Chapter Forty

BRYCE

After talking to every member of his family on the phone, and promising to rehash everything at breakfast, Bryce spent a couple of more hours on the phone with everyone who had been impacted by his rash decision last night. It was way more people than he would have imagined.

He paced the length of the dark driveway as he talked, Lu and Beezy running between him and fields, excited by this late night walk. He felt like a tool, wearing a Bluetooth headset and arguing into empty space, but his arm ached from holding the phone up to his ears. Walking was working the ache out of his knee, too.

He made promises to meet with people when he got back to Seattle, which, yes, would be soon. No, he wouldn’t talk to any reporters before clearing it through management. The one thing he adamantly refused to do was give any personal information about Dakota. Not even his name.

“That’s nobody’s business but his own,” he said for the hundredth time to the Thunder’s media relations team. He’d lost count of how many people had hooked into this conference call. “I’ve disrupted his life enough. We have some personal decisions to make, and I won’t have him under a microscope.”

There was more squawking on the other end of the phone; more of the same conversation he’d been having over and over.

Bryce got it. He had done a bonehead move and now there would be repercussions for his personal brand, and the club. Surprisingly, most of the frustration seemed to be with the spontaneity of his announcement and not with its contents.

“I really wish you had talked to us first,” one of the PR people said. “We have a plan in place for this kind of situation. All kinds of sympathetic press to gather for a conference, press releases. The works.”

Bryce pinched the bridge of his nose. From the sound of it, the guy was kind of sad they hadn’t gotten to use their plan. “Again, I’m sorry. This wasn’t a premeditated decision on my part, and, oddly enough, I wasn’t thinking about the club at the time.”

He listened a bit more, alternating between apologizing and promising to not make a move without talking to someone.

“Can you hang on one more second?” one of the men asked Bryce after everyone else had quit the call.

Bryce sighed, and to his surprise, the guy laughed. “I know. It’s nothing bad. I just wanted to say good luck to you and your guy.”

“Thanks. I hope I didn’t just screw it up.” Bryce heard the scrape of a chair on the floor, and the closing of a door.

“Look,” the guy said. “I’m not your financial advisor or coach or anything, and I probably shouldn’t be telling you this considering my job. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You know that right?”

“I know. Hey, I’m sorry, but I don’t actually know which one of you guys I’m talking to.”

“I’m John.”

“Hi, John. Nice to meet you.” Bryce exhaled heavily and watched the white plume of his breath stream into the night. It was late and cold and he wanted to end these phone calls and crawl into bed with Dakota.

“What I mean,” John continued, “is that you don’t have to live the rest of your life in the public eye if you don’t want to. You said you’re retiring, right?”

“Wrap up whatever you have to for that, and then take some time for yourself, and figure out with your guy and your family what is best for you.”

“I did what I thought was best for me and look what happened.”

“Do you regret it?”

Bryce thought about it; about Dakota’s reaction and the media storm that might be waiting. He thought about Dakota warm in bed and the look on his face when he mentioned wanting to see the ocean. “Not for a second.”

“Good. It’s your life. Do what you have to do. You don’t have to be the hockey ambassador to the gay community and ride the floats at the Pride parades. You don’t have to give press conferences and make appearances on morning talk shows if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know what I want. But I kind of feel an obligation to do all those thing for the other guys in the league who are in the closet. It’s safe for me, I can’t get fired.”

It felt like the right thing to do, but thinking about it exhausted Bryce. Dakota would hate it. He couldn’t help but worry about the strain it would put on their brand new relationship.

“I know. But there is no right way to be out. You don’t have to decide everything tomorrow. They’re going to pressure you to move quickly. Don’t let them.”

“What should I do?”

“My advice? And I’ll probably get fired if anyone finds out I said this. Go to ground. Issue some bland press statement, and then disappear for a while.”

Bryce laughed and his shoulders relaxed for the first time in hours. “That actually sounds amazing. Thank you. I’ll seriously think about it, and I’ll talk it over with my family in the morning.”

John groaned a little, like he was sitting down on the couch after a long, hard evening. “Glad I could help. And when you’re back in Seattle, give me a call if you want. I’d love for you and your guy to meet my husband.”

Bryce smiled, unexpected tears pricking at his eyes. “Dakota. His name is Dakota.”

“Well, I love to meet him. I’ll email you my contact info, if that’s okay.”

“That would be great.” Bryce made tentative plans to meet up with John after the New Year and hung up feeling that maybe things would be okay after all.

Breakfast with his family got off to a rocky start, with Ophelia bursting into tears as soon as he and Dakota came into the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry, Uncle Bryce,” she bawled, throwing her arms around him.

He patted her back, and looked at her mom over the top of her head. What? He mouthed at Amy.

“She sorry about posting that picture,” Amy clarified.

Ophelia cried harder.

“Hey,” Bryce said, rubbing her back gently. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I was the one not thinking.”

“I shouldn’t have done it. But you guys just looked so cute!” she wailed.

Amy snorted into her coffee, and Keith batted his eyelashes wildly at them. “Yeah, Brycie. You guys are sooo adorbs.”

Dakota flipped him off, to his and Bryce’s surprise.

Kelly chortled. “Oh, he’s going to fit in just fine. Most people have that reaction to Keith,” she said to Dakota.

Even Ophelia laughed through her tears at that. Bryce unwound her long arms from him. “So, O. Did you win or lose money on me?”

Ophelia blushed and looked guilty.

“Well?” Bryce crossed his arms and mock-glared at her.

“I won ten buck from Joshua. He said you guys were just friends.” She rolled her eyes the naivety of youth.

“I think your family has a gambling problem,” Dakota said.

Jake, Robbie, and Nikki came in together, dragging their suitcases behind him.

“Hey, all,” Nikki said. “We’ve got to get going.”

“Already?” Bryce asked.

“We were lucky to get these days off.” Jake smiled and dropped an arm over Robbie’s shoulder. “Rookie here lied to his parents to get out of Thanksgiving with them.”

Robbie blushed. “Drew was going to be there,” he explained.

There was a flurry of goodbyes and hugs exchanged, then Dakota and Bryce walked them out to their rental car.

After all the suitcases were loaded, Jake turned to Bryce. “Well that was more exciting than I expected.”

“You and me both.”

Jake looked out over the fields and the orchards, taking in the big house and the foothills rising up in the distant. “You got a great place here. I’m kind of jealous.”

“You are welcome any time. You know that. All of you.” The idea of having a place where friends and family could stay for long visits made Bryce so happy.

Jake held out his hand to Dakota. “Dakota, great to meet you. I wish we’d had more time to talk, but I think we’ll be seeing more of each other.”

“I hope so,” Dakota said, returning the handshake. His eyes widened with surprise as Jake pulled him in for a hug.

“Take care of him,” Jake said. “He’s a special guy. We’re going to miss him.”

Dakota straightened up and grinned at Bryce. “I will. And he is.”

Nikki came up to Dakota. “I could give you so much dirt on him.”

“Oh, tell?”

While Nikki told God knows what kinds of lies about him, Bryce caught Robbie’s eye and tilted his head away from the group.

“Hey,” Robbie said, trying and mostly failing to hold back a smile.

“Go ahead,” Bryce said. “I deserve it. You were right. I was wrong.”

“Nah. It’s not about right or wrong,” Robbie said. “It’s about being happy. And you look pretty damn happy for a guy who is probably going to get yelled at by all levels of management.”

“Already happened. I think I was on the phone half the night.”

“Did Dakota read you the riot act, too?” Robbie looked back to where Dakota stood laughing at something Nikki and Jake were saying.

“Oh yeah. He laid into me good. And he was right.”

Robbie shook his head. “Outting someone like that is not cool.”

“I know that now. Trust me. But anyway. I’m going to need your help, no, friendship. I’m going to need your friendship a lot, I think.”

“Need me to be your guide through the unknown waters of gayness?”

“Pretty much. I also wanted to talk to you about being out in general. I talked to Dakota this morning, and, well, it feels kind of like I’m pussying out, but I think we’re just going to lay low for a while. Maybe a long while.”

Robbie nodded, working through the implications of Bryce’s choice. “I get it. I don’t blame you, really, especially since you’re retiring. You’ve opened a conversation, even so.”

Nikki called from the car. “We have to go guys, we’re going to miss the flight.”

Bryce pulled Robbie into a hug, surprising the kid. “Thanks. I’m expecting big things from you this year. You’re going to have a great career. I can tell.”

Robbie looked a bit dazed and very happy. “Thanks, man. I know you have to, but I really wish you weren’t leaving. I could use your advice on everything.”

Bryce put his around Robbie’s shoulder and walked him back to the car. “We’ll talk on the phone. I promise. I’ll be your personal coach, and you can help me with my love life.”

Robbie shook his head. “Never in a million years could I have seen this coming. I kind of want to go back in time and tell eleven-year-old me where he winds up.”

Bryce laughed loudly at that. “I know the feeling!” He pushed Robbie towards Jake. “Jake, you take care of this kid, okay? Help him out.”

“Will do. He’s a good kid. Great skater.”

Nikki hugged Dakota and promised she’d see him again soon, the walked over to Bryce. Jake and Robbie got into the car.

She wrapped her arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. “You ready for what’s next?”

“Not really. But are we ever?”

“I don’t think so. I’m happy for you, you know,” she said.

“Yeah? Did I ever say I was sorry for everything? For hurting you? I never meant to. I know that’s lame.”

Bryce knew some people didn’t understand why he and Nikki had worked to keep some sort of relationship after the divorce. But they had been friends since their teens. They had years of history, and you don’t just throw that away because you can’t make the relationship work in one specific way.

“I know. You loved me as best you could.”

“I still love the same way I always have.” Bryce needed her to know that.

She smiled but her eyes were sad. “I know you do. And that’s why it was never going to work out between us.” She kissed his cheek.

“So, how about you?” Bryce asked. “I’m been so focused on myself this weekend, I didn’t ask you if you’re seeing anyone.”

“Hmm, nothing official, but there might be something.” She cut her eyes over to Jake.

Bryce raised his eyebrows. “You and Donovan?”

She shrugged. “Things just happened.”

He thought about it. His best friend and his ex-wife? “It’s perfect. You guys would be great for each other.”

“We’ll see. At the very least, it will be fun.”

Bryce pulled her into a tight hug that she returned just as tightly. “Love you,” Bryce said.

“Love you, too, babe. Be good to that kid. He has no idea what he’s getting into.”

“I will. Text me when you land,” Bryce said.

“Will do.” With one more quick kiss to his cheek, and a surprise hug for Dakota, she got in the car.

The dogs chased the car down the driveway. Dakota and Bryce watched until it disappeared around a curve.

Bryce tugged Dakota against him, enveloping him in a tight embrace. He felt like there was so much to say and nothing left to say all at the same time.

Dakota held him, in no rush to break the hug. “I supposed we should go back in,” he said finally.

“Do we have to?” Bryce muttered into his hair.

“I think so. Besides, there’s coffee and bacon.”

“You raise a good point.” Bryce let Dakota go. “I’m tired of talking.”

Dakota barked a laugh. “Me, too. But I love your family, so let’s go eat and hear what they have to say. We’re going to need their help.”

“I’m glad you get to be the adult in the relationship. I’m tired of making the right decisions.” Bryce said.

“Let’s go.” They walked back to into the house.