I took my glasses off and pinched my nose, relaxing against the wall. The meeting was still going on regarding our plans after the competition was over. We were still trying to delay it, but my father and that hag of a woman wouldn't budge.
I'd excused myself to get my other pair of glasses, and was now debating whether to return or not. Kai told me to check on Mako on the way, but I was scared.
I was afraid of confronting her, worried she'd discard me. Since waking up, Mako had been avoiding me. Whether it was in the halls or when I was scheduled to watch her, she'd either sleep or let Midnight take over. I knew I deserved it, but I wished I could talk to her. Just a few moments to ask her the question that had been the center of my focus. Do you still love me?
I pushed off the wall and turned right, deciding to go check on Mako after all. She'd most likely be sleeping or reading. None of us liked the idea of her being alone, but these meetings were mandatory. I was already "breaking" the rule by going out to get my glasses and check on Mako.
I was about turn the corner, but came to a complete stop while my eyes grew wide. Makoto? I took a step back to hide my presence as I watched her take unsteady steps toward the rail of the wall. She took a final step and grabbed hold of the rail, before lowering herself to the ground.
Her leg markings that had been glowing brightly dimmed back to their usual black coloring, the roses and vines returning to their tattooed appearance. I could see Mako's exhaustion just from the way her chest went up and down and how her shoulders shook. She lifted her hand to wipe the sweat from her face before pulling out her hair tie. She relaxed against the wall and I could imagine her closing her eyes to take a break.
I slowly walked to the wall before me, coming to stand only ten steps away from her. Since her back was facing me, she hadn't realized I was there. I debated whether to reveal myself, unsure how she'd react.
She looked down at her legs and I assumed they would light back up, but they didn't. She let out a heavy sigh. "I'd be a sitting duck if this was the facility. Hah, scratch that. I'd be fucking dead," she grumbled.
My shoulders sunk. My ears picked up the emotion in those words and I knew without a doubt she was on the verge of tears. Her hands went through her hair before she pressed them against her face.
With using only a small amount of my healing power, I could see her rapid heart rate and knew it was from both the strenuous activity she must have been doing to get here and her frustration of not being able to do more.
The hall was quiet until Mako screamed, "It's not okay!"
I knew she was answering one of her spirits. I had to blink my eyes to hold back the tears that threatened to fall hearing the agony in her voice. Our Princess who always tried to be happy and tackle everything that came at her left and right, now sat there feeling hopeless and broken. She began to cry, using her arms to wipe her face.
She looked at her legs as if trying to activate her magic to get up, but nothing happened. She laughed before a huff of frustration escaped her. She looked down the hall in front of her and I could assume from her broken expression that her wheelchair was more than a few steps away.
"Guess I have to crawl…how pathetic," she whispered and her head hung low in defeat.
I couldn't stand there any longer. Watching without interfering was too much for me. I didn't want her to feel like she was alone. I was right here and wanted to help her.
I needed to save her from the inner demons I knew she'd be facing. I silently walked up to her and knelt down behind her.
"Mako," I whispered.
She ignored me, staying quiet for a moment before she grumbled, "Now I'm hearing Daniel torment me. Great."
"Mako, I'm not tormenting you. I'm right here," I replied.
She turned her head slightly to the left and I leaned over to the side so our eyes met. For a split second, I saw the relief in the blue jewels I loved, but just like that she looked away.
"Go away," she muttered.
Lie.
"Mako," I began but her leg markings sparked up and she gripped the rail to help her to her feet.
She took a step forward. "I don't need your help," she denied in an unsteady voice.
Lie.
"Mako, why do you keep running away?" I got to my feet and watched as she took another step.
"I'm not running away. I don't want to see you," she retorted.
Lie.
I grimaced at her words, even though I knew very well everything she was saying was untrue. I could feel her exhaustion radiate from her but could see her desperation to run away from dealing with this tension between us.
I can't let her keep pushing herself like this. There was no way I could watch her injure herself because of this. "Mako, you’re just pushing yourself. Stop," I ordered, grabbing her arm to prevent her from taking another step.
"No." I spoke firmly.
"I can make it," she countered.
Lie.
"Mako. You’re pushing yourself too hard. It isn't going to solve anything, and you know it," I whispered, trying to hide my own frustration. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into an embrace.
"I won't fall for it. It's just a facade. He just feels pity for you," she mumbled.
I knew these were her outspoken thoughts and it only made me sadder to know that she felt this way. "I don't feel pity for you, Mako. Why aren't you giving me a chance?" I questioned as I lifted her up and walked the remaining distance before setting her in the pink wheelchair.
"Thanks." Her voice was but a whisper, but I could still hear the pain within it, the painful realization she couldn't accomplish what she wanted to and needed my assistance.
The reality that she couldn't do it on her own.
She quickly turned around, placing her hands on the wheels in preparation to wheel herself away. It made me realize how I must have looked like from the others’ point of views, running away from the problem that was right in front of me.
I couldn't let Mako do the same. I wouldn't let her run anymore.
"Mako."
"I'm going back to my room," she announced.
"Do you still love me?"
She froze and I could see her body grow rigid. Silence greeted me and I decided to press on.
"If…if you don't love me anymore, you can leave. If you're upset that I failed you…that I caused all this pain and hurt, I'll stay away from you. I'll only be your knight and nothing more. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't heal you and you’re struggling. But…if you don't love me anymore, I'll understand and won't bother you again," I vowed, even as my heart was breaking.
Regardless of how much my admission hurt me, I knew Mako was in at least twice as much pain. She'd have to decide if I was what she wanted. This woman had a heart pure as gold, still offering love to a world that had been so cruel to her.
I'd given my share of heartache and agony to her, and if she didn't want me anymore, that was a regret I'd have to live with for the rest of my existence. I wouldn't dedicate myself to anyone else. I knew I couldn't and neither could Azriel. We'd live this life as Mako's star knight, but neither of us could picture being with anyone else but Makoto ever again.
She placed her hands on the wheels once more, but didn't budge. A few seconds passed and I saw her shoulders begin to shake. I didn't move, even as I heard little footsteps.
"Mew."
Nightmare's soft cry echoed in the silence. I could see a peek of her tail waggling back and forth from where she sat on Mako's lap. The tails glowed a dark blue and I couldn't stay still any longer. I moved around Mako until I faced her.
Her eyes were filled with tears. They spilled over and rolled down her flushed cheeks as she struggled to hold back another wave of sobs and her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably.
"That's…not fair…dammit," she cursed and began to cry even harder.
I didn’t say anything, but instead let my body take over. I lifted my hand to gently wipe away each tear that streaked down her face.
I lifted her up into my arms, making sure Nightmare was safely resting on Mako's chest before I began walking toward her room. She cried the entire time, staining my white shirt and clenching the fabric like if she didn’t hold on, I’d disappear.
Before long, we were in her room and I closed the door with my foot before walking over to the bed. I kicked my slippers off and sat on the bed, holding her in my arms. She kept crying, saying, "I'm sorry," over and over again.
Was it wrong for me to be relieved? To be happy because her sadness meant she still cared for me. That she hadn't lost hope in me, after all I'd done and failed to do as a knight. I knew now that she loved me, even though I was flawed and imperfect.
She loved me…that acknowledgment was enough to make me want to work twice as hard. I consoled her the best I could, pressing soft kisses against her temple and whispering sweet words of encouragement, reassuring her that everything would be okay. My hand glided through her hair, an action I knew she loved and usually calmed her down.
It wasn't long before she'd relaxed and her sobs and whimpers quieted down. Soon enough, she was fast asleep. I sprinkled some sleeping dust over her, wanting to ensure she got a good rest after the exhausting strain she’d put herself through and our confrontation.
I changed her clothes, putting the ones she had been wearing in the laundry bin before I went back to grab her wheelchair from in the hall.
"Daniel? Did you fall asleep or something?" Marcus questioned, opening the knight bond.
I could feel the others’ curiosity through our bond. I realized I'd been gone for a while now, taking at least twice the time they would have expected me to return in.
"I'm with Mako," I announced.
Everyone was silent; I felt mixed emotions ranging from confusion, fear, and worry.
"Is she okay?" Ryder sounded concerned.
"She's safe?" Elias asked.
"She's in bed still, right?" Marcus questioned.
"Did you guys confront one another?" Kai sounded like he already knew the answer to that question, but wanted to hear it for himself. If he did foresee this, no wonder he had urged me to go take a break and check on Makoto.
"She's okay and no, she wasn't in bed. She was trying to walk through the hall using her magic and ended up exhausting herself. We confronted one another and I helped her back to her room. She's fast asleep after I consoled her and I gave her a small dose of sleeping dust so she won't wake until she's well rested," I explained.
"Silly dust," Ryder grumbled and I rolled my eyes.
"Admit it, you sleep like a damn baby with it. Don't get all grumpy."
"As long as she's okay. She honestly does need the sleep. She must have been drained trying to walk, especially with none of us there," Marcus considered.
"Do you want one of us to come there?" Elias offered.
"I'm fine. I can watch over her. Just inform me of anything important I miss in the meeting," I suggested.
"Okay," Kai replied, the others adding their assent before leaving the bond to return their focus to the meeting at hand.
I sighed, returning to Mako's side. I did a quick analysis of her body, focusing on her legs specifically before deciding to braid her hair.
A braided crown style is one of her favorites. That will cheer her up. My hands got to work, using a pillow to position Mako's head in a way that was still comfortable, but gave me the ability to do the hairstyle I wanted.
Once I finished, I dimmed the lights, pulled my shirt off and put my glasses on to aid my tired eyes. I walked over to the other side of the bed, grabbing a book to read before climbing into the bed. I gently maneuvered Mako into my arms and held her, watching her chest rise and fall as she continued to sleep.
Now that I was watching her, I felt the stress of it all take its toll on me; a yawn escaped my lips. I relaxed against the headboard and thought about reading, but I didn't want to take my eyes off Mako.
My eyes grew heavy and the sound of the quiet ticks of the clock were soothing. What had happened earlier when I confronted Mako played over and over again in my mind as I slowly drifted away to the land of sleep. I knew one thing was for certain.
As long as Makoto loved me, everything else would work out.