this way. The excruciating pain of losing her father manifested itself and was quickly becoming too overwhelming. It was making her feel as if she was losing her mind—she could barely breathe, and she no longer had the will to fight the temptation to pull the gun out of that trunk. If Brandon caught her this way, this may be the last time he ever saw her, and she’d be damned if she wanted him to remember her this way.
She hated feeling so weak, but she was. Any strength she needed to try and get through this subsided with every second that passed. “Why!” she screamed, agonized.
It was a question that just poured out. She didn’t even know what exactly she was asking, or maybe she did. Why was she so weak? Why the fuck couldn’t she deal with pain like normal people? What was wrong with her!
The vision of her father lying lifeless in his hospital bed with her mother sitting by his side hit her suddenly. It felt as if someone had taken her bat and pummeled her with it.
“No!” she screamed, shaking her head as if the louder she screamed the more she could will the vision and the reality that her father was gone. “No!”
Scrambling onto her knees, she scurried toward the wooden chest, spilling the near empty bottle of wine on the floor in the process. Flinging the chest open, she grabbed at things—old pictures, Ryan’s baseball glove, everything she hadn’t wanted to look at in over a year—and flung them all aside until she saw it: the gun.
Her heart pounded against her chest, and she began shaking, but she reached for it. She reached for the box with the ammunition too and took it in her other hand. Holding the cold gun in her hand brought back all those memories of that dreadful day, the day she’d been interrupted. “Not today,” she said with conviction and stood up shakily.
She made her way up the stairs to her bedroom, nearly tripping along the way. Thoughts of Brandon and how her fall had brought them together came to her, and she nearly smiled. Then reality slammed into her mercilessly, and she felt her face crumble again.
Rushing now, she opened the door to her bathroom and walked in, locking it behind her. She’d do it this time, and the world would be rid of her pathetic ass once and for all.
She sat on the cold floor for a moment, silently, as the tears continued to roll down her cheek with one thought: Brandon. How naïve she’d been to think his love could make her better—his presence in her life could somehow make her stronger. She was hopeless. Even her beautiful Brandon hadn’t been enough to give her the strength to fight through this suffocating pain.
Setting the gun on the floor, her hands nearly shook out of control as she reached for the box of ammo and took a single bullet out. It was all she needed.