Chapter Twenty
Olivia
I headed upstairs to Mom’s office, a spring in my step as I went. I was in such a good mood right now that it was as if nothing bad even happened yesterday. I’d almost entirely forgotten how terrified I was when the yacht began to ‘sink’, because Dec had kissed me.
He kissed me!
And it was good. So, so good…
When we got back to the resort and dried off afterwards, we hadn’t been able to see each other again for several hours because the producers wanted all the women to go to some bullshit filmed ‘counselling’ session to talk about the trauma of the yacht emergency, but the sheer memory of Dec’s lips on mine kept me going. I couldn’t even be mad at the shamelessness of the showrunners anymore, because their particular brand of shamelessness got me that perfect kiss.
By the time filming and dinner was done for the day, I was exhausted and climbed right into bed to fall asleep, and so I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Dec since the kiss. He wasn’t there when I woke up this morning, either, but I wasn’t worried. There was no way I misread the look in his eyes yesterday when we broke apart, lips still tingling. Just no way.
I paused outside Mom’s office door as I heard two distinct voices floating out. Three, if you counted the parrot. Dec was in there with my mother. Frowning, I listened in, even though I knew it was rude to eavesdrop on private conversations. Mom sounded a little mad, and I wanted to know why.
“She’s fine. I called you in here to talk about that little kiss on the beach. Viewers voted you two as having the best chemistry this week in the polls last night. But Dec…it wasn’t real, was it?” Mom was saying.
“What do you mean?” Dec asked.
“That kiss. I know my guys told you two to do it, but Christ, it looked real.” I couldn’t hear the rest of the things she said, but I knew what it entailed. I’d gleaned that much already. She was asking Dec if there was anything going on between the two of us.
My breath hitched as I leaned closer, desperate to hear Dec’s response. Surely he would come clean and admit things to Mom. She’d have to understand. Yes, I was young, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel real emotion. It didn’t mean I wasn’t entirely sure of my feelings toward Dec. And as for their sham marriage…well, couldn’t she find another trophy husband? He didn’t need her money; not if I was around. I was allowed to access my trust fund as soon as I turned twenty-one, and until then I still had some of the other money my grandparents had given me. I’d only dipped into it to help with my move to New York, so there was still plenty left. I could easily help him and his family out if he broke the contract with Mom.
His next words made my heart sink.
“Of course it wasn’t real. The junior producer guy told us to do it for the ratings, and I know how important your show is to you. So I did what they said. That’s all.”
“So all the stuff between you and Liv…it’s all for the show? You have no feelings for each other?” Mom asked.
I sank to the floor, whispering to myself, willing Dec to hear me. “Please, don’t say it…don’t say it.”
But it didn’t matter. He’d obviously made up his mind about me long ago.
“No. Like you said, she’s half my age,” Dec said. “We have no feelings for each other at all. It’s all for the show. I’m just trying to help you out, Ellen. You needed us to fill out the contestants, but you also needed good ratings. We’re giving you those ratings, aren’t we?”
Tears sprang to my eyes. This whole time…he was just acting for the show? His supposed feelings were all fake, put on for the cameras? I couldn’t believe it. He was so convincing. His words, the way he touched me at dinner the other night, the way he looked at me yesterday. It seemed all too real. But at the same time, I had to believe it was true. I literally heard him say the words. He clearly said he had no feelings for me.
I guess I was wrong. So very wrong. That kiss yesterday meant nothing. I was obviously just a stupid, naïve little girl for ever believing a gorgeous older man would want a young, immature idiot like me.
Suddenly I wanted out of here. Wanted off this paradise island as soon as possible. I ducked behind a door and waited for Dec to finish talking to Mom and leave, and as soon as his footsteps faded away, I burst into her office.
“Mom, we need to talk.”
“Morning, sweetie. What’s up?” she asked, sliding on a pair of reading glasses as she sat down behind her desk. She absentmindedly clicked her computer mouse, staring at her computer monitor.
“Can you please listen to me properly?” I asked, annoyed at how little attention she was paying me.
She frowned and looked at me. “Sorry. Sit down.”
I remained standing. This wouldn’t take long. “I’m quitting the show,” I said. “I want to leave.”
She widened her eyes. “What?”
“I can’t do it anymore. Yesterday’s yacht thing was too much. It was terrifying, Mom. I’ve never been so frightened. And you said I only had to stay a couple of episodes. But it’s been four and a half weeks.”
Of course the real reason was because of Dec not returning my feelings. I couldn’t spend another minute in his company, faking it all for the cameras. Well, watching him fake it, anyway.
Mom was silent for a moment. Then she sighed and took her glasses off again. “You can’t leave, Olivia.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because the viewers have already decided who’s leaving this week, and it’s not you and Dec. You two are helping to bring us some amazing ratings, so I want you to stick around a while longer. I know I promised it wouldn’t be for long, and I’m sorry that it’s been five episodes already. But you really are helping, Liv. I need you to stick around for a few more.”
“No,” I said firmly. “I’m done. I’m going home.”
“I hate to remind you of this, darling, but you did sign a contract to be on the show. You had to, or else the network would’ve known something was strange about your presence here. And the only way you can get out of it is if there’s an emergency, or if you get voted out.”
“There was an emergency! I just said it—the yacht incident!”
She waved her hand. “Oh, grow up, Livvy. That was no emergency. It was a set-up, and you know it. You were never in any danger.”
“If you don’t let me out of the contract, I’ll call the network heads. I’ll tell them you didn’t have the numbers so you cheated by putting me and Dec on the show.”
Mom narrowed her eyes and stood up. “You’d do that, would you? Ruin your own mother’s show out of selfishness?”
“I…” I paused. She was right, and she’d called my bluff. I wouldn’t really make that call. If I did, the network heads would probably fire Mom and cancel her show, and as much as I wanted out of here, I couldn’t have that weighing on my conscience.
I decided to go for the sad begging tactic instead. “Mom, please. I really don’t want to be here anymore.”
“You promised to help me, Olivia.”
“I know I did, but I…” My voice trailed off. I didn’t know what else to say.
She glanced down at a framed photo which sat on her desk. I couldn’t see it from where I was standing, but I knew it was an old family photo. I saw it the first time I was in her office. “You know, sometimes I wish it was…” Her sentence trailed off as well, and she sat down with a heavy sigh, still staring at the photo.
“Wish it was what?”
“Never mind,” she muttered.
“Wish that it was me who died instead of Callum? He was so much easier for you to handle, wasn’t he?”
“For the love of god! Enough with the theatrics, Olivia. I didn’t say that.”
“But you think it sometimes, don’t you? You always said he was a good boy. He wasn’t the ‘wild child’ like me who ran off to New York at seventeen to make his own way.”
“He never made it to seventeen.”
“I know! That’s not my point. My point is you wish it was him standing here right now, don’t you?” I said. “When you looked at that photo just then…that’s what you were thinking. I could see it in your expression. Because he would never say no to you or argue with you. You wish he was here instead.”
Mom set her lips in a thin line. “Those are your words, sweetie. Not mine.”
I’d never said these things out loud before, because I didn’t want to tarnish my memories of my brother. But I knew I was right, and it wasn’t even about my relationship with him while he was alive; we’d gotten along wonderfully. It was about his relationship with her—she always liked him better. Favored him.
There was a good reason my mother and I had barely spoken during the two years since I moved out of home. We were better off apart most of the time. When I was still at home, we used to have a lot of blow-up arguments like this, and we were just too different in personality to truly get along. Too headstrong to let things go, too. It didn’t make a good mother-daughter combination. Maybe I shouldn’t have said these things; maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut about everything today. But she was in the wrong, too. She shouldn’t be forcing me to stay on this stupid damn show.
“Fine,” I finally said. “I’ll stay. But I don’t want to. You’re making me. Just remember that next time you think about nominating yourself for Mother of the Year.”
She rolled her eyes at me, and I turned and stormed out of her office. I hated the sight of this damn luxury resort now. The gorgeous wallpapers lining the halls suddenly looked tacky, and the wonderful ocean views from the windows were suddenly boring and ugly. What once felt like a dream had become a nightmare. I wanted to blame Mom, but I knew that the blame truly lay elsewhere.
This was all because of Dec.