OUR BRUNCH CONSISTED of bowls of cereal eaten bundled under blankets on her deck. Saturday’s sun blazed with the promise of future warm days and summer heat. It wouldn’t last and the week’s forecast threatened daily rain, so we happily stayed outside despite the chill. She sat on my lap, holding her coffee. My arms encircled her waist under the layers of blankets.
I eyed the hot tub cover. “You ever use it?”
She followed my stare. “Not really. Although the owner always comes by to make sure the chemicals are balanced.”
“Ever had sex in it?”
“No!” She squirmed on my thighs. “Have you?”
“In that one? No.”
“I meant in general.”
I stared at her.
“On second thought, I don’t want to know.” She grimaced.
“Hey, I have a history. So do you. Doesn’t change the fact we’re together now. Or make it less.”
She lightly kissed my lips. “Are we?”
“Are we what? Going to have sex in the hot tub? Sure, if you want.” I braced my hands on the wide arms of the chair and leaned forward.
“Not about the sex. Are we together?” Her voice softened into a whisper, but her green eyes held my gaze.
“Will my answer confirm or negate the potential for hot tub sex?” I arched an eyebrow, buying myself some time.
“Quit stalling.” She rose to stand up and I tugged her closer.
“You’re the only woman I’ve had sex with since November.” Until I said the words, it hadn’t occurred to me we’d pretty much been exclusive since the first time together.
“Really?” The shock of my confession colored the word. “No one else? Not even—”
I cut her off, knowing what she was going to say. “Not even Ashley. Whatever you think you saw, or more likely what she wanted you to think you saw, nothing’s happened with her since that party last fall.”
“Which party?”
Time to go big or go home.
“She took me to a swingers’ party.”
“Ohmygod. You went to an orgy?” She struggled to get off my lap, but I held her close.
“First, stop struggling. Second, it wasn’t an orgy. Third, it wasn’t sexy and you’re going to laugh.” I told her the briefest story possible about the party, including the weird ferret cage in the corner and my parting words about delicious dip.
She bounced with laughter, throwing her head back. “What’s up with the dip?”
I used my thumbs to wipe the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “It was really good dip. I should’ve asked for the recipe.”
She regained her composure, only the infrequent giggle bubbling to the surface. “Okay, since we’re confessing things, I have a confession, too.”
“You want to have sex in the hot tub?” I kissed the side of her head. “Say the word.”
“Seriously. Let it go.”
“I can’t. It would be so warm and you’d be naked. I’d be naked, too.” I licked my bottom lip.
“If we get naked, we’ll have sex.”
“And?”
“I’m enjoying the talking.”
“We can talk when we’re naked, warm, and I’m inside of you.”
“You think you can carry on an entire conversation and have sex at the same time?” Disbelief crinkled her forehead.
“I’d be willing to give it the Tom Cat try.”
Sitting in the bubbling water, the faint scent of chlorine rising in the steam around us, I learned I could have sex and talk at the same time, but not for very long. Also, sex in a hot tub was less than I’d imagined. The water, despite being wet, created a weird friction. Giving up the fantasy, we sat on opposite sides of the jacuzzi, our legs entwined, and talked.
“Why don’t you sculpt in metal?” she asked, her finger trailing along the bubbles on the surface of the water.
“I like wood.” I smirked. “Why do you?”
“I like how tough it is. It takes a lot of effort to change its shape or transform it into something new. I love how it can withstand the elements, yet slowly shows its scars and wear with prolonged exposure. Despite slowly breaking down, it exists and is ever changing. Rust is beautiful.”
“Says the artist. To shipbuilders, rust isn’t considered a good thing.”
“Why do you still work as a welder at the yard? You’ve been doing the same thing pretty much since high school.”
“I don’t like change?”
“Am I supposed to answer for you?”
“I don’t know. I like welding. I’m good at it. I make good money. Why change?”
“It explains a lot.” Her foot made a slow path along my shin, heading north toward my thigh.
“Like what? I like my job?”
“No.” She gave a subtle shake of her head, water droplets falling off the wet tips of her hair.
“What?”
“You don’t like change in general.”
I started to protest, and stopped myself. I opened my mouth to deny it, and paused. Truth weighed heavy on my chest, and taking a deep breath required effort.
“I’m right and you know it.”
Realization and acceptance crept up my spine. Feeling too hot, I sat up and shoved out of the water. The cool morning air tingled on my skin.
“Where are you going?” She scrambled to sit up in the bubbling water.
“I . . . inside.” I strode across the deck.
“What is it with you parading around naked outside my house?” She swung her legs over the side and gathered up our clothes.
“No one can see us.” To prove my point, I lifted my arms above my head and did two jumping jacks. “Look!” I yelled. “I’m naked!”
“Ack! My eyes! My eyes!” Lori screamed from the door behind me.
At Lori’s screaming, Hailey had hidden her important stuff with our wadded up clothing while I was once again standing in the breeze with my pecker out. Shoving past me while my sister muttered about brain bleach, Hailey had made a mad dash upstairs to put on her clothes. I’d loved the view of her ass bouncing up the stairs.
“I knew it! I knew you were fucking each other.” Lori paced inside the kitchen. She was on her third lap around the island.
Sitting at the table, I laughed and sipped my coffee. Luckily, Hailey had thrown my jeans at me before running away.
“Did you stalk us?” I asked, smirking over the memory of standing with my hands on my hips like Superman without a cape. If she wanted to sneak up on us, she would get an eyeful.
“No. I was at Payless Foods. Connie and Sandy were there chatting.”
Dread settled in my stomach.
“Imagine my surprise when Sandy shared she saw the two of you kissing in your truck on the ferry late last night.”
Fucking gossips.
She made another lap around the kitchen. “So I decided to stop by and see Hailey on my way home.”
“And saw my truck in the driveway.”
“Yep.” She stopped her pacing and hopped on the counter. “Busted.”
“Quit glowering at me. You’ll get wrinkles.”
“I can’t believe of all the women on this island, Everett, Seattle, the whole western part of the state, you had to go after my best friend.”
“I didn’t—”
“Stop.” She held up her hand. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. I’ve always defended you and not judged.”
I snorted. Where was Hailey? Hiding out upstairs? How long did it take to get dressed? The sound of the shower turning on answered me. Great. Left alone for the inquisition.
“You’ve judged.”
She flipped me off. “You’re my big brother. When we were kids you were my idol and my nemesis. Then you discovered girls and your power over them, and my life became a nightmare. All my friends, all of them, except Hailey, had the hots for you. Ooh, Tom’s so cute. Do you think he likes me? Yuck.” She added a gagging sound to emphasize her disgust.
Ah, the memories. I’d been terrible flirting with her friends, encouraging their crushes while knowing I’d never cross the line. “I love you, but this has nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me.” Her feet thumped against the lower cabinets. “She’s my friend, my best friend. How awkward is this going to be when you break her heart?”
With my arms crossed, I stared down my sister. “It’s none of your business. Wait, who said anything about breaking hearts?”
“It’s what you do. You leave a trail of women crying over not being able to keep you.”
“I never lead women on. Okay, maybe in high school, and those few years in my twenties, but I’ve grown up. I’m straight with them. Hell, Hailey came on to me.”
Her mouth opened and closed. “No she didn’t.”
“Yes, she did. We’re adults.”
“She doesn’t do one-night stands. She was engaged. To be married this year.”
“Maybe you don’t know her as well as you think.”
“Still, I know you. Gah. Don’t do it, Tom. Don’t break her heart. She’s been through enough.”
I set my cup on the table. The coffee had gone cold. “Listen, if I tell you something, something to make you feel better and leave me alone, can you keep it to yourself?”
This was risky, but I needed Lori to shut up and stop with the judgmental bullshit.
“I’d love to hear this.” She rolled her eyes and sighed.
“You have to swear it stays between us. No telling Cara or Amy. Or mom.”
“Swear.” She held up her pinky.
“And no teasing or laughing?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, I swear.”
“I like Hailey. Really like her. It scares me, but I haven’t so much as glanced at another woman, let alone touched one, all year.” In my mind, kissing on New Year’s Eve didn’t count.
“Like like her?” Lori said as if we were two girls in middle school.
I nodded.
Amusement sparkled in her eyes. “Do you love her? Like Tom and Hailey sitting in a tree . . .” Her voice sing-songed the familiar words.
Had I been paying attention, I would have heard the shower being turned off and footsteps on the stairs. But I was too busy being annoyed and amused by my little sister in a way only an older brother could be.
“Yes. I think I do.”
A moment too late I saw Hailey at the foot of the stairs, a mix of shock, horror, delight, and confusion flashing across her features.
“Oops.” Spying her too, Lori giggled. “Looks like the cat’s out of the bag.” She hopped off the counter. “Nothing for me to see here. Gotta go.” She continued to ramble as she opened the door. “Ice cream melting in the car. You kids have fun.” Halfway to out the door she called out something sounding like “Toodle-loo.”
The entire time she babbled, Hailey stood and I sat, frozen in place by my flippant confession.
“Nothing awkward about that encounter,” she finally said. “I told you running around naked out there was a bad idea.”
“You assumed you have spying neighbors, not a nosey best friend who sneaks into your house unannounced. Serves her right. And it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before. Four kids, one bathroom, stuff gets seen and can’t be unseen.”
“The naked part was pretty funny.”
“Yeah. A riot.”
Her voice dropped lower. “What about the other stuff?”
“That wasn’t for you to hear. Not yet.”
“No, I imagine not.”
“I said it because it’s true, but I’m not ready to say it again. Not that it’s not true, but this isn’t how or why I . . .” Again, I reverted to being a tongue tied boy around her.
“I know. I mean, I didn’t know. I’m happy to know, but yeah, it’s too soon and not the right time, or something.” She toyed with the hem of her flannel shirt, which resembled one of mine.
“Did you steal my shirt?”
She studied the fabric held in her fingers. “Yeah, I guess I did. You can’t have it back.”
Whatever possible moment had presented itself passed into another reality. It was too soon to have serious feelings for her. That much I knew.
What I felt was a whole other thing.