“If I catch you we’ll run another mile.” Anniston’s voice carries through the crisp spring air.
Pushing my legs harder, I hear her footsteps gaining on me. This is her favorite game to play. I get five minutes head start. We run for six miles total. If at any point she catches me, we add an extra mile. The first few times we played sucked ass, with me eventually just begging for mercy between bouts of nausea.
The past month has been life-altering, to say the least. Anniston and I have developed a routine. It’s comfortable. It feels like home. It’s getting easier to lose myself in her world.
Except at night.
Each night, the nightmares come. Scream after scream. Explosions. The smell of coppery blood burns my nose. I can’t escape the dreams.
Even she can’t get them to stop. Night after night, she comes to my side, holds me tight, whispering soothing words in my ear. That helps, but doesn’t make them stop. Only the blue pill does.
I don’t deserve to take it. I deserve to suffer. I don’t deserve to sleep peacefully while my friends, my team, rot in the dirt.
Finally, after many nights of her trying to comfort me, sitting next to her in the bed I now thought of as mine, I admitted what happened to my team.
“It was the coldest night we had seen in months. We’d been awake for sixty-two hours when we got word that our mark was inside this known insurgent hideout. I was so relieved to get in there and blow the bastard to bits so we could leave this hellhole and go home. Our tour had been extended for an additional three months and was on the verge of another two if we couldn’t catch this asshole. Anyway, Brannon, one of my newest officers, good kid, went in first, finally calling out the ‘all clear.’ I was pissed that we lost our mark again. Caught up in my anger and frustration of another three days down the drain, I didn’t see the cabinet was open. And when I heard the distinctive beep, it was too late. The shitty house exploded with me and my men inside. I was unconscious for a while, but when I came to, I was able to drag myself over to Brannon, and clutched his hand as the light faded from his eyes. I knew better than to rush in like that. I knew better and I failed them. Their blood is on my hands. I killed them.”
That night, I told Anniston my truth, and without words or judgments, she grasped my hand and gave me redemption.
“Let me help you, Cade. You can make it right by helping others like you. I can give you the redemption you crave. Live for them, Cade. Be the major they deserve.”
I never agreed one way or the other and we haven’t spoken about it since. She keeps me busy working my body, pushing me past my limits. It’s pure torture, but every day I see a little piece of the old me return. And every night I am reminded why that’s not me anymore.
Her footsteps are louder. She’s gaining on me. Picking up the pace, I race past the barn, hoping to cut through and gain an edge.
“I see you,” she taunts from behind.
Fuck. She doesn’t even sound winded. My lungs are in a constant state of fire. Even though I am in much better shape than before, I am not even close to her level of athleticism.
Ducking through the barn, I take a left and make the mistake of looking back. She’s not there. Confused, I slow down, looking around. Did she fall? Before I can decide to double back I’m hit hard from behind, the weight throwing me off balance and taking me to my knees.
“Gotcha!” she crows. “One more mile, slowpoke.”
Dammit.
I get to my feet and dust off my knees, giving her a pointed look. “Did you have to bum-rush me like a damn linebacker?”
She throws me a smug smile. “Of course. What would be the fun if I just tagged you like a normal girl?”
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? She isn’t a normal girl. This girl is an angel. I swear. And what she’s doing with Theo is damn blasphemy.
Meeting him in person was just as painful as I thought it would be. At some point, I grew very protective and possessive of this girl. I know he was her first, but every day I am with her makes me want her even more.
Theo’s threat in the store has been eating away at me and has kept me pissed off all day. I wanted to choke the life from him right there in the middle of the cereal aisle. But the voice of the angel filtered through and I let him go. For her sake.
All I can think is that it’s time for me to go. As much as I hate to admit it, Theo is right about one thing: I will never be good enough for her. He’s not either, but he’s got one foot in the door. I see it in her eyes. She loves him, even if he doesn’t deserve it.
She’s stubborn, though, and anytime I bring up leaving she comes up with something that she needs help with. And being the sucker I am, I agree to help. After all, I owe this woman.
Anniston has taken off out of the barn. I hurry to catch up before she circles back and adds yet another mile. My energy level is down from lack of sleep. I’ve been leaving the TV on, hoping that if I wake screaming she won’t hear it now that she has been sleeping upstairs in her actual bedroom. I was shocked to discover that the first week she slept in the guest room down the hall to stay close to me.
Don’t think about it, Cade. She isn’t yours. She’s that fuckhead’s.
Rounding the bend, my heart drops. Anniston is standing at the tree line, arms crossed with a smug-ass smile. “You know, I’m starting to think you just want to run another mile.”
I smile and shake my head. “No, I’m a little tired today. Dealing with Theo is exhausting.”
Her sweet laugh echoes amongst the trees. “I agree. Although, you look more than a little tired.” She gives me a knowing look. “I heard you last night but when I came down. The door was locked.”
I drop my head. She came to me. She came to comfort me even with the Cy Young winner in her bed.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t want to bother you with Theo here.”
She pushes off the tree and wraps her small arms around me. “I don’t need to remind you how important you are to me, do I, Major Jameson?”
Major. I haven’t been called that in a long time.
Anniston insists that I am and will always be a major. When I argued and told her I didn’t deserve the title anymore because I couldn’t bear to fail another team again, she patted my leg in her loving way, ignoring my admission and said, “Well, Major, I am your Commander in Briefs, but you can just call me Commander. Welcome to your new team.”
When she said that, I tried really hard not to let the moisture that accumulated in my eyes fall. It did anyway. And do you know what she did? She fucking kissed it and stood, retreating to her room. Leaving me to deal with all the emotions she’d just stirred up.
“Cade.”
“Hmm?” I look down at her small body wound around mine. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve such a woman like her in my life but I’ll take it, no matter if it’s for just a short time.
“I said, I think you need some rest.”
I didn’t even hear her the first time. Maybe I do need some sleep. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re tired.”
Always the forgiver. That’s how Theo is still in the picture, I bet. He has to fuck up. No way he’s been an angel to her this whole time.
“I want you to take a sleeping pill tonight.”
I shake my head. “I’m okay.”
“Well, good. I’m glad to hear it but you’re still taking it.” Always the smart-ass. She pulls away to show me that it’s futile to argue.
Sighing, I surrender. “Fine.”
“Great!” She tugs at my hand, pulling us down the hill toward the house.
I guess the run is over without the extra mile. Thank goodness. I don’t know if I could have handled it today.
“So, we’re going to Washington with Theo?” I haven’t asked about it since I overheard her conversation with Theo’s coach. Truthfully, I have been so nervous that she would leave without me that I didn’t want to jinx it.
I keep talking about leaving, but when it comes down to it, I really like living with her. I know it’s wrong and I don’t deserve it, but what can I say? I’m a selfish bastard.
“Yeah. Are you excited?” She’s skipping, swinging our hands like a little girl. It’s hard not to smile when she acts like this.
“I don’t really know,” I admit honestly. “I’ve never been there and don’t really know what to expect.”
She scoffs and waves her hand like that’s ridiculous. “It’s like every other place. But the team is fun. It’ll be a good experience for you. We can call it our mini vacay.”
I chuckle at her easy nature about everything. Well, not everything. She can turn it off and give you a verbal lashing like some of my old drill sergeants.
“You really want me to come with you?” I ask pathetically. I can’t help it.
She stops skipping, skidding to a halt. “You go where I go. We’re a team, remember?”
I nod in affirmation, too choked up to speak.
She resumes skipping and under her breath mutters, “Stop being a dumbass.”
This girl. No wonder Theo would fight to the death over her. I’m starting to think I would, too.
Back at the house, I shower and change. Theo is lounging over the entire sofa, taking every inch of space he can. What a prick. He’s watching game footage while he scarfs down the peanut butter cookies Anniston made me. Taking a deep breath, I count to ten. Okay, more like twenty. I make my way over and ease myself into the recliner. I would rather be on the sofa. Eating my fucking cookies.
I glance at the man who’s been a pain in my ass for the past week. He smirks at me and crams a whole cookie in his mouth. Crumbs fall from his mouth, landing on his pristine shirt. With his mouthful, he smiles like the devil he is and says, “Last one.”
My leg twitches. It’s taking all I have to stay in this recliner. I want to launch myself at him and beat the bloody cookie right out of his pretty-boy mouth. I didn’t know it was possible to hate someone so much. But yes. It is. Washington’s own golden boy is my own form of hell.
He moans loudly in obvious pleasure. Whether it’s from knowing he pissed me off or the six delicious cookies he just put down, I don’t know. All the same, hate brews in my gut. When he brushes the crumbs onto the floor, my patience flies out the window. I lunge for the remote.
“What the fuck?” He’s on his feet quickly, reaching around my back, seeking the black controller.
Taking a step back, I smirk. Game on, dick.
“Give it back,” he demands loudly. Probably hoping Commander will hear.
“Here’s the thing, champ.” I spit the word “champ” like it’s yesterday’s vomit. “Since neither of us is going anywhere, it’s best we get this shit squared away.”
Theo’s arms have folded in, resting against his chest, his eyes steaming with hatred. He is not my biggest fan, that’s obvious. But you know what? I don’t give a fuck. I’m no cheerleader of his, either.
“I’m not leaving.” Tucking the remote in my waistband, I take a step closer. “I owe Anniston and I’m not leaving until she asks me to. So how about you get over yourself and grow a pair?”
His eyes grow narrower and he takes a step closer, like we’re repeating the grocery store incident.
“She’s mine,” he growls. It would be funny if he didn’t look like he was a second from murder.
“Does she know that?” It’s poking the bear. This little motherfucker needs to be put in his place. Anniston belongs to no man. That much is obvious. Granted, she and Theo have some kind of relationship. I just haven’t quite figured out what kind exactly. Is it trainer and player? Best friends? Fuck buddies? Boyfriend, girlfriend? I need more time to figure it out, but I’m not letting this asshole intimidate me in the meantime.
His chest is heaving. I don’t think I have seen him this quiet before. “Yes, she does.”
“Hmm. Well, could have fooled me.” I give him a little smirk, shrug and start to walk away. But I’m not able to leave it at that. “You might want to step up your game then because I’m on deck and I never miss.”
Before I realize what he’s doing, he charges me and takes me to the floor. Something breaks. We’re rolling around on the floor exchanging body shots like a couple of heathens.
“Fuck you!” Theo snarls as he hurls a blow to my ribs.
Pain shoots through my side. Did he just fucking break a rib? I dislodge my arm that he pinned and strike him in the lower back. He doesn’t even grunt.
Damn. For a pro athlete, he sure knows how to handle himself. I’m impressed. Reaching around to try to flip him, I’m shocked with a blast of freezing water. “Ahhhh!”
“Ans!” Theo’s hold releases and we jump up, trying to avoid the freezing spray.
“You assholes want to act like dogs then you’ll be treated as such.” Anniston is fuming at the kitchen sink, armed with the sprayer.
I clear the water from my eyes and brave a look at her.
“You have some left over energy, Major?” She points the sprayer directly at me.
Oh shit. This is not looking good.
The sprayer pivots in Theo’s direction. “How bout you, Theo? You need a release?”
Theo shakes his head slowly. He looks like a kid about to be sent to his room.
Anniston grabs the hand towel and throws it at me. “Clean this up and change. I want you both outside in five minutes.” She heads outside without another word.
“Fuck me,” Theo groans and runs his hands through his hair. “Just great. Way to go asshole.”
“Me?” I scoff. “You started it.”
“Whatever. She’s about to kill us both now.”
I nod and start wiping up the water. Theo grabs another towel from the drawer and helps.
“Where did you learn to fight?” I ask, curious. It took me off guard.
He laughs. “You’re not the first guy I’ve had to fight off.”
Ah. He’s probably done this for years. If I liked him a little better, I would have felt sorry for him, but alas, I don’t.
We get the water cleaned up and rush off to change. I throw on running gear because I know that’s what she’s about to make us do. Anniston believes that running will solve anything. Tired? Run. Pent-up? Run. Excited? Run. Can’t sleep? Run. You get it. It’s exhausting living with someone like that. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Theo sidles up beside me as we hesitantly reach the backyard. Anniston is lying in the grass, gazing at the moon. The pond is lit by tiny lights on the gazebo.
Theo groans beside me. I don’t ask him why. It must be bad.
“Boys,” she barks.
Oh shit.
We move toward her slowly, like we’re marching toward the guillotine.
“It’s a beautiful night for a swim. Don’t you think?”
It’s sixty degrees. I think that’s the point. Theo doesn’t speak.
“Why don’t you boys hop in?” It’s not a suggestion.
Theo silently strips down to his compression pants and shorts. I follow as he eases in the water. Clearly, it’s freezing, but he makes no remark, only complies. I follow soundlessly, as well. I don’t want him showing me up.
The bottom of the pond is gooey. It feels disgusting between my toes. Apart from the pins and needles feeling from the cold, it is oddly refreshing. I can’t see to the bottom, but soon it will be completely dark and we won’t be able to see shit.
“I want you to swim together for one hundred laps. If one fails, you both fail, and we’ll start all over.”
Holy shit. I look over at Theo. His eyes are locked with hers. He only nods. Shit.
She blows a whistle and Theo dives underwater. I don’t think I have swum in years but I dive in and mimic Theo’s technique.
“Keep up,” he hisses. “I don’t want to be out here all night.”
“Do you do this a lot?”
“Occasionally.”
“What does that mean?”
We’re both huffing out breaths and we’re only three laps in. This is going to suck major balls.
“I told you. You aren’t the first guy that has tried to take her from me.”
We turn for another lap.
“She does this to me every time she thinks I’ve forgotten my place.”
“Your place?”
“Yeah. We have a complicated relationship.”
“I can tell.”
He starts to slow his pace. Thank heavens. My arms are on fire. “You love her?”
“Yes,” he admits.
“Are you together?” I wheeze out between strokes.
He spits out a mouthful of water. “I’m paying for a mistake.”
Well, that’s cryptic.
“Keep up.”
“I am. Worry about yourself,” I bite out.
“I’m fine. I don’t want to do another one hundred laps because you are out of shape.”
Who cares that I was starving and homeless? Pushing forward, I keep pace, never slowing so he can blame me if we go another round. Fortunately, we don’t have to.
Anniston stops us when it looks like we are seconds from drowning. My arms are like jelly when I hoist myself on shore, gurgling out water with a moan. Theo’s not fairing much better, crawling alongside me, blue and shivering.
“Fifty push-ups.” She’s eyeing Von Bremen.
Wordlessly, he extends his legs and starts counting them off.
“Major! I said fifty.”
I drop down, nearly unable to even hold my body weight. Props to Theo for making it this far. I take a hard hit to the ground, collapsing in a heaving mess. I’m spent. I can’t do one more.
“Major. Do you have any leftover energy?”
I moan out a “No.”
“Good. Go shower. I’ll be up in a minute.”
I nod and drag myself to a sitting position. I just need a second before I walk all the way back to the house.
“You going to puke?” I look at Anniston, ready to respond, but realize she’s asking Theo.
Theo is still rising and falling. The man is a damn machine.
“Yes,” he gurgles.
“That’s enough,” she tells him.
He lies on the ground unmoving until she rolls him onto his back, grabbing his face like only a lover would do. “You good?”
I start to feel the jealousy bubble up.
He nods as best as he can with her restraining him. Roughly, she smashes her lips to his, swallowing his moans of pleasure.
I take that as my cue and get the hell out of there.