Kensley

 

We did it.

After talking with Sharon, instead of grabbing the girls and heading home, Sharon and Paul followed us to the courthouse, and I became Kensley Ann Hardt. On the drive there, Liam and I talked to the girls about it, even though Sawyer didn’t understand it all. I’m not even sure London truly understood it.

Then, with the girls in tow, Liam and I went to a local jeweler to pick out rings.

Of course, Liam wouldn’t let me get a plain band. No, I ended up with a three-stone diamond ring that we were going to likely be paying off for years, but no matter what my argument was, Liam’s was better.

And then he hit me with the whole, Not only is it a three stone in regular meaning—past, because of your past; present, because we’re here now; and future, because you believe your pretty ass we have a forever; but also three because that’s where we started, you and your two girls; the three kids. It’s the beginning.

So, I couldn’t very well say no then.

The band I chose for him was one of those masculine ones—the silver and gold ones were too blingy to me, and the dark, black metal just looked right on his finger.

They were sized, and we’d pick them up next week.

But now…

I take a deep breath as I look out the window of the rental car. Liam is driving through the heavily wooded road that leads to my parents’ house.

When Liam and I discussed this trip, I decided I just wanted to come; didn’t want to call them first.

I was afraid that if I called, they’d deny me the opportunity it see them.

This way, if we surprised them…

Well, they wouldn’t turn us away with the girls with us. I knew that.

I needed them to see the girls.

To see what they were missing out on.

And God, I hope it’s enough for them to want us in their lives.

The girls didn’t know anything of the trip. Last night, they even talked about our weekly park outing. I felt bad lying to them, letting them believe we’d be going to the park, but I also wanted to surprise them with the trip.

Not that this was a surprise Disney trip.

That would probably be more fun, but not something I was willing to do until the kids were older and actually understood it.

This morning then, Liam and I woke the girls up incredibly early—with the girls and car seats and stroller…we decided to play it safe and get to the airport the allotted two-hours early—it was only once we reached the airport that London started to understand.

Surprisingly, both girls did incredibly well on the plane and, because Sawyer was small enough, she was able to be a lap-child.

“It’s beauuuutiful, mama,” London says, and I look over my shoulder to see her pressed against the window.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her to keep her back to the seat, but Liam was driving slow enough that I wasn’t concerned.

Lake Tahoe was blasted with an early spring snow storm, and while the roads were thankfully cleared, the pines were decorated with heavy snow. The girls haven’t seen snow before, and I’m excited to give them at least that this weekend.

“Are we stopping at the rental first?” Liam asks, glancing over at me. He has both hands on the wheel and I know it’s not because of the roads, but the girls. Whenever he has the girls in the car, he drives with an extra amount of safety.

It makes me smile.

“Do you think we should?”

I watch as he glances in the mirror, then the clock. He’s timing Sawyer’s nap, I realize. “She slept on the plane—” even though it was a quick, ninety minute, up-down flight, “She’ll hold out for a while,” I tell him. “I think… I think we should just get it over with.” My chuckle is dry and nervous.

Liam takes his hand from the wheel and squeezes my thigh before bringing it right back to its previous position.

“Alright.” We already had the car GPS programed for my parents’ house, but we also chose a rental cabin that was only a few miles north of their place.

Like London behind me, I have my face turned and looking out the window. The closer we get to my parents’, the harder my heart pounds, the harder it is to get in a full breath.

Even the baby is restless. I rub my hand over my belly.

When Liam slows, I open my mouth to take in a deep breath.

We’re here.

“Alright, girls,” he says, pulling up the driveway. “London, when we get out, hold your mama’s hand and stay close. Half pint, you’re with me.”

“Where are we?” London asks, wiggling to try and see.

“We’re going to meet some people. Mama’s mom and dad,” Liam answers, and I’m thankful for him right now. I can’t speak around my nerves.

We’d agreed that the girls would know who they were; if they didn’t want to be part of the girls’ lives, then at least the girls knew they existed. It went back to my whole not wanting to lie to them, even though both Liam and I were concerned with London’s reaction if they didn’t want to be included.

Whatever happens here today though, we have a Skype date with Liam’s parents later tonight. We’re doing the full family-shindig this weekend, and Liam swore up and down that his parents would be beyond thrilled to ‘meet’ me and the girls tonight.

“Alright, ladies,” Liam says, putting the rental car in park and shutting off the ignition. “Is Sawyer’s jacket in her bag or ours?”

I swallow hard, my eyes locked on the front door of my parents’ house. It’s an accent teal, in an otherwise beige house. “Um. Ours, I think.” It wasn’t that we needed three bags, but knowing how excited London was bound to get, we knew she’d  want her own rolling bag. To keep things fair, we got one for Sawyer too.

Not that she could pull it well.

We’d stacked Sawyer’s on our larger one, while letting London take hers.

Liam leans over the center console of the Ford Fusion we’re renting and kisses my cheek. I turn my face then, and he presses a longer one to my lips; I sigh against them, grounding myself once again.

“Let me grab her jacket first. You guys stay in here for the time being.”

I nod, then Liam’s out of the car and moving to the popped trunk. It’s only a couple of minutes, maybe two, before he’s opening Sawyer’s door. “’kay, girls. London, go ahead and unbuckle.” It’s something we’d been working on with her, since she transitioned to her booster two weeks ago.

With shaky hands, I unbuckle too, and step out into the brisk air. I take a deep breath, my eyes closing, before I go back to help London. I see that Liam has Sawyer’s harness undone and is threading her second arm through the winter jacket. I take London’s hand and help her hop out.

Soon, Liam has Sawyer scooped to his side and we’re walking up the shoveled walkway to that bright teal door. Liam takes my free hand and squeezes it. “You’re good.” It’s not a question but a reassurance, so I nod.

“I’m good.”

Then, with another deep breath, I release Liam’s hand and ring the doorbell.