Emory

 

I love who I am, when I’m with you…

 

 

 

 

Marcus and I are laying on the couch, late that night, and I’m telling him about Carson’s response to being asked to do the man’s piercing. Ariel ended up doing it while they ‘talked’ about how to handle their working relationship. They are working on separating their personal relationship from their working one. He’s laughing so hard he’s bent over, his hand on his stomach and eyes glistening with humor.

“Oh God, baby. That shit’s hilarious right there.”

“While the elephant is in the room, how do you feel about me piercing guys?”

“Not thrilled about it to be honest with you, but I know it’s part of the business…I just choose not to think about it.”

“I’m sorry if it’s hard on you, to know I do that, but like you just said, it’s a part of our industry, and I can’t deny doing it.”

“I know, baby, and I promise to not give you a hard time for doing your job, just as you’ve promised me you won’t give me a hard time when it comes to mine,” he tells me with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m over my snit, Marcus, where it comes to your safety and your job. I know what I’ve gotten myself into, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s good to know, baby, because I’m not letting you go.”

“You have me until death, Marcus,” I say, then the sobering thought comes to me, that he may have to deal with me leaving him before he’s ready.

“No, baby, get that thought out of your head. Dr. Tremaine says you’re responding to the treatment, we’re not thinking worst case scenarios here. We’re planning for our future, so you need to get on the same page as I am.”

“Until I hear the words cancer-free, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get the thoughts out of my head,” I say to him, being as honest as I can.

“Those words are coming, baby.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I believe in us, in our future and I know that you are going to grow old and gray with me. We’ll be sitting on a front porch watching our grandchildren play.”

“That’s a wonderful dream, Marcus.”

“Not a dream, baby, it will be a reality for us. I can feel it here,” he says placing my hand on his heart, “I trust my gut instincts on this one, Emory. You’ll be so sick and tired of seeing my face that you’ll be begging for a timeout.”

“Never, that will never happen,” I tell him. Not only is he the love of my life, but he’s also my best friend. There is no me without him. Period. End of story.

“Let’s get off the subject, all it does is upset us both. How about we watch a movie since Shyann is asleep and just sit here and cuddle in each other’s arms?”

“Sounds good to me, Marcus. But let’s find a comedy or something action-filled.”

“No romance or cheesy chick flicks?”

“Not tonight babe, tonight we need to have a good laugh or get lost in some type of action/adventure.”

“Then that’s what we’ll watch. How about the Avengers, it’s funny and full of action?”

“Yes.” My man knows I love Thor.

 

 

Two nights later, Marcus is on shift and I’m ready to pull my hair out. Shyann is teething, and nothing is making her happy. It’s two am, and I’m walking the floor with her. Bouncing her, cooing to her, giving her pain relievers and I’ve also given her something to chew on to help with the pain. Still, nothing is working, and I think she about hates me right now.

“Let me try,” Mom says coming into the living room. She’s stayed with us instead of finding a new place. I know my health concerns and Shyann are keeping her from moving forward, I should feel guilty for holding her back, but at times like this, I’m happy to have her with us.

“I’ve done everything I can think of, Mom. She’s so miserable and I feel utterly lost in how to help her.”

“Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do but hold her and love her through it.”

“I’m just so tired these days, Mom.”

“I know you are, baby girl, your body is fighting itself and the medication’s side effect is drowsiness. Why don’t you go grab some shut-eye and I’ll take this little one, so you can get some rest. We’ll take turns keeping her company.”

“If you’re sure, I feel guilty leaving her when she needs me.”

“She has all of us, so do you.”

“Okay, Mom. Wake me in a couple of hours.”

“We’ll be okay, don’t worry about us. Won’t we, Shy?” she asks, walking away from me. I take that as my cue to leave and head to my room. I barely lay down before my body gives in and I’m sound asleep.

 

 

I wake up to silence. Freaking out, I jump out of bed and run straight into the living room. When I make it into the room, I laugh at the scene in front of me. Mom is laying on the couch on her back, with Shyann laying on top of her, drool dripping from her mouth. I wonder how long it took her to finally fall asleep. Not wanting to wake them, I go back to my room and grab my phone. I take a picture of them and add it to my photo album for all things Shyann. I bet I have at least a hundred pictures of her since the day we met her in the hospital. There are several I want to have blown up so I can put them on my wall, this being one of them. Deciding to take advantage of the situation, I run to my bathroom and hop into the shower. Once I’m clean and dressed I go into the kitchen and make a cup of coffee.

“Make me a cup, would you, baby girl?” Mom whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

“Yeah, Mom. When did she finally crash?”

“About three hours ago, her body just finally gave out. Poor thing,” she says kissing Shyann on her head. I love how my mom loves her even though she isn’t biologically her granddaughter. You’d never know with the way she treats her the same as she does Devon. Mom loves with her whole heart, unconditionally. I hope and pray that I have picked up that same quality from her.

“Here’s your coffee, Mom,” I say sitting it on the coffee table in front of her. Not wanting to wake Shyann, but knowing Mom must need her java, I pick her up and immediately place her head on my shoulder. I go back into the kitchen and grab my cup, I walk back in the room sit my coffee down then sit in the recliner. I’ve gotten pretty good about maneuvering her around without waking her.

“Do you work today?” Mom asks me.

“Yes, I work the mid-shift today.”

“Do you need to get more rest?”

“No, ma’am, I actually feel pretty good right now. Plus, I want to spend time with her before I drop her off.”

“Let me keep her today, she had a rough night and needs to be here. Plus, she’ll probably be cranky, and the nurse maid Dillon hired will have a hard time keeping both babies happy and occupied.”

“Are you looking for an excuse to keep her all to yourself, Mom?”

“I would love it if you guys didn’t have babysitters and let me keep my own grandkids, but seeing as you won’t, I have to take advantage of when my grandbabies need me.”

“Alright, you can keep her home with you today. But no going out, Mom, like you said, she’s cranky and needs to be surrounded by familiar things today.”

“Emory, I raised three girls, I think I know when a baby needs to be kept home, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes, Mom.” Wow I’m guessing this is a touchy subject for her. Or someone else is a bit cranky themselves from lack of sleep. She isn’t a spring chicken anymore, even though you can’t tell her that. Shyann begins to stir in my arms, so I begin to rock her hoping to lull her back to sleep. She needs to make up for the many missing hours from the night before. Her eyes flutter open, she smiles at me then closes her eyes again. When her breathing evens back out, I relax and finish drinking my much-needed caffeine.

 

 

This has been a long-ass shift and I am dead on my feet. I hope our little princess is feeling better and allows me to get some desperately needed sleep tonight. One more night on my own, other than Mom, and it’s Marcus’ turn to get up with her at night. I’m feeling drained, and knowing it’s a side effect of my meds, makes me realize that I’ll be feeling this way until I get the all-clear sign from my doctor, and can get off these meds.

I pull into my driveway and don’t have the strength to even exit the car. I lay my head on the steering wheel and beg for energy. Marcus has been so understanding about everything I’m going through. I just want to cry, but I know I need to stay strong and keep positive thoughts. I have a little girl depending on me to be there for her. I don’t have time for a pity party for one. I have to keep wearing my game face, and not let everyone know how truly scared and worried I am. I called Dr. Tremaine’s office today and told them about my exhaustion. They’ve recommended I add some vitamins to accompany my daily dose and they’ve also advised I get more sleep. I wanted to laugh at that, what new mother, and that’s what I consider myself, has time to sleep, work the hours I do, and still maintain a household?

I lay my head on the steering wheel, thinking a few minutes with my eyes closed will help me.