Chapter 9
NOTHING SEEMED out of place, which made Shamus worry even more. He wanted to believe Noonan was still alive, but he didn’t want to wrap his brain around the idea the man could have betrayed his country.
His brothers.
And for what?
Shamus rummaged around in his mind about the events leading to his last ops, and the more he thought, the more he believed Noonan had led the team into a trap of some kind. The only thing that stood out, making him hold onto that tiny piece of hope, was that Noonan had warned them of the bomb. Why would he do that?
Okay. To give himself more time to get out.
But Shamus had the book. The one piece of intel they had come for, which Shamus assumed Noonan planned on selling.
His mind could go round and round all night, creating more questions than finding answers.
He whistled twice as he approached the cabin. He half expected Amber to greet him at the front door with a smile and open arms. When this was all said and done, they were going to have to have a long, serious talk. He needed closure on the past and wanted to pave a path to the future.
One that had her waking up in his arms.
He pushed opened the door and froze. He blinked twice, but he couldn’t eradicate the sight. He raised his weapon, aiming at Noonan’s heart.
“I’d put that thing down if I were you.” Noonan pointed an assault weapon in the direction of Amber.
“You okay?” he asked Amber as he set his weapon by the door, raising his hands as he took a few steps inside, assessing the situation. The chance of them getting out of this alive right now was about as slim as could be, but he was betting that would change as long as he kept Noonan talking.
“I’ve been better,” she said, hugging herself. Her face was pale, her lips were pulled into a tight line, and her body was rigid with anger.
Shamus moved one of the cold, metal folding chairs, setting it between Noonan and the door, across from Amber. “How’d you get back in the country undetected?”
“That’s your first question?” Shiny, overstretched skin spread across Noonan’s once charred forehead. The scars, more like veiny patches, weaved across his face. A flare of pain swelled across Shamus’s back as he wondered what was worse, being burned, or having shrapnel slice through your back.
“What should my first question be?”
“Did I fuck your girlfriend?”
Shamus laughed, though he didn’t find it funny at all, and the idea this asshole had his slimy hands on Amber made him want to add a few bullet holes to his face. “She wasn’t my girlfriend at the time you dated. I’m surprised you didn’t tell me, though. You always enjoyed bragging about your conquests.” Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Amber shift. From the way her lips curved down, she didn’t like him tossing her dating life around like a paper basketball aimed for the trash can.
“So, you don’t care that when I had her, we fucked like—”
“This isn’t about you dating my ex-girlfriend.” Shamus swallowed hard. He needed to get Noonan talking about what happened in Syria. That had to be the focus.
“No. She’s a cross between collateral damage and icing on the cake.”
“Did you come here to kill me?” Shamus asked. He knew the answer, but he hoped Noonan would go off on one his tangents, giving Shamus more time to figure out how the hell to get out without putting a scratch on Amber.
“You disappoint me,” Noonan said, resting the assault rifle on his lap, but keeping it aimed at Amber.
The Noonan Shamus remembered could have been a sniper and definitely was a better shot than him. Shamus needed to outsmart him, only Noonan was about as smart as they came.
“Answer me this. Why did you warn me about the bomb?”
“You’re really not as bright as I thought you were,” Noonan shook his head. “I was double-crossed. We were supposed to walk in, get the book, and walk out. I didn’t want anyone to die; I just wanted the book.”
“Had you already sold the intel to another group?” Shamus asked, still piecing together the information. The book contained details about the troops on the ground, so it was already in the hands of the enemy.
“I had a buyer,” Noonan said with a crooked smile. His lower bottom lip was swollen and damaged from the bomb.
Or maybe something else.
“And the three men I talked to trying to cross the border as refugees?” Amber asked.
“That was an interesting twist of fate that I obviously didn’t know about until I started to recover from my injuries, and I used it to make sure I could corner Shamus into coming out to play.” Noonan pulled out a toothpick and shoved it between his teeth.
“Why?” Shamus asked, tilting his head. “What the hell did I ever do to you?”
“Really? You have to ask that?” Noonan raised a hand, waving it over his face. “This is your fault.” His voice became a low growl.
“I don’t see how,” Shamus said, hoping to get Noonan so caught up in his own tale, he could disarm him with minimal damage to himself and none to Amber. “Seems like the men in that tunnel didn’t trust you to begin with. That they intended to kill you. I suspect they found out you were going to double-cross them.”
Noonan shrugged. “I figured they would, which is why I wanted to change our plan, but our CO had such a hard-on for you. Shamus O’Neil, the golden boy. You could do no wrong in his eyes. I was smarter and better at our job than you, yet he always listened to you. You and Max. Stupid man tried to be a hero.”
“He was a hero,” Shamus said, bile coating his stomach. “He figured out you were a traitor, and he tried to—”
“It got him killed.” Noonan stiffened, holding the rifle tighter in his hand, finger over the trigger.
“You got him killed,” Shamus corrected.
“And now I’m going to kill you and frame you for treason, destroying your career, your reputation, stripping you of a medal you didn’t earn.” He stood, inching his way toward Amber.
Shamus leapt from the chair, sending it crashing to the floor with a clank.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Noonan shoved the rifle at Amber’s chest.
She gripped the seat of the chair, groaning.
“Get that gun off her.” Shamus puffed out his chest, balling his hands. “Do whatever the fuck you want to me, but back away from Amber.”
“Awe, aren’t you the sweet guy.” Noonan took the barrel of the rifle and traced it down from her neck to between her breasts.
Her dark orbs turned fiery orange.
Shamus was going to enjoy taking Noonan down. “I’m your worst nightmare,” he said behind a clenched jaw. A tiny, red light beamed through the window, landing on Amber’s shoulder. It blinked three times, then disappeared.
Hank.
A sudden jolt of adrenaline roared through Shamus’s body. His pulse raced, but his mind calmed.
“That’s laughable. I’m the one with the gun,” Noonan said, pushing the rifle farther down, exposing more of Amber’s cleavage. “You ever fuck her when she’s angry? Damn.” He raised his free hand and kissed his fingers, making a smacking sound.
Shamus sucked in a deep breath, letting it out in one controlled exhale. “You’ve always been a lone wolf.”
“And you’ve always been soft,” Noonan said with a snarl.
“Perhaps, but you came alone. I’ve got back up.”
Noonan cocked his head, the weapon in his hands shifting slightly to the right and no longer directly positioned at the center of her chest. “Even if you had an army out there, they shoot, I kill her, and that document over there will prove you stole Missile Defense plans.” He laughed. “Might even work better to know you’re suffering in a military prison for treason. I’ve heard what goes on there. You won’t last five minutes.”
“You’ll be right there with me if that happens,” Shamus said. Using his peripheral vision, he scanned the room. His rifle leaned against the front door. An assault weapon rested on the coffee table.
Noonan’s arm trembled. The slight movement, barely recognizable, but definitely there, made Shamus wonder about the extent of the man’s injuries. The rifle weighed a lot less and yet it still seemed he had a hard time keeping it raised.
“I’ll be long gone before that happens,” Noonan said, but with little conviction.
“Doubtful,” Shamus said, inching forward. “Put the gun down.”
With a shaky wrist, Noonan lifted it closer to Amber’s face, but he struggled to keep it there. He lifted his other hand, holding it under his forearm.
“Having a hard time?” Shamus asked, standing less than an arm’s length away. “You ran past me right before the bomb went off. How’d you manage to get hurt so badly?”
“You don’t remember the second blast?”
“Nope,” Shamus admitted, almost feeling sorry for the poor bastard. Had he not made a deal with the enemy, perhaps they both might have walked out with minimal damage, and Max would still be alive.
“I’m getting real tired of this gun being pointed at me,” Amber muttered, catching Shamus’s gaze, then diverting hers back to the gun.
She did that three times before Shamus decided she had the better angle.
“Too fucking bad,” Noonan said.
Shamus blinked slowly, as if to nod. He didn’t like it, but if Hank, or whoever from the Brotherhood Protectors had a clean shot, they would have taken it by now.
“Fuck you,” Amber said, slamming her arm against the rifle, shoving it toward the back of the kitchen.
Bang!
The rifle hurled through the air.
Shamus jumped on Noonan, pinning him to the ground. Someone kicked the front door in, boots stomping on the ground.
“Anyone hurt?” Hank’s voice belted across the small room.
“I’m fine.” Amber stood and moved in the direction of Hank.
Well, shit. Shamus wanted to be the one to wrap his arms around her, kiss her temple, and tell her it was all over.
Only Hank got to do that.
Not to mention, she’s the one who saved the day.
Noonan continued to fight, kicking and wiggling underneath Shamus.
“Give it up,” Shamus said.
Noonan’s body went limp. “I’ve still got you for treason,” he said softly. “I sent the proof to the Justice Department.”
“That was your big mistake.” Hank tapped Shamus on the shoulder, holding restraints in his hands.
“I covered my tracks,” Noonan said.
“We’ll see about that,” Hank said, hoisting Noonan to his feet, and leading him out the door where two other Brotherhood Protectors waited.
Shamus circled his arms around Amber’s thin waist. “I can’t believe you did that. He could have shot you.”
“Thank God he likes to talk, but I could tell he was getting near the end of his tale.” Her body shivered. “I need a shower. I can’t even feel sorry for the asshole.”
He dropped his forehead to hers, gazing into her dark, luring eyes. “Let’s get you home.”
She blinked a few times. “Home is in D.C..”
“Home is where the heart is.” He tapped his chest. “I left my heart back at the cabin all those years ago.” He pressed his index finger against her warm skin. “Where’s yours?”
***
Amber didn’t get the chance to answer his question since Hank called for them. They needed to get back to his office, make official statements, and be debriefed by the military. What started out as the story of the century, ended with a non-disclosure agreement about the entire incident.
Honestly, she was okay with that. After having a gun pointed at her for an extended period of time, she’d begun to rethink her career.
And then there was Shamus.
She leaned against the doorjamb between the foyer and family room in his parents’ house. Her hair was still damp from a long, hot shower. The sun peeked out over the horizon, the morning rays stretching in through the window pane, warming the room. What little sleep she’d gotten, had been on the car ride back to the ranch.
His parents sat on the love seat, holding hands, while Shamus had settled on the sofa, feet resting on the coffee table. The smell of fresh ground coffee and cinnamon filled the air.
“Hey, you,” Shamus said when he lifted his gaze in her direction.
His father stood, holding his hand out. “Are you hungry? You have to be hungry. I’ll get the breakfast rolls and another cup of coffee.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“I’ll help.” His parents scurried off, disappearing into the kitchen.
“Come here.” Shamus patted the cushion. He’d showered and changed his clothes, but his eyelids dropped with exhaustion. They both needed to sleep.
She snuggled in next to him, resting her head on his chest, her arm looped over his strong middle. “I can barely keep my eyes open, but my stomach is growling.”
“I think I could sleep for a week.” His fingers danced up and down her biceps.
This felt like home.
“A letter came in the mail for me today.”
Her body tensed as he set an envelope on his thigh. He traced a line across the edges of the worn paper. “Should I read it?”
With everything that had happened over the last few days, she’d forgotten she’d mailed the letter.
“No. I want to read it to you.” With a trembling hand, she tore it open.
“You’re not going to change it as you read?”
She shook her head. “I want to be the one to tell you my thoughts, but I want you to hear the words I wrote.”
“All right.”
She sucked in a deep breath and cleared her throat. Tears already formed in her eyes.
“Dear Shamus,” she began.
“It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. I think after the first year of letters, I never expected they would end, but they have. And now, I’m sitting in a hospital in Germany, and you are fighting for your life. They won’t let me see you. I’m not family. Hearing those words reminded me of all that we once dreamed of. Our plans for the future. The ones we will never know if we could have made work with our chosen careers, because I got scared. I know I’m the one that walked away, and you have no idea of what has been going on in my life, other than what Hank tells you.”
I, on the other hand, have your letters.
You’ve written me so many, it’s often overwhelming.
I know you don’t understand my reasons for leaving. I’m not sure I understand it anymore. I’m a foreign correspondent now and with every assignment, every military transport, I keep hoping I’ll see you. My heart races at the thought. I have no idea what I’d say, if you’d hear me at all, but to just catch a glimpse of you, the man you’ve become, would ease my aching heart.
And now I’m fifty feet from you, and I can’t see you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I screwed everything up.
I wish you were sitting next to me. I wish we could go visit my mom together.
Her mind is nearly gone now. She holds this picture of us, and I’m not sure who she thinks we are, but she’s very agitated if anyone tries to take it from her. The few times she’s misplaced it, she’s freaked out to the point nothing will calm her down. I hate seeing her like this. I feel alone. I am alone, but I made that decision.
God, I’m jumping all over the place in this letter, avoiding the truth.
I miss you, and now I may never get the chance to tell you.
I have a good career, a decent life, but nothing will ever fill that place in my heart that belongs to you. I’ve been in relationships, as I know you have, but they all end the same way. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve never had closure with you or not, but it seems I’m stuck in a world where being without you means being less than myself.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not unhappy.
I’m just not complete.
How’d you do it? How’d you get the closure you needed to stop writing?”
He pressed his finger over her lips. “I’ve never had closure, and I don’t want it because I don’t want us to end.”
She glanced up, catching his moist gaze. “Can I finish?”
He nodded.
“I keep telling myself I need to burn all the letters and stop writing ones I’ll never send. Like this one, because let’s face it, if I couldn’t do it years ago, when our love for one another was deep and real, then how could I do it now when it’s a memory. Only you’re more than a memory. You’re flesh and blood, and I want one last hug.
My mother told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life. You know me and my mother. I never took her advice because she stayed with my father. What did she know?
Turns out she knew a lot.
I do still blame myself a little for Colleen’s death. How could I not? I know it’s not my fault. But your sister was like the sister I never had. I loved her, Shamus. I miss her and now you’re… I don’t know what you are because the doctors won’t tell me anything. I’ve seen the reports of the bombing that I assume you were in, and it’s horrifying. The hard part though, is I feel guilty about being here. I’m not family.”
Amber took a moment to wipe the tears from her face.
“It felt wrong to grieve for Colleen with you and your parents. Hank called, told me your parents are on a plane now. They should be landing in a couple of hours. I won’t be here.
Nor will this letter. It feels good to write this down, but it feels shitty because of the circumstances. That it took something like this to happen to bring me to the point of needing to see you. Touch you. Tell you I’m sorry.
But this is not the right time.
Love, Your Babe.
P.S. It’s been three months since I tried to see you in Germany. I hear you’re walking, though Hank told me you’re bitching about having to use a walker, but you’re upright, that’s something. He thinks I should come see you. I think it would be wrong of me to insert myself into your life now.”
“Why would you think that after all my letters?” He pressed his thumb under her chin, tilting her head.
“I’m not finished.”
“There’s more?”
“Two more PS’s.”
“Well, by all means, babe, finish.” There was a lightness to his voice that she hadn’t heard since they’d been reunited.
“P.S. Again! (two months later) Ha. Ha. You hated these in high school. I took another assignment. Chasing another story. Hank says you’re going to start working for him soon. I think that will be a good fit.
“Last P.S. I bought an envelope. I addressed it to your parents. I put a stamp on it. I’m putting this letter inside. I’m going to mail it when I get home. Once again, I’m chasing a story. But I’ll be home tomorrow sometime, and I will mail this.
Closure.
I expect nothing from you. No response required.
I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re doing well. You’re a good man, Charlie Brown (couldn’t resist), and I always feel like your babe.
He tugged her to an upright positon, holding her shoulders, staring at her intently, making her want to run for the hills.
“When was that last PS written?” he asked, the muscles in his face twitching.
“The day I met Bud.”
“Then why the hell did you act so hostile toward me? Why did you keep blaming yourself? Making excuses for why you left?”
“Again, I was afraid. I honestly never thought I’d see you again, even after mailing the letter. I figured we were done once and for all.”
He smiled, leaning forward, brushing his lips gently over hers once. “Babe, we’ll never be done. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered.
“Well, thank God you both have come to your senses,” his mother exclaimed, setting a tray of muffins on the table.
Amber blushed, but nothing could erase the smile on her face.
“Now, I’m nearing eighty,” his father said, falling back on the love seat, bouncing his leg and patting his thigh. “Your mom has plenty of years left, but me, who knows.”
“Dad, stop talking like that.”
“Give me a grandbaby to bobble on this here knee like they were riding a pony, and I’ll think about it.”