Chapter 15
Nina
I had lost all track of time. Since I returned from Cole’s office, I had been sitting on my couch, playing my guitar and not able to sing a single word. I was all chocked up, my lips felt dry and I couldn’t remember a single song to sing.
Even when I woke up that morning, I was foolish enough to cling to some hope. I was hoping that Cole had come to my apartment the previous night to apologize. To tell me how sorry he was. That it was a silly mistake, but one he made because he was attracted to me.
I was under the delusion that the sham marriage had happened in the first place, because he found me irresistible. But what was I thinking? I should have known that I wouldn’t ever be in his radar. The only reason he had even approached me at the wedding, was because I wasn’t a celebrity and I was a girl. There was no other reason.
That night when we had sex in the hotel room, he did it because he could, because he was in the process of hatching his plan. I slept with him because I was floored by him. Because I couldn’t believe my luck. That a man like him would even look at me. Would even find me attractive enough to ask me to spend the night with him.
I strummed my guitar tunelessly. I’d already backed out of the performance scheduled for that evening, and I was aware of how much trouble I had caused the band. They would have been running around like headless chickens, looking for a singer to replace me for the event. But I didn’t have the energy in me to feel guilty about it. I was feeling sick. I was feeling foolish and also foolish enough to feel heartbroken.
It had meant nothing to Cole. The first time we had sex, the second time, the shotgun wedding. None of it. He was jealous that night at the wedding. Rosalie’s trick to make him envious had worked, and feeling desperate, he had scanned the crowd till his gaze fell on me. He picked me out. Seduced me. Got me drunk and then married me. Since marriage meant nothing to him, this wasn’t a big deal to him. It was all just a big joke.
For me on the other hand, I had grown up believing in love. Our parents had been married for thirty-two years. I still saw it in their faces. How much in love they were, how devoted they were to each other. For me and Clara, no relationship could hold a candle to the marriage that my parents had. I believed strongly in finding true love, in finding a life long partner. Every guy I had dated, every guy I slept with…had only been stepping stones in finding the right one. The one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was so stubborn in my belief in true love, that none of those breakups affected me. I had never felt heartbroken before. I was just satisfied in the knowledge that I would find him some day. The right one.
And now, that hope of finding someone, of being married to the perfect man was completely smashed. In a way, Cole was right, of course. This marriage was just a piece of paper. But to me, I couldn’t believe that I was already married to a man I barely knew. To a man who had duped me into marrying him. After all these years of dreaming and hoping and yearning, it was heartbreaking to be so rudely crashed back into reality. Nobody had told me that I was just a foolish girl dreaming big. My parents just got lucky. That luck didn’t automatically transfer to me.
I strummed my guitar again, wondering when I could possibly feel better about this again. How long it would take for me to forget Cole.
That evening was magical. He had swept me off my feet, and even though I woke up the next day knowing that it had been just a one night stand, I knew that I had finally met someone who could possibly be the right man. I still had some hope then. Not any more though. Now it meant nothing.
I placed the guitar on the floor and stood up from the couch. I was tired of sitting. Tired of thinking and doing nothing. The sooner I could get Cole out of my life, legally, the easier it would be for me to move on. Maybe, like Clara said, in a few months I would realize that I was just making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe in a few years I would meet a man like Cole again. Someone who was the real deal. And until then, I would just have to keep going on. Keep believing that it would happen for me.
I dialed Clara’s number in a hurry, and the phone rang twice before she answered it. These days my sister always had time for me. I could tell that she was worried.
“Nina? Everything okay?” she asked. I sucked in a lung-full of air and sighed.
“I think mom and dad ruined life for us,” I said bitterly. I could sense that Clara was thinking of what to say. I knew she didn’t approve. We had never spoken about our parents like this before.
“Nina…don’t blame them for this. They’ve only taught us what they knew best. It’s our fault for trusting people so easily,” she said and I shook my head and closed my eyes.
“Do you know any good lawyers?” I asked. There was no point discussing this any more. It was time to man up.
Nina
2 weeks later
The annulment was surprisingly easy to acquire. The lawyer who Clara recommended got it done within a few days, and the signed papers arrived in my mail. I was still in my pajamas when I went downstairs to my mailbox and retrieved it along with other junk mail. I ran upstairs with it, banging the door shut behind me and tearing the envelope open.
He had signed it. I stared at his signature at the bottom of the page, next to mine. Cole Emery. We hadn’t even spoken over the phone in the past two weeks. I hadn’t heard from him or seen him since the incident in his office. I was glad for it, because seeing him again would only have opened up new wounds.
I sat down on the floor, holding up the paper. I read it, read it again and kept reading it, till all the words were stuck in my throat and I could repeat them without having to look at the sheet of paper. Marriage between Cole Emery and Nina Philips has been legally annulled. It was finally over. I wasn’t married to him any more.
I should have been feeling elated. I could put it all behind me and move on, but I wasn’t feeling any of those things. I was only feeling empty when I should have been rejoicing. That marriage had meant nothing. It was a sham and a trick. I was only a pawn in a game that Cole was playing with his ex girlfriend. He had used me. Despite all that, I still couldn’t get over him. How he had made me feel. How awkward and weak I got, how my knees turned to jelly the moment I saw him. Cole Emery was an arrogant, selfish man and yet I had fallen for him.
After I had spent at least an hour staring at the sheet of paper, I stood back up and shook myself. I felt like a completely new person. I tried to distract myself by practicing the sets I needed to sing for that night’s event, but I knew I was still thinking about him. I couldn’t sing a song without imagining Cole in his suit at the wedding, sipping his whiskey, his gray eyes twinkling at me.
The day went by in a blur. I had no sense of time, till my phone rang and my band-mate, Jake, called to remind me to get ready for the event. I had missed too many events these last couple of weeks and he had got into the habit of reminding me every day of our schedule.
“I’ll be there, Jake. See you,” I said kindly into the phone and hung up. I wished I could tell him that it was over now. That he could expect me to be back to normal. I wanted so badly to be normal again. Get back the life I had before that fateful night when I met Cole Emery.
I spent more time than usual getting ready for that evening. We were hired to sing at a fund raising ball. It was supposed to be a glamorous event, in attendance by corporate biggies and celebrities. Jake had insisted that we were very lucky to be hired for the event and that we should dress appropriately. The songs we had decided on for the evening were beautiful ballads and old hits. Songs that would appeal to a distinguished crowd like the one attending tonight.
I picked out my most prized possession for the evening. A luxurious blue velvet dress, that fell in scrumptious folds down my waist. It had a long slit that reached the middle of my thigh and revealed my legs. Clara had gifted it to me two years ago, when I booked my first real gig and since then, I’d only worn the dress once. I decided on this dress for the evening because I wanted to feel special and beautiful tonight. I felt like I deserved it.
I spent time on my hair and makeup, going for a glamorous retro look. I straightened and smoothened my hair, tying my shining golden hair in a tight bun at the side of my head. I chose a rich blood-red color for my lips and a shadowy smoky look for my eyes.
Other than a pair of chunky white-gemstone earrings, I had no other glamorous enough jewelry to don for the night. My shoes were blue, and tall stilettos to match the dress. A little discomfort was worth it to complete the look, I figured.
By seven, I was ready to leave and I ordered a taxi that would take me to the exclusive venue where the event was supposed to be held. As I rode in the taxi, I thought about Cole again. My dress, the jewelry, the makeup…those were all failed attempts at getting my spirit up again. None of it had worked. I still felt like a used woman. A nobody. A plaything in the lives of rich people.
There was a red carpet welcome and paparazzi at the entrance to the club when I got off the taxi. I blushed and ran in to find Jake and the band, but I was aware of the photographs that were already snapped of me. I should have felt special with all this, in the spotlight and adored. I knew I looked the part, but I felt lonely instead.
When I entered the venue, I glanced around the crowd. There were people there already, mingling, drinking and talking. People in beautiful clothes, expensive jewelry and looking like the stars that they were. I was very quickly reminded of Rosalie’s wedding, and how I had felt that night. How jealous I was of the wedding. How small and insignificant I had felt then, even though I was on a stage and in the spotlight. I felt like that again now, and suddenly, I felt ridiculous for spending that much time on my clothes and my look for the evening. I would never be able to match up to these standards, no matter how hard I tried.