Chapter Twelve
HARPER
He turns away, but not before I catch the grin. His back expands as he takes a breath. Probably to tuck down his amusement so he can keep playing the pissed-off asshole routine.
All my life people have assumed I’m stupid because I’m quiet, I never interrupt, and I follow directions. But I’m quiet because saying less is always more.
I never interrupt because you always miss the parts better left unsaid when you don’t let people finish.
And I follow directions because it keeps things on an even keel, sailing pun intended.
I haven’t always felt this way about things. But back when we were little I once asked my brother why he was always so accommodating with the demands of the Admiral. We were about eight and I was spending my days that summer learning how to sail the ship to windward, while he was working in the galley, learning how to cook potatoes or something. But his answer that day has always stuck with me. ‘Pick and choose your battles, Harp.’
I thought about that piece of advice endlessly since that day. Pick and choose your battles. Accept that you cannot win every time, until you’ve got a sure thing. Battles are always a win and lose. Give and take. And ever since then I’ve been saving up my losses for the only battle that counts. The one that wins the war. So when the strong wind comes and wants to take me off course, I lower my sails and go with the current. I save that loss up for another day. But all these things are conscious decisions. I am attentive, but silent. I have come to terms with my life, but—hopefully—only for the moment.
“So you were trying to make me jealous.” He turns back to me, his expression a flat line again. But I already know he likes the devious side to Harper.
“I was,” I reply.
“Do you know what happens when I get jealous?” He steps towards me and puts both hands around my neck, his thumbs caressing my jaw in those little circles that will have me dreaming about them later. My body responds with the now familiar tingling between my legs and I am suddenly hot with want.
“No,” I say softly.
He stares at me for a few moments and then dips his mouth down to mine, resting his lips against my lips. “Who’s in charge, Harper?”
“You are,” I reply obediently.
He gently knocks his forehead against mine and huffs out a laugh. “What are you doing?”
“Being good. You want to be in charge, then be in charge. I’m not a control freak.”
He takes my hand and pulls me towards the building. I dutifully follow him in. We descend the steps to the basement side by side, and then he leads me into the mechanical room and gathers my key from behind the loose cinder block where I hide it. He shoots me a glance to see if I’ll carry on about him knowing where it is. But I don’t, so he leads me back out, opens my apartment door, and waves me through.
I stand there in the little entrance, waiting for his directions like this is his place and not mine. He stops and stares at the closed door before turning. Like he needs a moment to make a decision. When he turns his eyes are aflame with passion. He puts his hands on my arms and pushes me back against the wall. His thigh wedges between my legs, rubbing against that spot where I know all my carnal desires can be fulfilled, and I moan. He takes that as a yes to his unspoken question and his mouth finds mine.
He bites my lip and takes me by surprise. I whine at the pain and then taste the blood but before I can react to that, his tongue is licking it away, tangling with my own tongue inside my mouth for a few seconds, then he latches onto my top lip.
“Mmmmm,” is all I get out before he nips that one too. I raise my hand to push him off but he grabs my wrist and hoists it up above my head.
“Do that again and I’ll tie you up.”
I take a deep breath and look away. So very unsure of what I’m doing.
“Limits, Harper? You better say so now. This won’t be some romantic fairytale fuck you’ve read about in books.”
Shit. There have to be limits. Right?
“Do you trust me?” When I look back, his gaze is serious. So very, very serious.
I shake my head because this question is easy. “No, not really, James. I mean, I want this. I do. But what we have is like a… a… tenuous respect and nothing more. Like the way you respect a large dog you’ve never met before.”
His eyes dart back and forth. It’s his tell, I realize now. His darting eyes are weighing in on me, letting me know he’s formulating an opinion. Which is good, I guess. Either he’s reevaluating me or he never really solidified one in the first place.
He brings the hand above my head down to my side and kisses me on the nose. “OK.”
“OK?” God, please don’t let him change his mind! “James, I—”
He places his fingertips over my lips, then leans in and licks the one he bit and sucks on it for a second. “I need to know how you want it, Harp. Or I might go too far. And…” He cups my face in his hand and pulls me close, right up next to his hard thickness inside his jeans. “And I don’t want to do it wrong. It’s a big deal for you. Even I understand that. I might hurt you so I need to know what you want.”
What do I want? I want to have sex. And feel the pulsations of an incredible orgasm.
“I need to know if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure,” I say quickly. “I am, I swear. I want to and if you stop this now, I’ll go find that skater guy!”
He smacks my ass. Hard. I yelp and try to scoot away from his hand as it comes back for more, but he holds me tight and this time the smack hits my bare thigh.
I squeal loudly at that one.
“Say you’re sorry,” he says, staring me in the eyes.
“Sorry, I was just—”
“You were just trying to bait me, and I don’t like it.” He stares down at me, his eyes narrow and his jaw set.
He’s totally not kidding about that so I chew on my lip, taste blood, and then nod. “OK, I’m really sorry. It was a bad joke. I’m not interested in Golden Boy back there.” He eyes me suspiciously, but I can tell he’s more interested in being playful than angry. Even so, I nod and reassure him. “I swear.”
“So you’re ready?” His fingertips slip under my tank top and then his whole palm presses against the bare skin of my waist. His hands are a little cold and this temperature difference sends chills up my whole body. My nipples perk to attention immediately.
I put my hand around his neck and lean up on my tiptoes and peck him on the cheek. “I’m ready.”
“No limits?”
“Just… be nice.” I smile sweetly because I don’t know what else to do. I have no clue about any of this shit. Some of the things he’s said I don’t even understand. He thinks I’ve been dreaming about my first sexual experience growing up? Well, he’s wrong. I never read any books about how other girls experience a first time. I had one very clinical discussion about sex with a retired Company medic when I was sixteen. And it was not very enlightening beyond don’t do it until you’re married, because I was promised to someone back when I was six, and that promise dictated that I be a virgin when I was given away.
He growls into my neck. “Fuck, Harper. You’re driving me crazy. You gotta tell me what not to do, or I swear, I’ll do it all. I’ll just do it all.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. I just want it to feel good. I just want you to touch me and make me feel good. Make this loneliness go away for a little bit. Make me…” I stop and look up at him. His attention is rapt. Like he’s hanging on my every word. “Make me feel wanted.”
He lifts my top over my head in one move. My nipples bunch up as the cool air touches them, and then his fingertips roll one back and forth. My heart begins to race inside my chest, my breath becomes ragged and uncontrolled. He palms my breast and his lips find my mouth, his tongue thrusting in this time. Not waiting for a response, just taking me the way he wants. He unbuttons my shorts and drags the zipper down. His other hand slips down my panties and finds my completely soaked folds.
“What do you call this?” he says, thrusting his fingers inside me.
I laugh. “What?”
“Pussy,” he whispers. “You call it your pussy next time I ask. When you want me to lick it”—oh God, I almost orgasm at the thought—“you say, ‘Please lick my pussy, James.’”
I can’t breathe. And I don’t think I can say that without exploding. His fingers begin a slow thrust and my knees go weak.
“Would you like me to lick your pussy, Harper?”
The way he says my name. The way he touches me. The way he does pretty much everything right now. I’m at his mercy. “Please lick my pussy, James.” I’m surprised he heard my words, that’s how low I speak them.
He picks me up in his arms and carries me over to my bed. He sets me down so I’m sitting on the edge and then pushes on my shoulders until I lie back. “Lift your hips.” I lift and he drags my shorts down my legs, stopping to kiss my inner thigh and then nip the sensitive skin there. My back arches and I feel slick between my legs. His mouth pulls back and his hands resume their task, pulling my shorts and panties past my knees, letting them slide down to my ankles. He removes them and tosses them on the floor. “Open your legs.”
I blush a bright red, I know it. Because my face is suddenly very hot.
“Open, Harper.”
Oh, God. I open my legs and close my eyes. The wetness practically gushes. He passes a few fingertips right down the crease of my slit. “Holy fuck. You are so ready. I like my women shaved, Harp. Since you’re so new at this, I’ll let it go. But later, once we get the basics out of the way, I’m gonna shave you.”
“What? No!”
He crawls up my body, stopping to suck on my nipple, then takes it between his teeth. I buckle my back and whine until he lets go and continues to kiss his way up my neck. I about die. “That’s not a limit you can negotiate. When we figure out what the fuck we’re doing you can get waxed regularly. But for now, this will have to do.”
I’m stuck on the word we for like five whole seconds as he crawls his way back down, placing his face between my legs.
We?
But my thoughts evaporate into nothing but bliss when his tongue touches my pussy. It flicks back and forth right on my spot and then he grabs me behind the knees and pushes my legs up and open, licking the entire length. “Ohhhhhmmmm,” I hum out as his tongue begins to do these little swirl patterns. I arch my back, making him lose his rhythm. His palm pushes down on my belly, hard enough to keep me in place.
A fingertip plays with that sensitive spot and I am about to lose myself in the ecstasy when everything suddenly stops. “No, Soldier. You may not come yet. Not until I give the command.”
“What—ohhhh.” His tongue is back, but then withdraws again. “What are you doing?” I’m flushed with excitement and my legs are beginning to tremble with the buildup.
“I said, not yet.”
“But why? That’s the whole reason—” His fingers withdraw and then dart up to my nipple to pinch. I squirm, but his palm is still firmly pushing down on my stomach. “Ahhh!”
“We can talk later, Harper, but for now be a good little soldier and do as you’re told. When I want you to come, I’ll let you know. Until then you fight it. Understand?”
I stare at his eyes. They burn bright with his desire. His mouth has traces of my wetness and I lick my lips. “OK.”
The squeeze on my nipple abates and then he reaches up to my mouth and traces my lips. His fingers smell like me. Like my desire. I open my mouth and suck on them, tasting my sweetness like I did the other night in the hallway.
James groans at this move and I feel a moment of power. He’s right. Sex is power. I have some power over him. This man who kills people for a living can be at my mercy if I listen to what he likes and learn how to please him.
“You’re so fucking sexy, you know that?”
He smiles when my answer is more sucking, more licking. I trace my tongue alongside his finger and then his other hand is at my entrance again. Rolling the little bundle of nerves between my legs in his fingers. I suck harder and he moans, letting me know I’m doing it right.
“I want your mouth on my cock again, Harper.”
“Me too,” I answer. And I do. I want to watch his face when he comes down my throat this time. I want to witness that power he says I have. I want to experience his release with him.
“Later, little soldier. I’m gonna fuck you hard first. Then we’ll shower and explore a little more.”
His fingers begin to pump inside me and my hands fly down to his head, pushing his face back to the v between my legs. “More, please,” I beg. “I want more of your tongue. I want you to lick me, James.”
When I say his name he growls and grabs my wrists in one hand. “Put them above your head, Harper. And don’t move them until I tell you.”
I obey immediately and I’m rewarded with his tongue against my clit. He flicks it back and forth a few times and then his whole mouth covers my pussy, sucking until I am close to the explosion. His hand returns to my belly, reminding me to control it and I throw my head back and pant as I look up at the ceiling. “Good girl,” he praises. “You’re such a good girl, Harper.”
“Hmmmmm,” is all I can manage to that. I’m so fucking close.
“I’m going to count. When I get to three you may release. Not two, not one, not four. Three, Harper.”
I nod enthusiastically. “Yes, three.” I push against his fingers, trying to push him farther inside me.
He pumps me hard several times, hitting a spot inside that makes me call out his name and grab the pillow above my head. “Ohhh. God.”
“One,” he says just before he lowers his face to my clit again. He sucks hard this time, making the orgasm slow with the sensation. I relax just as his fingers increase their rhythm and he removes his mouth to say, “Two.” This time his tongue swirls gently against my clit and the explosion builds again. Little by little, with each passing second, I begin to lose control. He doesn’t stop this time, but his palm on my stomach reaches up and twists my nipple to bring my focus back. I bite my lip and the tiny bite he made in my skin opens up again and I taste blood. I’m just about to be calm when he grabs my whole breast and squeezes. He thrusts his fingers inside me, his thumb brushes up against my clit and he takes it in his mouth to suck. I almost lose my mind with the build-up, and only his firm grasp of my breast keeps me focused. I wince and clamp my pussy around his fingers.
The sensations between my legs stop and before I understand what’s happening, his mouth is on mine. His tongue is both sweet and sour with the taste of myself. He pulls back a fraction, his fingers still pumping wildly as I writhe underneath him. “Three,” he whispers.
My orgasm comes with a long moan and then his whole hand is working my pussy as I ride out the wave, bucking myself against his palm, looking for more friction, more everything. I see stars and my world goes dark. My heart races and his lips kiss me over and over again.
“You did good,” he whispers. “You did so good. You’re perfect, Harper. You’re so perfect.” He continues to kiss me, his motions inside me slow now, but not completely stopped. When I finally relax he withdraws his fingers and I open my mouth as I wait for him to slide them inside and place them on my tongue. I lick and suck as he watches, his eyes filled with desire, his expression content with my performance.
He removes his fingers and then leans down and kisses me deeply. Slowly. He explores me. His hands on my body, rubbing up and down my thigh, then dipping into my folds again to flick my clit.
I moan. It’s still so sensitive.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
I open my eyes and look at him as I nod. “Yes.”
“Are you willing to give yourself to me now?”
I nod again. “Yes.”
“Are you sure you want me to be the only one you ever fuck for the rest of your life?”
My brow furrows in confusion.
“Because you’re mine. If I’m your first I’m going to be your last. So I need you to be sure.” He watches me as I process his words. “Are you sure?”
He’s so beautiful. My characterization of him that first day was dead on. His eyebrows raise at my silence, but I reach up and brush a stray piece of dark hair from his eyes. “I’m yours, James. I swear it, I’m yours.” And I mean every word.
“I know you are. You’re mine, you were meant to be mine.” He gets up from the bed and stands before me. “Undress me, Harper.”
The way he uses my name in his soft commands gives me a thrill. My whole body tingles as he waits. I stand in front of him for a moment, taking in his body. And then I grab the hem of his tight black t-shirt and lift, slowly dragging my hands over the rock-hard surface of his abdomen. His muscles ripple underneath. His body is tanned a golden brown like mine. I pull the shirt up to his arms and then he takes over, whipping it over his head and throwing it down on the ground.
“Have you ever—?”
I know what he’s asking, so I just shake my head no.
“God.” He stops and just stares down at me. Stares into me. “How did this happen?” My whole body is overcome with heat and I actually hold my breath. Because I agree… something about this is so… improbable.
But then he reaches for me, pulls me into a gentle embrace, and all my doubts evaporate.
My hands instinctively fall down his chest. His skin is taut and firm. Every muscle well-defined. He has no markings at all. No tattoos, no scars. “You’re absolutely perfect,” I whisper.
“It’s all yours. If we do this, I’ll be all yours.”
I smile at that. “You promise?”
He suddenly cups my face and leans in to kiss me. “Forever. If we do this, you’re mine, forever.”
That’s so confusing, but I’m not in the mood to think. I only want to react now. I kneel on the floor and look up. I want to remember him like this. Looking down on me with pure adoration. My fingers unbuckle his belt slowly and I catch the sudden intake of breath when my hand passes innocently over his hard cock beneath the soft fabric of his pants. I watch carefully to see if he likes my touch and his eyes are at half-mast. His hands go to mine and remind me what I’m doing.
I unbutton his jeans and drag the zipper until the length of him is visible beneath his boxers. I swallow, a little nervous. But then I pull his clothing down in one movement and his dick springs forward. I look up as I take it in my mouth, licking the tip.
His head falls backwards and his mouth opens when I seal my lips around him and suck. He palms my head, pushing me forward to meet his cock. I try to mimic the way he sucked on my clit—swirling my tongue and sucking on his smooth head. He growls, “Yes, Harper. Just like that.”
I open my mouth wider and try to take his full length, but he stops me with firm pressure on my head. “No, baby. I just want a little tease. I’m gonna come inside you, but not down your throat.”
Thoughts of birth control flit through my mind briefly, but he reaches down and picks me straight up into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist, his cock pressing against my belly. He turns us around and sits on the bed, keeping me in his lap, then kicks off his shoes and jeans so we are both naked.
His hand reaches between my legs and finds me as slick as I was when I orgasmed. “You’re ready for me. Lift up, put my cock in your entrance, and then ease down.” I swallow and look him in the eyes as he smiles. “Go as slow as you want. I’m not in a rush.”
I take a deep breath and nod. Then lift up a little, grab his cock, and rub it back and forth against my pussy until it’s very wet. The tip slides inside me easily, and for a moment I think that’s all there is to it.
But then I ease down and he fills me up beyond capacity, stretching me. I gasp as the pain threatens to overtake me, but James cups my face again and tilts my chin so I have to look at him. “Slow, baby. No hurry. Go slow. Enjoy me. Enjoy how I feel inside you.”
I swallow hard and lift up a little. Feeling his slick cock slide against my skin. I lower just a little bit, stop when it hurts, and rise up again. I do this over and over again, and with each time, James groans. “You feel so good,” he assures me. “You’re so tight,” he whispers in my ear. “Try to go a little farther now, baby. I’m dying to be inside you. All the way inside you.”
My body responds to his requests like they’re an order. I want this too. I want him inside me more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. I let him sink deeper into me, biting back the shock of pain and the gasp that wants to escape. I bury my head in his neck and pant hard. His hands go to my ass, urging me to move the way he wants me to. I give in to him.
I am his.
He lifts me up, almost to the point that his dick is threatening to escape my pussy. But then he slams me down on his lap and the pain shoots straight up my spine. It threatens to overtake me when I feel his fingers playing with my ass. They press against the tight muscles and I gasp, the pain from my disintegrating hymen forgotten as he explores me in a new way.
I moan into his neck, the new sensations almost too much. “Can I come, James? I want to come so bad. I want to come on your dick.”
“This is all about you, baby. If my cock inside your pussy feels good to you, then come all over me, Harper.”
My name on his lips sends me over the edge. My body arches as I throw my head back and moan out his name. “James…”
As soon as the contractions begin to slow, James wraps his arms around me and lies back on the bed, pulling me tightly to his chest. His hips begin a punishing rhythm underneath me, thrusting himself deeper and deeper inside me, his balls smacking against my ass so hard, reminding me of his fingers a few minutes ago.
We come together this time. We explode into an orgasm that makes me blind and helpless to think of anything but this perfect man beneath me.