CHAPTER NINE

 

 

“What’s the matter? I thought you liked spicy tuna rolls?”

Jack’s question, innocently asked, startled Archie out of his depressing thoughts. He blinked, and realized his wooden chopsticks had been hovering over the piece of sushi for a while, as he’d stared blankly at his plate.

With a shrug, he completed the movement, shoving a piece of roll in his mouth. Where usually he enjoyed the tang of the tuna, tonight he couldn’t help remember the way that Whitefish had tasted, grilled over an open flame he’d made himself, up on a mountain in Idaho.

But then, maybe the desperate hunger he’d been experiencing at the time had made that fish taste so much better than any of the sushi he’d had in the month since then. Or maybe it had been the company…

“Sorry,” he muttered, swallowing. “Just thinking.”

Jack shifted in his seat, reaching across the table with his chopsticks to steal a piece of Archie’s roll. They’d purposefully chosen an out-of-the-way restaurant, and were tucked away in a back corner to avoid the paparazzi and fans asking for autographs.

Due to the nature of their art, the two friends had to be careful when they met up for dinner. Jack Raven was a household name these days, and was opening doors for other Native American actors in roles besides the ubiquitous “sidekick”. Since he played the same action star in every single movie, his iconic smile was well-known and loved by most of LA. Archie, however, wasn’t recognized as often out in public, because he changed his appearance so much. He’d put on thirty-five pounds of muscle this year alone, and the beard was beginning to itch.

But it had been worth it. Filming wrapped up yesterday, and production work for Big Sky Divide was almost done. Everything he’d worked towards the last months was finally coming to fruition, and this role was one of his best yet.

“Hey, man, you’re doing it again.”

Archie frowned and looked up at his friend. “What?” he growled.

“You’re sunk into your character.” Jack grinned good-naturedly. “This ‘method-acting’ is all well and good, but I wanted to hang out with Archie St. John, not some growling mountain man.”

Is that what he was doing? Was Archie still playing Clay Jeneske, even subconsciously? Or was he just in a rotten mood?

And close on the heels of that thought came the memory of one person who didn’t mind if he became mired in another character, another man’s head. One person who liked when he changed who he was at a moment’s notice.

“Sorry,” he apologized again. Sighing, he tossed the chopsticks down beside his plate, then pushed the remaining pieces towards his friend. “I’ve been preoccupied.”

“I heard through the grapevine that this role is sure to nab you another Best Actor nomination.”

That dragged Archie’s attention away from his maudlin memories, and his brows went up. “Really? The thing’s not even complete yet.”

Jack shrugged his wide shoulders. “Camera operators have seen it all, dude, and they said you were the best. They were impressed, is what I hear.”

So how come the thought of another award nomination didn’t interest Archie right now? He bet his agent would be thrilled, but Archie…Archie wanted…he wanted…

He sighed. He didn’t know what he wanted.

No, that was a lie. He wanted fish cooked over an open fire. He wanted jet ski races and screaming UTV trips and hikes through rainforests and rappelling down waterfalls. He wanted a too-wide smile with a gap between the teeth. He wanted eyes sparkling with laughter, one brown and one dark blue. He wanted a strong hand in his as they adventured together.

He wanted Cait.

But Cait was in Idaho, and he’d been so focused on filming—on using what he’d learned from her—that he hadn’t had time to contact her. Clay Jeneske had been hiding out and running, and in one memorably horrific scene, killing an FBI agent silently and harshly while his teammates searched. Jenseke had been desperate for vengeance, and it had left a mark on Archie.

Because now it was over, and he was lost.

Who am I? Did it matter? Sometimes he lost who he really was, among Clay Jeneske and Vincent VanHoosan and Dominic and Malcolm Albee and Reid Lambert and all the other men he’d been. Sometimes he wasn’t sure where Archie ended and they began. He was all of them, somehow.

And Cait had accepted all of them, and him.

Blimey, but he missed her.

“You don’t seem thrilled about the idea of another nomination.”

Archie shrugged in response to his friend’s prodding. “I guess I’m just tired from the schedule.”

“Yeah, your style demands a lot of mental energy.”

“And yours demands you look cool while punching bad guys,” Archie roused himself long enough to tease in return.

Jack nodded seriously. “And wearing biker jackets. Very important.” 

“Yeah.” For the first time in a while—it felt like—Archie smiled slightly.

“Ah, there he is!” Jack reached for another sushi roll. “I haven’t seen you smile since you got back from your vacation.”

Vacation. “Thanks again for the recommendation. River’s End Ranch was fantastic.”

“I’m assuming you found a tutor to help you out.”

Caitlin Quinn. She’d been more than a tutor to him, but Archie just said, “Yeah. Wade was great. He hooked me up with someone…” Amazing. Strong. Capable. Special. Wonderfully perfect in every way. There was no way he could describe Cait in one word, so he just let it go with a shrug.

“I learned a lot of stuff Jeneske needed to know. Ended up doing the crash scene myself, with only a few shots of the stunt driver. And the climax was…” He remembered sinking into Jeneske’s mind, the blood-red thoughts, anger and passion and despair as he strangled the FBI agent—rather, the actor playing the FBI agent. He shook his head. “It was good,” he finished hoarsely. Better than good.

It was Best Actor material, thanks to Cait Quinn.

Jack finished chewing. “So what’s your plan now?”

Archie felt himself deflate as he exhaled. What was next? What was left for him? “I don’t know. I’ve got to be on hand for the rest of post-production, then the launch party will be coming up before I know it. My next project doesn’t start ‘til the new year.”

“So you could take off a while? Go travel, figure stuff out. Take a break.”

Travel. He remembered Cait’s plan to overhaul her truck and drive down to Panama. He remembered how much he wanted to be the one to show her those things, but once he knew it wasn’t possible, he’d left her a bonus in Wade’s care. That morning he’d left River’s End Ranch had been so awkward he hadn’t even mentioned money to her.

Something had changed in her that day. Their second night out on the mountain, she’d found them a small cave to huddle in instead of building a shelter, and she’d spent the night on the other side of the tiny fire. Even from across the cave he’d heard her teeth chattering, and hadn’t understood why she wasn’t willing to cuddle for warmth.

And by the time they’d hiked out of the mountain and along the road to the ranch, she must’ve been too tired to give him a kiss. She’d left him at the Main House with a mumbled “good-bye” and a half-hearted wave as she’d stumbled towards her car.

Whatever they’d had in those two weeks, it was obviously over.

At least he’d been able to help her get a little closer to fulfilling her dream. Now, though…now he had time. Now he could call her up, ask her how she was, ask her if she’d started converting her truck. Ask her if she wanted to travel with—

No. Not after that goodbye….or rather, lack of goodbye. She’d made it clear “they” were over, kisses and cuddles and laughter and all.

But maybe…maybe he’d figure out a way to write to her, at least. After the premiere, after the festivities of celebrating Big Sky Divide, he’d be free for a few months. He’d give her a little time, a little breathing time, and then maybe he’d be able to work up the guts to contact her. Maybe his heart would be healed by then.

Wait, his heart?

Oh yeah, he admitted to himself. Sometime in the last month of grit and anger and desperation as Clay Jeneske, he’d realized he hadn’t just been content with Cait beside him…he’d been in love.

And maybe, thanks to Big Sky Divide, that opportunity was behind him. Maybe he’d never again be able to recapture that feeling of happiness…but after the launch, he could at least try.

Slowly, he nodded to Jack, who was now finishing Archie’s spicy tuna roll. He had a few months to do as he pleased, but there was only one thing on his mind.

“Maybe…”

 

 

“Cait! I know you’re in there. Open up.”

Ricky’s voice from the other side of the door roused Cait. She’d been napping in her childhood bedroom, lacking the drive to do anything else. In fact, she hadn’t wanted to do anything except cry and sleep in weeks, ever since—

No use going down that route again.

She sighed and rolled over towards the window. “It’s not locked,” she called in a weak voice.

From the other side of the door, her brother snorted, and said to someone. “Sure, it’s not locked this time, but walk in on your sister changing once, and you’ll knock every—”

“Okay, okay.” Katie sounded like she was rolling her eyes. “That’s enough, thank you, goodbye now!” Her voice got louder as she stepped into the room, then shut the door on Ricky.

“So.” She huffed, and Cait knew her bestie was standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips, glaring down at the bed. “When are you going to be done moping, missy?”

“’M not moping,” Cait mumbled mopingly.

“You’re totally moping.” The bed dipped as Katie sat beside Cait. “You’ve got your family all worried. They were excited when you said you were taking a week off to come home for a visit, but they didn’t realize it was because you were heartbroken.”

“I loved him!”

Katie sighed, and reached out to rub Cait’s back. “I know, honey. I know.”

It didn’t make her feel any better. “But he’s a movie star. He didn’t want to be seen with someone like me!”

“That’s not true,” Katie said, sounding angry. “He obviously liked you plenty.”

“I’m not Hollywood material.” Cait buried her face in her pillow, her eyes feeling puffy and swollen.

Katie, however, made a dismissive sound. “Honey, he had work to do. He probably had to get back to finish filming, and has just been preoccupied.”

Cait didn’t want to hear excuses. It had been weeks since Archie had left River’s End Ranch, and on such a sour note. That last morning, she’d barely been able to look at him as they’d hiked down the mountain and he’d left the ranch; every time she glanced his way, she felt her heart break further.

“Cait, honey,” her best friend said softly. “Roll over and let me see you.”

So Cait did, and when Katie winced theatrically, she stuck her tongue out.

“I don’t look that bad.”

Katie tsked. “You look worse. You’ve got to get yourself up out of this bed and out of this room and come hang out. Help me figure out this recipe for goats’ milk soap or something. Come out into the sunshine—before it gets too cold—and live a little!”

“And just forget Archie?” Cait asked softly, hating the way—even weeks later—her heart jumped at the sound of his name, and tears gathered in her eyes.

Her best friend stared at her for a while, her head cocked to one side. Finally, she huffed lightly, her eyes sympathetic.

“Do you think you could?”

“No!” Cait sat up in anger, then pulled her knees up and burying her face in her forearms. She laughed, but it wasn’t a nice laugh. “He’s a famous movie star, and I loved him, and he—he—he paid me!”

That still galled; that Archie had left more than enough money for her to start her overlanding adventure right away. She could be on her way to Mexico before Christmas, thanks to the money he’d left her, but she didn’t want his money. Now the idea of traveling through Central America—alone—held less appeal than it always had.

“I know.” Katie sighed. “What did you decide to do with it?”

Katie knew everything because Cait had sobbed the whole story out that first day. Her bestie had actually dropped everything to drive to Riston to be with Cait for a few days, and she’d been the one to convince her to take a break and come home to Quinn Valley for a while.

Cait lifted her head and propped her chin on her hands. “I donated it to your sister.”

That took Katie by surprise, at least. “Which one?”

“Ha.” Katie and Andrew had two other sisters and a brother. “Heather, for the Elementary School library.” Cait shrugged, as if five thousand dollars was no big deal. “I couldn’t stand the thought of using it—using our friendship—to profit for myself. But I figured Archie would’ve approved.” She was proud of the way she’d been able to say his name without her voice wavering.

“She’d mentioned to Andrew a few times how much the school could use new books,” Katie said quietly.

It was no secret that the McIver family—most of the Quinns, actually—didn’t see much of Heather. Only she and Andrew were close. Cait had always assumed it was because of the age difference between the two oldest McIvers and their siblings.

The friends sat in silence for a few minutes, Katie rubbing Cait’s back. Then Katie took a deep breath.

“Okay, so what do we do about Archie?”

“What do you mean?” What was there to do?

Katie exhaled. “Well, you can’t spend the rest of your life like this. You’ve been listless, and haven’t been enjoying any of your usual stuff. The mountains are lovely this time of year, and you haven’t once bugged me to go out with you.”

Cait sniffed pitifully. The mountains were ugly to her—everything was ugly without Archie. But since that made her sound like a maudlin teenager, she didn’t say anything out loud.

“Sooo…” Katie paused, then started again, more hesitantly. “So what do you want to do? To fix this?”

Cait couldn’t think of a single way. “What are my options?”

“Well, tell me what your end goal is. Do you want me to bash Archie, tell you what a jerk he is and how he didn’t deserve you and you’re better off without him? This option includes ice cream and pizza.”

A slight smile—the first one in ages—tickled Cait’s lips. “No thank you. He might not lo—like me, but I don’t want you to bash him.”

“Hmm. I’ve never known you to turn down ice cream and pizza.”

Cait shrugged. “I haven’t been eating much.”

Katie quit her back-rubbing and reached for her phone. “Well, there’s another, more proactive option.”

Proactive sounded good. “Tell me.”

“Archie hung out with you—presumably he liked you—because you’re strong and capable and strong and can kick everyone else’s butt, right?”

“And I’m strong,” teased Cait. “Don’t forget that.” After the last few weeks, it felt good to tease, just a little. Thank goodness for best friends.

Katie nodded distractedly as she pulled up something on her phone. “Right, yeah. So you’re strong, and that means he likes tough women. So…be tough.” She looked up and met Cait’s eyes. “Don’t let him go.”

This was pretty much the opposite of the pizza and ice cream option. “Don’t let him go?” Cait asked in a small voice.

“Go after him. Track him down. Tell him how you feel about him, and tell him he’s a complete idiot if he’s going to give up what you had.” Katie shrugged. “Or don’t.”

The idea was intriguing. And scary. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way about me?”

Katie’s smile was a little sad. “Then you’ll be even stronger. You don’t have to tell him all that, honey. But if you track him down and see him again, at least, maybe you’ll have a better idea of how he feels.”

In the blink of an eye, certainty crashed into Cait, and she sat up straighter. Her best friend was right; she was strong. She was strong enough to meet this head-on, to confront Archie and this pain, no matter what. She could find him and see him, and ask him if what they’d had together was real…or if it was just something he could walk away from without a second glance.

“How?” she whispered to herself. Then, turning to Katie, she asked again louder. “How do I track him down? He’s a movie star. Fan mail, maybe? His agent might know—how do I figure out his agent?” She wracked her brain, trying to remember all the personal details he’d given her. After two weeks together, they didn’t even have one another’s cell phone numbers, but it hadn’t seemed to matter then.

Now though, Cait keenly regretted that decision.

“Um…” Katie cleared her throat, and dropped her gaze to her phone in her lap. “I might have an idea about that.”

“Why do you sound nervous about it?”

Katie’s eyes flicked up to meet hers. “Because I think, if it works, it’ll end up costing you a lot of money.”

And Cait had that money. She had the money she’d been saving to fulfill her dream…Was it worth it, to see Archie again.

She swallowed. “Tell me your idea, and we’ll see.”

Katie turned her phone in her hands. “Okay, see, I had this idea, and I asked Andrew, who hooked me up with some big-shot producer who is there on the ranch, and he was able to get me the information I asked for, and he emailed me particulars yesterday, and I think we could finagle you a ticket, if you were willing to pay, but it might end up being—”

Cait huffed impatiently at her friend’s rambling. “Just tell me!”

Katie nodded slowly. “Okay.” A deep breath. “Okay.”

She held up the phone so Cait could read the email. With trembling hands, Cait reached for the tiny screen, and skimmed over the words.

It was a crazy idea. A wild, crazy idea only an incredibly strong and sure woman would be able to pull off. A scary idea…which might actually work.

She took a deep breath, feeling surer than she had in weeks. Would it be worth it to spend her money on this instead of her dream? Maybe.

“I’ll do it.”