Age 4
I was outside laying on my favorite blanket coloring when I saw a small U-Haul drive up to the trailer next door. A woman and a boy a little older than me got out and went up the dirt drive to the blue trailer. The boy trailed after her, his shoulders slumped and as I sat up, his head turned and he looked right over to me.
He looked super tall even with his shoulders hanging low. His hair was the color of burnt coffee. I couldn’t tell the color of his eyes, but they looked sad. I lifted my hand to wave hello, but he just turned away and walked inside.
I don’t know why he didn’t wave back and felt tears bubbling up in my eyes. He didn’t have to be mean.
Then I heard the screen door bang against our own little white trailer making me flinch and jerk around. My father, drunk with a long neck bottle in his hand stepped onto the wooden stairway.
“EVONY! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!”
Dad’s voice was super scary when he screamed. I knew if I didn’t quickly obey I’d get a belt to my behind, or worse, a switch so I hurried and gathered up my stuff. I scurried up the small drive when the new boy from next door came outside and looked right over as my father yelled again.
“HURRY THE FUCK UP, BRAT. I AIN’T GOT ALL DAMN DAY.”
I saw the boy’s fists ball up tight and I shook my head quickly with wide eyes when he started walking this way. He must have seen the plea in my gaze because he stopped, his brows crinkled with confusion but by then my dad had grabbed my upper arm and yanked me inside.
I knew better than to cry in front of him. I could smell the awful smell once again on his breath from the bottle he drank from. Mama was at work until late tonight. I didn’t know what she did for work but it must be something great because my dad was home all the time. Sometimes he worked and sometimes he left me here alone. Not for very long, but I normally stayed in my bedroom and colored or read the little books mom got for me sometimes about a ballerina.
The little trailer park we lived in had lots of houses and the blue trailer that was next to us had been empty for a long time.
“Evony, stupid girl, clean up this mess.”
I looked around the front room where he had thrown the pizza box we had for dinner on the floor, and several bottles that said ‘Bud Light’ lying around.
“What the hell you waitin’ on, worthless?”
I went to go pick up the box when he reached out and pushed me. The push wasn’t hard but it made me fall anyway and my arm hit the edge of the table hard enough my eyes welled up with tears.
“Stop your crying. I barely shoved you, brat. Do you wanna get the belt? Or better yet, a switch to your ass?”
I took a deep breath and shook my head. I knew if I started crying, it would be worse and he’d go out back where the trees were thin and frail and grab a switch. Those hurt worse than his leather belt. Sometimes he made me walk back there and get my own and the one time I brought back a small one, he laughed and went to get one himself. It was long, full of little broken branches. I couldn’t sit for days.
I never knew what I did to make him so angry. I did what he asked and I waited by the hallway entrance, waiting for him to either ask something else of me or for him to tell me I could go to my room.
I really wanted to go outside and watch the new people move in, but I knew if I asked, I’d get in trouble. Usually once he told me to come inside, I stayed inside.
“Bring me another bottle.”
No please. No thank you. While mama was gone, he just turned mean. When mama was here, his meanness turned on her. I was ignored. Which I was grateful yet scared he’d hurt mama.
I went back to the kitchen, opened the fridge where a whole bunch of his bottles were and my Capri Suns were right next to them. I was getting thirsty, too. I better ask before I take one. If I tried to sneak one he’d whip me.
I brought him his drink and he cracked it open at the edge of the worn wooden coffee table. My heart pounded inside my chest.
“What the hell do you want, brat?”
He rarely said my name. I was always brat, useless, worthless or stupid.
“May I have a Capri Sun? I’m thirsty.”
“You’re thirsty? You drank two not an hour ago for dinner! Why we bother buying that shit is beyond me when you drink it like its water.”
“You drink that like its water.”
Oh, no. Wrong thing to say.
Daddy’s face got cherry red, his eyes narrowed as he stood up. He was really tall and I started backing away, hoping he didn’t hit me.
“You thirsty? You’re really thirsty?”
His voice was straining. Almost ready to explode, but I nodded. The fading sun outside had made me thirsty.
His hand shot out, gripping my chin hard. He squeezed my cheeks, making them open my mouth and he tipped his bottle over my mouth. Pouring the ice cold liquid into my mouth.
I spit it up, choking on the nasty taste.
He took the bottle away, laughing. “Not so thirsty anymore, now are you?”
I couldn’t answer from coughing so badly. I backed up, tears once again in my eyes and I turned to go to my bedroom. I closed the door and flicked on the lights. It was just turning dark and I looked at the timer near my bed. It read after eight. I couldn’t count above fifteen yet. I wiped my face as good as I could and changed into my yellow Belle nightgown.
My mama had said something about me going to pre-k a long time ago but my father said he didn’t go to pre-k so I didn’t need to.
I wonder what it was like to be near other kids. Were they like me? I didn’t have any friends except my stuffed cat named Cici I’ve had since before I could remember. I slept with her every night. I turned on my night light and walked back to the light switch to turn it off. Daddy start yelling if I kept it on for too long. The night light was dim enough that he didn’t notice.
I sat over by the window, leaning my head against it and looked out at the stars that began twinkling in the evening sky.
That’s when the tears I didn’t let go came freely. I didn’t dare make a sound, but I wished I could. I hated living here. I barely saw mama. She had two jobs. She worked until real late at night and then she worked in the mornings and when she came home she just makes me breakfast before falling asleep.
My head turned and I looked over towards the blue trailer. The lights were on, the door was open and I saw them both walk out to grab more stuff. I wondered how that boy’s mama was. Was she nice? Did she have a job that left her boy at home and alone? Where was his dad?
His mama carried a box while the boy carried two. He looked over towards our trailer and looked over the windows. When his eyes stopped on my window, I prayed he didn’t see me through it. I tried making myself invisible, but at the last minute, he set the boxes down and motioned for me to come over.
In a way, I wished with all my heart I could just go over there and see if they lived differently than we did. I bet his mama never yelled at him like daddy did to me.
I shook my head no and left the moonlight to go lay in my bed. Before I fell asleep, I prayed to God asking Him to save me.