CHAPTER TWO
Dinners around the family table were always fun in the Colter household. The adults took the ends and the middle and the kids got stuck in between to prevent the inevitable supper table wars. Usually started by Dillon.
Holly often looked at the child and wondered if there hadn’t been a mix-up at the hospital. It stood to reason since Dillon was the only child born in a medical facility. He was a ball of fire and frighteningly intelligent for a five-year-old. No matter which Colter brother she looked to, she couldn’t come up with an explanation for Dillon’s personality.
But he was also her lovey child—when he wasn’t threatening to burn down the house—and of all her children he was quickest to want a hug and a snuggle from Mom. Thank God he hadn’t gotten too cool for Mom yet.
Michael idolized his fathers. Not that they all didn’t, but where Seth spent so much of his time trailing after Lacey and absorbing all things police-related, Michael mimicked his fathers in all things. He’d shown a remarkable aptitude for animals early on, and Adam swore that the kid communicated with the horses because they did whatever he wanted them to.
“School starts in a week,” Holly said cheerfully. She turned to Dillon. “Are you excited about starting kindergarten?”
Dillon scowled and shook his head, his mouth full of chicken. He looked a little deranged with his cheeks puffed out and crumbs spilling from his lips. Across the table, Ryan worked at keeping the smile from his face.
“I’m excited!” Michael said, his eyes bright.
“You’ll be a big first grader this year!” Holly exclaimed.
Michael puffed out his chest and looked every bit as arrogant as his fathers.
“What about you, Seth?” Ryan asked. “You ready to tackle the third grade?”
Seth pursed his lips and gave it heavy thought. Finally he nodded, though he didn’t look too keen on the idea. But then he brightened as if something had just occurred to him.
“Can I go to the station to see Lacey after school? I could stay with her until Mama comes to pick me up. I’m old enough to walk this year.”
Holly frowned and glanced at her husbands. Adam smiled indulgently at his oldest son. Ethan also wore a grin, but Ryan, who tended to be the most overprotective of any of them—Holly included— scowled.
“I don’t like the idea of you walking by yourself, even to the police station,” Ryan said.
“But Dad, it’s just two blocks from the school,” Seth protested. “I’m not a baby!”
Holly reached over and pulled him into her side. “But you’re our baby, and we worry. I worry. It’s not that you’re a baby, but we can’t control everyone else in the world. What if someone tried to pick you up on your way to Lacey?”
Seth pulled away and gave her a patient look. “I’d knee him in the balls just like Lacey says to do, and then I’d run away.”
Holly’s mouth dropped open about the time Ethan died laughing. Adam tried his best to look stern, but he gave up and dropped his head onto the table. Even Ryan’s mouth twitched.
The battle over whether to burst into laughter or reprimand her son for his language was over in about two seconds. She covered her face with her hands and laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks.
“Good going, moron. You made Mama cry,” Michael huffed.
“Lacey gave you some good advice, son,” Ethan said with a perfectly straight face. “However, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to walk from school to the station yet. I’d prefer you wait on your mom.”
Seth sighed. “Yes, sir.”
Holly squeezed his hand. “We’ll pop in to see her after school sometimes. Promise.”
He smiled and leaned into her, hugging her as he snuggled against her chest. Holly looked over at her two other sons and her chest tightened. Her baby was starting kindergarten. It didn’t seem possible.
Automatically, her hand went to her still-flat abdomen and a thrill worked warm and electric through her veins. It was all she could do not to smile like an idiot at the thought that another child grew there.
She glanced at her husbands, knowing she needed to tell them. Soon. But she worried over their reactions. She wanted them to be as thrilled as she was, and moreover, she didn’t want them to worry themselves sick over the next seven and a half months.
Somehow, she’d ease into the subject. She was way overreacting, and she herself was worrying far too much. She hated the way she always got hypersensitive and emotional when she was pregnant. The guys always teased her and called her a walking, sobbing hormone.
Ryan stood and began clearing the plates while Adam announced it was the boys’ bedtime. Thus began a chorus of moans and groans. Holly kissed her sons goodnight and sent them off with Ethan and Adam to be tucked in. As ornery as the three were and as much as they bickered, they all still shared a room even though the cabin had plenty of rooms to spare. They hadn’t shown any interest in being separated yet, and in fact, over the summer when Adam had suggested they split off into their own rooms, it had caused a storm of tears and immediate protests. The parents shrugged and hadn’t brought it up again.
After helping Ryan clear the table and load the dishwasher, Holly ventured into the living room. Ethan and Adam were still with the boys and probably being sweet-talked into just one more bedtime story. She chuckled at the image because the boys had their dads solidly wrapped around their fingers.
She settled onto the couch and leaned back, closing her eyes. Though she hadn’t been plagued by morning sickness as she had with all her other pregnancies, she was bone tired. It had killed her not to take a nap for the last week, but if she did, the guys would immediately think she was sick or something terrible was wrong.
Firm, loving hands grasped her shoulders and began massaging. She sighed in bliss and then tilted her head up and opened her eyes to see Ryan standing behind the couch. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“You look tired.”
She smiled. “I am. No excuse, really. Slept in this morning while y’all took the boys out. Lazy day, but it was nice.”
He walked around the couch and sat down then held out his arms to her. She curled into his chest and stretched out her feet, sighing in contentment.
A few moments later, Adam and Ethan came into the living room and Holly looked up. “Boys get to bed okay?”
Ethan lifted her legs and slid underneath, propping her feet on his lap. “They’re all tucked in tight. Dillon was already asleep by the time the second story was read.”
Adam slouched into an armchair across from the couch and put up his feet on the ottoman. “I must be getting old because I swear they run circles around me these days.”
Holly smiled. As much as she loved her children and loved the hectic days of boys running in every direction, she always looked forward to the evenings when she and her husbands relaxed in the living room and talked and enjoyed one another’s company.
It was the best part of the day, a time to simply love and be loved and reflect on the joys of the last eight years together.
Sleeping arrangements had been one of the sacrifices they’d made early on in the children’s lives. Each of the men still maintained his own bedroom, and they’d put the children in the larger bedroom at the end of the hall that used to serve as the master.
Adam, Ethan and Ryan took turns taking “kid watch” by sleeping alone in case one of them awoke in the night. Often the remaining two would sleep with Holly, but not always. The men cherished alone time with Holly, and it was something she herself valued. Time to reconnect with them individually. No matter how it was done, they all managed to make her feel loved beyond measure, and what more could she ask for?
“What are you thinking about, baby?” Adam asked.
She gazed at him with all the love in her heart and smiled. “You. Us. All of us.”
Ethan’s hand stroked up and down her leg, stopping to squeeze affectionately. “We still make you happy?”
“Oh yes,” she breathed. “I feel so lucky. My life feels so perfect.”
Ryan slipped his fingers through her hair and bent to kiss her forehead. “That’s pretty much how I feel.”
Throwing caution to the wind, she broached the subject she’d been avoiding for an entire week.
“Do you…do you guys ever think about having another baby?”
Ryan stiffened. Ethan’s hand stilled on her leg and Adam frowned as he stared at her.
“We’ve already discussed this, baby. The boys are enough. More than enough. No matter how many children we’d like to have had, it’s simply not worth the risk to your health.”
A pained expression crossed Ethan’s face. “I don’t ever want to see you go through what you went through with Dillon.”
Ryan didn’t say anything at all.
“But do you ever think about it?” she persisted. “I mean if you had a choice, if there were no considerations other than just the decision to have more children, would you want them?”
“It’s ridiculous to play the what-if game,” Adam said. “There are considerations, mainly the risk to you, so as far as I’m concerned, the subject is closed.”
Holly blinked in surprise. His reaction angered her, even though her response wasn’t fair. She was asking stupid questions in light of the fact that she was already pregnant, and to open the door on this kind of discussion was just…silly.
But at the same time, she didn’t like how he seemed to render judgment and expect the rest of them to go along with it. Didn’t what Ethan and Ryan thought count? Didn’t what she thought count?
She understood that Adam was concerned. She got that her last pregnancy scared the hell out of him. But it wasn’t fair to force his fears on the rest of them.
She opened and closed her mouth. It wasn’t worth arguing over, particularly when the outcome was already decided. The hypothetical wasn’t hypothetical anymore, and now she just had to deal with the reality—and their reactions when they knew the truth.
She felt Ethan’s probing gaze, knew he was studying her intently, but she didn’t look over because she didn’t want him to see her hurt.
“Baby, what’s going on with you?” Adam asked softly.
Concern was etched into his forehead. She shook her head and forced herself to smile. The last thing she wanted was to start an argument and make them feel bad. “Just think about it every once in a while.”
Ryan pulled her up until he could look her in the face. “Listen to me, Holly. You gave us three wonderful children. We couldn’t ask for more. Our family is complete. It’s perfect as is. We’d never risk you to have another child.”
The ache in her chest grew. They weren’t complete. She didn’t even have words to explain the undeniable knowledge that they were meant to welcome another child into their family. She’d known it for years, had experienced a sadness that never really went away at the idea that she would have no more children. There was one. One more. She’d always known it, even as she took precautions to prevent pregnancy.
But their child had found a way.
She couldn’t keep this from them. She was nervous. She knew they probably wouldn’t take it well at first, but she’d never kept anything from them and she didn’t want to start now. For the first few days, she’d hugged the secret to her, delighting in the miracle of her pregnancy. She hadn’t believed it. She’d taken three tests and then she’d laughed and cried as they all showed the same result.
Ryan’s brow crinkled, and he looked at her with real concern. “Holly? What’s wrong?”
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.