Violet
You know, I had a pretty good imagination. I came up with all kinds of scenarios and horrible sequences of events that could befall me or any random person on a daily basis.
But this?
Not even my morbid and over-busy mind could come up with something this insane.
I laughed. It was forced and kind of made me sound like a horse, but it was the best I could do. I gestured between the two men. “Who thought of this?” I asked. “This is quite the joke.”
“I’m always down to cut class, but would I drive all this way for a joke?” Vance asked.
Oh no. No.
I glanced at Stark… Ten… whoever the hell the man standing in front of me was.
“That night at the gallery,” he said, his voice low and deep. “The night we met…”
I nodded.
“I’d just come from that lecture at the music hall. I’d been trying to get some air, walk down one of the empty side streets. But some people saw me, and I took off. I came in the gallery to hide from them.”
I remembered how he looked as if he’d been hiding. My heart was beating slow and heavy. Trepidation filled me. I didn’t want to hear this, yet he kept talking.
“You didn’t recognize me,” he said, a note of wonder in his voice.
“Seriously, though, sis. I know you don’t always listen when I talk, but to not recognize Ten, of all people… I’m insulted,” Vance put in.
“It’s not like I expected some huge star to walk into the gallery!” I burst out. Geez!
“I’m not a star,” Stark said instantly. “I’m a celebrity, but my reputation is too shitty for me to be considered a star.”
“It’s true.” Vance agreed.
“You lied,” I said, suddenly feeling deflated, like a boat whose sails were out of wind. I couldn’t even wrap my head around this, around the truth.
No wonder I believed the lie. It was so much more believable.
Oh my God, he’d made a complete fool out me! My eyes flashed up, anger suddenly giving me some energy. “Did you laugh when you went home at night? Did you and Nate have a good old time making fun of Violet, the poor, stupid girl who fell for every word you said?”
“It’s not like that.” He took a step toward me, pleading in his expression.
“Don’t even think about it!” I snapped and backed up. “Oh my God, I slept with you!” I shook my hands out as if it would somehow get him off of me.
It wouldn’t work.
He wasn’t on me. He was in me.
“You had sex with Ten!” Vance burst out.
Stark and I both turned to glare at him. Vance pressed his lips together. I turned back to Stark.
Vance leaned close. “I’m gonna need some details later.”
“Can I talk to you alone?” Stark implored. “Just for a few minutes.”
“Anything you have to say can be said in front of me.” Vance sniffed.
“Please,” Stark said, ignoring my brother’s remarks.
I wanted to give in, but how could I? Did his reasons/excuses even matter? A lie was a lie. I totally turned away from him, not wanting to see the look in his eyes. Focusing on my brother, I asked, “How did you even find out about this?”
Vance tossed his hands up in the air. “I seriously don’t know how you survive.”
He continued to mutter about my deficient survival skills and took his cell out of my hands. “It’s all over the internet, V. I was uber intrigued when I saw the headlines filling my notifications this morning when I got out of bed.” After a few seconds, he read some of the lines out loud. “Ten and new mystery woman. Ten turning his life around for new love? Ten quitting the spotlight for a commoner? Then there’s my favorite.” He concluded. “The bad boy of pop and the good girl.”
I glanced at Stark. His face was confused, as if even he didn’t know what Vance was talking about.
“Can I see that?” he asked my brother.
Vance handed him the phone. “Imagine my shock when I pulled up the articles and the leaked photos were of my sister… with my biggest, uh…” His words faltered.
“He already knows you’re in love with him,” I told Vance, dry.
“Your loyalty is terrible,” he admonished like I’d broken some sisterly code by confessing his deepest secret.
Um, please. If his love for Ten was a secret, it was the worst kept one in the history of the universe.
“Not in love. Just his biggest fan.” My brother corrected, embarrassed.
I rolled my eyes. “My loyalty is fine. I told Stark that. I didn’t know he wasn’t actually who he said he was.” I slid a hard look over to him.
He didn’t react to my words, though. He was still flipping through the phone, a dark look looming over his face. “What the fuck is this?” he ground out.
“It’s all over the internet. There’s pictures of you two at some rave,” Vance said, looking between the two of us. “You really haven’t seen it?”
Stark growled, and I felt the blood drain from my face. “You’re seriously Ten. The famous popstar turned bad?”
The disbelief in my tone took his attention from whatever was online. He looked up, eyes softening apologetically. “Yes, baby.”
“Baby!” Vance gasped at the same time as I said, “Don’t call me that.”
Stark sighed, wearily. “Please, Vi.”
My shoulders slumped. I turned to my brother. “Can we just have a minute? Please?”
“I skipped school, drove hours because you’re all over the news. You won’t answer your phone… And you want me to wait outside?”
“I’ll give you sex details,” I told him mildly. I wasn’t actually going to give my brother sex details.
“The hell you will!” Stark barked out.
His anger made me a little happy. Served him right.
“Fine. I’ll wait in the hall.” Vance agreed.
He brushed past Stark on his way, giving him a look. “Such a shame,” he said sadly before reaching for the door.
Stark caught his arm, not rough, but enough to make my brother glance at him.
“You haven’t told anyone where I am, have you?” he asked low. The anxiety in his voice was real. It made me feel a modicum of worry for him. I told myself to squash it.
“Like I would rat out my sister like that,” Vance retorted.
Stark nodded, relief evident in the set of his jaw. “Thank you.”
Vance gave me a look before going out in the hall and closing the door behind him. I always thought if being a designer didn’t work out for Vance, he could be an actor. The boy loved drama.
“I really thought I’d get more time with you,” Stark said, his voice low and regretful.
I made a rude sound. “Yeah, I bet it was a real trip seeing how long I would believe your lie.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t like lying.”
I laughed. “Yet you did it anyway.”
“Yeah. I did.” He agreed, coming farther into the room.
I moved away, sinking down on the couch. My mind was spinning. I could barely keep up with my own thoughts and questions. “Is Nate even your cousin, or just some guy you got to go along with your plan?”
“Yes, Nate is my cousin. Derek is my uncle. I used to spend every summer here as a kid. I didn’t lie about any of that. It’s all true. And there was no plan. I didn’t set out to… hurt you.”
“Yeah, well, you failed miserably,” I told him. There was no use in even pretending this wasn’t hurting me.
Moving around the coffee table, he sat down on it, directly in front of me. I thought about moving. The closeness to him beckoned me, something I didn’t want, but couldn’t deny. “Let me explain.”
I held out my hand. “Let me see the phone.”
His knuckles went white around my brother’s phone. I knew he didn’t want to show me. He wanted to be able to spin this with his pretty words coming out of his pretty mouth.
I’d been under his spell long enough, a spell so good I hadn’t even known I was enchanted. I made an impatient sound and shook my hand at him. He pressed the phone into my palm.
I looked down, and everything became that much more real. I couldn’t deny what was right in front of my face. It was a headline and a “leaked” image. I wasn’t really sure what leaked meant, but clearly, it wasn’t good.
The picture was of Ten and me standing in the center of the rave, kissing. Our faces couldn’t be made out, but it didn’t matter. The next pic I flipped to was of us leaving the warehouse. We were holding hands. Stark wore the neon-orange hat and sunglasses in both pictures. And my outfit was the same. The kiss prints all over his face were hard to ignore. The pictures made an airtight case that we were indeed more than friends.
I flipped through a few other photos the next site called “exclusive.” It was more of the same. More of me and who I’d thought was an ordinary college student. There were plenty of articles to pick from, lots of juicy details divulged from an “anonymous source” and an “insider close to the couple.”
Our sources have confirmed that while in hiding, Ten has fallen hard for an art student at Blaylock University in Upstate New York, who not only has won several scholarships, carries a near 4.0 average, but is also the artist behind a local famous comic strip. This comes after his fall from grace, a stint in rehab, and a number of failed relationships with models and actresses. We’ve been hearing around the pop world Ten has definitely been trying to clean up his act, but people have remained unconvinced. We wonder, though, if this promising student believes in Ten, then perhaps the rest of us should, too.
I made an incredulous sound and set aside the phone. “How do they know so much about me?” I felt violated in a way.
“That’s what the media does,” he answered, weary. “They dig and dig until they’ve made a headlining story out of almost nothing.”
“They have pictures of us,” I whispered. Then I thought of something and sat up rigidly. “Did you do this?” I pointed at the phone. “Did you call someone and tell them where we’d be? Did you set this whole thing up for some publicity?”
“No!” he shot out, denial swift and clear.
How was I supposed to believe him, though, when he already got caught in a pretty big lie?
“I didn’t know I’d been spotted or that someone was taking pics of us. I was too focused on you.”
I gave him a withering look. “Don’t you try and sweet talk me, you dickface.”
“Did you just call me a dickface?” he said, incredulous and slightly amused.
Do not let him affect you.
“If the shoe fits,” I sang and sat back against the cushions.
“I was going to tell you.”
I made a sound. “When? After you were finished with me? Was all this just a game to you?” Agitated, I got up and moved away from the couch and him.
He surged to his feet, frustration written on his face. “You can’t honestly think that. Not after last night.”
“I don’t know what to think,” I yelled. “One minute, you’re Stark, this really amazing guy with a crap Jeep who shares a bedroom with his cousin. And the next, my brother is at the door, waiving around pictures and headlines, telling me how stupid I’ve been because I didn’t realize who you actually are.”
His voice was hoarse. “I’m still that guy.”
“Are you?” I doubted. “Because the headlines say different. Your lies say different. Every article on that phone spins me out as some unfortunate nobody who caught the attention of a celebrity. Now my life is so much better because I have Ten’s interest. Now, suddenly, you look like a saint because you’re in love with a no one, and isn’t that just precious?” I spat.
“I had nothing to do with any of that crap in the media,” Stark argued. Then his voice softened, took on a more meaningful tone. “You aren’t a no one.”
But in a way, I was. I wasn’t a celebrity. Or a model. I didn’t fit in his world.
“I like to stay home and draw, I listen to classical music, and my best friend is my brother. I need to lose fifteen pounds, and I probably always will. My skin isn’t perfect, and I won’t wear makeup every day just to make it look better. I like sneakers and leggings. I shop at Target, not Fifth Avenue.”
Stark’s lips thinned as if what I was saying pissed him off. Well, too bad, buddy. I didn’t want to hear it. I was hurt and betrayed. I listened to him drone on about how he never meant for this to happen. He could listen to me now, because it did happen.
“I’m not some project or some amusing challenge. This isn’t a movie from the nineties where the frumpy, wallflower of a girl gets a makeover and suddenly everyone loves her. This is me.” I spread out my arms so he could get a good look. “If you thought you could somehow make me into a media show and make yourself look good for loving and then “fixing” the poor, pathetic college student, let me make something clear to you right now. You picked the wrong girl.”
His eyes glittered when he surged close. Stark’s hands closed around my upper arms, but even though the look on his face was fierce and angry, his touch wasn’t. His fingers were gentle. His hands only gave enough pressure to keep me in place. “What did I tell you about saying negative shit about yourself?” he intoned.
“It’s not negative. It’s the truth, and you know it. I know who I am. I like myself. Do I wish I could lose weight? Hell yes. Have I tried? Countless, exhausting times. I fight with my skin, and some days I look in the mirror and wonder why my body hates me so much.”
“Vi.” His voice was soft, almost pleading.
I pulled away, stepped back so he couldn’t touch me. Not like it mattered. I felt him even when he wasn’t.
“Even still, I like who I am. I like myself enough that I can stand here and look you in the eye and tell you with one hundred percent clarity that I won’t change. Not for you. Not for anyone. I won’t let you use me to fix the career you trashed.” I paused, tilting my head. “And for the record, you peed on people. Like, what the fuck, man?”
His lips twitched, but then the amusement faded and he groaned. He looked as tired as I felt in that moment. His dark hair fell over his forehead and shadows darkened his eyes.
“I don’t like myself.” He dropped the words quietly into the room. They were heavy words, so much fewer than the ones I’d just hurled at him, yet they seemed to decimate everything. “I haven’t, not for a long time.”
I swallowed and resisted the urge to go to him. I so badly wanted to. The sadness and truth in those words made me ache.
“I was so shocked when you didn’t know me that night in the gallery. At first, I thought you were playing me, but then I saw the drawing and heard you say you didn’t like me.” His mouth tilted up. “I liked the fact that you didn’t like me.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, finally calming down enough to listen to what he wanted to say. Plus, I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but his obvious pain lay thickly over my anger and dulled some of my own hurt.
“You were a clean slate, Vi. A chance for me to be someone and no one at the same time. I wasn’t public enemy number one to you. I wasn’t someone with mad money, a famous face, or connections in the business. You didn’t look at me with calculation in your eyes and wonder what you could get out of me. Hell, you thought I was a criminal.”
“You were being shady,” I commented.
“You were nice to me anyway.”
“I didn’t call the police.” I corrected.
“You treated me normal. Made me feel normal. Like an actual person. You didn’t care I was broke and drove a ghetto Jeep. You didn’t want anything at all.” Then he mused. “Except for me not to murder you.”
I tried not to smile. Why did he have to be so utterly charming? I totally saw why he skyrocketed to fame when he did. The same thing that drew me to him was the exact same thing that drew everyone else.
Well. Wasn’t that a kick in the teeth? I wasn’t special. I was just one of the masses who had fallen for Ten.
“I asked Nate if he knew you. He said he didn’t, but he could ask around. I just wanted to be around you. With you, I could be whoever I wanted. There were no expectations.”
“Nate being outside my dorm wasn’t a coincidence. He’d been looking for me.” I realized.
Stark nodded. “He saw Ross hassling you, so he stepped in. I did not tell him to ask you out. But I’m kinda glad he did.”
“You are?” There I went again, getting drawn in.
He nodded. “It gave me an excuse to see you again.”
“You lied to me.” I reminded him. I reminded me.
“Yeah, I did. I was afraid to tell you who I was. Afraid what was happening between us would change. It was selfish and a bastard thing to do, but you were the first thing I took just for me in a long, long time.”
The words he’s spoken just last night—which seemed like forever ago now—replayed through my head.
This is me right now. I want you to know that. Me. I’ve never been so present with anyone as I am with you right now.
He’d basically been admitting all this without actually saying a word. My stomach clenched, and I pressed a hand to it.
Stark saw and came forward. His hands shot out, hovering close, but not touching me. “You feeling sick?”
“Worrying about me isn’t your job,” I said, straightening.
“I want it to be.” He spoke softly.
My hand went back to my stomach.
“I lied about who I really was, but that’s all. I never lied about the way I feel about you. The connection I know you feel between us is real. I couldn’t make up something like that if I tried.”
I turned away.
“Tell me you feel it,” he implored. “After last night, after this morning… tell me, Vi.”
“You should go.” My voice was thick. I was close to tears, but I refused to let them spill over.
The tentative touch of his fingers at my elbow made me stiffen. When I didn’t pull away, he went a step further and curled them around, gently tugging so I would turn to look at him.
“I know you feel it,” he whispered.
In a moment of weakness, I went forward, leaning into him, resting my forehead against his chest. Stark’s arms wound around me instantly, and a deep sigh moved through him. “I’m sorry, Violet. So fucking sorry. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to be him to you. I just wanted to be Stark.”
Everything he said brought it back, made me realize I couldn’t find solace in the man who caused the storm. I pulled away, wiped at my damp eyes, and straightened.
“Go.”
He shook his head. “We can work this out. Just talk to me.”
“There’s nothing left to say.”
His eyes narrowed. The jawline that made me swoon hardened. He was prepared to fight, but me? I wasn’t.
I dropped down on the corner of the unmade bed. “Please. I’m so tired. Just go.”
He deflated. The stubborn set to his face went slack and so did his shoulders. “Call me if you need anything. Or if you want to talk.”
“I won’t.”
I didn’t look at him again. I was afraid to. He went to the door but stood there for long minutes. I felt his eyes. I felt the pull of whatever it was still tethering us together. The way it tugged and stretched when he finally let himself out made a few of the tears I tried so gallantly to hold back finally slip free.