Blake
The afternoon sun is shining bright and right into my face. I glare as I squint against the rays of light, wishing I’d remembered to bring my sunglasses. What kind of idiot doesn’t bring sunglasses on a road trip? Seriously, it’s not like this is my first day as a person. I should know better by now, but somehow, I don’t.
I’ve been too distracted, too excited. I can’t think straight because all I can think of is her. All I can think of is Harper. It’s hard to believe that in just a few hours I’m going to be back in Raven, back in the town where my life began and where my heart was shattered.
In just a few hours, I’ll be back where everything changed.
In just a few hours, I’ll see Harper.
She doesn’t know I’m coming back, but I can’t wait to see her. I shouldn’t want to. I shouldn’t want to spend any time with the woman who crushed my heart, with the woman who broke me, but I do.
It’s been eight long years. It’s been eight years and I still can’t get over Harper. I still can’t get over the time we spent together or the way she made me feel alive. I miss everything about her and I’ve been missing her every day I’ve been gone.
But now I’m going back and everything is going to change.
I take the next exit. The gravel road is bumpy and narrow, but it leads to a two-lane highway that goes home. It leads me to the road that will bring me back to my parents’ house, back to everything I left behind when I joined the Army.
I crank up the music and lean back in my chair as I cruise along. My parents know I’m coming. I’m going to be staying in their guest room, after all, but to everyone else in Raven, I’m long gone. I doubt most people even remember my name. I certainly don’t remember most of theirs.
Harper, though?
How could I ever forget Harper?
She’s the first girl I ever loved. She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved, and she’s the one who broke my heart. She promised to keep in touch when I left for basic training. I sent her my address, expecting her to write to me, but she never did. I wrote her every day from boot camp. I continued the trend at my first duty station and as soon as I had access to a phone, I called her, too.
Only, Harper never answered the phone.
And she never wrote me back.
And none of my letters came back return-to-sender, so I know she got them.
After awhile, I got the message and I finally stopped writing to Harper, but I never stopped missing her. I never stopped loving her or hoping for her. I never stopped wishing we could be together.
Through six years in the military, three duty stations, a deployment, and two years in the civilian world, Harper is what kept me going. I thought about her, about protecting her, about loving her, and when things got hard, that hope kept me going.
I just hope it’s not in vain.
Oh, there’s no doubt in my mind that Harper missed me a little bit. We were so in love when I left, so completely crazy about each other, that there’s no way she could have completely forgotten about me.
I just don’t know what happened once I was gone.
I don’t know why she turned to another man so quickly. Maybe she decided she should try to move on. Maybe she just couldn’t bring herself to write to me because it hurt too badly. I don’t know. I’ve run through every scenario I could think of and all I’ve come up with is that something happened once I was gone, something I don’t understand.
I probably shouldn’t be going back to Raven.
If Harper wanted to contact me, she could have. She had eight years and never wanted to reach out, but times change and people change and right now, I’m ready for a change.
I’m going home.
I don’t have a job or a plan or anything but hope.
All I have is the knowledge that Harper loved me once and maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance she could love me again.
Maybe second chances are possible.
I turn the music up a little, and I keep driving.
**
For being a smaller town, Raven is one of the most incredible places I’ve ever been. It’s hard to believe I really haven’t been back in almost a decade. I probably should have tried harder to get back home for holidays, but it always seemed simpler to fly my parents out to visit me. They love to travel and I had the money, so I always paid for them to come see me.
I didn’t come home.
If I’m honest with myself, part of that is probably because for a long time, the idea of coming home and seeing Harper with someone else bothered me. The idea of her settling down with someone, falling in love with someone, or having babies with someone haunted me.
When I decided not to re-enlist, I didn’t come home right away. I worked in the city as the social media manager for an accounting firm. The pay was good and my boss put up with the fact that I decided to grow my hair out, but after awhile, I became unhappy. I was ready for a change. I was ready to move forward. I was ready to go back.
I decided to come home.
And now I’m wondering if I made the right choice.
By the time I reach the outskirts of town, it’s dark outside and long past dinner. The thing about small towns is that there’s absolutely no night-life, so Raven is almost completely dark when I drive through. The grocery store is closed, the restaurants are closed, and even most of the fast food places are closed. The only thing still open is the 24-hour diner, but I’m not hungry.
I’m suddenly nervous.
Fortunately, my parents’ house is close to the main road, so it doesn’t take long for me to reach their place. Even better is the fact that I don’t have time to feel nervous for long. Instead, I park my car in the driveway and focus on getting through the night. They’re both going to have a lot of questions for me and to be honest, I know I don’t have all the answers. I certainly don’t have all the answers they’re hoping I have.
“Blake!” My mom’s voice cuts through the cool night air and I hurry up to the porch to give her a hug. As always, she smells like cinnamon and sugar: a sure sign she’s been baking. “Honey, I missed you.”
“I missed you, too, Mom.”
“Is that my boy?” Dad walks out on the porch and then it’s his turn to hug me.
“Hey, Pops,” I allow myself to be wrapped up in his arms. I might not be a little boy anymore, but I’m not too old for hugs. Not from my parents.
“It’s been a long time, son,” he says. “Too long.”
“Now, now,” Mom says. “There will be time for guilt trips later. Let’s get you inside, Blake. Do you have any bags?” She peers around me at my car, which is obviously stuffed to the brim with “stuff.” I’ve got old uniforms and blankets and boxes of books. I’ve got my entire life in that car.
“I’m okay for now,” I tell her. “I can get some things out later.”
My mother looks relieved, but she simply nods and guides me into the house. As soon as I’m inside, I relax. I was nervous about coming home, but this is perfect. It’s comfortable. It’s safe.
“I saved you some dinner,” Mom says. “Are you hungry?”
“Starved.”
“Come sit.”
We go into the kitchen and my father and I sit at the table while Mom fixes a plate of food for me. My dad starts talking about work and the new kittens his neighbor has and Mom smiles as I start to dig into the lasagna.
“How is it, dear?”
“Amazing, as always. You’re incredible.”
“Well, I learned from the best,” she winks at my dad.
“I am the best,” Dad smiles at me and nods, but I just laugh.
“How’s the restaurant business, Pops?” My dad owns a little eatery in Raven. He started the restaurant when I was just a boy and I grew up helping him cook. Some of my best memories are of helping my dad during the dinner rush at the restaurant. Some of my hardest life lessons were learned at that restaurant.
And it’s where Harper and I met for the very first time.
“Good, good,” he says. “No complaints,” but my dad says it a little too enthusiastically, a little too cheerfully.
“What’s wrong, Dad?”
“Oh, nothing. Everything’s fine.”
“Really? I didn’t know my father was a liar,” I say, calling him out. I raise an eyebrow, knowing the jab will do exactly the trick. It’ll piss him off and then he’ll start talking. Then he’ll tell me what the problem is. He’ll tell me what he’s hiding and what he doesn’t want me to know.
My mother places her hand on my dad’s shoulder.
“You might as well tell him now, dear. He’s going to find out sooner or later. It’s best that it comes from you.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Dad says, shaking his head. He reaches for his drink and sips it. Then he finally meets my gaze. “I’ve sold the restaurant,” he tells me. “The deal is already complete. I’ve been having some health problems and your mom has been telling me it’s time to retire.”
“What? What kind of health problems? You didn’t tell me. I had no idea. You should have told me sooner.”
“And bothered you? No, son. That’s not the kind of father I want to be. I wanted you to come home when you were ready: not because you felt guilty.”
“Your father has diabetes,” Mom says. “And it’s been taking a bit of a toll on him. We’re fine, financially. He got an incredible offer on the restaurant and between that and my job at the library, we’re going to be just fine.”
I try to let their words sink in, but that’s easier said than done. The idea that my dad is sick doesn’t sit well with me, especially because I didn’t know. I had no idea. How could I have known? My parents came to visit me just three months ago and everything seemed fine.
Now?
Now everything seems different.
“Don’t you start worrying about me,” my dad says firmly. “I’m going to be just fine, son, and I’m not going to die anytime soon. I just need to take some time to focus on myself and feeling better. Besides, the new owner is real swell. She says I can stop by anytime to help in the kitchen. Hell,” he chuckles. “She’ll even pay me to do it.”
“She?” I ask. “I figured Barney bought it from you.” My dad’s restaurant manager has been with him for years.
“Nope. Barney opened his own restaurant last summer. He’s doing real good for himself now.”
“Who bought the restaurant, Dad?”
My father smiles and laughs quietly as he reaches for a handful of nuts.
“Haven’t you guessed by now? Why, little Miss Harper bought it herself.”