YOU CAN’T.
You can’t.
You can’t.
No matter how many times I repeat these words, my desire rages like a ryder out of control.
Tzain will kill us if he finds out. But even as this thought runs through my head, my nails dig into Inan’s back. I pull him into me, pressing until I can feel the hard lines of his body. I want to feel more. I want to feel him.
“Come back to Lagos with me.”
I force my eyes open, unsure whether I’ve heard him correctly. “What?”
“If freedom is what you want, come back to Lagos with me.”
It’s like diving into the cold lakes of Ibadan; a visceral shock that pulls me from our fantasy. A world where Inan is just a boy in a handsome kaftan; a maji, not a prince.
“You promised you wouldn’t get in my way—”
“I shall keep my word,” Inan cuts me off. “But Zélie, that’s not what this is.”
Walls start to form around my heart, walls I know he can feel. He pulls away, sliding his hands from my back to the sides of my face.
“When you bring magic back, the nobility will fight tooth and nail to stop you. The Raid will happen again and again. The war won’t end until an entire generation of Orïshans is dead.”
I look away, but deep down I know he’s right. It’s the reason the fear won’t go away, the reason I can’t allow myself to truly celebrate. Zu’s built a paradise, but when magic returns, the dream will end. Magic doesn’t give us peace.
It only gives us a fighting chance.
“How will me coming back to Lagos solve any of that?” I ask. “As we speak, your father calls for my head!”
“My father’s scared.” Inan shakes his head. “He’s misguided, but his fear is justified. All the monarchy’s ever seen is the destruction maji can bring. They’ve never experienced anything like this.” He gestures to the camp, face alight with so much hope his smile practically glows in the darkness. “Zulaikha created this in one moon, and there are already more divîners in Lagos than anywhere else in Orïsha. Just imagine what we could accomplish with the resources of the monarchy behind us.”
“Inan…” I start to resist, but he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear and trails his thumb down my neck.
“If my father could see this … see you…”
With one touch, everything inside me shivers, pushing against my doubt. I lean into him, hungry for more.
“He’ll see what you’ve shown me.” Inan holds me close. “The maji of today are not the maji he fought. If we build a colony like this in Lagos, he’ll understand he has nothing to fear.”
“This settlement only survives because no one knows where we are. Your father would never allow maji to congregate anywhere besides chained in the stocks.”
“He won’t have a choice.” Inan’s grip tightens, a spark of defiance flaring for the first time. “When magic is back, he won’t have the power to take it away. Whether or not he agrees with me at first, in time he’ll come to understand what’s best. We can unite as one kingdom for the very first time. Amari and I will lead the transition. We can do it if you’re there by our side.”
A flame of hope lights inside me, one I should put out. Inan’s vision begins to crystallize in my mind, the structures Grounders could erect, the techniques Mama Agba could teach all of us. Baba would never have to worry about the taxes again. Tzain could spend the rest of his life playing ag—
Before I can finish the thought, guilt slams into me. The memory of the blood leaking from under my brother’s hands extinguishes any excitement.
“It wouldn’t work,” I whisper. “Magic would still be too dangerous. Innocent people could get hurt.”
“A few days ago I would’ve said the same thing.” Inan pulls back. “But this morning you proved me wrong. With just one lesson, I realized that one day I could actually gain control. If we taught the maji how to do the same in designated colonies, they could reenter Orïsha after they’re trained.”
Inan’s eyes light up and his words begin to rush together.
“Zélie, just imagine what Orïsha could become. Healers like Zu would eradicate sickness. A team of Grounders and Welders could eliminate the need for the stocks. Skies, think of what the army would fight like with your animations leading the charge.”
He presses his forehead against mine, getting far too close for me to think clearly.
“It’ll be a new Orïsha.” He calms down. “Our Orïsha. No battles. No wars. Just peace.”
Peace …
It’s been so long since I’ve known that word. The peace I only get in the dreamscape. The comfort of being wrapped in Inan’s arms.
For a moment, I let myself imagine an end to the maji’s strife. Not with swords and revolution, but with peace.
With Inan.
“You’re serious?”
“I’m more than serious. Zél, I need this. I want to keep every promise I made to you, but I can’t do it alone. You can’t do it with just magic. But together…” A delicious smile spreads across his lips, drawing me in. “We’d be unstoppable. A team Orïsha has never seen.”
I look past him to the dancing divîners, catching sight of the young boy I danced with in the crowd. Salim spins himself in so many circles he tumbles into the grass.
Inan drops his hand from my cheek and interlaces his fingers with mine; his warmth spreads over me like a soft blanket as he pulls me into his arms. “I know we’re meant to work together.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “I think … we’re meant to be together.”
His words make my head spin. His words or the alcohol. But through the haze I know he’s right. This is the one thing that can keep everyone safe. The one decision that can end this endless fight.
“Okay.”
Inan searches me with his eyes. Hope hums around him like the faint drumbeats in the air.
“Really?”
I nod. “We’ll have to convince Tzain and Amari, but if you’re serious—”
“Zél, I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
“My family will have to come to Lagos, too.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“And you still have to rebuild Ilorin—”
“It’ll be the first thing the Grounders and Tiders do!”
Before I can make another objection, Inan wraps his arms around me and spins. His smile stretches so wide it’s impossible for me not to smile back. I laugh as he sets me down, though it takes a moment for the world to stop turning.
“We probably shouldn’t decide the fate of Orïsha while spinning around in some forest.”
He mumbles in agreement, slowly sliding his hands up my sides and back up to my face. “We probably shouldn’t do this, either.”
“Inan—”
Before I can explain that we can’t, that Tzain’s ax is freshly sharpened and only a few tents away, Inan presses his lips to mine and everything fades. His kiss is tender yet forceful, gently pushing into me. And his lips … soft.
Softer than I knew lips could be.
They light every cell in my body, sending a warmth down my back. When he finally pulls away, my heart is beating so fast it feels like I’ve just finished a fight. Inan’s slow to open his eyes as a delicious smile spreads across his face.
“Sorry…” He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. “Do you want to go back in?”
Yes.
I know what I should do. What I probably need to do. But now that I’ve had a taste, every restraint in me breaks.
Inan’s eyes widen as I grab his head and force his lips back onto mine.
Restraint can wait for tomorrow.
Tonight I want him.