CHAPTER 11
Steven
I’ve been pacing the hallway for the last thirteen hours. I haven’t eaten a single thing or drank a drop all day. My stomach is completely in knots.
And I’m not even the one who’s being operated on.
I sit down in a chair and bury my head in my hands.
I look up and see a cardboard sign asking for donations. What I wouldn’t give now to make sure she makes it though okay. I don’t even want to think like that! I bury my head in my hands again.
Just some news. Any news. Anything good that is. Just give me some hope.
Now I know what it feels like for some of the families of the victims of the crimes I’m working on. I felt like I always knew but I guess I never really did. Not until I was here in that hospital waiting to see if the person close to me pulled through.
And close to me isn’t even the right word, but I don’t want to think like that. I just felt like she was pulling back these last few weeks. I just wanted to spend time with her, but she wouldn’t allow it. I tried to force myself into her life but she just hid. I can understand. I would have done the same thing, but I just wished she could learn to let me in when times get tough and not to push me away.
She’s been through a lot in her life already. Sometimes it’s okay to lean on other people. I want to be that person she leans on. That rock. That lighthouse in the middle of the night when she’s lost. Shoot! I’ll be that lighthouse in the day. Navigating the streets of L.A. is hard whether it’s high noon or pitch black at 3 a.m.
What am I thinking about? What am I talking with myself about?
My mind is racing a mile a minute trying to fill in the blanks of what might be happening. I’m trying to stay positive, but as that damn hour hand keeps circling the clock it gets harder and harder. I haven’t even heard from a nurse. This is terrible.
I need to keep moving.
I spring up from my seat almost catching the doctor underneath the chin.
“Doctor Schmidt! Tell me something. Anything.”
“Steven I know you’re concerned, but do you want to have a seat first.”
“Oh no. No. No. No.” I say realizing he’s going to give me news I don’t ever want to hear. I raise my hands to my ears and cover them. I can’t hear this. Not now. Not ever.
I see his arms move toward my forearms but I move so he can’t touch me. He mouths something. I have to know what.
“Steven, please. Everything is going to be okay.”
“What?” I say.
“She’s okay. May’s okay.”
“She is?” I grab the doctor lifting him up off the ground. “She’s okay!”
I set the doctor down and give him a big bear hug.
“Tell me more, doc!” I say stepping back.
He tries to fight back a smile as he straightens out his eyeglasses and then his white coat.
“When we got in there we saw exactly what we expected, but somehow it wasn’t as bad or as big as we quite expected.”
“Had it spread?”
“It sure doesn’t look like it, but it’s better to run some tests next week before I say anything conclusive.”
“Right. Right.”
“But wow, is she ever a trooper. Not counting prep time we were working on her for over eleven hours.”
“Eleven hours?”
“My longest by far.”
“And you did it.”
“I think it’s more appropriate to say she did it. She’s got a lot of fight in her. And more importantly a lot of life left in her. I expect a full recovery in about six months and a long, life ahead of her assuming the tests we run confirm what we think.”
“Thank you, doc!” I say offering my hand for a handshake.
“Go easy on me, Steven. You’re a bigger guy than you might realize and you’re pretty excited right now.”
“Excited? I’m fired up, brother!”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”
“Let’s do it this way then,” I say, grabbing the doctor and giving him a hug again. I don’t think I’ve ever hugged a man in my life and this poor fella’s gotten two in the last thirty seconds.
“Okay. Gratitude accepted,” the doctor says smiling.
“Thanks, doc. Can I see her?”
“Not tonight. It’s best if you go home and come back tomorrow around say…10 in the morning?”
“I’ll be right here at 10 a.m.,” I say pointing down at the floor. “Because I’m not going anywhere. I’m never leaving that girl’s side for the rest of my life.”