Chapter Six

Grace

The following morning I woke, picked up Ella, and held her to my chest, shivering as I thought about Cullen.

I knew this would happen. I knew if I went to his house, I’d fall under his spell again. He was just too damn irresistible. Once he put his hands on me, I was powerless to stop myself from submitting to him.

Which was the reason why I put off contacting him until things became really dire and he ended up as my last resort. Really, if there’d been any other option, I would’ve taken it, if only to preserve my sanity.

Being in the same house with him, my sexy, infuriatingly hot ex with the hard body and penetrating eyes was a total recipe for disaster.

I couldn’t sleep that night, after he’d put his hands on me and made me come, as easily as I breathed. He always had that magic touch where I was concerned—all he had to do was call my name and I was his puppy; touch me and my body whirred to life.

As I cuddled Ella in bed, staring up at the ceiling, it was like I could almost feel those spider webs being wound around my body, pulling me to him. I’d escaped before, barely. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to detach myself a second time.

I also felt something else, with even greater urgency: Incredibly horny.

Truth was, I’d had a few flings after Cullen, but they were nothing to write home about. Being pregnant wasn’t the greatest way to find new guys, believe it or not. And having Ella, breastfeeding, and having my big fat post-baby body, had pretty much gobbled up all of my sex drive. So, when he’d asked me that question? About the last time I’d come?

It had been with him. Two years ago.

And last night? He’d awakened something inside me. Something feral, desperate.

Something that made me really afraid for myself, living in a house, alone, with him. I knew it was only a matter of time before I surrendered entirely.

I had to . . . I didn’t know. Clear my head? Invest what little money I had in a vibrator? Anything to keep Cullen out of my head, and my pants.

It was early in the morning, so I felt safe going downstairs. I gave Ella some Cheerios and a banana from the huge delivery of food I’d ordered, and we sat down together in his cinema room to watch Dora the Explorer on the giant screen. For a minute, as Dora and Boots tromped all over God’s creation, I thought, maybe this could work. This house is huge. I’ll just plan my days to make sure I’m never around when he is.

And then I realized, as I deposited Ella the Explorer back in her seat for the hundredth time, that with a curious toddler in the house, staying confined to one area wasn’t exactly easy.

Not to mention that part of me, a big part of me, really wanted Ella to know her father.

But not if he was going to be a dickwad, bringing women home and treating them like garbage. My dad had walked out on me when I was twelve. Been there, done that. Wouldn’t want to subject my daughter to that kind of torture for anything in the world. It’d be better not to know her father than to feel that rejection.

After breakfast, I went over to the next-door neighbors and knocked on the door. Barry answered.

“Good morning!” I said when she answered with a bright smile. “I was wondering if you had a stroller I might borrow for a jaunt around the neighborhood?”

“Of course, of course!” she said, opening the door wide in a big welcome for Ella and me. “Wait here.” She came back with a top-of-the-line jogger.

“Oh, thank you,” I said, settling Ella inside. “I’ll bring it right back.”

She shook her head. “Keep it. Mariel bought it for me at a garage sale, to use with her daughter, but I never jog. We prefer the other stroller.”

“Really? Amazing!” I reached over and gave her a hug. “You have no idea what this means to me. If there’s anything I can do.”

“Well,” she said, walking us to the front of the house. “It’s probably presumptuous for me to say, but . . . does your boyfriend have to ramp up his motorcycle late at night?”

“Oh.” I knew this was coming. “He’s not my boyfriend. But I could ask him to keep it down if he’s coming in late.”

“I’m sure it must’ve woken your baby, didn’t it?”

Come to think of it, that made sense. Ella usually slept through the night, but something must’ve woken her. I’d been so deeply asleep I hadn’t heard it, but that had to have been the reason she was up, and the reason we’d been downstairs when he’d stumbled in, drunk, with that woman. “I’ll talk to him about it,” I said.

And that’ll go over like a lead balloon.

Ella waved at Barry. “Buh bye,” she said sweetly, and Barry waved back. “Have fun, you two.”

We went for a long walk, all up and down the hills of the development. I walked down to the edge of the development and found a Circle K not very far away. I also found a little park overlooking the ocean with a bench, and we sat there, just taking in the sun and sea air. It felt good, to be in a real, stable situation, for the first time ever.

Even though I knew the stability was short-lived, it still felt nice.

Then I went back to the house. I parked the stroller on the deck and went inside. King Cullen was up by then. I heard him in the cinema room, watching another R-rated epic.

I did my best to avoid him, but Ella was babbling, and he must have heard it. “Hey,” he barked out as soon as I closed the door. “You disable the security system and leave here without locking the door again and I’ll lock your ass out.”

My jaw dropped. He did not just say that.

“Up, Mommy. Up!” Ella lifted her arms. I lifted her up with a huff and stormed into the room, just as an actor onscreen unleashed a barrage of curses.

I covered Ella’s ears. “What did you just say to me?” I demanded.

Chewing on a toothpick, he didn’t look up at me. “You heard me.”

He was wearing just jeans again, his body draped out over the seat, his chest muscles and six-pack rippling in a way that was impossible to ignore. He wore a bandana wrapped around his head, which happened to be my favorite Cullen look. I willed my heart to be strong.

“No, I don’t think I did,” I snapped, putting my hand on my hip. “Because if you think you’re going to lock me and Ella out of the house, you’re mistaken.”

He pressed his head against the backrest of the seat and looked up at the ceiling. “I think I’ll do as I damn well please, baby, since this is my fucking house.” He growled the last part, and I felt Ella tense in my arms.

“You’re an asshole,” I hissed at him.

For the first time, he looked at Ella. He feigned shock. “Mommy’s got a potty mouth. She’s got to be more careful around you, precious.”

Ella looked at him, lovestruck, and squealed in glee. Did she know her daddy? I hated how she was already wrapped around his finger, with just one sentence. He’d done the same damn thing to me. My fists clenched.

He flipped off the television, crossed his thick arms, and looked at me. “Sweetheart? Let’s play a little guessing game. You know why the carpet in the living room is all ripped up? You know why there’s fresh drywall on the walls? You know why I spent forty-thousand dollars on new windows?”

I stared at him. “What do you mean?”

He slid out of his seat and came up close to me, touching my cheek so that I flinched. “I’ll let you come up with the answer. I promise you, it ain’t gonna be one you like.”

He moved past me, and I whirled to him. “Wait. Tell me.”

He turned, leaned an elbow on the door jamb, near his ear, and shook his head in an infuriatingly slow way. “You probably ain’t gonna want to take walks in this neighborhood anymore either, as long as you’re living in this house. I don’t got a lot of friends.”

My blood went cold.

I thought back to some of the things he’d said to me about the Cobras. He wasn’t able to talk much about the club, but once, a couple dudes had been shot, and he’d come home covered in his brothers’ blood. Once, he’d nearly been arrested. And that was only in the few months we were dating. I told him if he was ever hoping to have a legit future with me, he’d need to get out.

He’d laughed at me at the time. But I thought, okay, as he got older, the Cobra stuff would get old. He’d grow out of it. I didn’t realize it was a lifetime commitment.

That meant that all those things he was so deep into, back when he was gunning for president of the Cobras . . . he was still into them. Maybe even deeper, now.

“You’re president of the Cobras,” I said. It wasn’t a question.

He raised his eyebrows, like, what did you expect?

I guess what I’d hoped and what I expected were two different things. He was, what? Thirty, now? I’d hoped that by his third decade the gangster lifestyle would’ve lost whatever allure it held over him. But what had I expected?

I’d expected him to stay a Cobra as long as he lived. To die a Cobra, which would probably happen sooner than later, at the rate he was going.

I’d seen the way his eyes gleamed when he talked about the club. It was in his blood. Hell, he’d dropped me cold so many times because of club business. I’d never mean more to him than them. Never.

And neither would his daughter.

By the time this full realization had settled over me, he’d gone back into the kitchen. I trailed in after him, in a daze, and watched as he hunched in front of the fridge, and opened the gallon of milk, Ella’s milk, and tossed it back. I watched him as he took long swallows, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“People shot at the house?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

He looked over at me, a superior smile on his face, and said, “Shot? It was a regular wild west shootout, girl.”

My stomach clenched. I looked at Ella. “Who?” I whispered.

He closed the refrigerator door and leaned against it. “You know.”

The tightness in my belly got worse. It was like everything from two years ago—his entire life—had been preserved and was an exact replica of the life he’d had before I left. The life I couldn’t stand. Oh, the house might have been different, but everything else? The same.

“The Fury,” I mumbled.

He nodded.

“Did anyone get hurt?”

He nodded again. “I always kept the alarm disabled for my guys. They came over the wall. I’m in the process of upgrading the system but they know where I live and they’ll come again.”

I swallowed.

“I told you, sweetheart. You don’t want to have your name associated with me, if you can help it. I know what you’re looking for. And you won’t be happy here.”

I sucked in a deep breath, then let it out. “Will you loan me some money? To stay in a hotel?”

Until when? What would happen then? Short of me winning the lottery or a fairy godmother appearing, nothing would save me.

He nodded, whipped out his big fat wallet and counted out ten one hundred dollar bills. “And take my number. Call me if you need more.”

He scribbled his number down on a piece of paper and handed it to me, then told me he’d order me an Uber.

I folded the paper, put it in the back pocket of my jean shorts, and went upstairs to pack up our stuff to take Ella to someplace safe. As I climbed the stairs, I told myself this would be good. I didn’t need to get myself or Ella entrenched in Cullen’s chaotic life. Still, I couldn’t shake the sadness that settled over me.

So much for finding a little bit of normalcy for Ella.

So much for the fairy tale.

When I packed everything up, changed Ella, and started to lift her into my arms, I looked around the room, wishing to God I didn’t have to leave.

Then I sank down onto the corner of the mattress, buried my head in my hands, and had a good, long cry.