Chapter Sixteen
Forrest
To the outside world, my life was a ball of awesome dipped in glitter. My new release, the one I wrote to soothe my soul, the one I had to push my agent to even read, the one that somehow became a number one bestseller coming out of the gate, staying there for the entire month since it had been released, which was on the fast tract thanks to my hemming and hawing about getting my next mystery done. It stunk to pull that card, but when you don’t have a lot of cards, you play the best one you’ve got, and something told me this book had to be published and fast.
But how things appeared on the outside were far from how they felt on the inside.
I was a mess of a mess if anyone saw one. As much as writing the book helped me deal with all the feelings in a way that did, in a way help, it also had me exploring sides of those feelings I’d been refusing to. I’d been a coward. I let my surety over our future, or lack thereof, assure that result.
Snowflake jumped on my lap, purring loudly as I stared at the blank screen before me. I still had a book to write for my agent, although now she wanted more romance as well. Lulu was all about the dollars, and if my guesstimate was correct, given the sales ranks, she was making bank off that book.
I’d told he no, I wasn’t going to write another. I’d told her absolutely not. I’d told her under no circumstances. She heard, “Yes.”
What she didn’t understand was that while much of the book was fiction, the emotions were far from it. I couldn’t write another book because that one already held all the bits of my heart. There was nothing left to pour onto the page.
Not that the blank scene before me indicated that murder mysteries were working for me either. I closed out of the screen and pulled up my email, the one I used for personal things and not business because I had no doubt that that one was filled with tons of emails from Lulu since I silenced her numbers on my phone—all of them.
Like I said: Coward.
It had been three days since I’d looked at my inbox, and it was flooded with advertisements, hot Russians looking for love, and an email from Maria who had rented me the cabin.
Reluctantly, I clicked it open. For all I knew, her cousin never told her anything, and she was hoping to drum up business or worse, blame me for something wrong with the place. To my surprise it was neither of those things. It was one simple line: Was your book about my cousin?
Before I could think my way out of it, I replied, Yes. And hit send. The email was dated the day before, so it surprised me when I got an almost instant response with her phone number and a request to call her.
So, she had that email on her phone. Made sense. I kept all mine away because I just didn’t like to be bothered. Or hid in my own land of self-pity. One of the two.
I dialed her number, and she picked up on the first ring.
“Hello.”
“Is it true?” Maria was not one for mincing words. “I mean, I know you typed yes, but I need to hear it.”
“Yes. It’s true.” It felt good to say. Her calling had to be a sign. Maybe he wanted me, too. Maybe no kids wasn’t a deal breaker. Maybe we were meant to be pet people.
“So you love him?”
“I do. I love him.” Telling River first probably would have been more prudent, but since I’d basically written him a four hundred page love letter for all the world to see, that ship had sailed.
“And not because of his career?”
“I thought he taught ski lessons or something for the first chunk of time we were together, so, no. Not because of his career.” I didn’t let her know his career had been the hindrance, that his desire to not be a dad so he could compete to the fullest extent was the spoke in the wheel.
“And you want a family?”
“That’s why I left the way I did.” Or not the way, because I was in such a haze I wasn’t even sure how I left, but it was the reason I knew it was necessary at the time.
“Just answer me, please. I need to hear the words since I’m about to do something incredibly stupid.” She sighed, and I could hear some sort of tapping, possibly her fingernails on the counter.
“Yes, I want a family.”
“Look at your email.” She sounded almost nervous.
I clicked on the inbox, and a new message appeared. Opening it, I was floored as a picture of River appeared. He was making silly faces at a little girl. That wasn’t what had me floored. What had me sitting there, with my mouth hung open, was his round belly. River was pregnant.
“Really?” I stammered, hoping I wasn’t wrong.
“Yes, and he thinks you don’t want kids or some shit.” Because I’d been an idiot. “I don’t even know, and he’s miserable as fuck, and even my kids want to know why he’s broken.”
My heart hurt. He thought I didn’t or wouldn’t want him, and he was so badly hurt that little kids thought he was broken.
“Broken?” My voice cracked with emotion.
“Yeah.” She sighed. “Broken.”
“Me, too.” The confession slipped from my lips before I could stop it.
“Then do something about it. I’m kicking his ass to the cabin. Telling him some shit, I don’t know what. Meet him there.”
I could do that. I would do that. I scooped Snowflake off my lap and was out of my chair a little too fast, almost losing my balance.
“Do you think he will want me?” I asked already headed to the bedroom. I was the alpha. It was my job to make him still want me or at least listen to me or I didn’t even know what, but sitting home and wallowing in self-pity was no longer an option. I had a pregnant omega to claim.
“I think there is only one way to find out. I bought him your book, so half your battle will be done.”
He’d read my book or might read my book, anyway. It was a start.
I opened drawers and pulled out clothes for my trip.
“Thank you.” Most of me was so happy she messaged me, but part of me was upset it took her so long. He had been pregnant and alone. Not alone, alone. He had Maria, but I’d not been there, and that was not something I was okay with.
“Oh, don’t thank me. You have a ton to do to fix this, but I am a single parent, and while I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything, it sucks doing it alone.”
“When should I be there?” I’d already thrown my underwear, socks, and a bunch of T-shirts on the bed.
“You never should’ve been apart, but you two are stupid stubborn, so I say as soon as you can.” She wasn’t wrong. I’d been so stupid, and if I could, I’d take it all back, but I couldn’t, so groveling was next on the roster.
Snowflake meowed, not liking being ignored.
“And don’t let him change the cat litter. It’s a rule for pregnant peeps.”
I half knew that, but I was glad she mentioned it. Not that I would, but still.
“I was going to ask about bringing Snowflake.” Or more likely just bringing my furry master.
“Quit asking questions. I’ll get him to the cabin. I think one of the kids has a bug that he need not catch or something. I didn’t think that far. I was afraid you’d say no.”
As if that was even possible. Letting him walk away had been one of the hardest things of my life.
“That was never an option for me.” I grabbed the suitcase from under my bed and threw in the pile of clothing, which now included pants and sweats, inside. All I needed was my toiletry bag and Snowflake’s needs, and I’d be ready.
“Him, neither. Now pack already.”
“Already done.” I snapped the suitcase closed. “I’m leaving in ten minutes.”
And in ten minutes, I ran towards my future instead of watching it walk away. This time, I wasn’t going to be weak or scared or writing an ending that wasn’t mine to write. This time, I was getting my omega. My sexy, pregnant omega.