Chapter Five
Constantine was still gripping the metaphorical safety bar and regretting using the rollercoaster reference as they made their way through breakfast with nothing but small talk. He understood by the time he left that she was being stubborn, proud, and of course, he had probably hurt her with that truth about the story. It was her, but not her. He didn’t want to lie. He hoped she could see that he started that story with the knowledge of a college freshman noticing her for the first time. He was still a virgin back then thanks to his social awkwardness. If her life had changed because of an essay he wrote in response to one of her non-fiction readings, his entire life changed the night he finally worked up the courage to speak to her and they made love. He didn’t fuck her. He knew the difference now. He had only made love one in his life and that was the first and last time he slept with Libby.
He knew he had to become a stronger man if he was going to be worthy of her or any other woman. He kept thinking he might get over her, but he never did. His football career had afforded him enough money he could pay for acting lessons and in the off season he did just that. He learned to be confident, to pretend to be comfortable when he wasn’t until he started to become comfortable.
The first woman he slept with after Libby was part of the improv group he spent some time with before anyone knew who he was or what he did for a living. He had a great time with them and one night, after everyone left and he walked her home, she kissed him and pulled him into her apartment. She was older than him and slightly thrilled to discover it was his second time. They hooked up several times, but she was pining away for a man she met in Europe and Constantine encouraged her to go find the guy because the next season of football was looming and he knew he didn’t love her, and he wouldn’t make her a priority once the season began. Football was his life, even if he was just a kicker.
Between that time and last night, he had not slept with a woman in the same bed. He could count on one hand how many women he had been with, but he could count on one finger the woman he always thought about, even when he was with them.
After dressing in his dried clothes and tucking the flash-drive safely into his front pocket, Constantine looked at Libby, still in the t-shirt, no bra, but she had added some yoga pants. He realized the woman still looked good to him. He still wanted her. “So if you get scared tonight, you are more than welcome to come to my place. I have a guest room.”
“I’ll be fine.” She smiled at him, but it wasn’t a real smile, it was placating. He had hurt her unintentionally and she was apparently less forgiving than he was. She had hurt him too. “This was a really interesting…time.”
“Huh.” He bit his lower lip and decided to just go all in. “I thought it was a first date.”
She snorted a laugh and he reached for her hand. She looked up at him then. Maybe he had said it to hurt her a little, to show her a little of what she had done to him when she left him a note for a goodbye. “Libby, let me take you out. For real this time. A proper date. Come on, what do you have to lose?”
“My heart.” She frowned as she realized she had blurted it out.
He could have jumped with joy but that would probably re-injure his ankle so he settled for tilting her face up to look at him when he explained it the only way she might understand. “Nessie, come on. I’ll make it worth your while. Promise.”
“Did you just call me Nessie?” She was trying not to smile.
“I did.” He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. She didn’t push him away, but she didn’t wrap herself around him either. “Only a woman can be that much of a mystery and hold a man’s heart for his entire life only giving him a glimpse of her once in his lifetime. She really is a monster. Are you?”
“No.” She frowned at him, but he could see her mind was working it over.
“Think about it, Libby. I won’t go another ten years wondering. Will you?”
She was a bit breathless as he left. Constantine drove home with so many thoughts racing thorugh his mind that the time slipped by without notice. He was so excited to see what was on the thumb-drive he rushed straight to his computer and plugged it in. He spent hours going through the work, laughing, shaking his head, and finally, opening the original start to a book that he had been pouring his heart into. He also found another essay, the one she had been talking about and realized she had been adding to it. The freshman essay was the one she thought was about her, and it was, but it wasn’t the start of his book. It appeared to be the start of hers.
He was so deep in thought he almost missed the phone ringing. He picked it up without bothering to look and answered it. “Hello?”
“So I am pretty sure my house is haunted. I don’t like my co-workers enough to ask them, and I figured you really did mean it when you said I could crash there tonight so can I borrow your guest room?” Libby rushed through it.
“Yes.”
“I’m downstairs.”
“I’ll be right there.” With the actual essay in his mind, he realized that he had written it for her, not in the abstract way it had become for him through the years, but back then with all of those details again, it reminded him of a time when all he wanted to do was talk to her, to tell her what an amazing author she was, to explain how some of her poetry had moved him to tears, how deeply he thought they could connect if given a chance. When he waved for her to come in and they stepped into the elevator, he knew it was his turn to act crazy. “Libby, I haven’t seen that version of my story in ten years. Back then, she was you. You were right. I wrote that for you, not for the character I made up based on you back then. I know this sounds nuts. I know it. I had forgotten, I sorta had to forget since we were both too shy back then and moved on in life and you were dating that one guy for like four years…”
“What?” She seemed genuinely confused.
“You had your profile picture of you and that guy on your social media forever, and it showed you were engaged or something.” He watched her face process something then she started to laugh. “What?”
“You didn’t recognize the guy in the picture? He’s an actor, and I put that up as a joke and kept it that way forever until he actually got married and then I thought it was in poor taste to remain in my imaginary relationship with him any longer. All of those posts were just jokes between me and my friends Chelsea and Beth.” She shook her head. “Would you have…”
“No.” He had to be honest. “I would have wanted to, but even when I saw you were single again, I didn’t contact you. I mean what would I say? Hi, I was infatuated with you in college and we had one amazing night together, but I really never had the balls to say anything more and you were super shy and wouldn’t talk to me even if I had, but hey now that we are both functioning adults do you want to fly to whatever city I would be in and have dinner?”
She bit her lower lip and then admitted, “I wouldn’t have responded.”
They both laughed. “I kept your work too.”
“My work?”
“Yeah, you sent me that file…”
“You have that?” She was so animated.
They stepped into his living room and he nodded. “You sent it to me. Of course I have it.”
“I didn’t mean to send that to you. I knew they were closing my school e-mail account and I, unlike you, did not use a personal one, so when they shut it down, I thought I had lost everything. You have that?” She dropped her overnight bag and he knew she wanted her files.
“I do.” He motioned for her to follow him.