Trey and I had been dancing for the last five songs, and now, we were dancing to Britney Spears’s song, “3.” The more his hands moved across my body, the more I yearned for Scott. I knew Trey wanted to take our friendship to another level, and I was starting to wish I was going home tomorrow instead of on New Year’s Eve.
“Oh god, Jessie…your body drives me crazy,” Trey said as he pushed his erection into my stomach.
The twists and turns of emotions were driving me crazy. I enjoyed Trey’s friendship so much, and he’d helped me so much the last few weeks.
Do I want more than friendship with him? No…at least, not now anyway.
Everything was so raw, and the hurt in my heart was still so strong. The last thing I wanted or needed was to fall for someone else. Plus, I was still in love with Scott…even though I tried to fight that feeling with everything I had.
“Don’t Let Me Be Lonely” by The Band Perry began playing. Trey pulled me closer to him, and we began to slow dance. My head was spinning, and I felt so sick to my stomach.
“Trey, I think this is my last dance. I’m not feeling very well, and I just really need to rest.”
He reached his hand up and ran his knuckles down the side of my face. When he touched me, I couldn’t deny that I felt something. It was nothing though compared to when Scott had touched me…or smiled at me…or told me how much he loved me.
Scott…why did you have to hurt me again?
“Smile, my love. I hate it when you have such a sad look in your eyes,” Trey said with that sweet smile of his.
I looked into his green eyes, and I couldn’t believe his fiancée could ever walk away from such an amazing man. I returned a weak smile. “I’m just not feeling well.”
“Is it your stomach again? Maybe you’re eating something here that doesn’t agree with you.”
I shrugged my shoulders. I knew it was most likely just nerves. I had been such a nervous wreck and so stressed out that I hadn’t even had my period in two months.
Trey leaned down and lightly kissed my lips. I wanted so badly to open myself up to him more. I just wanted to be held in someone’s arms tonight. But what I wanted most was to be in Scott’s arms.
“Jessie, don’t spend Christmas Eve alone. Stay with me tonight. Please. I know you’re leaving in a few days to be home by the New Year, but please…let’s just spend this next week together.”
I let out a small laugh. “Trey, we’ve pretty much spent every waking moment together. I don’t think we could spend any more time together.”
He shook his head and kissed my lips again. This time, he gently bit down on my lower lip and pulled it with his teeth. I couldn’t control myself, and I let a small moan escape from my lips.
“Trey.”
“I don’t mean, hang out like friends, Jessie. I want to be with you. I want to know how you feel and what you taste like. I want to touch every inch of your body and cover you with kisses.”
Oh god…I want that, too.
But I want it from Scott. Only from Scott.
“Once we leave this island, if you tell me that this is it and there could never be anything else, I promise you that I will totally respect that. It’s just…I’ve never felt this way with anyone…not even with Renee. I was going to marry her, and I never wanted her like I want you right now.”
A part of me wanted to go back to his cabana. I could just close my eyes and dream I was with Scott, but I’d never hurt Trey that way.
I placed my hand on his chest and smiled at him. “Trey, I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t feel a connection to you because I do. I feel it when we touch and when we kiss, but—”
He started shaking his head. “No…don’t say but, Jessie.”
I took a deep breath in and quickly blew it out. “But it’s not fair to be with you when I’m still in love with Scott. I can’t change what my heart feels, and yes, I know, he hurt me. Please don’t keep reminding me.”
“I’m sorry, Jessie, but he did hurt you, and that bastard doesn’t deserve your love.”
“Trey, I keep having this dream. It’s about Scott and a little girl, and she keeps telling me that I didn’t even give him a chance to talk to me before I ran away. She told me I killed him.”
Trey rolled his eyes and let out a sharp breath as he shook his head. “A dream? That’s what has you so upset? Jesus Christ, Jessie. It’s a damn dream that doesn’t mean anything. You didn’t kill the asshole.”
“I haven’t even talked to my father in over a month. I gave the lady I met at lunch one day a postcard I’d bought in Texas to mail to my father. I’m hiding from my own family and friends, but mostly, I’m hiding from Scott. I have to keep asking myself why. Why am I so afraid to talk to or see him?”
“Because you know the moment you see him, you’ll forgive him, Jess. You’ll fall right back into his arms, just waiting for the next time he hurts you.”
I shook my head and turned to walk off the dance floor. I went back to our table and had to put my hand up to my mouth. Oh god, please don’t let me get sick here. Shit!
I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. I need fresh air. I can’t breathe. As soon as I got outside, I took a deep breath and felt the cool, crisp air hit my lungs. Then, I noticed the wind. Holy shit. It was so windy that it almost knocked me over. I felt dizzy, and I tried to get my balance when I felt Trey grab my arm.
“Jessie, don’t run away from me like you have with everyone else.”
I spun around and looked at him. The anger began building, and all I wanted was my father right now. I need to get home.
“How can you stand there and say that to me of all people? Did you not run away with your best friend and come here after Renee left you at the altar? You’re not going home because you don’t want to face everyone asking you what happened, right? How dare you say that to me.”
“Jessie, you deserve to be loved and taken care of. I can do that. I would never hurt you. You would never have to run away from me.”
Oh god. I never even gave Scott a chance to talk to me before I just ran away from him. What am I afraid of? Finding out the truth? What if I was wrong all along?
Then, something hit me like a brick wall.
“What if it wasn’t him?”
Trey just looked at me. “What? Who in the hell else could it have been, Jessie? You’re talking crazy.”
“No…I’ve been fighting this sick feeling in my stomach since I got on that plane. It was like…like I was making one of the worst mistakes of my life. There’s a reason my love for him is so strong still.” I shook my head. “I need to get back to my cabana.”
As I started practically running, Trey ran up and grabbed me.
“Jessie! Listen to yourself. You didn’t imagine seeing him screwing his ex.”
I closed my eyes and thought back to the night I’d been trying to push out of my memory for the last month and a half. I opened them quickly and looked at Trey. “No…I don’t think it was him. The more I think about the voice calling out after me…the more I realize that it wasn’t Scott’s. I know it wasn’t Scott.” My heart started pounding. “I’m going to call him.”
Trey threw his head back, and I knew he was upset.
“Fine. Let me walk with you then since it’s dark.”
I nodded and began to run back to the cabana. The wind was getting worse, and it was starting to sprinkle now. Just before we got to the door, a bolt of lightning struck somewhere close by. I screamed, and Trey took a hold of me.
“Holy shit! That was close. Is there a damn tropical storm coming in this late in the year?”
The wind was blowing so hard that chairs were flying down the beach.
Where in the hell did this storm come from?
I ran into my cabana and went straight to the phone. I picked it up and started telling the operator that I wanted to make a call to the U.S. I reached into my purse for the calling card I had bought.
“Jessie, please don’t do this right now. It’s Christmas Eve.”
I smiled. “All the more reason to call him.”
After I gave the operator all the information, Scott’s phone rang once and then went straight to voice mail. My hands started shaking, and I felt a lump in my throat.
Shit. Maybe I should have called my dad first.
When I heard the beep, I took a deep breath. “Scott, um…hey, it’s Jessie. I, um…I really need to talk to you. I don’t have my phone, so I’ll try to call you in a few minutes or so. I, um…I love you, Scott. I love you, and I just need to talk to you.”
I hung up the phone and then cursed. Shit! Shit! Shit! I didn’t tell him where I was. I picked up the phone again, but another bolt of lightning hit, and then all I heard was a loud crash.
Trey took the phone out of my hand and hung it up. “Come on, we need to get to the main hotel, Jessie. This storm is getting worse.”
“No! Wait! Let me just call him back and let him know where I am, Trey!”
Trey tried to pull me away, but I used all my might to yank my arm out of his hand. I picked up the phone, and it was silent.
No! Oh no! God, please don’t do this to me.
Just as I was about to tell Trey I had no dial tone, there was a knock on the door. Trey opened it, and it was one of the hotel employees.
“Miss Rhodes, Mr. Walker, I need you both to come to the main hotel.”
“What happened to the phone lines?” I asked in a panicked voice.
“They’re probably down from the storm.”
“I thought we were out of storm season!” I yelled over the increasing wind.
“It is very rare for a tropical cyclone to develop this late in the year, but it’s not unheard of.”
Trey and I both said at the same time, “What?”
“A tropical cyclone? I knew there was a tropical storm out there, but the front desk clerk said it wouldn’t develop into anything. Oh my god!” I said.
“Miss Rhodes, it’s okay. It is a category-one cyclone, and it developed rather quickly throughout the day. We put a notice on your cabana doors. Neither of you got it?”
I looked at Trey, and we both shook our heads.
“We’ve been sightseeing all day,” I said.
“Please come now, and let’s get to a safer location.”
I grabbed a sweatshirt, and then I followed Trey and the hotel worker out of my room. I didn’t even have time to take anything else.
By the time we got to the hotel lobby, everyone was sitting around, talking, as the employees did their best to keep the guests calm and comfortable. I walked up to the front desk and noticed the girl was on her cell phone.
Oh my god! She has a signal in this mess?
She hung up and turned to face me. “Miss Rhodes, how are you?” she asked with a smile on her face.
Jesus H. Christ, how does the staff stay so calm?
“Honestly, I’m slightly freaked, but I’ve been told the storm is only a category-one cyclone, so…” I rolled my eyes.
She laughed. “We locals are used to storms like this although it is very rare to get them this time of year.”
“I couldn’t help but notice you were talking on your cell phone.” I looked at her with pleading eyes.
She glanced around quickly and motioned for me to follow her into the office. “I’m not sure how I’ve managed to keep a signal, but my husband is in New York City on business, and I was able to call him. Is there a loved one you want to try to call?”
I jumped up and down. “Yes! I would be forever grateful to you if I could call him.”
She handed me her cell, and I saw she still had a signal. I quickly tried Scott, only to get his voice mail again. I left him a quick message, telling him I was in Belize and that I would be coming home in a few days. Then, I tried Daddy.
“Hello?” he answered.
The moment I heard his voice, I began crying. “Daddy?”
“Oh my god, Jessie! Thank God. Oh, baby, we’ve been worried sick. Scott is about to go crazy. Jessie, why?”
“Daddy, I can’t talk long. I’m in Belize, and we are being hit with a tropical storm.”
“Jessie, you’re going in and out. I think you said you’re in a tropical storm? Baby, where are you?”
“Belize. Dad, I called Scott, but his phone went to voice mail.”
“Jessie, I’m only getting a few words here and there, but if you can hear me…baby, it wasn’t Scott who was with Chelsea. It was Bryce, Scott’s brother. Baby girl, Scott didn’t cheat on you. God, Jessie, can you hear me? Jess, have you met someone new? Scott is not doing very well after your postcard.”
I almost dropped the phone. I knew it. I knew deep in my heart that he would never hurt me. “Daddy, I hear you! I hear you. Please tell him to call me. I’m at the—”
Then, I heard a beep. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen.
No service.
I slowly handed the phone back to the front desk clerk.
“The signal is gone,” I whispered.
“Ah…Miss Rhodes, I think you better sit down. You don’t look so good.”
I glanced up and noticed her name was…Chelsea.
Oh god…I think I’m going to get sick. “I feel sick.”
Chelsea ran and grabbed a small trash bin. She held it as I started puking into it. Then, the dry heaves began.
“Ugh…I’m so sorry, Chelsea. I’ve been feeling so bad the last few weeks. I’m not sure what it is.”
She smiled and sat down. “It’s okay. I just hope you are not getting the flu or something.”
I nodded and tried to remember what my father had said.
Baby, it wasn’t Scott who was with Chelsea. Jess, have you met someone new? Scott is not doing very well after your postcard.
Why in the world did he ask me if I’ve met someone new? What did my postcard have to do with—
I threw my hands up to my mouth. Chelsea jumped back up and grabbed the trash can.
What did I write? Oh god…did I write about meeting someone new?
“Oh my Lord, Miss Rhodes, you don’t look so good. Should I get a doctor?”
I stood up and started pacing. Think, Jessie! Think! What did you write?
I told him I was fine…I’d call…
Oh. My. God.
I told him I’d met a friend…and he was helping me get over Scott.
“No…oh no! No! No! Oh my god, what did I do?”
Then, I thought about my dream.
You left him. You killed him.
I heard Trey asking Chelsea if everything was okay.
I turned to face Trey. “I’m the one who hurt him. He thinks I’ve found someone new. He thinks I’ve…” I started shaking my head violently from side to side.
“Mr. Walker, I really think she needs a doctor—now,” Chelsea said.
“No! Oh god…no…Scott. I need to get to Scott!”
I started to make my way out of the office when Trey grabbed me.
“Jessie, there’s a storm out there. You can’t get to Scott right now. No one can talk to anyone unless that person is on the island.”
I could hear the wind outside, and things were banging against the building. “You don’t understand. I have to leave. I have to leave now!”
Trey placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “Jessica, you can’t leave. There’s a storm outside, love. Come on, I’ll hold you if you feel sick. Everything is going to be okay.”
The sick feeling in my stomach was more than I could stand as everything hit me all at once. I looked up at Trey and shook my head. “No…just please let me have a few minutes. I just need a few minutes alone.”
“Jessie—”
“Trey, please!” I shouted.
Trey took a step back. I watched as he turned and headed out of the office.
“Chelsea…can you please give me a few minutes alone?”
Chelsea nodded and left. She shut the office door behind her. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to process everything.
It was Bryce? Why Bryce? Then, who sent the text from Scott’s phone, telling me to meet him at home? Why were Chelsea and Bryce in Scott’s bedroom? She said they had gotten tired of waiting for me. Did she mean she and Bryce or—
Oh my god. Oh god…I’m so fucking stupid! Chelsea set me up. Somehow, she must have sent the text…or maybe Scott sent it and passed out…or…
My head was spinning, and I felt like I was going to get sick again.
I just need to talk to Scott. I need to tell him that I’m not in love with anyone else, and I could never forget him. I could never stop loving him.
I thought about how much time I’d spent with Trey, laughing and enjoying the islands, while Scott had been back home…scared to death and worried about me and what I was doing.
I put my right hand on my stomach and my left hand over my mouth. I almost slept with Trey. I closed my eyes and thought back to the night I’d let Trey finger-fuck me and how much I had just wanted to orgasm to forget about Scott. I could almost feel Trey’s hands on my body. I reached up and touched my still tender breasts as I felt tears rolling down my face, knowing that I’d let another man suck on my breasts and touch my body.
I opened my eyes and sat up. I stared straight ahead for a good two minutes before I stood and walked to the office door. I barely opened it, but I could see Trey standing on the other side of the counter. He stood up taller and smiled when he saw me. I tried my best to smile, but my heart was pounding so loud that I could hear it in my ears.
“Um, Chelsea? May I speak with you…in private, please?”
Chelsea smiled. “Sure.”
After she walked in, I slowly shut the door. The winds seemed to be dying down outside, but I could still hear things blowing around and hitting the building.
I didn’t even know how to ask for what I needed, so I just went for it. “Chelsea, I need to take a pregnancy test.”
The smile that spread across her face caused me to smile.
“Does Mr. Walker know?”
My smile disappeared, and I felt sick to my stomach. “Mr. Walker is just a friend. We’re just friends and nothing more.”
“I’m so sorry, Miss Rhodes. I just assumed because the two of you are always together and all.”
I tried to smile. “I can understand that, but I have a boyfriend back home, and I, um…well, it would be his baby.”
“I see. And he’s okay with you spending so much time here with Mr. Walker?”
I felt my cheeks instantly flush. I could see how people would assume Trey and I were together. Almost every day, we’d spent breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. We’d walked on the beach and taken tours together…danced together…and kissed on more than one occasion.
I wiped away the tear that had rolled slowly down my cheek. “No…he doesn’t know I’m here or that I’ve been, um…spending time with Mr. Walker. But I have not slept with him—at all,” I said as the guilt began to eat away at me.
For over a month, Scott has been back home, worried about me, and I’ve been…having a grand old time, running around Belize with another man.
“Well, I’m not one to judge anyone, Miss Rhodes. I do believe we sell them in the gift store. Would you like me to go and buy you one?”
I slowly nodded. “I left my purse in my cabana. Can you charge it to my room?”
She gave me a pitiful smile and nodded as she opened the door.
I said, “Two. Please get two.”
My hands were shaking as I held up the pregnancy test. Two lines. Pregnant.
I immediately opened the other test and repeated the whole process, crying the entire time.
I waited five minutes and held it up. Two lines. I’m carrying Scott’s baby. As I placed my hand on my stomach, I practically let out a scream. I sat there, rocking back and forth. I’d let another man touch me while I was pregnant with Scott’s child.
Oh god…Scott, please forgive me.
He’s never going to forgive me. He’s going to hate me forever.
Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Trey sucking on my nipples…the same nipples my child would touch.
“No! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why did I let him touch me? Oh god, why did I ask him to touch me? Why?” I yelled out.
In that instant, I had more hate for Chelsea than I’d ever had.
There was a knock on the restroom door.
From the other side, Trey asked, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just need a few minutes. Please just give me a few minutes.” I got up and pulled my jeans back up. I wrapped both tests in toilet paper and put them into my back pocket as I left the stall.
I heard the restroom door open, and I spun around to see Trey standing there.
“Jessie, what in the hell is going on? Please tell me. You’re scaring the shit out of me.”
I pushed past him. How dare he come into the restroom when I asked him to wait. “I talked to my dad.”
Trey looked at me, confused. “How? When?”
“Earlier. I saw the front desk clerk, Chelsea, talking on her cell. I asked if I could use her phone. I tried to call Scott, but it went to his voice mail again.”
I noticed how Trey seemed to be relieved when he found out I hadn’t talked to Scott.
“But my father answered when I called. He couldn’t really hear everything. He said I was breaking in and out, but I did hear him tell me that it wasn’t Scott with Chelsea. It was Scott’s brother. Scott never cheated on me.”
Trey’s whole body slumped. “Well…I mean, are you sure Scott is not just lying to your father?”
I nodded my head. “Yes! I know now that the voice I heard was Bryce and not Scott.”
“Wait…Jessie, the whole thing just doesn’t make any sense. How do you know your dad wasn’t just saying that to get you to come home?”
I hadn’t even thought of that. Would my father lie to me?
I shook my head. “No, my father wouldn’t lie to me like that, Trey.”
“Jessie, if you were my daughter and I had no idea where you were, I’d tell you whatever I thought you wanted to hear to get you to come home to me.”
I stood there, staring at Trey. I’m so confused.
“Baby, your dad knows you’re fine and safe now. Let’s get through this storm and spend the last few days together, just you and me, and then we will both fly back to Texas. Hell, I’ll even fly home with you if you need me to.”
“No…wait…my head is spinning. I’m so confused. Trey, you’re confusing me. I have to talk to Scott right away.”
Trey was clearly getting frustrated as he pushed both hands through his hair. “Why? Why do you have to talk to that cheating bastard right away, Jess? Why can’t we just enjoy what we’ve started here?”
I looked down at the floor as I reached around and felt the tests in my back pocket. “I have to talk to him, Trey, because I just found out that…” My voice cracked as I looked into his eyes, and the flood of guilt came back full force. It felt like I had a weight sitting on my chest.
Trey took a step closer and went to reach out for me. I held up my hand and stepped away from him. The hurt in his eyes about killed me.
“You just found out what, Jessie?”
I inhaled a deep breath and let it out. “I just found out that I’m pregnant.”
Trey’s eyes grew bigger, and his mouth dropped open. “Oh my god,” he said so low that I barely heard him.
“I know, and I’m filled with so much guilt because I let you touch me. I let you touch me, and we almost…almost…”
I broke down crying again as Trey walked toward me. He pulled me into his arms, and he began stroking my hair as he kept repeating for me to calm down.
“We didn’t, Jess…we didn’t make love. There was a reason you stopped it, and you didn’t do anything wrong.”
I looked up into his eyes as I pulled back slightly. “I didn’t do anything wrong? Trey…I asked you to have sex with me, so I could forget about my boyfriend.”
“Who you thought had cheated on you. We didn’t do anything, Jessie. You don’t even have to tell Scott about it, love. It can just stay between you and me. I promise you, I’ll never tell anyone.”
I started shaking my head. “Everyone thinks we’re together. Do you know how many times I’ve kissed you? And I’m carrying another man’s child. I…I…”
“God, Jessie, stop this. You didn’t know, and we didn’t do anything wrong. Most of those kisses were friendly pecks. Please…don’t get upset like this. It’s not good for the baby. Come on…let’s get out of the restroom and find somewhere to sit.”
We made our way through the lobby, and Trey guided me over toward empty chairs in the bar area. I looked around at everyone laughing and drinking while a terrible storm was going on outside. I closed my eyes and thought about the terrible storm going on inside me. I sat down in a chair, and he bent down as he pushed my hair behind both of my ears.
He smiled that sweeter than sweet smile at me. “I’m going to get you some water, love. Just try to take some deep breaths, and I’ll be right back.”
He placed his hand on the side of my face, and I leaned my head into it. His touch had become such a calming force to me. My body betrayed me with the shiver that ran through it. I watched as he turned and walked up to the bar. I noticed all the women looking him up and down. One bitch licked her lips and nudged her friend, who started laughing.
Bitches. He’s mine.
I sucked in a breath of air and covered my mouth. What? I started shaking my head. No! No…he’s not mine. We’re only friends—just friends.
I looked back at Trey. He was now talking to one of the ladies who had been eye-fucking him as he’d walked up to the bar. The insane jealousy I was feeling was very confusing. All I wanted to do was get to Scott, so I could beg him to forgive me and tell him how much I loved him. Yet, I also wanted Trey to stop talking to this bitch and come back to me. I needed to feel him near me. I needed his touch again.
What is going on with me? Why am I feeling this way toward him? I don’t love him. God, please…please just clear my head of these feelings.
I turned away and began watching everyone in the lobby. Little kids were chasing each other as their parents kept telling them to slow down. A little girl with curly brown hair was playing hide-and-seek with a little boy who looked to be about a year younger than her. I smiled, thinking about the child I was carrying.
I’m carrying Scott’s child. What will our baby look like? Will she have Scott’s beautiful blue eyes? Will she have blonde or brown hair?
I felt Trey touch my shoulder, and it was like a warm blanket enveloped my whole body. I looked up at his tender smile. I couldn’t help but glance back at the woman he had been talking to at the bar. She was giving me a dirty look, and a part of me felt triumphant.
As I watched Trey sit down and get settled in the chair, I wondered what his children would look like. Whoever he ended up with was going to be one lucky lady.
“Jessie, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to say it.”
I nodded.
“If it turns out that Scott did cheat—”
“He didn’t.”
“I know, but if he did, I want you to know that it would be my honor to take care of you and your child. I’d do everything in my power to make you both happy.”
Tears flooded my eyes as I looked into Trey’s eyes.
How can I care about someone so much when I only just met him, not even two months ago?
I got up, crawled onto his lap, and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Trey,” was all I could say. Right before I fell asleep, I whispered, “I love Scott. I’ll always love Scott.” I drifted off to sleep where images of little girls with curly hair took over my dreams.