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CHIEF (A Brikken Motorcycle Club Saga) by Debra Kayn (9)

Chapter Nine

Thorn wiped his hands on a rag inside the garage on Brikken MC land. Johanna refused to step out of his way, even though he outweighed her by eighty pounds and was six feet four inches tall. It'd been a week since her encounter with Chief, and suddenly it seemed everything had changed.

No matter how many times she told herself that she was old enough and mature enough to take care of herself or that people she cared about would come and go in her life and she had to deal with the loss, the little girl's voice inside of her head constantly cried out in fear that Chief would leave her.

"I worked Monday through Friday. You, Jett, Olin, even Karla, could've swung by or phoned me. I could've helped pack Karla's things after work or brought pizza to feed everyone." She sidestepped to keep in front of Thorn. "She never even texted me or called to let me know she was moving out of the house."

As if she'd woken from a bad dream, she'd called the landline phone at Karla's and found the number disconnected. Concerned, she dialed Karla's cell phone and got her voice message. Since she'd moved out into the apartment with Lindsay and Ashley, it wasn't unusual for her to go a week without seeing Karla, because she worked five straight days.

But, when she'd dropped by Karla's after work earlier, the only thing inside the house was some of Olin and Thorn's belongings they'd left behind when they'd moved into the clubhouse.

"Take that up with Mom. Whatever's going on is between you and her." Thorn grabbed her upper arms, lifted, and set her to the side, walking past her.

She gawked in shock and quickly jogged to keep up with him. "Are you saying she secretly moved to get away from me?"

She had a special relationship with Karla. While she wasn't related by blood, Karla stepped into the role of being her mother when Chief moved her from Nene's house to Karla's. Throughout the years, ninety-nine percent of the time it was Karla who sided with her when it came to getting permission from Chief for extracurricular activities at school, going out, and even how much allowance she received. Many, many times, Karla stopped her own sons from teasing and picking on her.

She followed him to his bike and leaned over when he squatted beside the engine. "If you can't tell me about Karla, tell me what's wrong between you and me? Why aren't you saying more? Why aren't you talking to me?"

"Nothing's wrong." Thorn rubbed sandpaper over the spark plug tip. "We're good."

"You honestly aren't going to tell me where your mom moved?" She straightened. "Do you even know?"

"I know."

"Thorn, I swear to God, I'm going to cry. I'm worried about her. This isn't...normal." She planted her hands on her hips. "Where did Karla go?"

"Talk to Chief." He glanced up at her from his position next to the bike. "Though, I'm surprised you haven't figured out that our family isn't normal yet. Shit happens, but Chief is always behind everything that changes."

"That's not funny."

"Not trying to be, Johanna." Thorn sighed and glanced over his shoulder at her. "Just talk to Chief. You know how this works."

"I've tried. He's out on club business. I've called three times this week, and Keeffe is answering Chief's cell phone. All he says is Chief is out of town and asks me if I need something. I couldn't ask him to pass on a message. This is a private matter." She pursed her lips at Thorn's silence.

Could it be possible that Chief and Karla were together? She stared at Thorn's back. When she'd stopped at the clubhouse searching for Thorn, only half the usual number of members were there. She hadn't thought about the coincidence of Chief being with Karla and assumed Keeffe spoke the truth about club business going on.

Her stomach rolled, and she walked toward the door.

"Hey," said Thorn.

She turned around. "What?"

"If you need something besides where to find Mom and Chief, you can always come to me, Jett, or Olin." Thorn waited for her to tell him what she needed.

Now that she'd connected the pieces, she asked, "Is Chief with Karla?"

Thorn schooled his features and stared at her without answering. The expression so much like Chief's when he'd put the final word on the conversation, she shook her head and walked out of the garage. Understanding that Chief held Thorn responsible for watching over her when he was gone, she couldn't fault him for not answering her.

At one time, she'd accepted the way Chief ran his life. She'd witnessed a deeper level of commitment between him and Karla than between him with Nene. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered her mom and a man always yelling and arguing. Chief rarely raised his voice to Karla or Nene.

She opened her car door and slid into the driver's seat. Loneliness hit her.

Her early childhood memories rarely invaded her thoughts. But, when they happened she compared the tidbits that flashed in her head to the lifestyle that influenced her now.

Members of Brikken lived by their own rules. That was apparent the day Chief took her out of the apartment. She'd clung to him because he'd been the adult. Used to babysitters, going to school, her mom's frequent absences, and waking up in a different room, a different apartment with strangers, she shouldn't be shocked by Karla leaving her.

She swiped her cheeks of the tears that hit her.

Obviously, Thorn knew where Karla was, and she assumed Olin and Jett knew. So, why wasn't she told?

How could Karla do that to her? She'd protected herself against losing everyone and even expected to leave Karla's house—and she had when she'd moved into the apartment, but she wasn't prepared for how much it hurt her that Karla never involved her in family business.

She started the car and drove to the gate. Waving to the prospect, she headed home to her apartment. For once, she hoped Lindsay and Ashley were gone.

She needed to think.

Never ever would she have thought the idea of Karla and Chief being together would bother her. Her relationship with Chief was unlike any that he had. He came around for Karla, parented his sons, had sex with Nene. Chief and her connected on a different level. It was emotional.

She sniffed. They were the only family she had, but she wasn't a blood relative. She hadn't grown up in a motorcycle club.

Like people who convert to a religion, they change their habits, their thought process. Or, people who move to a different country where they speak a different language, they learn and adapt. Even people who join the military are sculpted to put others ahead of themselves, to become heroes.

No, she never questioned the way Brikken members lived. She'd become immune to the differences because life with the club was her new normal.

Yet, Thorn's lack of answering a simple question regarding if Chief and Karla were together was important to her. She deserved an answer.

Five minutes later, she pulled in front of her apartment. The two windows in front of the building were dark, and the curtains closed. Lindsay and Ashley were out.

She grabbed her purse, took out her keychain with the mace container hanging from the ring, and walked to the front door.

She should've asked Keeffe when Chief would be done with business. During her worry over Karla missing and not being able to find out where she went, she never gave any thought to finding out more details—details that might've been shared with her.

Her hand shook keeping her from inserting the key in the lock. She flapped her arm and tried again, succeeding in opening the door. She no longer lived under the same roof as Karla, but not knowing what was happening inside the family felt a lot like when she realized her mom wasn't going to pick her up after Chief carried her away from the apartment on his motorcycle.

No one had the simplest idea how scared she was of people leaving her. All the nightmares Karla comforted her over, all the extra times she asked if Karla would be home when she came back from school, all the times she threw up over her worry of Chief not returning. She hadn't confided in anyone about her fears.

She'd kept it bottled up, afraid if she spoke about it, her fears would come true.

Inside the apartment, she relocked the door. Kicking off her shoes, she headed straight to her room. She tossed her phone on the bed and her purse on the dresser. Running her tongue over her teeth, she went into the bathroom and brushed, washed her face, and bound her hair on top of her head.

Stripping out of her clothes, she slipped a black Harley Davidson tank over her head, and wearing her panties, crawled into her unmade bed. What if she woke up in the morning and the remaining people in her life were gone?

What if Chief never came back?

What if Lindsay and Ashley moved out and wanted nothing to do with her?

Her worries weren't out of the realm of reality. Her mother had left her at a stranger's apartment and then never came back for her. She hugged the pillow. When she'd turned fourteen, she had the idea to Google her mom's name. It'd taken her two months to work up the courage. Afraid that Chief would find out she still loved her mom and be upset with her, and that Karla would ground her from the laptop, she used her empathy for other people's feelings as an excuse not to look.

Those reasons were only defenses om case her mother was dead. The other possibility was unthinkable and would affirm her deepest fear.

Her mother had left her because she hadn't loved Johanna.

She shook her head, knowing if she focused on that reason, she'd break.

In the end, searching for her mom online gave her no answers. She'd found one address for her mother before Johanna was even born, in a different state, and nothing else. She couldn't even remember what kind of work her mom went to during the night or where the apartment was located at where she'd lived.

In her child's mind, her ride with Chief when she was eight years old lasted forever. Then, she was thrust into living with a woman who took care of her every day, all day long, and a man who came and talked with her a few times a week and gave her all his attention. New people came into her life and stayed. Chief gave her a family.

While moving in with Karla a few years later, she adapted to having a family and came to love each one of them. No matter the ideals and the unique way of running their family, they all stayed together.

Until now.

Karla was gone.

Chief was busy.

The boys wouldn't answer her.

She once again stood on the outside looking in, afraid everything she wanted would be taken away from her, and she'd be alone.

Pulling her knees up, she curled her body tightly and shut her eyes. What would she do if Chief never came back?

As an adult, she'd be expected to continue working. Nobody could take care of her like they had when she was younger. She was responsible for herself.

Tomorrow, she'd try harder to get answers. She couldn't lose Chief from her life. She'd never survive without him.

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