CROCUS

 

 

AARON WAS waiting for them outside as they approached. Larx regarded him with a sort of weary joy. Dozer barked happily and leaped forward so Aaron could assure him he was still a good boy, always a good boy, and he should go inside for treats.

Dozer took off to scratch woefully at the door, and Aaron walked toward Larx and Olivia. Olivia let go of Larx’s hand, breaking the illusion he’d sustained that she was a little girl again. Instead she kissed Larx on the cheek, then stepped forward and hugged Aaron tight.

“Told you I’d get him,” she said with a little smile.

“Thanks, honey. There’s waffles and hot chocolate inside, if you want.”

Olivia paused and put her hand on her stomach. “You know… that sounds amazing.” She disappeared into the house with Dozer, and Aaron walked the last few paces to Larx. He took off his gloves first and wrapped his hands around Larx’s chilled ones, pulling them to his mouth and blowing.

“Baby, you didn’t even have a hat on.”

Larx swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry—” His voice cracked on the y, and Aaron pulled him forward into a full embrace.

“No sorry,” he whispered. “None. You don’t have to be sorry to me for a damned thing.”

Larx shuddered in his arms, hard, and again, and hugged him back and held tight. His head, aching and stuffed from running and crying for damned near five miles, was suddenly too heavy to move from this spot, right here, on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Want to go inside?” Aaron asked softly. “The horrible parents are gone. Elton ordered them away, told them to wait a day before they tried an apology. You would have been proud of him, Larx. He’s a great kid.”

Larx nodded. “He better be. Olivia’s pretty awesome.”

“They’ll be okay together,” Aaron told him, and after Larx’s walk with his daughter, he could nod his head and have hope that wasn’t bullshit. He shivered again, and Aaron murmured, “C’mon. Let’s go upstairs. Let’s talk.”

Larx shook his head. Then he reached out and twined his fingers with Aaron’s, pulling their hands to his chest, over his heart. “This,” he whispered. “This is sore. I needed you. I needed you so bad. And you were hurt. And all I wanted to do was be at your side. All I wanted to do was lose my shit, cry, stomp, and scream. Forever—you promised me forever—and I didn’t think that was a real thing, but then there was us and then you got shot and I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry, I lose myself in my own head when I’m driving, and I feel it, building. Just… just raw fucking fury, and I’m going to lose it. I’m going to come home and yell and say something awful, something unforgivable, and drive you away so I’ll be alone, but at least I won’t… at least I won’t….”

Aaron just held him, letting him spill, not trying to soothe him, not even a little, which was the only reason he could say the next part, the unforgivable part.

“At least I won’t lose you, won’t have you ripped away from me. Sometimes I’d just rather know I’ll be alone, know there’ll be this big stupid blank empty space in my soul instead of dream about a future where there isn’t one!”

Aaron’s arms tightened. He didn’t leave, he didn’t let go, he didn’t yell. “Why didn’t you?” he asked, voice as raw as Larx’s. “Why didn’t you come home and yell at me and say the unforgivable thing?”

“Because….” Larx closed his eyes against this, but nothing was going to hold back the whole of it now. “I’d… I’d see you, and you’d smile and… and I’d stomp on the mad, and it would be all okay, because I had you, I have you, and what kind of dumbass kicks a perfectly good man out of his life because he’s afraid that man is going to get killed on the job!”

For a moment, the air around them was so silent, Larx could hear Aaron struggling for breath. Then a magic sound happened.

Aaron’s soft chuckle rippled under Larx’s cheek.

“What?” Larx asked, feeling stupid and young and all those things he’d been avoiding feeling by not talking over the past couple of weeks.

“I don’t know what makes you think I’m a perfectly good man. I’m sort of an averagely good man, really. I’m sure there are perfectly good men out there with less of a chance of getting shot—”

Larx scowled up at him. “Shut up.”

And Aaron caught his cold cheeks between his warm, gloved hands and captured Larx’s mouth in a sweet, brief kiss. When he spoke again, it was maybe the last thing Larx expected to hear.

“Marry me.”

Larx gaped. “Wha—?”

“Marry me. So if I’m ever in the hospital again, I’m not just your boyfriend or the man in your life. I’m your husband. So when Olivia walks down the aisle and has that baby, whichever order it happens, I’m her stepdad. So I’m the baby’s grandpa legally, and if Kirby so much as skins his knee, you can make decisions without me. So the whole world knows I love you, and if I leave your side, it’s because I absolutely had no other goddamned choice. And if….” His voice caught here, leaving Larx with another wound. “And if you ever run out that door again because your heart’s too full or too angry, I know, without a doubt, that you’ll be back for more than your stuff.”

Larx closed his eyes, thinking he’d say something vague, something that would put the question off for when he was less angry, less distraught, less raw.

“Yes.” He gaped at himself and shut his mouth, wondering how that came out. “Yes,” he said again, because apparently words were taking a shortcut from heart to mouth without stopping at brain so it could fuck them up. “Yes, I’ll marry you. God, God yes. If I want to marry you now, as pissed off as I am right now, I’ll want to marry you every other goddamned day of our lives.”

Aaron gave another rocky chuckle and kissed him, hard, like they were each other’s, like they would be forever. Larx responded hungrily, drinking in his generosity, his possession, his life, while the world was peaceful and good.

Aaron gave a little gasp, and then Larx felt him, grinding up against Larx’s leg in frustration.

Oh man, Larx wanted him so bad.

He closed his eyes and pulled away. “I don’t suppose our kids are all going to the movies, are they?”

Aaron groaned. “No! Oh God, I wish.” He took a breath back, and they both tried to pull their brains out of their desire.

“Maybe,” Larx said, desperate, so desperate for time just with Aaron. “Maybe if we just close the door, say grown-up time, and… I don’t know. Leave the TV on. Is that a bad idea? We just….” He wanted to sob. “We were in a good place this morning. I… I want that place back. I want it so bad.”

“Let’s try that,” Aaron promised. “C’mon. First, baby, let’s get you inside.”

 

 

THEY WERE greeted by excited kids wanting to tell an exciting story, and Larx let them. Nobody asked where he’d been or why he’d left—he wondered if Aaron had briefed them, or if they were just close enough to adulthood to exercise the ultimate in kindness.

Breakfast was still on the table for him, and the strawberries and waffles turned out to be the thing that had been missing from his life that he’d never known. He demolished his stack, whipped cream and all, and then finished the dishes quietly while everybody went to change.

While he was washing, his youngest threw out a casual miracle.

“Daddy, I’m going to drive Olivia and Wombat Willie home—Princess is whining a lot about running in her jeans and needing a shower and whatever. It’s actually set day for the drama club—you know, paint the flats, set them up, lights and stuff. We all know people who’re gonna be there—we thought we’d go help.” She was so insouciant about it, dark glossy hair scraped into a ponytail, bright, wicked brown eyes flashing up at him brightly.

And he thought, of course. Isaiah had been stage manager three years running—Kellan would know a lot of people in the play this year.

“Course. How long do you think you’ll be gone?” he said, trying not to launch into the CW Frog dance, complete with top hat and everything. Aaron had sat quietly during breakfast, touching his knee, drinking coffee, and talking in low tones while Larx mostly nodded. He was out of words. Maybe tomorrow he would tell everybody that they were getting married, have a plan, set a date. Right now he was content just to know it would happen—that Aaron wanted it to happen, just as much as he did.

“Well, they should be done by four, and I think everybody’s going out for pizza afterward.” She gave him a coy little bat of the lashes, and he laughed.

“Would you like to raid my wallet so you three may, too, have pizza afterward?”

“Oh, Daddy, you’re the best!” She said it with such unctuousness that he had to laugh.

“Just remember that I’m the best sometimes when I say no,” he told her, and was rewarded by her arms over his shoulders and a kiss on his cheek.

“Have a good quiet day,” she said, voice completely at odds with the impish little opportunist she’d presented herself as. “We’ll text you before we come home—let us know if you want us to bring dinner, okay?”

Larx nodded, swallowing hard. His emotions were still perilously near the surface, and he thought again what a miracle his children were—Christiana in particular at the moment, but all his children, as a whole.

“Maybe offer to take Jaime when you drop off Livvy,” he said, because the boy had a habit of showing up during quiet times so he could play with the dog. Two miles was a damned long walk to play with a dog.

“Way ahead of you,” she chirped. “We already texted him, and he’s up and ready.”

Oh, God love them all.

“Thanks, honey. Just….” He couldn’t even look at her. God, even if Aaron hadn’t been there, his whole body hurt with the need for peace. “Thanks.”

She kissed his cheek again, and the whole lot of them made a loud and noisy exit. Larx put the last plate in the drying rack and was unsurprised when Aaron stepped behind him, wrapping his arms around Larx’s waist and kissing the back of his neck.

“Are we really all alone?” he said softly.

“We really are.”

“I can’t promise acrobatics and fireworks.” Yeah, he said that, but he was nibbling on Larx’s ear and tugging slightly, and Larx’s groin was one big aching mass.

“I’ll take you naked,” Larx promised fervently. “Naked and an orgasm… I’m not picky.”

Aaron laughed outright. “You’re a cheap date. Which is good, ’cause we’re both public servants and make diddly over squat.”

Larx dried his hands on a dish towel and, blasphemy! Left it on the counter. Then he turned and kissed Aaron soundly.

And then pulled back and wrinkled his nose. “I… I’ve got sweaty parts,” he apologized. “Pits and stuff. And…. God, I haven’t even brushed my teeth!” In horror he put his hand up over his mouth as though he could suddenly take back all the necking they’d been doing over the last half hour.

“Ditto,” Aaron agreed. Then he smiled, whimsical and playful. “Shall we take a half-hour break for hygiene and morning things and then, you know. Meet back in your bed, naked, like a date?”

“Sure.” Then his eyes opened in horror. “Who gets the kids’ bathroom—”

“One, two, three—”

“Not it!” they both cried, fingers to noses. Larx sighed. Dammit.

“You win,” he said. “I’ll go get my hazmat suit.”

Aaron cackled. “Well, since Kirby is my son, and he learned his habits from me, I’ll cut you a break. Half an hour?”

God, he was wonderful. “Your sports magazine is in the living room,” Larx told him, grinning.

“And your science magazine is on the dresser,” Aaron informed him. “One, two, three—”

“Break!”

 

 

USING THE bathroom in peace was a luxury, and so was a shower without a time limit. Larx was about five minutes later than the promised half an hour, and Aaron hadn’t quite gotten there yet himself. Larx—clean, dry, naked—slid between the sheets of their bed and shivered with the sheer sensuality of it.

Then his carnal horndog took over, and he went rooting through his end table for a few select items they might want. Aaron wasn’t ready to be penetrated yet, and he wasn’t ready to pound Larx into the mattress either—but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have fun in other ways, with other things. Hell, most of their sex happened with the lights off, trying to be as quiet as church mice so the other mice in their church wouldn’t know what was going on—just opening the drawer was a big naughty spot.

They’d already learned that being able to have sex as loudly as possible was one of the most erotic things they’d experienced in their lives.

He’d just set out his pitifully small assortment of toys when Aaron slunk in through the door with a towel around his waist. He looked over his shoulder sheepishly before turning the lock, and Larx covered his eyes with his hands.

“We’re alone,” he said, smirking.

“I am aware,” Aaron said with dignity, draping the towel on the dresser. “I just… you know. The dog was giving me the eye, and I didn’t want to explain.”

“The dog?” Holding his face straight was incredibly difficult.

“We, you know. We cut off his balls, Larx. We cut off the dog’s balls, and here we are. About to have sex. And he knows it. It feels like we’re taunting him.”

Larx lost it, rolling to his side and howling into the pillow. “Taunting him?”

“It’s not funny!”

“Oh, it had better be funny! Taunting him?”

“He might have wanted balls! I mean, I know it was policy, and I even know why—”

“Aaron, sweetheart, your dog would have committed suicide by mountain lion. You know that. I love that dog, but God knows he’s not bright, and he’s a little lazy. He would have gone out into the wilderness to get him some tail, tried to fuck a mountain lion, and died. Animal control would have had to tell you, ‘We’re sorry, Mr. George, but your dog was trying to fuck a mountain lion and he died. We’ve had his wiener bronzed—would you like it for a keychain?’”

Aaron was openly laughing now. “A keychain?”

“Yes. Their wieners are little and ugly—a keychain at the most.”

“His balls could have been fuzzy dice on the car, at least,” Aaron said, and now he was the one holding a straight face.

“There goes Deputy George. He’s got his dog’s balls on his rearview mirror—don’t mess with him. You know what we call him?” Larx was almost laughing too hard to finish.

“Don’t. Please.” Now Aaron had his hand over his eyes even as he was sliding into bed.

“We call him the—”

“If you say ‘Castrator,’ I’m leaving you.”

“Fixer,” Larx said, his smirk so broad it hurt his cheeks. “We’ll call you the Fixer.”

Their giggles quieted, but their eyes still twinkled as they looked at each other, the dance of light through their curtains almost as seductive as music.

“I can’t fix everything,” Aaron said breathlessly, and Larx slid his fingers through Aaron’s still thick, blond hair.

“You fix my heart just being here.” Larx closed his eyes as they kissed, losing himself in Aaron’s touch and smell, in his presence, his body touching Larx’s, their skin bare against the other.

“Mm….” He tilted his head back as Aaron nibbled down his neck, rubbing gentle teeth against Larx’s collarbone.

“You brought out goodies,” Aaron murmured. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

Larx looked at the largish plug he’d selected and closed his eyes again, suddenly embarrassed. “It’s been a long time,” he said, because “God, I need to be fucked!” was a little bawdy for all the sweetness in their bed at the moment.

Aaron just chuckled. “You are not fooling me for a second,” he said. “You’re a man with needs!”

“Yes!” Larx covered his eyes. “I have needs. And most days, you satisfy those needs just fine—”

Aaron sucked Larx’s aching nipple into his mouth, and Larx gasped.

“But today…,” he prompted.

Larx had spread his knees already under the covers, and the air was kissing along his naked flesh, tantalizing the tender bits that didn’t usually get set free.

“Today I’m in need,” he admitted.

Aaron chuckled and scooted down the bed, tapping Larx’s leg so he’d lift it and give Aaron access to the treasures between his spread legs.

“Today I can answer your needs,” Aaron told him and then disappeared behind the V of Larx’s splayed body.

Larx felt Aaron’s tongue licking up and between his testicles, slowly, methodically, digging into the base of Larx’s cock, flattening, getting the underside with a full-court press. Larx let out a groan that probably rattled the windows, and he didn’t care.

Ah, God, he really did need.

Aaron engulfed him, a carnal cave of heat, and Larx tried not to thrash on the bed, his body craved so badly. Aaron tightened his mouth, his tongue, his palate, and pulled up slowly, until Larx’s whimper echoed in his own ears.

“Hand me one,” Aaron whispered, and augh! Larx fumbled, for the plug, for the lube, picking in the end something longer, thinner, that could slide in and out and… and fuck him. He yearned for possession, and Aaron seemed to know that as he took the toy from Larx’s hand and the tube of lubricant with it.

The coolness of the lube dribbled between Larx’s asscheeks, and he let out a gasp of relief. Oh… oh yes. He wanted. So badly. Aaron’s finger wasn’t nearly big enough, but two fingers made a beautiful ache.

“So tight,” Aaron murmured, his breath fanning Larx’s sensitized cockhead. “Like it’s trying to trap me.”

“I’d rip your dick off,” Larx threatened crudely. “God, Aaron, that’s… perfect. That’s wonderful. More. Just fucking more.”

Ahhh…. Larx made his entire body go limp, because the thrust of the cool silicone toy was not nearly as organic as Aaron’s body inside him.

But the fullness, the stretch, oh, that was needed, and then Aaron sucked on him again, and fucked him with the toy, slowly, both ends, rhythmically, slowly, slowly….

“Faster harder Jesus, Aaron, fuck me!”

For a moment embarrassment threatened to return, but Aaron pulled back and thrust harder, harder, the base of the thing stretching and popping from Larx’s sphincter, and Aaron’s mouth a treacherous heaven, hard and soft, brutal and sweet, again, again, again, again, overwhelming him, overriding the stress, the confusion, the anger, the ache of loneliness that had overtaken Larx’s heart too many times in the past weeks.

His climax bore down on him like a freight train, and he knotted his fingers in Aaron’s hair and gibbered, begging him to please, please, just… oh yes… just keep doing… oh God… yes… just… fucking that.

He allowed himself to cry out, his voice echoing in the space of their room, Aaron’s mouth working him, milking him, as he poured all his frustration and worry from the past few weeks right down Aaron’s throat.

Aaron took it all and pushed up to hold Larx as the trembling overtook his body.

“How you doing?” Aaron whispered after a moment.

“Nungh….”

Aaron laughed and kissed his temple.

“Did you forget something?” Larx asked, deliciously uncomfortable as he worked the plug in his ass.

“Nope. Thought you’d want the reminder while you were… uh, returning the favor.”

Larx grinned lazily and pulled Aaron down for a kiss, tasting himself on Aaron’s tongue. “My pleasure,” he promised and then rolled to his side so he could kiss his way down Aaron’s body, stopping at all the vital points. His collarbone, his nipples—oh yes, his nipples—and then down, with careful kisses on his scars and careful nibbles on his hip bones.

The whole time he was vibrating, aroused again by the pressure against his prostate, by the plug still in his ass.

By the time he was eye to eye, so to speak, with Aaron’s generously sized body, he almost couldn’t concentrate on his job.

“Larx,” Aaron hissed. “Swing around so I can play.”

Larx did, swinging his bottom so his hips were up near Aaron’s head, almost weeping with relief.

Aaron’s cock in his mouth was a sensual experience in itself, fat and long, precome salty on Larx’s tongue, the head pushing against the back of his throat. Larx fell into his work while Aaron… fiddled. Played with the handle, pulled the thing out, slid it in, harder. Harder. Harder. And Larx kept sucking, harder, and longer, and faster, and—

He buried his face against Aaron’s thigh. “I’m gonna come again,” he panted, shaking.

“I’m gonna come once!” Aaron panted with a particularly hard thrust. “Let’s see who gets there first!”

Larx laughed helplessly, then took Aaron into his mouth again, using his free hand to stroke delicately, his thighs, his balls, his taint….

“Oh!” Aaron cried out as Larx penetrated him gently, just a fingertip today, still working his mouth over Aaron’s cock.

Aaron’s spurt of come, silky, sweet, and salty, into the back of his throat was as erotic as the plug being thrust into his backside, more so, because it meant Larx had pleased the man pleasing him. When he buried his face into Aaron’s thigh and screamed and spurted, it was with the freedom of orgasm, the ultimate joy of give and take, the amazing flight of holding his lover’s cock in his mouth while his lover pleased him too.

This time Aaron pulled the plug all the way out and put it on the towel on the dresser to clean later, and Larx flopped around on the bed, coming to a rest with his head on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron wiped his thumb along the side of Larx’s mouth, taking one last trickle of come, and then sucked it off, and the two of them regarded each other soberly, with the air of men who had accomplished a great thing.

“That was….” Aaron panted.

“So necessary.”

“Like breathing.”

“We need to do that way, way more.”

They laughed then, relaxed, sweaty, and Aaron rolled over and took Larx into the safety of his arms.

“We’ll get married,” Aaron said, voice rough.

“Yes.”

“Because this is forever.”

“I promise.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“Swear.”

“And no more secrets.”

Larx sighed. “I’ll try. Sometimes, what’s in my heart—”

“Complicated.” Aaron sighed over his head. “I know. But trust me, okay?”

“Deal.” Larx curled against him, ready for his man-nap before round two, and suddenly he let out a wholly inappropriate giggle.

“What?” Aaron asked, his own voice drowsy as well.

“Wait until I tell Yoshi.”

Aaron’s deep chuckle rumbled against his cheek and lulled him to sleep.