Derek winced against another flash of light as it pulsed, feeling like it was piercing his eyes. He could deal with the loud music and the crowd of humans that were packed into the building. The need for the bright lights that pulsed with an irregular beat however, left him feeling confused and a little annoyed. No one else around them seemed to even notice it, carrying on with their dancing and drinking.

“You look uncomfortable,” Stephan called to him over the music.

He cringed at the light as it flashed in his face a few more times. “I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of the choice in lighting.”

Stephan laughed, finishing his drink. “Yeah, they can be a little annoying, you alright otherwise?”

Derek nodded, trying to avoid being jostled as someone pushed away from the bar with their hands clenched around several drinks. It was his first time in a public venue, one that didn’t involve hunting down a vampire anyway. If he’d been asked to guess where Stephan might take him, he’d have assumed it would be somewhere quiet and remote. When the man had dragged him into a building packed full of half-drunk, dancing humans, accompanied by loud music and pulsing lights, Derek had been taken aback.

It had taken his senses the good part of an hour to adjust to the sheer chaos and sensory input from the club. There was no getting away from it, even the bathrooms, where the noise was muted, pulsed with the bass from the speakers. The smell of liquor and human sweat filled the air, mingling with the strong werewolf smell from Stephan who’d stayed close to Derek the whole time. It was a dizzying array of strong smells and sounds, but Derek was finding himself minding it less and less. The fact that Stephan hadn’t left his side once had been a comfort, and he was grateful the werewolf had instinctively known to stay close to him.

“You sure about that? You look a little green,” Stephan said, leaning closer to get a better look at Derek.

He shook his head again, hoping he looked reassuring. “I’m fine, it’s just…a lot to take in is all.”

“You want to go somewhere quieter?” Stephan asked with concern.

Derek laughed. “Is there somewhere like that around here?”

“They’ve got some booths that are supposed to drown out some of the noise,” Stephan told him.

“I wouldn’t mind a little break,” Derek admitted hesitantly.

“Give me a sec, I’ll see if they’ve got one open for us to use for a little bit,” Stephan said as he turned to push his way through the throng of people.

When he came back, he grabbed hold of Derek’s elbow and led him through the crowd. It proved difficult, both of them took up a fair amount of space as they waded through the sea of people. Derek felt awkward as he tried to squeeze through the crush, not used to having to carefully maneuver his body around people far smaller than him. He’d known humans were typically smaller than the average werewolf, but it was an entirely different matter when faced with the reality. He was relieved Stephan seemed to know what he was doing parting the crowd ahead of Derek.

The booth turned out to be a small, closed off room set against one of the far walls of the club. Windows allowed anyone to see in and out of the room, but Derek spotted curtains that allowed the occupants some privacy as well. Stephan led him in, closing the door behind them, instantly cutting off the worst of the noise. Derek let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in and plopped down onto the cushioned bench.

“I guess I should have chosen somewhere a little more mellow, huh?” Stephan asked as he edged onto the bench across from Derek.

Derek set his drink down on the table between them. “It’s alright. The whole point was for me to get an understanding of city life, right? This is supposed to be a big thing for humans in the city, so I don’t blame you.”

“Well, it’s one part of it. There’s a lot more here than just getting drunk on overpriced drinks and dancing to music in a crowd. I probably should have started with a museum or something, something with culture,” Stephan said sheepishly.

Derek smiled. “I’ll just consider this part of human culture. I suppose I’m more surprised that this is the sort of thing you enjoy doing.”

Stephan shrugged. “It can be a nice way to get away from everything. When I’m here, I’m not surrounded by the pack and all the problems we have. I can lose myself in the crowd, let the music push out all my thoughts and just have fun. I know it can be a lot to take in when you’re one of us, but I’ve grown to like it. It’s a great place to just…not think or have to do anything.”

“Well, I can understand that, it would be next to impossible to think about anything while you’re here,” Derek said with another laugh.

Stephan grinned. “See? You’re already learning.”

“This place…seems fitting for the city in a way. When I first came here, it felt like the city was nothing but a bunch of noises, smells and humans all crammed into a small place. This club is like that initial impression, but more concentrated. It’s so bright and loud,” Derek pondered.

“I’m sorry if it’s too much,” Stephan said again with a wince.

Derek stirred his drink idly. “No, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. In some ways, it reminds me of the celebrations we have at the sept.”

Stephan leaned on the table with a look of interest. “I didn’t know you Wild Wolves actually did stuff like that.”

“We know how to have fun every now and then,” Derek teased.

“That’s…not what I meant,” Stephan protested.

Derek nodded. “I know. But this place is like, the human version of it. We get a bunch of fires and torches going, we have the werewolves who know how to play music, with their drums and other simple instruments. People get together and eat their food, drink the alcohol we’re good at making, and dance through the night.”

“I guess that does sound a lot like this, except for the music part,” Stephan said.

Derek shook his head. “Even the music is similar. You might not think so, but the music here is…oddly primitive. Deep bass, constant rhythm, it invites you to just…let go and give into the sound. Just like you said, it forces you to step back, let the music take over and just…not think. The music here might be done by technology, but the feel is the same.”

Stephan smiled at that. “That reminds me of when I heard someone use the term ‘modern primitive.’ Or at least, it kinda sounds the same to me.”

“No, that actually sounds perfect. I won’t deny that what we do out in the sept probably seems incredibly primitive to anyone here, even to the werewolves. So, that sounds like exactly the right words,” Derek assured him.

Stephan shrugged, looking away. “I don’t think you guys sound all that primitive. You just like to keep shit simple, simpler than we do here.”

“I don’t know about simple. What we lack in smart phones and the internet, we make up for by using politics and social standing. You City Wolves might not keep up with traditions and old laws, but it seems to work for you. I always thought we needed that sort of thing to survive as a people, but the werewolves here seem to get on just fine without it. You all know who’s in charge, and that’s all there is to it. No need for different leaders on a Council, or some expectation of who might be in charge. It’s been bizarre to see, but I can’t help but be a little impressed,” Derek admitted.

“It’s not quite that simple, but I guess I can see your point. We got plenty of problems here, since the alphas of the packs in this damn city can’t always make up their minds about whether or not they get along,” Stephan said.

Derek hummed thoughtfully. “Still, it’s far more honest than some of the politics out in the sept. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that sort of political intrigue.”

“I think as long as we’ve got a human part of us, that sort of behavior is always going to be a part of werewolves, no matter where they live or what they try to cover it up with,” Stephan said.

Derek sipped his drink, mulling over what Stephan had just said. His sept, and especially his father, had always all but ignored the fact that werewolves were half-human. It was never spoken aloud, but looking back on it, Derek could see many of the beliefs and behaviors he was taught to hold were used in a way that ignored or downplayed the humanity that all werewolves carried. Sure, the sept were willing to use language and a controlled amount of technology, but they rarely went further than that. Werewolves were treated as wolves who were merely given the ability to use complex thoughts and speech to aid in their mission to help and guard Gaia. To try and behave as if you were more human than that was inviting the sept to treat you as if you were as bad as a City Wolf.

“I guess, that’s the biggest difference between City and Wild Wolves,” Derek began.

Stephan raised a brow. “You uh, talking to yourself over there or me? Because I kinda need the context of where that random thought sprung up from.”

Derek smiled, embarrassed a little at having thought aloud. “I was just thinking about what you said about us being half-human. Out in the sept, we try our best to ignore that part of ourselves, even when we use the human side to our advantage. Whereas you guys here in the city, seem to do the complete opposite. You seem to enjoy your human halves far more, and don’t give too much credit to the wolf half until you need to use it.”

“Kinda makes us sound like we’re using the wolf side,” Stephan said with a frown.

“No more than we could be accused of using our human side,” Derek assured him.

“The Big Man always taught us that our wolf side wasn’t anymore important than our human one. Both sides are supposed to be used, since they’re a part of us. The wolf is what gives us our instincts for survival, and can keep us alive when our human side would rather curl up and hide. The human side is the thoughts, the deeper emotions, the thing that gives meaning to the world around us. The human side would be like, our conscious mind, while the wolf is the subconscious,” Stephan explained.

Derek watched Stephan in interest. “Don’t humans argue back and forth about whether or not the subconscious actually exists?”

Stephan cocked his head. “Didn’t know you Wild Wolves kept up on human debate in the fields of psychology.”

Derek couldn’t help but laugh. “I didn’t, not before coming here. It’s funny, my sister was always the reader and I could never understand what she found so fascinating about it. Now I’ve got nothing but time to do just that since Sean hasn’t done much with me since I got here. I’ve been reading a lot on that tablet you gave me. I never realized how much information was really on the internet until I was left alone with it. Now I just keep reading all sorts of different things, psychology was one of those things.”

Stephan’s smile was warm. “Well, I’m glad you got some use out of that tablet. Rico never used the damn thing, so I figured someone might as well.”

“Ah, I didn’t realize it was originally his. He’s an intelligent child, I’m surprised he isn’t more invested in using it,” Derek commented.

“Oh he’s a smart kid alright, he just can’t sit still long enough to read more than a few sentences before running off to do something else. I’m hoping he’ll calm down enough when he gets a bit older to get some real learning in,” Stephan said with a shake of his head.

“That could be as far ahead as his mid-twenties,” Derek teased.

Stephan shrugged. “Later is better than never.”

Derek smiled, feeling a warmth settle deep in his chest as he made himself comfortable on the bench. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the company, but he was feeling more at ease since having come to the club. It struck him as strange, that for the first time ever, he was genuinely experiencing life more fully than he had before. Even his growing frustration with the complicated relationship he was developing with Sean was more than he had ever had growing up. His life had always been about his place in the sept, and what was expected of him. Everything was laid out in a strict plan, down to what he should know and even eat.

Life in the city, as short as it had been for him so far, had offered him more opportunities to be his own person. It was true that half the time he felt as if he were adrift in a world that he would never understand, but it hadn’t stopped him from trying. He’d already gained a good friend in Stephan, was learning how to navigate his relationship with Sean, reconnected with a long-lost family member, and was working to find a place within this odd world that was the city. He had been forced to face the teachings of his childhood, and he was growing to enjoy his time here.

“You went quiet, you sure you’re alright?” Stephan asked once more.

Derek nodded. “I’ve just been thinking about everything that’s happened since I came here.”

“Makes sense, you’ve been through a lot in a short time. Thrown into a strange world, made to deal with strange people, dealing with a difficult alpha who’s in charge of everything that happens to you. Probably shouldn’t ask, but as your friend, I gotta know how sleeping with him is going,” Stephan asked with a sly smile.

Derek straightened. “What…how did you…?”

Stephan snorted. “You forget that even us City Wolves have got good noses? Someone don’t smell as much like another person as you and him do without having slept together. Showering afterward isn’t gonna help, especially when you walk right by one of us afterward.”

Derek flushed. “I was attempting to keep that quiet…from everyone.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Richard and I are the only ones who know, at least as far as I know. Not sure how he figured it out, since I only know because of you walkin’ past me the day you met Sean in the office. It ain’t that big of a deal though, you know that, don’t you?” Stephan asked, concern tinging his voice.

“I know no one here would think twice about it, and so long as my pack never finds out, that wouldn’t be a problem either. It’s just…difficult to justify what I’m doing, considering how poorly Sean and I have got on so far,” Derek said quietly.

“Not like it’s too weird. We’re a passionate species, and sometimes passion does what it wants. It’s not like either of you are ugly guys,” Stephan told him.

“It’s more the principle of the thing than anything else. I thought he was physically attractive when I first saw him, but his personality soured that for me quickly. Which is why I’m so frustrated with all this. I shouldn’t be willing to sleep with him, and yet I can’t help myself when it happens,” Derek explained.

“Yeah, sex can be like that,” Stephan said with a laugh.

He was glad his friend was taking it well, definitely better than Derek himself was. The new aspect of his relationship with Sean was a growing source of concern for him. It was an awful thought, that he could be so shallow as to lose all his common sense simply for a good body and great sex. Yet when he boiled his relationship with Sean down to the bare essentials, it was just mixed signals and superb physical chemistry. Was he supposed to find something deeper in their relationship, or was he just supposed to accept that they were getting along better only because they’d found an alternate way to express their pent-up emotions? It wasn’t an easy question to answer, and he wished he hadn’t been so foolish as to have kissed him to begin with, then this simply wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place.

Stephan frowned in concern. “You got a bad look on your face. This whole thing with Sean really bothers you huh? Is it because of your family?”

Derek sighed. “I feel as if my family would be the least of my troubles. None of them are willing to step foot in the city unless it becomes absolutely necessary. So long as I maintain the appearance of everything being fine and that I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I doubt we’ll see any of them. But yes, my family, my father in particular would be…unhappy, if they were to find out what I have been up to with Sean.”

Stephan grimaced. “I mean, no offense, but it sounds like your father is the type of person who’s never happy with what you do.”

“I suppose that’s not an inaccurate summation of my father and my relationship, albeit not a pleasant one. My father is admittedly more strict than some would be comfortable with, but he does what he must in order to steer me down the correct path,” Derek said, wondering suddenly who it was he was trying to convince.

“I mean, it’s your dad, so you gotta believe what you gotta believe I suppose. Still, to me, it sounds more like he’s controlling you rather than guiding you. Someone who’s guiding you isn’t going to come down on you every time you mess up, or every time you don’t do exactly what he thinks you should be doing. Sounds more like a dictator than a dad,” Stephan said, voice soft.

Sean had said something similar, though he’d said it far more abrasively. Stephan sounded concerned, and Derek wished there was a way for him to help make the werewolf feel better. Derek’s father was just the way he was, just as his father before him had been. Being the heir to everything that came with being the pack’s alpha was no small task and it required a tremendous ability to withstand the pressure of responsibility. Derek believed his father did what he did because that was the only way he could prepare his son for the future weight that would rest on his shoulders. It was true that he sometimes wished his father was more like the other father’s he’d seen, and less like how Stephan had described him. Still, wishing for something didn’t make it so, and that was simply a fact of his life.

“It’s alright Stephan, I promise. I’ve known what I was in for, and have done for years. One day, perhaps soon, I’ll return to my sept and resume taking my father’s place. Perhaps, after my time in the city, it will mean the sept and the packs here can have a far better relationship. Unlike my father, I see the benefit of such an arrangement,” Derek said, trying to hold onto even the barest sliver of a silver lining.

“If this Council you’ve talked about will even allow it,” Stephan said.

“I’ll find a way,” Derek promised, wondering if that was possible.