Chapter Twenty-One
After our spectacular wake-up call, Landen and I were in my kitchen, drinking coffee. He had pulled a pair of workout shorts out of his carry-on and slipped them on without underwear. Even after my incredible orgasm, the knowledge that all he wore were those silky shorts was distracting as hell.
“I wasn’t joking,” he said suddenly.
Confused by the random statement, I sipped my coffee and stared at him over the rim.
“About spending every night with you.”
I smirked at him and lowered the mug. “I’m not completely averse to the idea,” I stated, my tone teasing.
Landen’s expression wasn’t amused as he replied, “I mean it, Chelsea.”
Feeling as though I’d just jumped into a pool without knowing how deep it was, I set my coffee down. “I’m not sure I understand what you’re trying to say, Landen,” I stated, lifting a foot so my heel was on the seat. I rested my chin on my knee and studied him.
He met my gaze for a protracted moment and looked a bit frustrated before he finally responded. “I think you should move in with me.”
Though my ears heard his words, my brain didn’t comprehend them. I blinked at him several times before I asked, “I’m sorry?”
He sighed and placed his mug on the counter next to mine. He was standing in the kitchen, on the opposite side of the bar, while I sat on one of the stools at the end. “I’m fucking this up,” he muttered, mostly to himself I thought. His eyes returned to mine, intense and probing. “I know this is only the third night we’ve spent together but I like it. I like going to bed with you, sleeping with you, and waking up with you. I like the idea of coming home after work and knowing that you’ll be there. And I want that. Every day.”
His words were…amazing. And closely mirrored my own thoughts over the past week.
But they were also scary because this was fast. Really fast. Way too fast. We hadn’t even been dating a month yet. We hadn’t had our first fight. Or gone through our first flu season. The cold and flu season was a true test of a relationship. Illness was never pretty and most of the men I’d dated were complete babies when they were sick. Though I did sometimes wonder if the cold virus trembled in fear when it got anywhere near Landen Weber.
“Landen,” I began. Unsure of what to say next, I paused and bit my lip. Six months from now, I would have been ecstatic to have this conversation, but right now it felt too soon for such a huge step. I took a deep breath and forced myself to say exactly what I was thinking. “Look, I l-love that you feel that way about me and I love spending time with you.” Inwardly, I winced when I tripped over the “L word” but I persevered. “But I don’t think I’m ready to move in with you. We haven’t been dating for long and I’d like to learn more about you before we take that step.”
He stared at me, his expression unreadable. “What do you want to know? Bad habits? Ex-girlfriends and the reasons they gave me for our break-ups? Are you afraid I kill puppies in my spare time? What?”
His tone was terse, as though he were reaching for patience and having difficulty finding it. And I didn’t like the snarky way he spoke to me, but I took ahold of my own patience with an iron grip. Landen liked to have his way. I knew this about him already because of how often I had to deal with it when he came to Chris’ office. The fact that I said no when he asked me to move in was likely irritating the shit out of him. I didn’t want this to turn into a fight because it wasn’t something we should fight about.
“That’s not what I mean,” I stated. “What I need to know about you…it comes with time. With proximity. The more time we spend together, the more I’ll learn about the kind of person you are.”
“You’ve seen me at least once a week for a year, Chelsea,” he responded. “I think you should have an idea about what kind of person I am by now.”
His sarcasm made my grip on my temper slip somewhat. I frowned at him. “That’s work. This is your personal life and my personal life. I don’t know about you, but I do try to behave in a professional manner when I’m at work. If you left coffee cups and other things lying around at the office, I would pick it up because it’s my job. If you did it in a home we shared and expected me to clean up after you, I’d tell you to fuck off. There’s a difference.” I shook my head. “But this is completely off topic. I know we’re going to butt heads, Landen, and that’s okay. It’s part of a relationship. I’m just telling you that I need more time before I make a decision like this.”
He studied me for a long moment. So long that a cold rivulet of unease slid down my spine. His expression was considering…almost scheming. “You said you wanted to be chased. But I’m beginning to think you don’t want to be caught.”
Those words hurt. They had the same power as a punch to the gut, knocking the breath out of my lungs. When it returned with a sharp whoosh, I lost the tenuous hold I had on my anger and hurt. I let him have it all.
“That was a low blow!” I yelled, jumping to my feet and slashing my arm sideways. “For fuck’s sake, Landen, we just had sex for the first time a week ago. And until you kissed me, I had no clue that you felt anything other than annoyance or disdain toward me. You have to cut me some fucking slack!”
I hated losing my temper. I hated yelling. My mom was a yeller and tended to fly off the handle over small things when I was growing up. She was loving and sweet most of the time, but she had a short temper. She would verbally explode all over the place one minute then be perfectly fine the next. And she never apologized for the things she said when she was angry either. It took many years for me to control that impulse when arguing, but I’d managed it.
But now I was pissed. And in pain.
Before Landen could respond, I continued yelling, “I’m falling in love with you but that doesn’t mean that I’m ready to move in tomorrow! Not everyone thinks or feels the way you want them to, when you want them to.”
I ran out of steam then and dragged my hands through my tangled curls as I turned my back to him. I gulped in air as though I’d just run a mile and focused on calming my racing heart. God, I hated it when I lost control over my emotions. I might be assertive, independent, even a little crazy and loud, but I always tried to control my anger and frustration because I knew it was counterproductive to let them loose via words.
I felt Landen’s heat at my back and lifted my shoulders defensively as I stepped away without looking at him. “Just…give me a minute to calm down, okay?” I said tiredly, lifting a hand toward him. “I just need a minute and then we’ll talk.”
He didn’t back off but he did speak. “I’m sorry, Chelsea.”
My frustration faded somewhat with his words and I took one last deep breath and let it out. I still wasn’t happy about the way he’d behaved, but he sounded sincere. Holding a grudge after someone apologized was also counterproductive. Especially when he clearly meant it. It was something I struggled with in past relationships. I didn’t like that aspect of my character and I worked hard to suppress that tendency.
I turned toward him. “I’m sorry I yelled. I hate losing my temper like that.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “I don’t think a woman has yelled at me like that since I broke up with my first girlfriend in high school.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. My mother yelled a lot when I was growing up and I try not to do it because I always hated the way it made me feel when she did.”
“You were right,” he stated. “Sometimes I forget that not everyone thinks like I do. I know I’m intense, that I make decisions that seem lightning fast, and that I get…surly when I don’t get my way immediately.”
I suppressed the urge to snort at his final words because they were definitely true.
“And if you need more time to decide that moving in with me is the right decision, I will give it to you.”
I couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at my mouth when he intimated that moving in with him was the only right decision.
“And I’m going to say it one more time then let it go. I’m sorry. I don’t like fighting with you.”
I stepped into him and wrapped my arms around his waist. It wasn’t until he hugged me into his bare chest and relaxed that I realized how tense his body had been. The last dregs of my anger vanished completely and I tightened my grip on him.
“I don’t like fighting with you either,” I admitted. “Arguing, yes. Debating, yes. But that wasn’t fun.”
He chuckled and I liked the vibration against my ear. As the sound faded, I could hear the steady thump of his heart and I sank deeper into him. This was a side of Landen that surprised me. He was affectionate. He liked contact. If we were walking together, he held my hand or rested his hand on my lower back. When we sat on the couch or were lying in bed, he pulled me close.
And after I yelled at him earlier, his first instinct had been to touch me in order to calm me. He clearly needed a physical connection, even when we were fighting.
“No, it wasn’t fun,” he agreed. “Though I’m glad you’re not the type to hold a grudge.”
I laughed softly. “I wouldn’t say that. My first instinct is to hold a grudge, even after you apologize. It’s ridiculous, I know, but once my blood gets up, it takes me a bit to calm down. I have to battle that urge every time I fight with someone, but I’m aware of it and I work at it.”
Landen sighed, his chest expanding beneath my cheek. “Good to know.”
I lifted my head and looked up at him. “How about we revisit this topic in a couple of months?”
“The fighting or you moving in?” he asked, arching a brow at me.
I narrowed my eyes as I met his gaze. “The moving in stuff.”
Landen dropped a kiss on my forehead. “How about a month?”
“Three,” I shot back.
“Two and that’s my final offer.”
I had to laugh. Only with Landen would I negotiate something as personal and important as this like a business deal. I wondered if this would become a habit with us since we’d also done it when discussing the timing of our first sexual encounter.
“If you think about it, I said a couple which usually indicates two.”
He nodded. “I can wait two months. Though I can’t promise I won’t bring up how much you love my kitchen. And my backyard. And the sauna. Or the fact that we could have sex whenever we felt like it.”
“You have excellent points, but you forgot to mention that you snore.”
“I do not!” he argued.
I shrugged. “How would you know? You’re asleep.”
He growled beneath his breath and squeezed me tighter but he didn’t say anything else.
He was right though, he didn’t snore. I only wanted to tease him a little.
“And your library is a mess,” I stated. While I hated fighting with Landen, this was fun.
“Not anymore,” he murmured, his eyes moving over my smiling face. “All the equipment is set up and the floor is now clean.”
“Hmmm, that’s good.” Due to the heated look he was giving me, my mind was no longer on getting a rise out of Landen. Well, considering the hard ridge against my stomach, I was getting a rise out of him, just not an emotional one.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“Yes, but not for food.”
I watched him grin before his head descended and his mouth met mine.