My cravings for Harley were changing.
I was beginning to want her for other reasons.
Yes, I wanted to devour her. I wanted to drink her blood until I was full and satisfied.
But the desire to touch her.
Kiss her.
Feel her.
Those cravings were becoming more prudent.
I wanted her for myself. I wanted to claim her as mine and I wanted to use her in all the ways she was capable of satisfying me.
The hunger.
The sexual desire.
All of it.
And as I held her close to my body, her soft curves pressed against me, and her heartbeat rocking throughout my stillness, the thought of kissing her had been stronger than my need to feed. Breathing her in, I pictured myself feeding on her while I pushed inside of her heat. I had almost acted on my thoughts.
Hearing the birdsong just outside had been like an alarm. Blaring loudly throughout my sensitive senses and reminding me to stop. Telling me that what I was about to do was wrong in so many ways.
She wasn’t mine.
She would never be mine.
There was no telling when it would happen, but at some point, probably soon, I would have to turn her over to Rhys. She was necessary for our survival and soon she would belong to the human male found to breed her with and the government.
I needed to remember that.
But my hunt for all things human had brought me to this moment. The need to feel alive again—the want to own a functioning heart and feel human again—it had brought me to Harley. Thanks to her, I had never felt more alive. Not even before my making. Not even when there was breath in my lungs and blood traveling through my veins.
It was her.
She was addictive.
Her life had given me life, and it did so without drinking her in.
Then there was the guilt.
Knowing that because of creatures like me she was so clueless about simple aspects of life. She had no idea of simple pleasures.
A record player.
Music.
Dancing, which had been a major part of history since the beginning of time.
It was as if she had been raised in a room with nothing and she now had no sense of the future. She didn’t even consider life past the day she was living in. I couldn’t imagine being that way, yet at the same time, it seemed thrilling to live in the moment.
Maybe she had the right idea about things without even realizing it. I decided to live through her new experiences as if they were my own. I was going to start looking at things through her eyes, enjoying each moment as if it were new and fascinating.
Everything was a mystery to her and when I showed her new things it was like learning them and reliving my first time all over again, which is why I came up with a plan before I drifted off to sleep.
Until they came for Harley, I would spend our time together teaching her and showing her what it meant to be human. I would show her what it was like before vampires moved in and took over. Through my memories, she would learn what it meant to be truly alive.
It was the least I could give her since I was the one who was going to be responsible for handing her over and taking away any rights and freedom she had at the moment.
When sleep finally took me, I went peacefully with a stiff grin on my lips and a plan flickering behind my eyes.
The next night when I woke, I took my pill and did a sweep of the property and the lands around it before Harley woke. The trees around me shifted in the breeze, but other than the rustle of their leaves there was complete silence. It made me miss the buzz of nature. Sure there were still birds and bugs, but it was as though even they were afraid to make a noise.
By the time I got back to the cabin, I heard her moving around inside her room. I moved down the hallway, stopping just outside her door and as if she heard me, she quieted.
“Hey, you okay in there?” I asked, tapping on her bedroom door.
She paused inside. “I’m fine. Just having a human moment.”
With her words, my senses slammed into overdrive and the scent of blood reached my nose.
Without thinking, I broke through the door, stopping just in front of her where she was seated on the bed pulling her shorts up.
“What the heck, James?” she snapped, tugging at the waistband and shuffling back on the bed.
“Blood,” I breathed. “I smell blood. Are you hurt?”
Hunger burned in my throat, the sense was so intoxicating I had to shake my head to keep myself in the moment. I blinked, feeling the redness burn behind my eyes and my fangs popped out against my will.
Her eyes went wide and she swallowed. “James? Are you okay?”
I covered my mouth with my palm, my body starting to shake with the desire to feed. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. You’re bleeding. Why are you bleeding?”
Then I realized something.
While I was burning with hunger, it was the worry that she was hurt that was sending me over the edge.
There was blood near me.
Fresh blood.
Which meant she was hurt in some way.
My senses were on high alert and venom dripped from my fangs ready for the feed, but while my stomach ached with hunger, it was the panic shaking me that took precedence.
Her cheeks blazed with embarrassment and she looked away. “I’m fine.”
“Obviously, you’re not fine. Harley, my senses are unlike any human’s. I know when someone’s bleeding.”
“James, please just drop it. I told you, I’m fine.” Again she avoided eye contact.
I breathed in deep, my lungs not moving, but my sense of smell so strong I grew dizzy with the scent.
And then I knew and I understood the humiliation lacing her cheeks.
As much as I tried to hold on to memories of all things human, even going as far as collecting items to keep the memories, I had forgotten all about how the human body worked.
Harley had started her monthly cycle.
I could smell the difference.
The richness of the blood.
The age of it.
Backing away from the bed, the gentleman in me stepped forward, and I cleared my throat.
“Pardon me. I forgot that ladies…” I stopped, suddenly feeling embarrassed myself.
Harley was all woman and the sickness in me reared its ugly head. I couldn’t explain it, but knowing her female reproductive systems were all in working order did something to me. The thought of her sex living and throbbing—the warmth of it—the idea of it wrapped around me.
I felt myself go hard inside my pants and it disgusted me.
“You should eat,” I said, sensing the low iron levels in her blood.
She nodded. “I should.”
Backing away from her, I left the room. Going to the kitchen, I set out an open can of peaches and filled a glass with water. Once I was done with that and I was sure the place was secure, I left.
I needed to run.
I needed to move.
Things were all wrong.
I was a predator.
She was my prey.
And yet, I was starting to no longer see her that way. Actually, it had been happening slowly over time.
Harley was never supposed to be mine to keep. She was found and captured for the survival of the vampires, but that didn’t keep the thoughts out of my head. And all I could think about was how badly I wanted to keep her and make her mine.
We were trapped in a small cabin together, which meant there wasn’t much space between us, but I would have to make it so. It was time I pulled away from Harley. It was time I remembered my purpose. Getting close to her wasn’t helping out the cause. If anything, it was hindering it.
Sure I wanted to teach her new things and enjoy the expression of wonder on her face. I’d spent most of the night before in bed planning things, but even I had my weaknesses. I couldn’t focus on those things with her walking around in a constant state of bleeding; reminding me she had a woman’s body. A woman’s body that could give me more pleasure than I could have ever possibly known in my lifetime.
I stayed away most of the night, telling myself it was so I wasn’t tempted by her menstrual blood, but the truth was while her blood was extremely tempting, it was her body that I was having issues keeping myself away from.
Then as if the God I once worshipped was punishing me, I began feeling weakness the following night.
I didn’t understand it at first. I almost didn’t recognize the feeling for what it was, since I hadn’t felt weakness since before I was turned, but when I tried to rise from my chair and I felt as though my arms and legs weighed more, I knew that’s exactly what it was.
I tried not to think about it. Instead, I stood, stretching my tall body, and continued on with my night as usual. I continued to take my Hematonin, staying away from Harley the best I could while I kept myself occupied, which was difficult considering we were in the middle of the woods.
I found things to do though.
I read books.
I took walks.
It was relaxing and yet, every time I woke for the night I could feel myself slowly going downhill.
The weakness was followed by nausea.
The nausea was followed by paleness and at times a bit of confusion.
Then one night after waking I had a small seizure and I knew.
I didn’t want to admit it to myself since the situation seemed so far away from me, but the thing I had been dreading for many years was beginning to happen.
I was becoming immune to Hematonin, and if it was the same as it was with everyone else who became immune, my days were numbered if I didn’t feed. I had three months at the most, although most didn’t make it one.
Rhys needed to call soon and collect the girl, otherwise, I was either going to lose myself and feed until she was dead or I was going to die. Either way, the situation was grim for Harley.