Yes, I know I said a clean cut.

But that was before I spent a month in Paris—in my favorite season of the year, among new colleagues who turned out to be much kinder than I’d feared—feeling so lonely I cried myself to sleep every night.

It had been a mistake to stay the night at Nathan’s cottage. It had been an even bigger mistake to take him to my place in Auxerre. If I count the night in the Grotto, that’s three nights we’ve spent together.

Only three nights, for heaven’s sake.

So why do I miss him so much—in my flesh, in my bones, in my soul? Why can’t I move on?

“It was nice seeing you again,” Nina says, breaking me out of my bleak thoughts. “And thank you for those exquisite chocolates!”

“Oh, it was nothing.”

“You kidding? They were delish! Did you see how fast they disappeared? I’ve noted the name of the shop to be sure I buy some next time I’m in Paris.”

“Glad you liked them.”

“Will you come down to the Grotto again, or do you have everything you need for your research?” Nina asks.

“I think I’m good, at least for a while.”

She nods, her eyes on the road.

“Thanks again for driving me to the train station,” I say. “You really didn’t have to—I could’ve called a cab.”

She waves dismissively.

“How do you like your new boss?” I ask.

“He’s OK… bit boring though. We had more fun when you were around.”

I smile. “What about the guy you were dating?”

“Still dating.” Her lips twitch at some private thought—no doubt a good one, judging by her smug expression. “It’s getting serious.”

“Hey, I’m so happy for you!” I pat her shoulder before blurting, “Have you seen Nathan Girault since I left? The farmer I got trapped in the Grotto with…”

Please, keep your eyes on the road, Nina!

I’m blushing so furiously that if she looks at me now, she’ll imagine all kinds of crazy things he and I might have done while we were trapped.

And she’d be right.

“I haven’t seen him,” Nina says. “But Anne-Chantal talks about him sometimes.”

Do I have the guts to ask her what exactly Anne-Chantal has said?

Nina glances at me, sympathy in her eyes. “He’s been working really hard. And not dating anyone.”

I turn away and stare out the window.

Three minutes later, she pulls up at the Gare d’Auxerre-Saint-Gervais and I get out. We hug. Nina drives off. I enter the station and find my platform on the flap display. The clock on the wall tells me it’s time to go. With a determined nod to no one in particular, I rush to my platform.

“The TGV to Paris leaves in three minutes,” a woman announces over the loudspeaker.

I adjust the straps of my backpack, drop my head to my chest in defeat, and march back into the lobby.

This train will leave without me—I’ll take the next one in two hours.

My hands are shaking when I pull out my phone and call Nathan, telling myself he might be somewhere with no reception. Or he might not pick up, too busy harvesting or taking care of his cows.

Even if he does answer the phone, there’s no reason to expect him to drop everything and drive thirty minutes here and thirty minutes back to his farm just so he can say hi to me. No reason whatsoever. What’s going to happen is that I’ll eat a solo dinner at the station bistro, check my emails, and take the next train to Paris at eight o’clock.

Forty minutes later, Nathan sits down next to me at a small table on the bistro’s terrace.

Clad in worn jeans and a white tee, he looks even brawnier than I remembered. My gaze caresses his body and lingers on his suntanned face.

God, how I’ve missed him!

We don’t say much for the first five minutes.

To calm down, I try to focus on the sounds and smells of the bustling station.

Freshly brewed coffee. Gas. Waiters zooming back and forth, balancing trays.

One of them brings us coffee and iced Perrier.

A chime sounds, followed by the woman on the loudspeaker who delivers the usual security announcement. Travelers rush into the building, gazing up at the displays. Others drag their luggage out and wave to the nearest cabbie.

I have a hard time breathing.

Nathan’s left arm and leg are almost touching mine, and his masculine scent makes my head spin, reminding me of our first night in the Grotto. My heartbeat is so wild, I’m not even sure I’m capable of speech right now.

“How’s the new job?” Nathan asks.

Inhale. “Fine.” Exhale. “You?”

“Busy, as usual.”

I nod.

We sip our drinks without looking at each other.

Is he over me?

Was he ever into me, to start with?

I sneak a peek at his broad chest. It’s heaving. He’s nervous! Unless, of course, it’s normal for a big guy with so much muscle and a strong heart to breathe like that.

My train leaves in less than an hour.

Speak now, Clarissa, or forever hold your peace.

Except, what I intend to say will make me look pathetic—more pathetic than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I can’t say it.

I won’t say it.

I am saying it, because it’s my voice that murmurs, “Will you come visit me one of these days?”

He turns toward me and stares.

I hold his gaze.

“Rissa…” He sighs before shaking his head.

I don’t like his sighing or his frowning or his shaking his head. I don’t like it at all.

“It’s been hard forgetting you,” he says. “Really, really hard. But I’m working on it.”

“I’ve given up.”

He takes my hand and presses it to his lips.

“Please, Nathan, can we give the long-distance thing a shot?”

“The long-distance thing is for college kids.” He smirks. “Not that I would know.”

“It isn’t just for kids!”

“Anyway, I can’t. Not with you.”

I search his face. “Why not?”

He lets go of my hand and turns away.

“Why not?” I ask again.

“Because…” He turns back to me—his eyes filled with anger and desire and regret. “Because of who I am. Because I’m tied… I’m married to the family farm. I’m bound to my land and to the herd.”

I chew on my lips as desperation sets in.

“If I start a long-distance relationship with you…” His frown deepens. “Fuck that, if I as much as spend one more night with you, I’ll ditch everything and move to Paris.”

I swallow. Yes, please!

“Do you know how many times I’ve envisioned that since you left?” His expression is unbearably hard. “And here’s what I think would happen. I’d move in with you and become a kept man. I would idle my days away in a city where I don’t belong and where my skills are useless. You’d begin to resent me.”

“Sounds very… apocalyptic.”

He doesn’t respond.

I squeeze my eyes shut before opening them. “Fine. Stay here. I’ll do the moving.”

“What?”

“I’ll quit my job and move in with you. I’ll do my best to adjust, to help you with the farm, learn your way of life—”

“That’s nuts. You can’t just—”

“I’m in love with you.”

He shuts his mouth.

“I’m in love with you,” I say again, my voice cracking.

“You want me.” He furrows his brow. “It’s called lust.”

“Oh, I want you all right, but what I feel is so much more!”

“I don’t get it.” His gaze bores into mine. “I mean, I totally get why you’d want me, but not— You called me Cowboy, remember? What would a smart, cultured woman like you find in an uneducated hillbilly?”

I cup his face, shocked by how little he thinks of himself, by how blind he is to his own wondrousness. Should I mention his loyalty first? Or his drive? What about his decency, his kindness, his humor—

Nathan puts his hand over mine and squeezes gently. His eyes are so sad it breaks my heart.

“I’ll… draw up… a list,” I say through tears.

Pulling me to his chest, he wipes away my tears with the pad of his thumb. “I love you, babe.”

I eye his mouth, my heart swelling with hope.

Kiss me.

He kisses my forehead. “You’re the most amazing woman I ever met, Rissa, and I sure as hell won’t let that woman ruin her life.”