Chapter Twelve
Her head was still pounding but her hands were healing nicely. Rachel had been staying with Jay for almost two weeks now and the guilt was eating her up. She knew she needed to tell him about the baby. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. He'd been taking such good care of her. She loved being here with him. It felt so right. She'd made up her mind to tell him, tonight. He was in court all day today, so he wouldn't be back home until later. She spent the rest of the day cleaning up his apartment and attempting dinner. Since cooking was not her forte, she made a grilled chicken salad.
She took her time and applied some make-up. Since she'd been wearing mostly sweats, she chose a royal blue dress for tonight. For some reason, when Jay took her to get clothes the other week, she'd packed this dress. She had the table set when he got home. That man was sexy in a pair of tight jeans, but today, he had on a form fitting navy suit. His thick black hair was slicked back and his face was sporting a five o'clock shadow.
"Like what you see, baby?" He pulled her in for a deep kiss.
He nipped at her bottom lip until she opened for him. He drove his tongue in her mouth and pulled her against him. She felt his erection pressing against her belly and she nearly came right there. He placed his hands on her thighs and lifted her until her back hit the couch. She grabbed a handful of hair and pulled his mouth closer to hers. She couldn't get enough of him. He lifted her dress over her hips and opened his zipper.
"I can't wait, baby."
"Don't make me wait."
He reached down and ripped her underwear off. She spread her legs wide for him and he entered her. Hard and fast. He pounded so hard, they moved the couch. She reached her climax in a matter of minutes and he came right behind her. He leaned into her, breathing heavily in her ear.
"That's the second pair of underwear you owe me," she told him as she placed a soft kiss to his mouth.
"You should just stop wearing them altogether."
He fixed his pants and helped her off the couch. He took her to the bedroom and they made love, slower, this time. He wrapped her in his arms, where she wanted to stay forever.
Rachel tried but just couldn't sleep. She didn't want to wake Jay so she pulled on one of his t-shirts and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water. She had to tell him, and she would, tomorrow. She placed her hand on her abdomen and prayed Jay would be happy about the baby.
***
When she woke up the next morning, Jay wasn't in bed with her. She padded down the hall and saw him dressed for work, sitting at the kitchen table. There was an envelope in front of him, and he had this blank stare on his face.
"Jay, you all right?"
"When were you going to tell me, Rachel?" he asked and slid some papers in front of her.
She saw her hospital discharge papers with the number to follow-up with an OBGYN. Shit, shit, shit. She didn't want him to find out like this.
"I was going to tell you, Jay, I promise."
"When? I thought you were on birth control. How did this happen?"
"I am," she replied.
"I have to go to work. I need time to think," he told her and walked towards the front door.
"Jay, please don't leave like this. Let's talk," she pleaded with him.
To her utter dismay, he didn't say another word. He just left, and her heart sunk. She knew it was a shock but she couldn't believe he just left. She tried to text him and call him, on and off, all day, but he didn't respond. She couldn't stay there any longer. She got her bag and purse and went home to her apartment. She would give him all the time he needed, even if it broke her heart.
***
Jay reached out and knocked on the wooden door in front of him. His sister opened the door and pulled him in a hug. Then she slapped his shoulder.
"What did you do to Rachel?" she chastised him.
"She told you?"
"No, she didn't tell me, but I could tell she was hurting when I talked to her on the phone today at her apartment. I thought she was staying with you."
"I think I messed up, Gracie, I need your help."
"Sit down, I'll make coffee."
He pulled out a stool and sat down at the breakfast bar and watched his sister make a pot of coffee for them.
"What do you remember about Mom and Dad?" he questioned his sister.
"They were great parents. Mom was the best baker and always smelled so good. Dad was always kind and supportive of me. He used to read me those princess stories at night, when I was little." She paused. "But then there were times when I was sitting in my room and heard them arguing. Dad always accused mom of cheating and vice versa."
"You heard them?" Jay asked, shocked. "I didn't think you knew about the arguing. I tried to protect you from it."
"Oh, Jay, I know you did. I also know you gave up so much for me, and I will never be able to repay you, as long as I live." She reached across the bar and squeezed his hand.
"I never regretted doing it, Gracie, please believe that," he said, squeezing her hand back.
"I know. So, what brought all this on?"
"Rachel's pregnant."
"Are you serious? I'm going to be an aunt!" She danced around the kitchen. "Wait, what did you say to her?"
"She didn't tell me; I found out by accident and I told her I needed some time."
"She tells you she's pregnant and you tell her you need time?" she said, punching his arm.
"I never wanted to be a father, Gracie. I'm scared I'll screw the kid up."
"Listen to me. She's scared, too. But you are not our dad and Rachel is not our mom. You will be a great father. You raised me, Jay, and I didn't turn out so bad, did I?"
No, she didn't. Grace was such an amazing person and he had something to do with that.
"I really messed up, huh?"
"That's what being in love is about. Look how long it took me and Zach to get it right." She grabbed his arm and led him to the door. "Now, go fix this." She kissed him on the cheek and pushed him out the door.
***
Jay navigated his SUV around downtown until he arrived at Rachel's apartment building. He skipped the elevator and took the stairs to her apartment. When he got there, he knocked on the door and prayed she answered. He heard the chain slide out of the lock and the door opened. There she stood, in a t-shirt and pair of shorts. Her eyes were still black around the edges from the concussion, but she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
"Can I come in, please?" He would beg her, if she asked him to.
She motioned for him to come in and shut the door behind him.
"I'm so sorry, Rachel. I was scared, and I just needed some time. But I should have never walked out that way." He reached for her hand and she let him take it. He led her over to the couch and sat down.
"I'm scared, too, Jay. I never knew my father and I lost my mom at a young age."
"I know, baby."
"You just walked out. How do I know you won't do that again? It's not just me, now."
He watched her as she began pacing the floor. He would beg, plead, whatever he had to do to fix this.
"My parents had a messed-up marriage. They were good people but not good together. They fought and I tried to my best to protect Gracie from it," he began.
This was so hard for him to share with anyone. Part of it, his sister knew, but not all of it. If it was going to work with Rachel, he had to tell her everything.
"The day my parents were killed, they were coming to my football game. I'd talked to my mom that morning and I could tell she and dad had a fight about something. I should have told them to stay home, but I was starting that day and I wanted them there to watch me."
He felt relief when Rachel sat beside him so he continued. "I gave mom a guilt trip and she gave in to go, but they never made it." He began to cry.
"So, all these years, you've blamed yourself for their death? Jay, that's not on you. It was an awful accident."
"I guess a part of me died then. I was afraid to let anyone too close." He took her hands in his.
"I know I will screw up, over and over, Rach, but I want you to be the one who gets too close. That part of me started living again because of you."
Rachel began to cry and he knew she was going to tell him to leave but, to his surprise, she crawled in his lap and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. The tears in her eyes matched his own.
"We both have a lot to work on, Jay. But I know I love you, and I want to be with you, and I'm willing to try."
"That's all I can ask for, baby. I promise you won't regret it."