Chapter One

The Badlands of South Dakota were unlike anywhere else in the world, especially during the winter. Some people hated the South Dakota winters. But to Hawk McKinnon, it was a time for Sunday dinners with the family and snuggling by a warm fire with the woman who had the whole of his heart, Regis Simpson.

Reggie, as she liked to be referred to, had been increasingly absent for more Sunday dinners in the two years since they’d been together than Hawk could count. Today she was home and he was going to make sure she stayed there long enough for him to finally talk about the one thing she’d been avoiding since she’d moved into his house. The two of them finally getting married!

He’d thought briefly about stopping by the diner across the street, the home away from home that his mother had owned and operated for nearly all of his thirty-seven years. But he decided against it. She was probably ready to leave for the day and would only stay longer to feed him like she used to do before Regis had come into his life. Now he and Regis made dinner together. Well, on the nights she was home.

As he walked in the snow through the clinic parking lot, he thought about getting into his truck and driving it back to the house. Why bother? The air was crisp. It was a good night even if it had already started to snow again.

Last night’s snowfall had piled on to the snow they’d had earlier in the week. The plows were already out throwing salt and sand on the roads to keep them drivable. Good. Hawk didn’t need any accidents or emergency to call him away tonight and keep him from what he’d planned.

The light inside the house was on, he discovered as he rounded the trees and his house came into view. Regis’s car was parked out front, which made him smile. It was infinitely better to come home to Regis than to an empty house.

A cleared spot where his truck had been parked this morning was starting to get covered over with snow. Anticipation made his insides hum and had his gait picking up a notch as he walked. He shoved his hand in his pocket and smiled. It was going to be a great night.

* * *

This was the absolute last thing she'd expected. Well, maybe not the last thing. Reggie Simpson leaned against the bathroom vanity and stared down at the pregnancy test she’d just taken. The results were clear. She knew how to read them even if it was the first time she’d ever taken a pregnancy test.

She was a grown-up girl and had always prided herself on being responsible. She knew how babies were made. So did Keith, Hawk as his friends and family liked to call him. She loved Keith McKinnon with every fiber of her being. And she was well-loved by an honorable man. Keith never crowded her, and he didn’t push her to do things his way. He respected her independence. She was a lucky woman in so many respects.

But today her luck had run out.

No, not luck. Timing.

Reggie wasn’t ready for this. A baby? How could she fit a baby into her busy schedule? They weren’t ready for this. She and Keith weren’t even married.

Reggie searched her mind for what might have happened. She’d thought she’d taken her pill every day like clockwork, but maybe she'd missed a day.

She’d had a case of the flu the last time she'd gone on a business trip and spent most of the trip curled up in bed in her hotel room, and ordering room service. She’d only left the room to get medication, and to meet with Joel Bennington, an administrator working on Veterans Affairs in Washington, DC. Perhaps the medication or the flu had thrown off her cycle enough to make her birth-control pills ineffective.

That had to be it. She was good about taking her pill every day. She’d have noticed if she’d accidentally skipped a day. She hadn’t. She’d been careful.

But obviously not careful enough.

Reggie sighed as she stared at the pregnancy test again, as if the results she’d just seen would magically disappear, and she could just walk out of the bathroom as if nothing had changed. Her life with Keith would be the same as it was before she’d walked into the bathroom. But the line on the pregnancy test remained blue as if it were mocking her.

It was unmistakable. Reggie was pregnant. It was the worst possible news she could hear right now.

Most women in her position would be crying with joy after getting news like this, she thought as she held the pregnancy test with trembling hands. But all Reggie wanted to do was break down and cry for a very different reason. One she knew Keith would never understand. How could he? He was perfect, and well, she wasn’t. Not in the way it mattered in becoming parents.

Reggie knew Keith would be over the moon when she told him the news. If it had been up to him alone, they would have been married a year ago. He made no secret that he wanted to start a family right away. Neither of them were getting younger. Keith wanted a big McKinnon brood just like his parents had. Like the families his brothers were starting.

Reggie could hardly keep the news from him. Keith was a doctor, for God sakes. And he knew her so well. He loved her. That was undeniable.

She sighed as she quickly shoved the directions to the pregnancy test into the box it came with, and then shoved it deep into the bathroom basket. She’d empty it out later.

But she needed time to think this through. About how it was going to change their lives drastically. What did she know about being a mom when her own parents had been absent for most of her life? Isn’t that how a person learned to be a good mom or dad? How could this even work? She didn’t know anything about being a mother.

Her mother had taken off when she was very young. Reggie knew her father loved her enough for both parents. But he was also a dedicated military man. Loving her didn't mean that she'd had everything she needed growing up. She barely had someone in her life long enough to give her direction. Somehow, she’d made it to adulthood in one piece.

Oh, she had the essentials. Major Chase Simpson had made sure of that. Every time he left on a tour, she was placed with a good family who took care of her. They made sure she was well fed, had a warm bed to sleep in, and did her homework so she’d get good grades in school.

She wasn't alone growing up. The military families who'd taken her in had been sure to make her feel welcome. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t been lonely.

And it wasn't home. Not really. The people she’d stayed with in her youth were military families. Like everything else in her life, it was temporary. And when her father moved to a different base, and was deployed again, Reggie had moved in with a different family. The only home Reggie really had in her life that lasted more than a tour or a few months had been Keith’s.

She carried the pregnancy test into the bedroom and dropped it inside her purse that she’d left on the bed next to the suitcase she’d just packed. She was going to tell Keith about the pregnancy. But it was still very early. Anything could happen. Many women miscarried very early on, sometimes even before they even knew they were pregnant.

Oh, gosh! She couldn’t even believe she was thinking that way. She would tell Keith. She just didn’t know how. But Reggie would tell him one way or the other. Just not now. She needed time to catch her breath and become comfortable with the idea.

She grabbed her purse and the suitcase so she could keep both in the kitchen by the door in preparation for her early flight tomorrow. She was going to have to tell Keith she was going on another business trip before the holidays. That might just prove to be a harder conversation than her uncertainty over being pregnant.

* * *

Hawk fiddled with the small box in his pocket as he walked through the side door leading to the mud room. He’d keep the box hidden in his jacket pocket until he was ready to surprise Regis. She was always so curious when he brought something home that he knew she’d immediately insist on knowing what it was. He knew that if he walked into the kitchen with the box in his hand, and she saw him, she’d playfully reach around him and try to grab it.

Tonight had to be special. It wasn’t every night a man got engaged to the woman he loved. He wanted the time to be right.

Once inside the warm house, he slipped out of his shoes, and pulled off his jacket. When he’d been living alone, he’d toss his shoes aside and hang his jacket any old way on the wooden coat hook by the door. But Regis liked things a bit more tidy. So Hawk bent down and placed his shoes next to hers, and then hung up his jacket on the hook so it was secured and straight.

But as Hawk walked into the kitchen with a smile on his face, his stomach dropped and so did his expression. He stared at the overnight suitcase he’d seen Regis unpack just three days ago and put in the closet. He’d thought for sure it would stay there until well after the holidays. She’d been gone so much these last few months that he was looking forward to holding her every night.

But now the suitcase was here in their kitchen, and once again packed, bulging at the seams. She was leaving again.

Regis’s bright smile at seeing him didn’t match his sudden change of mood. “I didn’t expect you home so soon. You usually stay at the clinic later than this. I didn’t even have time to start dinner.”

“It was slow. What’s this?” he asked, pointing to the bag.

Her smile only faltered a fraction, as if she’d been bracing herself for his reaction. “I have an early flight.”

“Again?” Hawk asked. “I thought you didn’t have anything planned until after the holidays.”

Regis rushed to him, giving him a quick kiss on the lips before racing back to the cabinet by the refrigerator. She opened the cabinet and pulled out a glass, placing it on the counter. Then she moved to the refrigerator, and grabbed a carton of orange juice. After filling the glass and taking a few sips, she put the glass down on the counter again. Only then did she look at him again.

“I have to go to DC,” she said, apologetically. “John Landry just texted me a little while ago. He met with Joel earlier today about a new veteran’s program that is getting funding. It’s not through Congress. It’s a private grant, so we won’t have to battle red tape to get money, and if we get awarded the grant, the money could come as soon as February or March.”

“Wow. That’s fast,” he said, wanting to be interested, but having a hard time with his disappointment.

“I know. I talked to Ian about it. There are some programs we’ve been putting off for a while because we didn’t want to stretch the WVC too thin. The Wounded Veterans Center is still new enough that it gets passed over by a lot of other veterans organizations. This could help a lot.”

“I see.”

“A few of the other veterans groups have already applied for the grant and are hoping to get the lion’s share of the money. The grant is new, so a lot of people don’t know about it. But if I can get our application in quickly, we might be able to get a decent chuck of money to start the group counseling program and job retraining for the center’s members.”

“Joel. Is he the lobbyists from Washington you mentioned last week?”

“Yes, Joel Bennington. He’s the one. When I spoke with John the other day about getting more funding for the Wounded Veterans Center, he mentioned the grant Joel told him about. Joel works with the committee sponsoring the grant, but he’s not part of the actual selection committee. He said they’re being strict. One mistake could cost us the grant. I’ll be able to give him details face to face on the kind of work Ian and I are doing here in Rudolph, and what makes it different from other programs some of the veterans have to drive hours to get to. He’ll tell me what I should highlight in the application. He knows what kind of things the committee is looking for. It’s just a quick meeting with him in DC to get the ball rolling.”

He blew out a quick sigh. “You can’t do this over the phone? I mean, you just got back home. I wanted the holidays to be special for us.”

“They will be. It’s just one night. But this is a good time of the year to get some extra funds before everyone jumps in and grabs it. It's the holidays. People have been giving, but not enough for us to do what we really want at the Center. I have some ideas for next year, bringing in some speakers and doing some outreach to veterans. The extra money means we can get more staff to do the work. If I don't get in before the end of the year, we may have to scrap those programs.”

She walked the length of the kitchen to where he was still standing by the door, and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“We’ve done such great work there. I don't want to have to scale back because we are low on funds. And these long hours… Not that I don’t love my work. You know, I do. It would just be nice to be able to get more help.”

Hawk found it hard to hide his disappointment, but her nearness was distracting, especially after the fantasies he’d had all day about the evening he’d planned for them. “I still don’t understand why you can't just have a conversation over the phone.”

Regis cocked her head to one side. “Because even though this isn’t the government, it’s red tape like everything else that has to do with money and grants. If I'm there, and have a chance to talk to a John and Joel, I won’t be filling out the application blind. I’ll know exactly what I need to do. There are other groups who will be meeting with him as well. If I’m not there, they have the advantage.”

“You said Joel has no sway with the committee.”

“He doesn’t make the decision. But like I said, he knows what they’re looking for and he knows about other funding that may be available. I want them to understand the work we’re doing for the veterans. I wouldn’t go unless I knew this could be good for the Center.”

Hawk gave her a squeeze, and rested his chin on the head. Regis always loved it when he did that. She’d told him early on how she felt protected, and comforted in his arms. Loved.

But he couldn’t hide the stress that was making his body feel as rigid as a board and she was sure to notice. She noticed everything.

Normally when he was stressed, it was caused by something happening at the clinic with one of the people in town that he cared for. It was hard to hear their problems, whatever they were, and keep them locked inside the clinic so he could go home at the end of the day. He knew these people. He’d grown up with some of them. They’d played hockey, and gone to rodeos together. In some ways, they were as much a part of the McKinnon family as his own brothers and cousins.

Tonight Hawk’s stress stemmed from Regis leaving again. Again.

“I thought we said we’d put up the Christmas tree this weekend.”

Regis chuckled. “Nothing’s changed. We can still do that when I get back. I’m not going to be gone forever. Just overnight.”

She looked up at him, and scrutinized his expression. He knew she read his disappointment. Regis had a way of reading him that would probably unnerve another man, but not him. Usually. Tonight, it only magnified his disappointment.

“Don't you want us to be successful at the Center?”

“You know I do. I've always supported you and Ian in this.”

“Trips like this ensure we get funding to keep it going.”

“I know how important it is to you. Ethan, too. He has a lot of friends from the military who’ve come out to Rudolph just for the support the Center is offering veterans. I know it’s important work.”

Hawk remembered how difficult it was when Ian had returned from Afghanistan as the wounded veteran, an amputee after his unit had been hit by explosives. He never wanted to see his cousin go through that kind of physical or emotional pain again. In some ways, those scars were never going to heal even though he’d learned to walk and run on a prosthetic leg and he’d built a life with a woman he loved and was raising the children they’d adopted together.

To see the way his life had turned around since those dark days was a miracle in itself. Both Hawk and Regis had been there to witness the transformation. That had to be in part the reason Regis worked so hard.

“I know you understand. We are changing veterans' lives for the better. That’s why it’s important I go to DC in person to meet with Joel. It's just one night. Two at the most, and only if something happens, and I can’t get in to see Joel tomorrow for some reason. I promise I'll be back as soon as I get enough details to write the grant properly. Once I do that, I’ll be home and chained to my desk here, or at the Center.”

He bent his head to give her a kiss on the lips. But before he did, he noticed sweat building on her brow and her upper lip. Her face became flush.

“Regis? Are you okay?”

Abruptly, Regis backed up a step, and covered her mouth with her hand.

“I don’t know,” she said.

Then she turned and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. Hawk went after her, but stood outside the bathroom door, confusion and dejection battling him until he heard the sound of Regis vomiting, and the toilet flushing.

He placed his hand on the doorknob, but resisted turning it. His first instinct was to push through the door into the bathroom to help her. But there really wasn't any help he could do beyond handing Regis a towel. Most people didn’t like the idea of throwing up in front of someone. Even if that someone was a doctor.

There were days when being a doctor felt like being nothing at all when Hawk couldn't help the person he cared for most. When his brother Sam had been caught in that fire out in the Badlands a few summers back, Hawk had waited helplessly like the rest of the family, unable to do anything but listen to the reports of where the fire was spreading and how much they had under control. It became clear very quickly that the fire had boxed his brother and his Hotshot team in the canyon, making it nearly impossible to get help to them before the wall of fire reached the team.

It had been the longest hours of the McKinnon family’s lives as they waited to get the news the team in the canyon had been rescued. The squad had their own medical staff, and local EMTs had been on the scene almost immediately to deal with whatever outcome happened. But Hawk couldn’t sit and pace in his parent’s living room waiting for news his brother was dead. He needed to be at ground zero when his brother returned dead or alive. And he’d prayed mightily he’d be seeing Sam come home alive.

He didn’t feel helpless as he had that day Sam’s life was in danger. But he still felt helpless talking to the bathroom door.

Hawk knocked on the door. “Regis, honey, are you okay?”

He heard the toilet flush again, and then the sound of running water. When Regis opened the door and looked up at him, her face was ghostly white.

“Some people think the idea of going to a doctor is nauseating. I hope I didn't do that to you,” he teased in an effort to make her feel a little better. He placed the back of his hand against her cool cheek as she sighed.

Her bottom lip trembled. “In the manner of speaking, you did.”

Regis walked past him down the hall to the kitchen, and then sat in one of the kitchen chairs. He followed her but instead of sitting at the table he stood behind her and rubbed both of her shoulders as she leaned over the table, resting her head on her arm which was stretched out on the table. Confusion and concern clouded his thinking.

“You know, if you're sick, you really shouldn't be flying,” he said. “It’s only going to make it worse.”

She looked up at him. “I'm not sick.”

“Reg, I’m a doctor. You’re all clammy and you just threw up. That happens when you’re sick.”

Regis peered up at him, and shook her head. “I'm pregnant.”

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